DISCLAIMER: All except Beth and Aisling belong to George Lucas. All hail
the Great Flannelled One. But Aisling belongs to me and Beth belongs to a
friend and we belong to ourselves, dammit!
AUTHOR: ihadanepiphany
Omigod! You guys really like this! This is the first fic that Ive posted where the reviews are five times the chapters. Woohoo! My god im writing something good. Brain, rapidly overloading, must, go to, the story!
But first!
Jaina Skywalker: thank you! That had really been bugging me. And do you know what, I really should have known it and as soon as I read the review I remembered it.
That comment of head being like a sieve could fit me too methinks!
Darth Gummi Bear: thank you. Just because other people use "confuzzled" doesn't mean I havent patented it! Just that you guys didn't know about it! Okay! Carry on!
Jay-Cee the butt song will feature in the next chapter, to all of you who are starting to get worried, you should be! Go Buffy on my ass Jay and… never mind I'll scare off all my readers. *smirk* lets just say you will bloody feel it, no matter how long it takes.
Leandra: sorry I didn't mention you before. No, Vaders always been a Sith in mine, well except for in A Small Act of Repentance *cough* Shameless plug!*cough*
But he's more of a ghost ex-Sith in that one. Methinks you have me confuzzled with someone else.
NOW you can read the story!
Oh yeah, * * means thoughts, k? Sweet!
=============================================================
The two stormtroopers standing outside a certain door tensed when they heard a voice grow louder as its owner approached the door.
'Your turn,' the one on the right muttered.
'The hell it is,' the other one growled. 'I got the damn food.'
'Goddamn.' The door that was between and behind them opened and Aisling came out.
'Sorry to trouble you again boys,' she purred. 'But I don't suppose one of you could do a me small favour?' She smiled sweetly. The trooper on the right groaned silently, while the one on the left grinned madly behind his helmet. 'You see, it's awful boring in there on our own. I don't suppose one of you could come in and, entertain us?' There was a moments silence, then the trooper on the right turned smartly and followed Aisling in, leaving the other one to fume and curse.
About half-an-hour later, Vader strode down the corridor, stopping in front of the door.
'Where is the other guard?' he enquired.
'Entertainment, my lord,' the trooper replied, a touch of envy in his voice. Vader looked from the trooper to the door to the trooper again.
'Entertainment?' he asked. *I should have bloody known*
'Yes my lord. Half-an-hour ago.'
*More than bloody long enough then* he thought and walked in.
'What is going on here?' he growled. The three, Beth Aisling and the trooper, looked up at him. They were seated around a table, cards in their hands. The trooper had taken off his helmet and was looked extremely harassed, if not frustrated.
'Playing Twenty-five,' Beth replied.
'They wouldn't play strip poker,' Aisling said in explanation, smiling at the trooper, who grinned back, then looked extremely interested in his cards when Vader looked at him.
'If there was another guy or three,' Beth stated, putting her card down. 'Then I would have no problem, but there's only him. It would be over too quickly.'
'Yeah but then we get him to put his clothes back on and start again,' Aisling replied, laying her card down. The long-suffering look the trooper threw Vader told him that they'd been over this subject a number of times.
'Trooper,' Vader snapped, more out of pity for the poor sod than anything else. 'Get your helmet back on and get back on duty.' The speed that the trooper obeyed was admirable, if not desperate.
'Aaawwww,' Beth and Aisling whined.
'Will you send in another few?' Aisling asked hopefully.
'No,' Vader growled. 'You will come with me.'
'What, both of,' Aisling began, then yelped as Beth kicked her under the table.
'Don't even think about saying it,' Beth warned.
'Say what?' Aisling cried innocently, rubbing her shin.
'Whatever it was your sick twisted little mind had thought up of.'
'My mind? You're the one who kicked me before I could say anything!'
'So that you wouldn't say anything.'
'But all I was going to say was 'what both of us?' ' Aisling snapped, glaring at Beth, who looked somewhat taken-aback.
'Oh.'
'Yes oh! Where's the smut in saying, 'what both of us?' ' Aisling shrugged. 'If I'd added 'at the same time,' then maybe.'
'Ah, AISLING!'
'Enough!' Vader glared at the two girls. 'Must you find filth in EVERYthing?'
'Pretty much.'
'Its our purpose in life,' Aisling explained.
'What do you mean OUR purpose in life? Making sick comments is hardly mine.'
'Well kicking peoples ankles sure as hell aint mine!
'But kicking them in the bollocks is?'
'When the occasion calls for it. You're one to bloody talk anyway, MARY.'
'You're no damn better KENNETH.' (A/N for those who missed it, the whole calling each other different names thing is for when one wants to remind the other of something, k?)
'Shut the bloody hell up!' Vader roared. 'I came down here to show you around the Avenger,(A/N thanks again Jaina Skywalker!) not act as referee on another one of your damn fights!'
'Oooooh,' Aisling gasped, standing up. 'Can we really see the ship? Will you give us a tour?' All the annoyance and anger suddenly disappeared in the face of childish enthusiasm. 'Please? Please? Please?' she started to hop on the balls of her feet in time with her 'Please?'es. Vader stared at the teenager.
'Uh, I guess so,' he said, completely freaked out by her behaviour.
'Can we see the bridge?' Beth asked, walking up to Vader and tugging on his cloak. 'Please? Please? Please?' Mimicking her friend who somehow migrated to the other side of the Sith Lord.
With Beth on one side, tugging on his cloak and hopping up and down to the tune of
'Please? Please? Please? Please?' and Aisling on the other side, tugging on his cloak and hopping up and down to the tune on 'Please? Please? Please? Please?' Vader felt decidedly panicked.
'Alright!' he yelled. 'Alright, I'll show you damn ship, just stop doing that!'
'Yay!
'What's that do? Ow!' A pit crewman had slapped Beths hand as it moved towards a certain button.
'That's a sensor control.'
'Oh. What's that one do? Ow!'
'That's another sensor control.
'Oh. What about that one?'
Vader looked at the two teenagers, one of whom was acting like a greedy kid in a large candy store, the other of which who, even in the middle of an intelligent conversation about the workings of the hyperdrive motivator, was flirting.
'Ooh! That's a pretty one. What's that one do?' The one Beth was referring to was bright purple and large and had a label underneath saying, "Auto- destruct. DON'T TOUCH!" Beth's hand evaded the panicked crewmen and pressed the button.
'WARNING! WARNING! AUTO-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIALIZED. SHIP WILL SELF- DESTRUCT IN, FIVE, SECONDS'
'Aaaarrgh!' Beth screamed, running backwards when half the pit crew turned and jumped for her throat. She stumbled and fell backwards, one hand striking a small nondescript black button.
'SELF-DESTRUCT SERIES HAS BEEN TERMINATED.'
Aisling smiled and turned back to the white-faced officer.
'You were saying about the sub-light thrust?'
Vader resisted the urge to put his head in his hands as Beth said, 'What's this one do? Ow-ee!'
I wonder who kills who first?
AUTHOR: ihadanepiphany
Omigod! You guys really like this! This is the first fic that Ive posted where the reviews are five times the chapters. Woohoo! My god im writing something good. Brain, rapidly overloading, must, go to, the story!
But first!
Jaina Skywalker: thank you! That had really been bugging me. And do you know what, I really should have known it and as soon as I read the review I remembered it.
That comment of head being like a sieve could fit me too methinks!
Darth Gummi Bear: thank you. Just because other people use "confuzzled" doesn't mean I havent patented it! Just that you guys didn't know about it! Okay! Carry on!
Jay-Cee the butt song will feature in the next chapter, to all of you who are starting to get worried, you should be! Go Buffy on my ass Jay and… never mind I'll scare off all my readers. *smirk* lets just say you will bloody feel it, no matter how long it takes.
Leandra: sorry I didn't mention you before. No, Vaders always been a Sith in mine, well except for in A Small Act of Repentance *cough* Shameless plug!*cough*
But he's more of a ghost ex-Sith in that one. Methinks you have me confuzzled with someone else.
NOW you can read the story!
Oh yeah, * * means thoughts, k? Sweet!
=============================================================
The two stormtroopers standing outside a certain door tensed when they heard a voice grow louder as its owner approached the door.
'Your turn,' the one on the right muttered.
'The hell it is,' the other one growled. 'I got the damn food.'
'Goddamn.' The door that was between and behind them opened and Aisling came out.
'Sorry to trouble you again boys,' she purred. 'But I don't suppose one of you could do a me small favour?' She smiled sweetly. The trooper on the right groaned silently, while the one on the left grinned madly behind his helmet. 'You see, it's awful boring in there on our own. I don't suppose one of you could come in and, entertain us?' There was a moments silence, then the trooper on the right turned smartly and followed Aisling in, leaving the other one to fume and curse.
About half-an-hour later, Vader strode down the corridor, stopping in front of the door.
'Where is the other guard?' he enquired.
'Entertainment, my lord,' the trooper replied, a touch of envy in his voice. Vader looked from the trooper to the door to the trooper again.
'Entertainment?' he asked. *I should have bloody known*
'Yes my lord. Half-an-hour ago.'
*More than bloody long enough then* he thought and walked in.
'What is going on here?' he growled. The three, Beth Aisling and the trooper, looked up at him. They were seated around a table, cards in their hands. The trooper had taken off his helmet and was looked extremely harassed, if not frustrated.
'Playing Twenty-five,' Beth replied.
'They wouldn't play strip poker,' Aisling said in explanation, smiling at the trooper, who grinned back, then looked extremely interested in his cards when Vader looked at him.
'If there was another guy or three,' Beth stated, putting her card down. 'Then I would have no problem, but there's only him. It would be over too quickly.'
'Yeah but then we get him to put his clothes back on and start again,' Aisling replied, laying her card down. The long-suffering look the trooper threw Vader told him that they'd been over this subject a number of times.
'Trooper,' Vader snapped, more out of pity for the poor sod than anything else. 'Get your helmet back on and get back on duty.' The speed that the trooper obeyed was admirable, if not desperate.
'Aaawwww,' Beth and Aisling whined.
'Will you send in another few?' Aisling asked hopefully.
'No,' Vader growled. 'You will come with me.'
'What, both of,' Aisling began, then yelped as Beth kicked her under the table.
'Don't even think about saying it,' Beth warned.
'Say what?' Aisling cried innocently, rubbing her shin.
'Whatever it was your sick twisted little mind had thought up of.'
'My mind? You're the one who kicked me before I could say anything!'
'So that you wouldn't say anything.'
'But all I was going to say was 'what both of us?' ' Aisling snapped, glaring at Beth, who looked somewhat taken-aback.
'Oh.'
'Yes oh! Where's the smut in saying, 'what both of us?' ' Aisling shrugged. 'If I'd added 'at the same time,' then maybe.'
'Ah, AISLING!'
'Enough!' Vader glared at the two girls. 'Must you find filth in EVERYthing?'
'Pretty much.'
'Its our purpose in life,' Aisling explained.
'What do you mean OUR purpose in life? Making sick comments is hardly mine.'
'Well kicking peoples ankles sure as hell aint mine!
'But kicking them in the bollocks is?'
'When the occasion calls for it. You're one to bloody talk anyway, MARY.'
'You're no damn better KENNETH.' (A/N for those who missed it, the whole calling each other different names thing is for when one wants to remind the other of something, k?)
'Shut the bloody hell up!' Vader roared. 'I came down here to show you around the Avenger,(A/N thanks again Jaina Skywalker!) not act as referee on another one of your damn fights!'
'Oooooh,' Aisling gasped, standing up. 'Can we really see the ship? Will you give us a tour?' All the annoyance and anger suddenly disappeared in the face of childish enthusiasm. 'Please? Please? Please?' she started to hop on the balls of her feet in time with her 'Please?'es. Vader stared at the teenager.
'Uh, I guess so,' he said, completely freaked out by her behaviour.
'Can we see the bridge?' Beth asked, walking up to Vader and tugging on his cloak. 'Please? Please? Please?' Mimicking her friend who somehow migrated to the other side of the Sith Lord.
With Beth on one side, tugging on his cloak and hopping up and down to the tune of
'Please? Please? Please? Please?' and Aisling on the other side, tugging on his cloak and hopping up and down to the tune on 'Please? Please? Please? Please?' Vader felt decidedly panicked.
'Alright!' he yelled. 'Alright, I'll show you damn ship, just stop doing that!'
'Yay!
'What's that do? Ow!' A pit crewman had slapped Beths hand as it moved towards a certain button.
'That's a sensor control.'
'Oh. What's that one do? Ow!'
'That's another sensor control.
'Oh. What about that one?'
Vader looked at the two teenagers, one of whom was acting like a greedy kid in a large candy store, the other of which who, even in the middle of an intelligent conversation about the workings of the hyperdrive motivator, was flirting.
'Ooh! That's a pretty one. What's that one do?' The one Beth was referring to was bright purple and large and had a label underneath saying, "Auto- destruct. DON'T TOUCH!" Beth's hand evaded the panicked crewmen and pressed the button.
'WARNING! WARNING! AUTO-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIALIZED. SHIP WILL SELF- DESTRUCT IN, FIVE, SECONDS'
'Aaaarrgh!' Beth screamed, running backwards when half the pit crew turned and jumped for her throat. She stumbled and fell backwards, one hand striking a small nondescript black button.
'SELF-DESTRUCT SERIES HAS BEEN TERMINATED.'
Aisling smiled and turned back to the white-faced officer.
'You were saying about the sub-light thrust?'
Vader resisted the urge to put his head in his hands as Beth said, 'What's this one do? Ow-ee!'
I wonder who kills who first?