DISCLAIMER: All except Beth and Aisling belong to George Lucas. All hail the Great Flannelled One. But Aisling belongs to me and Beth belongs to a friend and we belong to ourselves, dammit!

AUTHOR: ihadanepiphany

This is unreal!!! I've never seen so many reviews for the one fic! And its only seven, well eight now chapters long!! Wooohooo!! I BROKE FIFTY!!!!!!!!!! Celebrate good times come on!!!!! *glances around then smoothes hair clears throat and sits down again, hoping that people will stop staring before the next century*

Anywhatever, here's the dedications. Drum roll please!

DragonElf_86: Mesa no think so!!! Thanks! Yeah I figged what LMAO means after a while, the HAHAHAHAH does tend to give it away, cheers anyway. And Vader had a severe problem when he crash-landed on Earth, never mind the Playstation!

Biblehermione: yeah, I originally wrote one where she was actually completely sane, but it was just too scary!! Aislings dress is pretty deadly aint it? But my Debs dress is gonna be soooo much nicer! You gotta get Microsoft Word up before that!! Come on, if you can keep reading and reviewing this, then I gotta see what you can come up with!!!

Sheila: I never had a single intention of giving this up! Im having far too much fun!!! You really gotta pity the poor troopers don't you? They always seem to get caught in the middle! *snigger*

Jaina Skywalker: No prob! Thank you, thank you, genius really does love praise! But girl, only Beth hit the self-destruct button, Aisling was flirting with the officer, remember?

Dragonlet: *raises eyebrow* That's it? Fine so, scarlet is a bright vivid shade of red and crimson is a deeper shade, nearly the colour of blood really. K? Sorted? Right.

Last Unicorn: When I have it written, you'll know.

Jacintha: Could you have BEEN any more obvious? Fine, you want the whole world to know you're a loonie? *cackles evilly* Fine. Bethany Walsh is based on JACINTHA no, more than based on, IS Jacintha!!! Happy now? (Beth is OBVIOUSLY not her real name by the way, and Aisling is not mine. Stalkers, you have been warned!!)

Psycho Sith: Please put a homing beacon on your ass. That way you can find it again. And again. And again. And…, yeah you get the point.

Celestia Vitaria: Two words Hell Yeah!!

Emerald Redfern: Thank you, thank you. Er, maybe? And definitely!

The Vampire Lestat: Hmmm! I could have at least three different reactions to that. (1)Disgusted but oddly fascinated by the concept (2)Woohoo! I'm not stuck on my own anymore! There's somebody else like me!! Or (3) Goddammit! I'm not unique anymore! There's somebody else like me! *smirk* Take your pick.

Sage of Dreams: Yayyyy! Neither can I!! No, wait, hang on………. Agh! I'm confuzzled again!!!

Just read and review while I try and recover the lost pieces of my brain!!

Palpatine stared at the two females that stood before him, Prince Xizor fidgeting beside him. They had shown up some three hours earlier and had wasted absolutely no time. After being presented to him, they had gone to mingle with the crowd, the tall one had anyway, leaving a trail of chaos in her wake. The other one had targeted Xizor immediately and had since plagued the Faleen Prince until he was on the brink of running for his life. They were now in the Emperors ready room.

'Vader tells me that have knowledge of events,' he said, in a bored fashion. The taller one, Aisling, bowed, mind racing to figure out a way of lying without actually lying.

'Lord Vader is too kind,' she began. 'I'm afraid that what I know is undoubtedly minor in comparison to what you yourself know.'

'Indeed,' Palpatine mused. 'Tell me,' he said. 'Why did you knock out Baron Heurtz?' Aisling looked at him, a sneer twisting her lip.

'The one who has more hands than is good for him?' Beth sniggered, she had been there at the time. Palpatine looked at her.

'And you, why did you attack Lady Waldrun?' Beth smiled lop-sidedly.

'The one who has her nose stuck so far up in the air that ships have to fly around it?' Xizor stifled a chuckle and Palpatine put a hand to his mouth to hide a sudden grin.

'Is she the one in that horrible green and lilac thing? With the brown fur trim?' Aisling asked her.

'Yeah, mank isn't it?'

'She called me a.' Aisling put on a snooty voice. ' "Wretched low-life that should not have crawled above surface-level." She seemed a bit confused when I said thanks. Cant think why.'

'No,' Beth replied. 'I cant either.' Xizor was having silent convulsions. He'd been on the wrong side of Lady Waldrun a few times, though because of his position she'd had to be a bit more polite, and this news was well overdue. Palpatine however was looking at the females in a way that many tended to, disbelief mixed with astonishment with a touch of strange fascination and a dash of faint horror.

'Yes well,' he said, the strangled edge appearing effortlessly. (A/N amazing that always shows up just after the girls) 'Do go and enjoy the rest of the evening.' The two bowed again, Beth after a fierce glare from Aisling, and left.

Prince Xizor turned to the Emperor when the door closed behind them.

'Sire why are they here?' he asked. Palpatine looked at him coldly. He had no more idea than the Faleen Prince did, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let him know that.

'Since when do my actions do have to be explained to you?' he sneered. Xizor dropped his head.

'I apologize sire,' he mumbled, seemingly contrite. Palpatine nodded.

'Get out.' Xizor bowed and left swiftly.

Aisling eyed the drinks bar hungrily, if only she could lose these damn courtiers! She turned her meagre patience to the task of listening to what the shallow fools were saying.

'But don't you think that another with more, experience in social occasions would be more suited to the post?' one, a tall and thin man was saying. 'Don't you agree, Ms O'Connell?' Aisling swiftly rewound the conversation in her head.

'Yes, I do,' she replied shortly, ignoring the dig. (A/N I.e. No rank) Another that she recognized as Admiral Ozzel nodded stiffly at her. *Not Admiral yet* she thought, glancing at the rank insignia on his shirt

'Excuse me,' he began. 'But I really don't see the reason for this conversation here, where there are so few who really know what they are talking about,' he said, looking pointedly at Aisling who stared right back. *And you're definitely one of them Ozzel my lad*

'But surely,' she replied, looking wide-eyed and guileless. 'We can only learn when we listen to others?' knowing full-well that the only time Ozzel would listen to anyone would be when he felt Vader locking a Force-grip around his throat. (A/N In case you haven't noticed, I don't like Ozzel But then again I don't like imbecilic prejudiced bigoted morons so it stands to reason doesn't it?) Ozzel harrumphed and pointedly began a conversation with some socialite or other.

Aisling smiled sweetly at the others and backed out of the group, then made a bee-line for the drinks table.

'Miss O' Connell,' she heard before she was half-way there. She stifled a curse and turned, plastering a smile on her face. It was Prince Xizor.

'Prince Xizor, how nice to see you again.' The Faleen looked somewhat harassed.

'And you,' he replied politely, though looking over his shoulder. 'Tell me,' he said giving up all pretence. 'Is there any way that I can get rid of Ms Walsh?' Aisling couldn't suppress the smirk.

'None,' she told him. Xizor looked like he was about burst into tears.

'None?' he asked weakly. 'None at all?' Aisling shrugged.

'You could try giving her what she wants. She'd leave you alone then.' She couldn't help but grin at the Faleen who couldn't figure out whether to be resigned, eager or offended. 'What's the problem, I thought you would be all up for it.' Xizor looked at her.

'There's such a thing as finesse,' he growled, though she could tell that his heart wasn't in it. 'Not just, use and lose like a, a,'

'A slut?' Aisling grinned. 'What, don't like it when you get a taste of your own medicine?' Xizor scowled at her. 'Put it this way, you wont have to wear out those ol' black diamonds.' The Faleen blinked rapidly at her.

'What? How do you know?' Aisling waved the question away.

'That has nothing to do with anything and you know it.' She shrugged, then grinned when she saw Beth heading their way. 'My advice is to just go for it. She'll go away then. Hey Beth.'

'Hey. ' She gave Xizor a funny look when he jumped a mile. 'O-kaay. Where are the drinks?' Xizor gave Aisling a defeated look and taking Beths arm directed her to the drinks table. The triumphant look Aisling saw on her friends face nearly made her collapse, but she covered it.

She snuck a look around then hurried, discretely of course, to the alcohol. She had nearly made it when someone stepped in front of her.

'Miss O' Connell?' With a silent curse, Aisling stopped and looked at the one who had stepped in her path. Then blinked rapidly and smiled, the first genuine one of the evening. 'Pleased to meet you. My name is Thrawn.' (A/N heheheheh! Sorry Sage. He's mine!!)

Next morning.

Vader knocked on the door of the flat that the girls were given and heard someone inside shout "come in." So he did.

'Vader,' Aisling said, smiling at him. 'I thought you were supposed to be in the Unknown Regions?' *Did I tell her that?* Vader wondered. *I'm sure I didn't*

'Haven't left yet,' he said aloud. 'The Avenger has to undergo some minor repairs.'

'Oh no,' she said, looking shocked. 'Why would it need repairs?' Vader looked at her as he sat down at the round table in the kitchen area of the flat.

'Why indeed?' The sound of a door opening and closing made him look up and he saw Beth shuffle into the kitchen, she was by no means a morning person.

'Hey Vader,' she yawned. 'Aisling, how was your night?' Aisling smiled slyly as she went to sit down.

'Eventful,' she replied, sipping from a cup then making a face. 'Ugh, you guys call this tea? I wouldn't use it to wash out a barn.' She took another sip anyway. 'And how was yours?'

'Oh, it was, interesting.' Beth got a cup of tea for herself and went to sit down on the other side of Vader, so that she sat opposite her friend.

'You didn't annoy the Emperor too much, did you?' Vader asked, knowing even as he said it how stupid it was. Aisling shook her head.

'Made up for it with the court though,' she sniggered.

'They asked for it,' Beth growled. 'One of them asked me who I belonged to and how much to have me on loan.'

'Do I want to know what you did to him?' Vader asked. Beth shook her head.

'I don't want to be responsible for your being not able to sleep at night. And it was a she anyway.' The door Beth came out of hissed open again and Vader looked automatically.

'Prince Xizor,' he said, in the strangled voice that was now so familiar.

'Lord Vader,' Xizor mumbled. 'Miss O'Connell.'

'Prince Xizor,' Aisling replied, seemingly not in the least bit surprised at the Faleen Prince stumbling out of her best friends bedroom at nine in the morning. *Well* Vader reminded himself. *The bedrooms are backed on one another and the soundproofing in this place aint worth a curse* Xizor nodded at Beth.

'See you later,' he said and walked out.

Vader waited until the main door had hissed shut behind Xizor before he turned to Beth.

'Speaking about sleepless nights,' he said. Beth grinned and looked down into her tea. 'How the hell did you manage that?'

'Well if you don't know by now Vader,' she replied, grinning mischievously.

' "See you later" ' Aisling said, mimicking Xizor. 'All he said was "see you later." I'd kick his royal arse if I were you.'

'I've had worse responses the morning after,' Beth replied, shrugging. 'It's not as good as "no, wait, stay, please" but definitely not as bad as "who the hell are you?" '

'That is true.'

Another door hissed open and shut, Vader just knew that it was the door to Aislings bedroom.

'Morning Thrawn,' he said on seeing the blue-skinned Chiss.

'Morning Vader,' Thrawn replied amiably. He went up to Aisling and kissed her. 'Good morning Aisling.'

'Morning.' She looked at Beth. 'Have you met Thrawn,' she asked of her friend.

'Oh, I've heard something of him,' she replied, raising her eyebrows and grinned at Aisling who grinned back. 'Bethany Walsh,' she said, stretching her hand out to him.

'Thrawn,' he replied, shaking it. He looked at his wrist chronometer. 'I've got to go,' he said. 'But I'll see you later.' He and Aisling kissed again and with a nod to Vader and Beth, he left.

'Well,' Beth said admiringly. 'You certainly had your eyes open last night.'

'For some of the night,' Aisling giggled.

'I'm not gonna ask,' Vader said, shaking his head.

'That's good, I wasn't gonna tell,' she replied, getting up for another cup of the awful tea. 'Gods,' she muttered after a taking a sip of the new cup and discovering, beyond all probability and reason, that it was worse than the last. 'You guys haven't a clue when it comes to tea.'

'Then why are you drinking it?' Vader asked.

'Cos if the caffeine doesn't keep me awake, the taste definitely will.' She smirked. 'In case you didn't realize, I didn't get much sleep last night.'

'I really didn't want to know that,' Vader groaned.

Beth got up and went to the food, thingy, in the wall. (A/N I have NO idea as to what its called, noone I know knows what's its called, until someone tells me what its called, its going to be called "thingy")

'How do you get this thing to work?' she asked, looking for the control buttons.

'It's voice responsive, you ask for what you want.'

'Oh, okay cool. Um, I'll have a fry please.'

'Request not recognised,' said the machine.

'Huh?'

'It doesn't know what a fry is,' Vader translated, none too sure what it was either.

'How can it not know what a fry is?' Beth asked, annoyed. 'Okay then, I'll have a fried egg, two fried sausages, two rashers, some fried mushrooms and toast.'

'What kind of egg? What kind of meat in the sausages? What kind of rashers? What kind of mushrooms? What kind of toast?'

'Huh?' Beth stared at the machine, then at Aisling who shrugged. 'Uh, chicken egg, pork sausages, pork rashers, Aisling what kind of mushrooms do we eat?'

'Magic mushrooms!'

'Oh a great help you are! Forget the mushrooms. Plain white bread that's been toasted, in that order.'

'Request not recognised.'

'What the hell do you mean request not recognised?' Beth yelled. 'I'm shagging starving and this shagging bucket of bolts wont give me any shagging food! I need more shagging energy after all that…' (A/N Can you guess what the last word in that sentence is? *smirk*)

'Beth!' Aisling shouted, cutting her off. 'Shut up and chillax!' (A/N short for chill and relax)

'I will not shagging shut up!' Beth shouted back. 'This damn stupid thing doesn't even know what a damn chicken is!'

Aisling cast a rueful glance at Vader as Beth ranted on, then smiled slowly as she remembered something.

'Beth,' she said. 'Beth!'

'What?!'

'Godzilla,' she said simply. Beth gaped at her for a moment, then shuddered.

'Euuw! You bitch Aisling! Euw!' she wailed. 'Euw, euw, ugh, eugh, euw, yuck!'

'Godzilla?' Vader asked, mystified at the girls sudden reaction.

'It's a movie, like a 2-D holo-vid, from back home. It's about this lizard that mutates into this damn-huge lizard that goes off and wreaks cities. You know, the usual.'

'And it laid eggs!' Beth cringed. 'And they hatched! And they were six foot tall and all reptiley and eeugh!' Vader looked from one girl who was having a cringing fit, to the other who was unsuccessfully trying to smother her giggles.

'You do know that Xizor is a Faleen right?' Vader asked Beth cautiously.

'Huh?' Momentarily shocked out of it, Beth nodded. 'Oh, yeah.' Vader took a deep breath.

'You do know that the Faleen race is reptilian?'

There was a moments silence.

'AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Beth screamed. Then she leapt out of her seat. 'I'm gonna kill you Aisling O' Connell!!' Startled, Aisling barely got out of the way in time. So while Beth crashed into the worktop, Aisling scrambled to get behind Vader, who had risen from his seat. 'Why didn't you tell me?!!' Beth yelled.

'I did tell you!' Aisling yelled back through the laughter that was threatening to erupt, moving swiftly to keep the Siths body between them. 'I told you he was cold-blooded!'

'I thought you meant metaphorically!!'

'Well you should have known then, shouldn't you have?'

Vader growled as the pair ran around him, first in one direction then in the other. He grabbed each girl by the arm and held them apart.

'Will you two bloody stand still?!' he yelled. They, of course, took no notice, Beth scrabbling to reach Aisling and beat seven kinds of hell into her, and Aisling trying to keep out of her reach until she cooled off.

'Didn't you notice the scales?' Aisling yelled.

'You know damn well that I never notice anything!!!' Beth roared back, missing catching Aisling hair by a millimetre. 'Reptiles aren't supposed to be that big!!!' she screamed at noone in particular. 'They're supposed to be small enough for me to squish!!!'

Aisling stood still, gaping at her demented friend. Then she started laughing, and laughing, and laughing. Vader and Beth stared at her as she doubled over, completely breathless but still roaring with laughter. Vader looked at Beth, at her, back at Beth and replayed the last five minutes in his head. Then he got it.

'Aw Force Aisling!!' he yelled, grossed out. 'How could you?! Eeugh!!! That's just, eeugh Force!!!!' He started laughing as well, though still disgusted and was soon clutching at his ventilator and cursing.

Beth glared at the stricken pair. Aisling was having convulsions on the floor and Vader bashing at his chest controls while still laughing his ass off. She humphed and turning on her heel, stalked off her bedroom.

After some time, Aisling finally calmed down and hauled herself up from the floor by hanging onto the worktop. She massaged her aching ribs and sides and reached for her tea.

From the bedroom came Beths horrified and disgusted but above all loud roar.

'Ah Aisling!'

The cup shattered on the floor as Aisling collapsed into giggles again.

*snigger smirk snigger* Did ya get it?

BTW, Jacintha did actually react that way when I told her that Xizor is a reptile, and I was on the phone to her at the time. (Note to self, friend screaming down phone is not, repeat not good for the hearing) She cant stand lizards*smirk* heheheheh!