Title: Warships don't smoke, do they?
Author: MysticDragon
Rating: PG
AN: this is a challenge response to Libriel from slipstream BBS. Challenge is to include these lines: "I told you before. Warships do not smoke." And "No way I'm putting those french fries up my nose."
"Are you sure you didn't simply leave a cigarette burning in here somewhere, Rom-Doll?" Harper asked impishly.
"I told you before, Harper. Warships do not smoke." Rommie said stonily while looking down at her chief engineer who was currently making adjustments to several of her internal components.
"What, not even after sex?" Harper quipped.
"Harper, do not make me regret not blowing you out of an airlock the first time you came aboard." The beautiful AI warned.
"Look, whether or not warships smoke is a moot point. There have been nine fires in your systems in the last forty-eight hours. Face in Rommie, when your hot, your hot and you babe, are a hunk of burning love." He said standing up and facing her with a lecherous grin. "And I, Seamus Zelazny Harper, am just the man to quench your…" He broke off with a yelp as the sprinkler head directly above him activated, showering him with cold water.
Harper had just finished drying off and was pulling a clean shirt over his head when a warning claxon sounded.
"Harper, there is another fire in the mess hall." Holo-Rommie said appearing in front of him.
"On my way." Harper said with a sigh. This was getting really frustrating. Now the total of fires was up to ten and they still had no idea what was causing them.
He entered the mess hall to find Dylan and Beka both already there.
"Here, Harper." Dylan said, shoving a blackened wisp of …something in Harper's face. "Inhale this."
"No way I'm putting those…french fries up my nose." Harper exclaimed after getting a better look at what Dylan was holding.
"Just smell them Harper." Beka said exasperatedly.
Taking a tentative whiff, Harper's face registered puzzlement.
"Why in the world would burnt french fries smell like cigars?"
"That's what I would like to know." Dylan said with a grimace.
Just then Rommie entered the room, looking decidedly embarrassed.
"Dylan, I believe I have found the cause of the fires." She said nervously.
"Well, what is it?" he asked after a moment of silence.
"It seems that my main intellect has taken to…reading during these down times. The fires are a direct result of my…emotions." Rommie replied reluctantly.
"Reading what?" Beka asked suspiciously.
"Some of the novels from your collection." Rommie said accusingly.
"Oh." Beka said sheepishly.
"Wait a minute." Harper said. "You mean…?"
"Yes, Harper." Rommie sighed. "It seems that warships smoke after sex after all."