DISCLAIMER: All except Beth and Aisling belong to George Lucas. All hail
the Great Flannelled One. But Aisling belongs to me and Beth belongs to a
friend and we belong to ourselves, dammit!
AUTHOR: ihadanepiphany
Palpatine (boo!) shows at last, and Vader looses the rag. Hows that?
I'm sorry Darth Gummi Bear, I didn't realize that you were asking about the video game! Sorry! No, I'm pretty sure he isn't, its no game that exists as far as I know. I just have him playing a game than features swords spears and last Lords with big red skulls. You know, the usual.
Last Unicorn: Thank you, I know and yes of course!
Jay-Cee: You could go Buffy on my ass, and I could make sure that there's not enough of you left to put into a grave. *smirk* Yeah, Stormtroopers is right. And you're completely right about the taste in men part as well.
Biblehermione: He landed on Earth and walked into a house where Beth and Aisling were staying. There was no hope for him from that point!
Sheila: Breathe! Don't worry, Vader aint getting away from the insanity, no matter how hard he tries!
I hope you all enjoy this, and if you didn't, I don't want to know about it! Just say you loved it anyway! Or your ass I will kick!
Palpatine stared at the holo of Vader who was giving his report on the goings-on on the Avenger post-Death Star.
'Repeat that last part,' he said.
'I have come across a being, a human female who is knowledgeable of what is happening in the galaxy. It is my suspicion that she is equally knowledgeable of the future.'
'What makes you think that?' Vader paused, then told Palpatine what he heard Aisling tell Beth and the resulting conversation.
'She asked me what the most recent event was,' he repeated as he finished. 'Like she was unsure as to what point in time I was asking for. This implies that she knows what to us is the future.'
'I see,' Palpatine murmured. He thought for a moment. 'Yes, I understand what you mean and you are likely correct. Tell me Vader, why are you telling me this now and not when you arrive back in Imperial City?' Vader fidgeted, then came out with it.
'To be blunt Master, they have my crew running scared.'
'They?' Palpatine interrupted. 'I thought there was only one.'
'There are two, Aisling who knows the future and Beth, who doesn't know a damn thing. Their behaviour is causing half the crew and troops to run like Jawas from a Krayt Dragon whenever they're within a miles distance and the other half to act like Kitonaks in a bloody monsoon!' Vader ranted. Palpating sat back and let him get it off his chest. 'They're impossible to control, troopers are acting like children, three times
I've had to stop them from taking the TIEs out 'for a spin' as they called it. They've nearly blown up the ship twice, caused a loss of gravity twice, fired proton torpedoes at a shuttle, disabled three turbo-blasters, nearly killed four troopers with a 'borrowed' blaster. Master there are more crewmen officers and troopers in the medical now then there has been in the history of the Avenger. The whole damn ship has developed nervous tics and I've got an Admiral, and Admiral Master that screams if anyone comes within ten feet of him!'
'Did you try punishing them? Threats?' Vader nodded.
'It doesn't work. They treat threats like a game.'
'A game?'
'Who can think of the best threats.' Vader shook his head, a touch of horrified admiration creeping into his voice. 'They turned my stomach Master,' he admitted. 'I had to throw three stormtroopers out of the air- lock and Force-choke two officers before the others would stand guard on them after that.'
'And what do you want me to do?' Palpatine sounded irritated, but he was more impressed than anything. He'd never seen Vader look so out of his depth.
'Master, the only time either of them seemed even slightly intimidated was when one of the officers mentioned you to them. Aisling apparently looked scared out of her wits for about three seconds before she covered it. Beth looked puzzled, asked Aisling something in a language the trooper couldn't understand and never heard of. She replied and Beth looked, as the trooper put it, 'plain terrified.' Then the two started singing again.'
'Where you there?' Vader shook his head. 'What were they singing?' There was an odd sound from Vader, which Palpatine would've nearly sworn was a faint whine. He made a gesture to something outside of the range of the projector.
'We've been recording them since they arrived as per standard procedure,' Vader explained. 'Though its getting harder and harder to make anyone monitor them.'
The recording started. There was a troopers voice, then a few shrieks, clangs and someone running away very quickly and someone else dropping heavily to the floor to the sound of two females laughing loudly. A moment later the two voices were belting out "Two thousand bottles of beer on the wall, two thousand bottles of beer,' before Vader switched it off hurriedly.
'They were singing that?' Palpatine asked.
'That was from the shuttle on the way to the ship,' Vader replied, nodding.
'What was that banging noise in the background?'
'Stormtroopers banging their heads off the walls.'
'Ah.'
'Yep.' Vader made another motion. 'This is from today, approximately two hours ago.'
The same two female voices were laughing and joking in a language that neither Vader nor Palpatine had even heard of.
'Have you been able to translate that?' Palpatine asked thoughtfully.
'With the droids, no. Apparently its actually three languages they're speaking in. They're hopping from one language to another in the middle of sentences.
'I see,' Palpatine mused. *Good idea*
'With the Force,' Vader shrugged. 'Easily. Though those conversations are just as boring and insane as the ones in Basic.'
Then suddenly the female voices were raised in song. "I, like, big, butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers cant deny, when a girl walks in with a itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get," the tune abruptly changed "feelings."
Vader switched it off and in the silence, the Master stared at the Apprentice in vaguely shocked horror.
'And what exactly do you want me to do with them?'
'The only time they reacted to anything with fear was when you were mentioned. My crew cant handle them, maybe you can.'
The Emperor thought for a moment. The girls information, Aisling was it, and knowledge would be useful and Force knew that his court could do with a shaking-up.
And besides, he was bored and no matter which way it went, these girls would prove entertaining.
'Set course for Imperial City,' he told Vader at last. 'And we'll see how troublesome these young females are.' With that he cut the transmission.
Vader stood still for a moment, resisting the urge to dance a jig and shout halleluiah! They were leaving! They were going to be taken out of his hands! Woohoo!
Behind his mask, Vader smiled evilly. Let Prince Xizor deal with the female's attentions and the Court with their insanity. He had more important things to deal with.
Like killing that bloody Last Lord and finishing the Force-bedamned game!!
Hehe! Force help Corusc- I mean Imperial City, of course I do. *clears throat, walks away whistling nonchantly*
Review!
AUTHOR: ihadanepiphany
Palpatine (boo!) shows at last, and Vader looses the rag. Hows that?
I'm sorry Darth Gummi Bear, I didn't realize that you were asking about the video game! Sorry! No, I'm pretty sure he isn't, its no game that exists as far as I know. I just have him playing a game than features swords spears and last Lords with big red skulls. You know, the usual.
Last Unicorn: Thank you, I know and yes of course!
Jay-Cee: You could go Buffy on my ass, and I could make sure that there's not enough of you left to put into a grave. *smirk* Yeah, Stormtroopers is right. And you're completely right about the taste in men part as well.
Biblehermione: He landed on Earth and walked into a house where Beth and Aisling were staying. There was no hope for him from that point!
Sheila: Breathe! Don't worry, Vader aint getting away from the insanity, no matter how hard he tries!
I hope you all enjoy this, and if you didn't, I don't want to know about it! Just say you loved it anyway! Or your ass I will kick!
Palpatine stared at the holo of Vader who was giving his report on the goings-on on the Avenger post-Death Star.
'Repeat that last part,' he said.
'I have come across a being, a human female who is knowledgeable of what is happening in the galaxy. It is my suspicion that she is equally knowledgeable of the future.'
'What makes you think that?' Vader paused, then told Palpatine what he heard Aisling tell Beth and the resulting conversation.
'She asked me what the most recent event was,' he repeated as he finished. 'Like she was unsure as to what point in time I was asking for. This implies that she knows what to us is the future.'
'I see,' Palpatine murmured. He thought for a moment. 'Yes, I understand what you mean and you are likely correct. Tell me Vader, why are you telling me this now and not when you arrive back in Imperial City?' Vader fidgeted, then came out with it.
'To be blunt Master, they have my crew running scared.'
'They?' Palpatine interrupted. 'I thought there was only one.'
'There are two, Aisling who knows the future and Beth, who doesn't know a damn thing. Their behaviour is causing half the crew and troops to run like Jawas from a Krayt Dragon whenever they're within a miles distance and the other half to act like Kitonaks in a bloody monsoon!' Vader ranted. Palpating sat back and let him get it off his chest. 'They're impossible to control, troopers are acting like children, three times
I've had to stop them from taking the TIEs out 'for a spin' as they called it. They've nearly blown up the ship twice, caused a loss of gravity twice, fired proton torpedoes at a shuttle, disabled three turbo-blasters, nearly killed four troopers with a 'borrowed' blaster. Master there are more crewmen officers and troopers in the medical now then there has been in the history of the Avenger. The whole damn ship has developed nervous tics and I've got an Admiral, and Admiral Master that screams if anyone comes within ten feet of him!'
'Did you try punishing them? Threats?' Vader nodded.
'It doesn't work. They treat threats like a game.'
'A game?'
'Who can think of the best threats.' Vader shook his head, a touch of horrified admiration creeping into his voice. 'They turned my stomach Master,' he admitted. 'I had to throw three stormtroopers out of the air- lock and Force-choke two officers before the others would stand guard on them after that.'
'And what do you want me to do?' Palpatine sounded irritated, but he was more impressed than anything. He'd never seen Vader look so out of his depth.
'Master, the only time either of them seemed even slightly intimidated was when one of the officers mentioned you to them. Aisling apparently looked scared out of her wits for about three seconds before she covered it. Beth looked puzzled, asked Aisling something in a language the trooper couldn't understand and never heard of. She replied and Beth looked, as the trooper put it, 'plain terrified.' Then the two started singing again.'
'Where you there?' Vader shook his head. 'What were they singing?' There was an odd sound from Vader, which Palpatine would've nearly sworn was a faint whine. He made a gesture to something outside of the range of the projector.
'We've been recording them since they arrived as per standard procedure,' Vader explained. 'Though its getting harder and harder to make anyone monitor them.'
The recording started. There was a troopers voice, then a few shrieks, clangs and someone running away very quickly and someone else dropping heavily to the floor to the sound of two females laughing loudly. A moment later the two voices were belting out "Two thousand bottles of beer on the wall, two thousand bottles of beer,' before Vader switched it off hurriedly.
'They were singing that?' Palpatine asked.
'That was from the shuttle on the way to the ship,' Vader replied, nodding.
'What was that banging noise in the background?'
'Stormtroopers banging their heads off the walls.'
'Ah.'
'Yep.' Vader made another motion. 'This is from today, approximately two hours ago.'
The same two female voices were laughing and joking in a language that neither Vader nor Palpatine had even heard of.
'Have you been able to translate that?' Palpatine asked thoughtfully.
'With the droids, no. Apparently its actually three languages they're speaking in. They're hopping from one language to another in the middle of sentences.
'I see,' Palpatine mused. *Good idea*
'With the Force,' Vader shrugged. 'Easily. Though those conversations are just as boring and insane as the ones in Basic.'
Then suddenly the female voices were raised in song. "I, like, big, butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers cant deny, when a girl walks in with a itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get," the tune abruptly changed "feelings."
Vader switched it off and in the silence, the Master stared at the Apprentice in vaguely shocked horror.
'And what exactly do you want me to do with them?'
'The only time they reacted to anything with fear was when you were mentioned. My crew cant handle them, maybe you can.'
The Emperor thought for a moment. The girls information, Aisling was it, and knowledge would be useful and Force knew that his court could do with a shaking-up.
And besides, he was bored and no matter which way it went, these girls would prove entertaining.
'Set course for Imperial City,' he told Vader at last. 'And we'll see how troublesome these young females are.' With that he cut the transmission.
Vader stood still for a moment, resisting the urge to dance a jig and shout halleluiah! They were leaving! They were going to be taken out of his hands! Woohoo!
Behind his mask, Vader smiled evilly. Let Prince Xizor deal with the female's attentions and the Court with their insanity. He had more important things to deal with.
Like killing that bloody Last Lord and finishing the Force-bedamned game!!
Hehe! Force help Corusc- I mean Imperial City, of course I do. *clears throat, walks away whistling nonchantly*
Review!