DISCLAIMER: All except Beth and Aisling belong to George Lucas. All hail the Great Flannelled One. But Aisling belongs to me and Beth belongs to a friend and we belong to ourselves, dammit!

AUTHOR: ihadanepiphany

*looks at reviews in suspicious disbelief* Are these all mine? These cant be all mine! Its not possible that these are all mine. I mean, there is no way that these are all mine. *checks the labels* Force, they are all mine. Well….just……I mean…..Force!

Oh my god, you guys just ROCK!!!! There is no other way of saying it!!!! Every single one of you rule!!! Thank you so much you guys!!

Anyhoo, the pair are on their way to meet the Emperor, no they haven't left yet. Yes they will soon. Next one. Really.

BTW the Star Trek/Star Wars thing will hopefully be a running joke.

Oh and Sage of Dreams has finally FINALLY updated on her Imperial Road Trip. To all of you who haven't discovered it yet, go read it now!! You will fall off your seat!

Celestia Vitaria is also a master of the Insane genre, but she still hasn't updated! Will you update Celestia!

And to you who like chaos and insanity, go look for Dark Side Luke, he has a genius for insane situations.

Now its time for the dedications.

There are a lot of dedications here, so if you not interested, just scroll down. I wont kill you, *smirk* yet.

Jenna: *raises eyebrow* You want this finished? That's a first!

Ari: ONE dedication per! Use the smelling salts next time. Glad to see that kind response! Just any injuries incurred are not, repeat NOT gonna be paid by me, so don't even try!

Dragonlet: Why does everyone feel sorry for Vader.*reads story again* oh yeah.

Last Unicorn: Why does the phrase "you aint seen nothin" yet spring to mind?

Biblehermione: get that Micrrosoft Word up and get it up now! Yeah you read my mind!

Sage of Dreams: hell yeah I love that story! Ive read it three times and I'm STILL falling off the chair! Only one dedication though I'm afraid. Oh, and Thrawn is gonna appear, but ssh! Don't tell nobody!

Borath: Nice to see that you listen to the voice of insanity than the voice of reason! Woohoo for you!

Psycho Sith: Hehehe! I'd say sorry, but hell you enjoyed yourself!

The_Griffen: thank you, thank you. Vader doesn't know himself why he hasn't killed them two yet, so how am I supposed to know? I'm just the writer.

Dark Side Luke: Nice to hear from you! Thank you thank you and again thank you.

There we are, now, let the insanity begin!

'So how are we going to get to the planet?' Beth asked, staring down at Imperial City.

'Shuttle,' Aisling said, looking down at the planet as well.

'What, no "beam us up Scotty?" '

'No,' Aisling said patiently, for her. 'Because that's Star Trek and this is Star Wars.'

'You mentioned those before,' Vader rumbled, materialising suddenly behind them. They turned to greet him. 'What are Star Trek and Star Wars?' (A/N From this point on, Vader can tell when someone's lying. He couldn't before. It doesn't have to make sense! It just has to be!)

Beth looked sideways at her friend, wondering how she was going to get out of that one. Aisling blinked a few times.

'Two different categories of knowledge,' she replied, bending her words to the limit to keep from lying. 'To those not well-versed in either, they can appear very similar.'

'And you have knowledge of which one?'

'Star Wars, but I can usually correct others when they mix the two up, eh Beth?' Beths replying hand-gesture belonged in no public place. The one that Aisling answered her with was even worse.

'And who is this Harry Potter that you also mentioned?' Vader asked hurriedly, mainly to stop the impending fight. If the pair had to repair their hair and faces, he would never get rid of them.

To his surprise Aisling turned to Beth and said: 'You wanna get this one?' (A/N this part was supposed to be written by my mate Jay-Cee, but since she apparently couldn't be arsed, *snigger* I had to do it. If there are any mistakes I'm sorry! I know nothing about HP I had to get my little sister to help me!)

'Don't mind if I do! Well there is of course Harry Potter, or Rotter as Draco Malfoy calls him. Draco's the heir to the Malfoy family, son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, two of the most stuck up arrogant ignorant idiots on the face of the planet. Draco is a Slytherin and hangs around with Crab and Goyle and they fill their days with bullying or attempting to bully Harry, Ron and Hermione, who are Gryffindors. Hermione Granger is a Muggle-born witch, a Muggle is a person who cant do magic by the way, extremely smart and barely takes her head out of her books long enough to help Harry and Ron get out of whatever trouble they're in. Ron Weasley is the complete opposite to Draco, he's nice and sweet and smart and funny and and and' at this point Aisling clapped her hands together in front of Beths face and the girl snapped back to reality. 'And he has four older brothers. Bill, Charlie, Fred and George, ah George, alright Aisling! And one younger sister, Ginny. They all live in the Burrow and are a pureblood family but they are nothing like the Malfoys. Neither family can stand the other, as a matter of fact. They all go to a big Wizarding school called Hogwarts and its so deadly!' She caught Aislings eye. 'But I wont go into detail right now. Lets just say it's a great big huge castle that has a really big, really really deep lake surrounding it with a giant squid, to name one occupant. Um, oh yeah! There's this really deadly Dark Wizard called Voldemort, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, who basically this big bad of the Wizardly world and he killed loads and loads of these other wizards, the good wizards including Harrys parents. Oh, and Voldemort tried to kill Harry but he couldn't, because of some kind of protective thingy that his mum put on him right as Voldemort killed her, so now he's this really weak pathetic excuse for an amoeba, of but in Goblet of Fire he's regenerated and he's sworn to kill Harry properly and I cant wait for the fifth book and its gonna be oh-so cool!' (A/N that was pretty much what my little sister, who's nine by the way, came out with when I asked to do this. Believe it or not, its actually half the original length. I live in a family of fanatics.)

There was a stunned silence.

'That's it?' Vader asked after a moment.

'No, that's the short version. You want the long one?'

'No!' was the resounding answer. Beth smirked and looked back out of the view-port.

'When is the shuttle heading off?' Aisling asked Vader, who was staring at Beth in shock.

'In a standard hour.'

'Can we wait on the bridge?' Vader hesitated, the memories of what happened last time still fresh in his memory. 'Please? We'll behave, I promise. I'll keep Beth away from the buttons.'

'I can't push the pretty buttons?' Beth cried, turning back to them. She caught Aislings glare and subsided. 'Okay, okay,' she grumbled. 'I wont touch the buttons.'

'Please Lord Vader?' *Amazing how she only uses my title when she wants something* Vader mused.

'Alright,' he sighed, before the begging started. He liked people begging as much as the next Sith, but Aisling and Beth put their own little twist on it, to the point where he'd now rather hand the Avenger over to them completely than have to listen to them again.

As the trio swept out of the girls quarters towards the bridge, a stormtrooper surreptitiously activated his comlink.

'They're on the way to the bridge.' A stream of intergalactic swearing followed his words before he shut the comlink off.

When Vader entered the bridge, there was the general atmosphere more commonly related to a ship right before a battle they were not likely to win. When Aisling and Beth entered, the tension dropped along with the crewmen's jaws.

Both females were in red, a deliberate act (A/N Red being Palpy's colour and all), and the dresses they wore did nothing to argue the fact that they were, in fact, grown women.

Beths dress was bright scarlet, ankle length and had a slit up one leg to a good ten inches above the knee, with a plunge back and a scoop top. She wore it with red strap sandals. The material had a dusting of glittery stuff that shimmered when she moved. Her hair was straightened and arranged so that it cascaded artfully down her back.

Aislings dress was a deep crimson, floor length with a full skirt that swept the ground as she went. The neckline was low and square and the back was modest, but the material was the sort that clung to the body underneath and glittered dazzlingly under the bright lights of the bridge. Her long hair was up in a simple twist with the top curled into ringlets that moved when she turned her head.

Both girls were made up discretely and wore no jewellery besides red stones on thin silver chains on their ears and around their necks.

The clothes and things had been sent up with a tailor on an earlier shuttle when the Avenger first entered orbit and, from the stunned silence, they had done their work.

'I guess we pass the test,' Beth murmured, faltering. Aisling smiled dazzlingly and walked out onto the bridge after Vader, making full use of the swishing capabilities of the dress. After a few moments hesitation, Beth followed.

Vader glared at the crew, irritated. They took no notice. They did however take notice of the Siths ominously tapping foot and one by one, got back to their work.

'Well,' Vader said, when he turned back to the red-clad pair. 'Are you looking forward to meeting the Emperor?'

'How could we not?' Aisling replied, smiling again and Vader got a glimpse of what they were like when not acting like complete lunatics. 'He is most gracious for inviting us to attend his court.'

'Okay,' Vader muttered. 'You're not in the palace yet.' Aisling grinned.

'Yeah, but I've to get back into the habit of sanity and maturity. Beth!' she snapped without turning her head. The girl jumped and pulled her hand from where it had been creeping towards a control panel. 'I don't think the court will be quite as cooperative as you and your crew, Vader,' she continued. Then she smirked and Vader felt truly sorry for the unsuspecting Imperial Court. 'But that doesn't mean they'll get away with nothing.'

'I wish I could see it,' he said and chuckled evilly.

'Oh? You're not going to be there?' she asked, feigning surprise.

'No, I've been ordered elsewhere,' he told her. 'But Prince Xizor will be there,' he added. Aislings evil smile matched his own, though she couldn't see it.

'Much fun,' she muttered, eyes glittering. 'Beth!'

'What?'

'Stay away from the buttons.'

'But they're so pretty!'

'Beth!'

'Alright! I'll stay away from the shagging buttons! Such pretty buttons.'

'BETH!'

'What?! I'm nowhere near them!'

'Yes but you're thinking about going near them, aren't you?' Beths grumbled cursing proved her right, though Aisling had never turned from Vader and Beth was out of her view. Now, however, she turned to see both her friend and the Sith.

'This Prince Xizor had better be worth it,' Beth muttered. Vader looked at her.

'What was that?' he asked, though he had a vague hunch.

'Prince Xizor, is that right?' she asked, turning to Aisling who nodded. 'Yeah, I've been told that he's quite the charmer. He's the only reason I'm in this get-up.'

'Get-up?' Vader asked, his voice gaining that oddly strangled edge that was never far away these days.

'You know the hair, the make-up, the DRESS.' Beth made a disgusted face and picked at the material, making it clear that she'd much rather be a in a pair of trousers and top. 'Gotta make a good impression and all that crap.'

Aisling could just about imagine the look on Vaders face as he stared blankly at Beth and it was all she could do not to burst out laughing.

'Vader,' she said, somehow managing to get herself under control. 'My skill is in subtlety in situations like this, which is why Beth is going after Xizor.' She grinned madly. 'I don't know about you but I'd like to see how he deals with a walking hormone, emphasis on the "hor." '

'Hey,' Beth cried, pretending to be offended. 'That's Miss Whore to you.'

'And what will you do?' Vader asked, reminding himself that bursting into laughter on the bridge would not have the best effect on his reputation. Aisling looked innocent.

'Oh, wreak subtle and discreet but all-consuming chaos.' The evil smile re- emerged. 'You know, fun stuff.'

Heheheheh! Wonder should I feel sorry for the court and let them get away with nothing? Naaaaah! Palpatines gonna regret this! Hehehehehe!

Keep up the good work and review some more. I wanna break fifty with this fic!