ONE:
I hesitated as we started up the steps to the home Cary, Aunt Sara, May and I shared. When Grandma Olivia died I'd moved back in, and although it was only last week it felt like forever. Part of me wished I could have a normal life, live in a home with a real mother and father, but the other part of me knew that I was lucky to have people who I considered family who cared about me so much. I knew that Aunt Sara cared about me more than my real mother, who was living in LA the last I had heard trying to become an actress. After she faked her death and I had found out, the mother-daughter relationship we should have shared had become as dead to me as her. The fact that she hadn't wanted me had cut me like a knife through my heart. And Grandma Olivia had acted as though it was no great surprise! I'd tried to blame it on Archie Marlin, but Grandma Olivia had waved the excuse away. "It was always that way with Haille. Someone was eternally making excuses for her, finding someone or somewhere else to blame for her selfish, cruel acts!" Even so, deep down in my heart, I still wished for someone to call mother, and talk to about all my fears and secrets! I remembered, with a strange fondness, my time back in Sewell. Whilst we'd lived in a trailer park I had been happy. I had a mother and a father, and we never really wanted for anything. And there had been Papa George and Mama Arlene next door. Then the man I thought was my father had been killed in a mining accident and my life was turned upside down!
"Melody?" Cary asked. "Why are you stopping?"
"I was just thinking." I replied.
"What about?" He asked curious.
"Mommy, Grandma Olivia.." I sighed, and he squeezed my hand.
"Don't think about them Melody. They never made you happy, and I promise you that every day I'll make it my main objective to make you happy!" He promised.
"You already do Cary!" I assured him, and he smiled, and we entered the house. Even after Uncle Jacob's death the house still reminded me of him. He had been a religious man who ruled the house with an iron fist. When Mommy had first brought me to Provincetown after the death of the man I had thought was my father I thought I was finally going to meet my relatives before Mommy and I continued on somewhere else. How wrong I was. Mommy never planned to take me with her where she was going. She had planned to leave me in the home of my Uncle Jacob and Aunt Sara and leave without me. She knew that Uncle Jacob had never forgiven her and his brother, my stepfather, Chester, for accusing his father of being my father and then running off together. She knew that, but she still planned to leave me there! Constantly Uncle Jacob made references to Mommy being a bad person, and how the apple never fell far from the tree. But Aunt Sara was kind, and after the loss of her daughter wanted to take me in. And cruel as Uncle Jacob could sometimes be he would give Aunt Sara whatever she wanted. Of course I was never treated cruelly by my Uncle, which was something! Grandma Olivia was the cruel one of the family, although she hid behind the excuse that everything she did was for the family name! The Logans were one of Provincetown's most prestigious families, and nothing was going to change that for her!
"Ma?" Cary called. "Where are you?"
"I'm in the kitchen dear." She called back, and he glanced at me.
"Ready?" He asked in a low voice.
I nodded.
We went into the kitchen and Aunt Sara turned to smile at us briefly, before turning back to what she was doing. "I'm doing crayfish for tea-just the way you love them Cary."
"That's great Ma." He said. "Listen Ma-we've got something to tell you!"
Aunt Sara stopped what she was doing now, a strange look on her face. "Something to tell me?" She repeated, a little nervously.
"Its not bad Ma.where's May? We want to tell her too." Cary asked.
"Upstairs." Aunt Sara replied, sitting in a kitchen chair. I thought that since Uncle Jacob had died she had become a little more nervous about things.
"I'll just go get her." I said, and I hurried upstairs. May was doing her homework in her room, but she sensed that I was there, and turned round to smile at me. I signed to her that Cary and I had something we wanted to tell her and Aunt Sara down in the kitchen. When I had first arrived in Provincetown I had immediately made the effort to learn sign language in order to communicate with my younger cousin. Cary, who at first resented me being there, was surprised that I wanted to learn it. Later, as he got to know me, he began to like me and then fall in love with me.
We went back downstairs and Aunt Sara signed to May asking her how the homework was going? May signed back that it was good.
"Well then, what's the big news?" Aunt Sara asked us, taking a deep breath.
"Melody and I are getting married." Cary said, signing as he did so in order for May to understand.
May made a noise that I think was a squeal of joy and then raced to hug me, signing her congratulations! Aunt Sara, however, hadn't said anything.
"Ma?" Cary asked.
"Jacob wouldn't have approved." She said, shaking her head.
"But what about you Ma?" Cary persisted. "You want Melody and I to be happy don't you?"
"Of course I do.." Aunt Sara replied. "It's just strange. You know I think of you as my niece Melody, even if it's not biologically true."
"I know Aunt Sara." I replied. "And I appreciate this. Most people in this town know what my mother was like, and they won't be surprised to know that someone else, other than Chester Logan, was my father. Of course there is no way I'm going to own up to who my real father is!" I made a face. My real father was a man named Teddy Jackson, a lawyer who lived in Provincetown. On my trip to LA Mommy had told me about him when I'd demanded to know. The ironic thing was that his son, Adam, had tried to make me his girlfriend when I'd first arrived in the town. He'd actually gotten me drunk in order to have sex with me, but luckily Cary had arrived and saved me. Now, of course, I was glad that I hadn't fallen for Adam!
"He wouldn't admit to it anyway. The Jackson's are all cowards." Cary replied angrily.
"I suppose it would be nice to plan a wedding. Something happy for a change after Jacob and Olivia.." Aunt Sara mused.
Cary grinned at me. "Does that mean we have your blessing Ma?" He asked her.
"Blessing? Yes, congratulations you two!" Aunt Sara said, and she stood up to hug us both.
"I was thinking May would be one of my bridesmaids." I said signing as I spoke. May signed back that she would love to be! "And also my best friend from back in Sewell Alice, and I was thinking Holly Childs." Holly Childs was the wife of Kenneth, the local artist who also happened to be the son of Judge Childs, and therefore my Uncle. For awhile I'd suspected he could have been my father, and when he'd asked me to work for him in the summer I thought it was because he knew he was my father and wanted to tell me. When I finally confronted him about it, he told me he wasn't, and I'd actually had a little fantasy about the two of us for awhile, almost losing Cary in the process. Holly had known him for years, and came to visit from New York occasionally when the stars were right. She was in to astrology and star- signs and meditation and things like that-a good match for an artist like Kenneth! It was only recently that Holly had left New York and come to live in Provincetown and they'd married. Uncle Jacob had declared her a pagan when she'd arrived, but luckily he hadn't had to see her much! She'd done a lot for me in getting me to LA to see whether Gina Simon was really my mother, and I would never forget it!
"Can you imagine Holly in a plain bridesmaids dress? She'd decorate it with stars and moons-like her car!" Cary said, grinning.
Aunt Sara looked dismayed. "But you must have normal dresses..." She said.
"We will Aunt Sara. Cary was just teasing you." I said frowning at him.
"Right Ma." Cary agreed. "So when's this dinner going to be ready? I'm starving."
Aunt Sara went back to her cooking, and Cary, May and I went down to the beach where Uncle Jacob's lobster boat was docked. Previously Uncle Jacob had worked every day, with Cary often by his side, but after Uncle Jacob's death Cary had given the man who worked for Uncle Jacob more responsibility, and a larger share in profits. Whilst he liked the lobstering business he decided his heart lay in boat building, something which his father had gotten all worked up about. He wanted his son to stay in the same business as him! If Uncle Jacob were looking down on us now he'd be going crazy! Not only about our marriage but also about Cary's plans to practically give the business to Roy Patterson as a reward for his loyalty, and for putting up with Uncle Jacob all the time.
"I was thinking-rather than harvest the Cranberry bog ourselves when it needs doing soon-why don't we hire people to do it? Dad would say it was being lazy, but we've got so many other things we need to do, we don't really have the time." Cary suggested.
I shrugged. It didn't really bother me. Once Grandma Olivia's house was sold the money was going into Cary's boat building business. Grandma Olivia had, strangely enough, left her entire fortune, and it was a sizeable one too, to me. I had more money than I knew what to do with now!
May signed that she thought we should go back inside and help Aunt Sara with dinner now, so we returned to the house. Dinner was almost ready, and May and I set the table. When it was served Cary picked up the bible. Every night before tea Uncle Jacob had insisted on reading a passage from the bible. Sometimes he had got Cary to read, occasionally even me. Cary looked at the bible for a moment, whilst we waited expectantly. Then he put it down.
"I want to thank god for our food, our family, and our love." He said simply.
Aunt Sara blinked, and then realised that was Cary's prayer, and mumbled something like very nice dear. And then we all began to eat.
Before bed that night Cary lingered outside the door of my room, the room that had previously belonged to his sister. "If we're engaged can't I sleep in here?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Aunt Sara wouldn't like it Cary." I told him.
"I could sneak back to my own room before the morning and she wouldn't know." Cary protested, but I shook my head again.
"Now that we're engaged I want to do things properly." I told him.
He frowned. "What do you mean properly?"
"I mean you sleep in your room, I sleep in mine." I said. It wasn't anything to do with shyness-Cary had been the first I'd given myself to, and we'd been together a few times since then-it was more to do with what I imagined I should do. Grandma Olivia would approve of that, if nothing, I thought wryly. Not that her approval was my driving force. I simply wanted to do things the right way!
"Goodnight Cary." I said, kissing him goodnight, and then closing the bedroom door ignoring his frown.
As I fell asleep I thought about Laura again. I'd never met her, but through my family, and friends I thought I knew her. When I first arrived Mommy hadn't let me take much with me, and so I had been forced to wear Laura's clothes. I felt uncomfortable about it at first. Not just wearing her clothes, but using her things, and sleeping in her room. Then I got used to it. And of course along the way I'd gotten my own things! I imagined Laura nodding with approval about Cary and mine's upcoming marriage. And I fell asleep with that image in my mind.
I hesitated as we started up the steps to the home Cary, Aunt Sara, May and I shared. When Grandma Olivia died I'd moved back in, and although it was only last week it felt like forever. Part of me wished I could have a normal life, live in a home with a real mother and father, but the other part of me knew that I was lucky to have people who I considered family who cared about me so much. I knew that Aunt Sara cared about me more than my real mother, who was living in LA the last I had heard trying to become an actress. After she faked her death and I had found out, the mother-daughter relationship we should have shared had become as dead to me as her. The fact that she hadn't wanted me had cut me like a knife through my heart. And Grandma Olivia had acted as though it was no great surprise! I'd tried to blame it on Archie Marlin, but Grandma Olivia had waved the excuse away. "It was always that way with Haille. Someone was eternally making excuses for her, finding someone or somewhere else to blame for her selfish, cruel acts!" Even so, deep down in my heart, I still wished for someone to call mother, and talk to about all my fears and secrets! I remembered, with a strange fondness, my time back in Sewell. Whilst we'd lived in a trailer park I had been happy. I had a mother and a father, and we never really wanted for anything. And there had been Papa George and Mama Arlene next door. Then the man I thought was my father had been killed in a mining accident and my life was turned upside down!
"Melody?" Cary asked. "Why are you stopping?"
"I was just thinking." I replied.
"What about?" He asked curious.
"Mommy, Grandma Olivia.." I sighed, and he squeezed my hand.
"Don't think about them Melody. They never made you happy, and I promise you that every day I'll make it my main objective to make you happy!" He promised.
"You already do Cary!" I assured him, and he smiled, and we entered the house. Even after Uncle Jacob's death the house still reminded me of him. He had been a religious man who ruled the house with an iron fist. When Mommy had first brought me to Provincetown after the death of the man I had thought was my father I thought I was finally going to meet my relatives before Mommy and I continued on somewhere else. How wrong I was. Mommy never planned to take me with her where she was going. She had planned to leave me in the home of my Uncle Jacob and Aunt Sara and leave without me. She knew that Uncle Jacob had never forgiven her and his brother, my stepfather, Chester, for accusing his father of being my father and then running off together. She knew that, but she still planned to leave me there! Constantly Uncle Jacob made references to Mommy being a bad person, and how the apple never fell far from the tree. But Aunt Sara was kind, and after the loss of her daughter wanted to take me in. And cruel as Uncle Jacob could sometimes be he would give Aunt Sara whatever she wanted. Of course I was never treated cruelly by my Uncle, which was something! Grandma Olivia was the cruel one of the family, although she hid behind the excuse that everything she did was for the family name! The Logans were one of Provincetown's most prestigious families, and nothing was going to change that for her!
"Ma?" Cary called. "Where are you?"
"I'm in the kitchen dear." She called back, and he glanced at me.
"Ready?" He asked in a low voice.
I nodded.
We went into the kitchen and Aunt Sara turned to smile at us briefly, before turning back to what she was doing. "I'm doing crayfish for tea-just the way you love them Cary."
"That's great Ma." He said. "Listen Ma-we've got something to tell you!"
Aunt Sara stopped what she was doing now, a strange look on her face. "Something to tell me?" She repeated, a little nervously.
"Its not bad Ma.where's May? We want to tell her too." Cary asked.
"Upstairs." Aunt Sara replied, sitting in a kitchen chair. I thought that since Uncle Jacob had died she had become a little more nervous about things.
"I'll just go get her." I said, and I hurried upstairs. May was doing her homework in her room, but she sensed that I was there, and turned round to smile at me. I signed to her that Cary and I had something we wanted to tell her and Aunt Sara down in the kitchen. When I had first arrived in Provincetown I had immediately made the effort to learn sign language in order to communicate with my younger cousin. Cary, who at first resented me being there, was surprised that I wanted to learn it. Later, as he got to know me, he began to like me and then fall in love with me.
We went back downstairs and Aunt Sara signed to May asking her how the homework was going? May signed back that it was good.
"Well then, what's the big news?" Aunt Sara asked us, taking a deep breath.
"Melody and I are getting married." Cary said, signing as he did so in order for May to understand.
May made a noise that I think was a squeal of joy and then raced to hug me, signing her congratulations! Aunt Sara, however, hadn't said anything.
"Ma?" Cary asked.
"Jacob wouldn't have approved." She said, shaking her head.
"But what about you Ma?" Cary persisted. "You want Melody and I to be happy don't you?"
"Of course I do.." Aunt Sara replied. "It's just strange. You know I think of you as my niece Melody, even if it's not biologically true."
"I know Aunt Sara." I replied. "And I appreciate this. Most people in this town know what my mother was like, and they won't be surprised to know that someone else, other than Chester Logan, was my father. Of course there is no way I'm going to own up to who my real father is!" I made a face. My real father was a man named Teddy Jackson, a lawyer who lived in Provincetown. On my trip to LA Mommy had told me about him when I'd demanded to know. The ironic thing was that his son, Adam, had tried to make me his girlfriend when I'd first arrived in the town. He'd actually gotten me drunk in order to have sex with me, but luckily Cary had arrived and saved me. Now, of course, I was glad that I hadn't fallen for Adam!
"He wouldn't admit to it anyway. The Jackson's are all cowards." Cary replied angrily.
"I suppose it would be nice to plan a wedding. Something happy for a change after Jacob and Olivia.." Aunt Sara mused.
Cary grinned at me. "Does that mean we have your blessing Ma?" He asked her.
"Blessing? Yes, congratulations you two!" Aunt Sara said, and she stood up to hug us both.
"I was thinking May would be one of my bridesmaids." I said signing as I spoke. May signed back that she would love to be! "And also my best friend from back in Sewell Alice, and I was thinking Holly Childs." Holly Childs was the wife of Kenneth, the local artist who also happened to be the son of Judge Childs, and therefore my Uncle. For awhile I'd suspected he could have been my father, and when he'd asked me to work for him in the summer I thought it was because he knew he was my father and wanted to tell me. When I finally confronted him about it, he told me he wasn't, and I'd actually had a little fantasy about the two of us for awhile, almost losing Cary in the process. Holly had known him for years, and came to visit from New York occasionally when the stars were right. She was in to astrology and star- signs and meditation and things like that-a good match for an artist like Kenneth! It was only recently that Holly had left New York and come to live in Provincetown and they'd married. Uncle Jacob had declared her a pagan when she'd arrived, but luckily he hadn't had to see her much! She'd done a lot for me in getting me to LA to see whether Gina Simon was really my mother, and I would never forget it!
"Can you imagine Holly in a plain bridesmaids dress? She'd decorate it with stars and moons-like her car!" Cary said, grinning.
Aunt Sara looked dismayed. "But you must have normal dresses..." She said.
"We will Aunt Sara. Cary was just teasing you." I said frowning at him.
"Right Ma." Cary agreed. "So when's this dinner going to be ready? I'm starving."
Aunt Sara went back to her cooking, and Cary, May and I went down to the beach where Uncle Jacob's lobster boat was docked. Previously Uncle Jacob had worked every day, with Cary often by his side, but after Uncle Jacob's death Cary had given the man who worked for Uncle Jacob more responsibility, and a larger share in profits. Whilst he liked the lobstering business he decided his heart lay in boat building, something which his father had gotten all worked up about. He wanted his son to stay in the same business as him! If Uncle Jacob were looking down on us now he'd be going crazy! Not only about our marriage but also about Cary's plans to practically give the business to Roy Patterson as a reward for his loyalty, and for putting up with Uncle Jacob all the time.
"I was thinking-rather than harvest the Cranberry bog ourselves when it needs doing soon-why don't we hire people to do it? Dad would say it was being lazy, but we've got so many other things we need to do, we don't really have the time." Cary suggested.
I shrugged. It didn't really bother me. Once Grandma Olivia's house was sold the money was going into Cary's boat building business. Grandma Olivia had, strangely enough, left her entire fortune, and it was a sizeable one too, to me. I had more money than I knew what to do with now!
May signed that she thought we should go back inside and help Aunt Sara with dinner now, so we returned to the house. Dinner was almost ready, and May and I set the table. When it was served Cary picked up the bible. Every night before tea Uncle Jacob had insisted on reading a passage from the bible. Sometimes he had got Cary to read, occasionally even me. Cary looked at the bible for a moment, whilst we waited expectantly. Then he put it down.
"I want to thank god for our food, our family, and our love." He said simply.
Aunt Sara blinked, and then realised that was Cary's prayer, and mumbled something like very nice dear. And then we all began to eat.
Before bed that night Cary lingered outside the door of my room, the room that had previously belonged to his sister. "If we're engaged can't I sleep in here?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Aunt Sara wouldn't like it Cary." I told him.
"I could sneak back to my own room before the morning and she wouldn't know." Cary protested, but I shook my head again.
"Now that we're engaged I want to do things properly." I told him.
He frowned. "What do you mean properly?"
"I mean you sleep in your room, I sleep in mine." I said. It wasn't anything to do with shyness-Cary had been the first I'd given myself to, and we'd been together a few times since then-it was more to do with what I imagined I should do. Grandma Olivia would approve of that, if nothing, I thought wryly. Not that her approval was my driving force. I simply wanted to do things the right way!
"Goodnight Cary." I said, kissing him goodnight, and then closing the bedroom door ignoring his frown.
As I fell asleep I thought about Laura again. I'd never met her, but through my family, and friends I thought I knew her. When I first arrived Mommy hadn't let me take much with me, and so I had been forced to wear Laura's clothes. I felt uncomfortable about it at first. Not just wearing her clothes, but using her things, and sleeping in her room. Then I got used to it. And of course along the way I'd gotten my own things! I imagined Laura nodding with approval about Cary and mine's upcoming marriage. And I fell asleep with that image in my mind.