DISLAIMER: I own nothing! Well Aisling is me, so she's mine and Beth is
Jacintha, so she's hers. But beyond that, I own nothing!! You sue and your
life will be more miserable than you can possibly imagine.
AUTHOR: Well if you haven't spotted it by now you're no use to anyone are you?
Reinforcement of exactly how Beth feels about all things reptilian, (hehehehe) a little thing that may solve all of the Empires problems, and just some useless humour. Sound good?
*fume* I cant believe nobody told me when I made mistakes! I was reading back through the story and I spotted all these things that are wrong! Minbam is not out on the Outer Rim, its in the Expansion Sector! And Ch'hala trees don't flash purple, they flash red! Any more if you spot anything that isn't right, will you tell me? Thank you.
Major announcement coming. Ready? Okay;
I graduated yesterday!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've finished school!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! (Unknown commentator: You have to do the Leaving cert in less than two weeks) *barely pausing, ihadanepiphany picks up the commentator and throws him out the door, car door, on a highway, in the path of an incoming artic-truck* YEAH!!!!!!!! Don't you all feel so happy for me?
Heres the dedications: *trumpet*
Celestia Vitaria: hey, I'm the author and I don't know why Vader hasn't killed them yet!! Yeah I know, take one Admiral, one Emperors hand, and two intergalactic loonies, add copious amounts of various types of alcohol, and that semi-mythical substance called "good time" and what do you get? Dammed if I know. Read the last chapter again and find out! Read reviewed and when this is up, I'm going checking to see if you've updated. I hope you have.
Jacintha: *slow, very slow smile* You can but try, child. You can but try.
Dark Side Luke: I'm wondering should I be worried now. Oh what the hell, it aint my local.
Vixen: How is that a bad thing? It's a helluva lot more aint it?! Sorry if you're confused, I'll try and make it easier.
Weaver: Thank you sooooooo much! Hell yeah she deserved it! She got to be an Admiral! The girl needed a good night out! Trying to figure out how to get them to meet the Rebels, but I keep going down the cursed path of Angst! I cant go down there! I've been there! Its not nice! Down there lies tears and sore heads! Especially when Jacinthas standing behind you!
Psycho Sith: You laughed your ass off how many times and you say "now THAT was funny" ? Woohoo! That means its getting better! Yay!!!!!
Sage of Dreams: YEASSSSSSSS!!!!! Do and I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll continue writing this fic! (epiphany, you were going to do that anyway) Does she have to know that? Heheheheheheheheheheheheh *etc etc etc until ihadanepiphany had to be carried away for treatment*
Biblehermione: You know me so well! Scary!
If anyone has ideas for this fic, don't hesitate to tell me and if used, you will get credit and if I don't, you'll get it anyway. So if any of you loonies or wannabe loonies out there got a funny thing, or not so funny even, give me the deal and I'll see what I can do!
*~* means change of scene, k?
What are you waiting for? Read the story!
Beth and Aisling were strolling through the Grand Corridor, just chatting, looking for something to do and someone to annoy. Then Beth groaned.
'Oh dammit!' she hissed. Aisling glanced at her friend, who had the expression of someone inches away from a full-blown cringe fit.
'What is it?' she asked, looking at where her friend was looking.
'Xizor,' Beth growled. 'Eugh, ugh, yuck, eeuw, ick.' (A/N I think her feelings are clear, don't you?)
'Still sore about it eh?' Aisling grinned, looking at the ch'hala tree less than a foot from them. Beth gave her a look that has no verbal equivalent.
'I can't believe you never told me,' she hissed, trying to find a way out where Xizor wouldn't spot them. 'I mean, you let me, and you knew, and you know and, eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!'
'Let?' Aisling repeated, raising an eyebrow. 'Since when were you ever "let" do anything? Reverse psychology books have whole chapters dedicated to you, you know.'
'You know well what I mean,' Beth shot back. 'I cant believe I let him near me!' she wailed. Aisling wisely bit back the comments that leapt to mind. 'I mean, I cant believe that he, we, it, ACK! Eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw- eeuw-EEUW! I need a bath! A long hot bath!'
'But first, how about we get out of here?'
'Lead the way!'
*~*
Palpatine gestured and the recording ended. There was silence, except for Vaders ventilator, which seemed to be having some kind mechanical failure, and the almost audible embarrassment and humiliation of the Faleen Prince.
'That was recorded this afternoon,' the Emperor stated. There was no sign of amusement in his face, voice or posture, no mean feat considering the fact that Vader was in stitches in the back of his mind, the Imperial Guards were just about able to stand straight and the fact that he himself was dying laughing in his head. 'I assume that you know who the two speakers are, Xizor?'
The Faleen nodded, face burning to the degree that Palpatine was wondering if his robes would catch fire. Vader raised a hand.
'Master,' he said. Vader was in fact standing on board the Avenger some 50 lightyears away; he was here in holo form. 'I am unsure as to the exact identity of the second speaker, perhaps if we listened again?' He gestured as Palpatine nodded and the recording began again.
' "Oh dammit," ' the recording said. They listened for a bit, Xizor somehow managing not to loose it when the hole in the earth resolutely refused to open. (A/N Don't you HATE it when that happens?!)
' "I cant believe I let him near me!" ' Vader paused the recording.
'I am unsure as to what has just been said, bad reception.' He rewound the sentence and played it again.
' "I cant believe I let him come near me!" '
'Once more.'
' "I cant believe I let him come near me!" ' (A/N Sadism can be so much fun some times!)
'I think I got it now.' He turned to Palpatine. 'So the speaker is in fact saying that she was unable to realize how she allowed Prince Xizor, Prince Xizor of the Faleen, get anywhere near her. Am I correct in that assumption?'
'You are correct.'
'Just wanted to be sure. Shall we carry on?'
' "I mean, you let me, and you knew, and you know, and eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!" '
Vader stopped the recording.
'Odd word that, isn't it Master? Eeuw. Wonder what it means.'
'It may mean disgust and loathing.'
'It could be, it could be. Do think that is what it means in this context?'
'It is possible. Perhaps if we listened again, its full meaning could be understood.'
'Lets try.' Again Vader rewound the recording a small bit and played it.
' "…eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!" '
'You know Vader, I think it could definitely mean disgust and loathing.'
'I think so too Master. Shall we try and decipher the rest of the recording.'
'We shall.' Vader started the recording again, as Xizor tried to burrow himself into his robes.
They listened again for a bit.
' "I cant believe I let him near me!" '
'There's that sentiment of regret again.'
' "I mean, I cant believe that he, we, it, ACK!" ' This time it was Palpatine who stopped the recording.
'That's an even odder word. Ack. I wonder what "ack" is supposed to convey?' Vader shrugged innocently.
'A stronger feeling of disgusted loathing? Coupled with the desire or need to vomit?'
Palpatine considered this.
'Plausible. But what was the little pausing for?'
'What, these?' Vader resound to where he wanted it and played.
' "…he, we, it, ACK!" '
'Yes, those. What do those mean?' Xizor looked from Palpatines interested expression to Vaders mask, wishing that they would finish so that he could go and kill himself.
'The inability to put the strength of her disgust and loathing into words?' Vader suggested.
'I believe you are right Vader. Continue with the recording.'
' "Eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-EEUW!" '
Palpatine and Vader were mercifully silent for that one. The Emperor turned to Xizor.
'Is there a reason for that conversation between Bethany Walsh and Aisling O' Connell?' Vader fiddled with the recording.
' "Eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-EEUW!" '
'Yes sire,' Xizor replied, trying to ignored the armoured Sith who was moving his hand like an ancient disk-jockey.
' "…eeue-eeuw-EEUW!-eeuw-eeuw…" '
'And that was?'
' "…ee-eeuw-uw-EEUW!…'
'Bethany Walsh and I had, sexual relations,' he stammered. Somehow, telling the Emperor, he of the saggy, dead, white, lumpy skin and yellow eyes, that you had sex felt wrong. (A/N All of you, who ever had to have "the facts of life" explained by an elderly nun or priest, {pity me, I had to survive both} may have an inkling of how wrong this feels. To all of you lucky bitches and bastards who did NOT have to got through that, you have no idea at all) And Vader messing with that dammed recording didn't help matters.
' "…EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWW!-eeuw-eeeeuuww…" ' Palpatine paused and looked at his apprentice, fingers drumming on the arm of his chair. Vader looked up at him and dropped his hand. The recording stopped and Xizor was overcome with relief. Palpatine looked back at him and he stood straight again.
'That is all,' he said. 'I merely wished to enlighten you as to Bethany Walsh's feelings on the matter, should you have be under any, illusions.' He watched the Faleen for a moment. Xizor kept his face carefully neutral. 'Dismissed.'
The Prince bowed, turned and damn-near ran out of the room. As soon as the door closed, the two Sith Lords, Masters of the Dark Side and rulers of the galaxy, pissed themselves laughing. (A/N Hey, I would)
*~*
Some time later, in the Unknown Regions
Vader regarded the contraption with suspicion. It looked like a jury-rigged set of holo-projectors, one set above the other. A confusing array of wires and connectors and ribbon tape somehow disappeared into the base of a control panel that was covered with a dazzling display of buttons. The kind that made Beth have an obsessive compulsion to push. Vader leafed through an old book that appeared to be written as an instruction manual.
'As far as we've been able to tell,' an officer was telling him. 'It's a matter transporter. But we have been unable to find the dials for the co- ordinates.' Vader looked at the panel, a past conversation echoing in his head.
'Perhaps,' he said slowly. 'It is voice activated.' There was something, odd about this machine, odder even than the thing itself.
'We've tried that, my lord.' Vader poked around in the device with the Force and found it, a type of alien mind reader, thingy. (A/N yes! Another thingy!) Very interesting.
'Try the name of the place rather than the co-ordinates.'
'Yes, my lord.' A box of parts was placed on the base of the thing and the troopers scurried out of the way.
'Bridge of the Avenger,' Vader said and the officer pressed the only button that appeared to have any real use. The machine glowed and the box disappeared.
A moment later, there came a squawk from the open comlink on the officer's belt.
'Where the hell did this shagging box come from?!' they heard the captain yell. 'Get this blasted thing off me!'
'It seems my guess was correct,' Vader mused as the others sniggered.
Three hours later and they had discovered that people could also be sent through the contraption. They sent a trooper to the Avenger, one to nearby Csilla, one to Imperial City, one to Malastare and one all the way across the galaxy to Mon Calamari. According to the rather shocked reports, the troopers had suffered no apparent harm, though each one reported intense cold.
It would doubtless come in very handy.
'How did you come across such a device?' Vader asked the general in charge a while later.
'We were excavating for a base in the mountains,' the general said. 'When the sensors picked it up. It took us quite a while to figure out what it did.'
'It is to be taken to my ship,' Vader ordered. 'It will be brought to the Emperor. Dismissed.'
'Yes my lord.' The general bowed and left.
'Very handy indeed,' Vader muttered, looking at it before turning and sweeping out. Though he'd have to find out how to finish the cursed game first, of course. (A/N You thought I forget about it, didn't you? No such luck!)
*~*
Emperor Palpatine was having a meeting with his twelve Grand Admirals. And Beth and Aisling. They weren't technically supposed to be there, but only one was sure enough of himself to try and remove them and Palpatine couldn't be bothered. Bar one Grand Admiral who was now nursing various parts of himself and glowering, from a safe distance of course.
The meeting was droning and dragging on and on and even Palpatines eyes were drooping by the time one of the more pompous Grand Admirals sat back down. There was silence for a moment or two as they all tried to wake up some brain cells.
'Mmm,' someone murmured. 'George.'
The silence went on, but gained a much more thoughtful and curious air. Then, as one man, they all turned to look at a bench by the wall. Seated on were Beth, who was clearly in dreamland and enjoying every moment of it, and Aisling, who was shaking in silent mirth.
'Um,' Palpatine said after a moment. 'Okay. Thrawn, what of your last mission to the Unknown Regions?'
'Mmm, Fred.'
The Grand Admirals looked carefully at Thrawn who pointed at Beth, conveying the message of "That was all her! Not me! Her! Stop looking at me like that!" Odd noises were coming from Aisling, who was finding it difficult to breathe AND keep her balance at the same time.
Palpatine decided to ignore them and nodded at Thrawn who picked up his report.
'George,' Beth half-moaned, followed closely by the thud of Aisling falling off her chair.
'Bethany Walsh!' Palpatine roared, jumping to his feet. The effect was surprising. Beth hopped up and stood to attention.
'Square-root-of-X2-minus-X1-to-be-squared-plus-Y2-minus-Y1-to-be-squared.' Then she blinked and looked around. 'Um, yeah, okay.' (A/N Anyone recognise that formula?)
'You're not in maths class Beth,' Aisling giggled, from her position on the floor, being unable to get up.
'No, you're not,' Palpatine growled. 'Out!'
'Oh, but, cant we stay?' Beth pleaded. 'Please? Please? Please? Please? Woah!' This last was because the Emperor had picked them both up with the Force, opened the doors and tossed them through.
'Alright!' they heard Aisling yell before the doors slammed shut. 'We know when to take a hint!'
*snigger* Ya like? Ya don't like? Tell me anyway!
Some things, the matter transporter yokimabobby is my own invention. It is, for all of you have sufficient braincells and imagination to notice, *smirk* loosely based on the Star Trek transporters. But this one can read minds and only needs one button pushed, i.e. so much better! Therefore, much more suited to Star Wars, don't you think? *smirk snigger smirk* It will also have some bearing on the plot, so make sure you remember it!
The whole "mmm George" thing, is from an experience that Jacintha had in school recently, though I'll most likely be killed for telling you all.
The recording is just a bit of sadistic humour that's the result of too many hours of study and hanging around with a group of idiot adolescent lads for too long. Plus, Jacintha promised to kill me very slowly if I didn't exact some revenge on Xizor. I didn't have a problem with it, so there it is!
I hope you all enjoyed it and tune in for the next thrilling instalment of, "Two Lunatics and a Sith Lord"!!!
AUTHOR: Well if you haven't spotted it by now you're no use to anyone are you?
Reinforcement of exactly how Beth feels about all things reptilian, (hehehehe) a little thing that may solve all of the Empires problems, and just some useless humour. Sound good?
*fume* I cant believe nobody told me when I made mistakes! I was reading back through the story and I spotted all these things that are wrong! Minbam is not out on the Outer Rim, its in the Expansion Sector! And Ch'hala trees don't flash purple, they flash red! Any more if you spot anything that isn't right, will you tell me? Thank you.
Major announcement coming. Ready? Okay;
I graduated yesterday!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've finished school!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! (Unknown commentator: You have to do the Leaving cert in less than two weeks) *barely pausing, ihadanepiphany picks up the commentator and throws him out the door, car door, on a highway, in the path of an incoming artic-truck* YEAH!!!!!!!! Don't you all feel so happy for me?
Heres the dedications: *trumpet*
Celestia Vitaria: hey, I'm the author and I don't know why Vader hasn't killed them yet!! Yeah I know, take one Admiral, one Emperors hand, and two intergalactic loonies, add copious amounts of various types of alcohol, and that semi-mythical substance called "good time" and what do you get? Dammed if I know. Read the last chapter again and find out! Read reviewed and when this is up, I'm going checking to see if you've updated. I hope you have.
Jacintha: *slow, very slow smile* You can but try, child. You can but try.
Dark Side Luke: I'm wondering should I be worried now. Oh what the hell, it aint my local.
Vixen: How is that a bad thing? It's a helluva lot more aint it?! Sorry if you're confused, I'll try and make it easier.
Weaver: Thank you sooooooo much! Hell yeah she deserved it! She got to be an Admiral! The girl needed a good night out! Trying to figure out how to get them to meet the Rebels, but I keep going down the cursed path of Angst! I cant go down there! I've been there! Its not nice! Down there lies tears and sore heads! Especially when Jacinthas standing behind you!
Psycho Sith: You laughed your ass off how many times and you say "now THAT was funny" ? Woohoo! That means its getting better! Yay!!!!!
Sage of Dreams: YEASSSSSSSS!!!!! Do and I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll continue writing this fic! (epiphany, you were going to do that anyway) Does she have to know that? Heheheheheheheheheheheheh *etc etc etc until ihadanepiphany had to be carried away for treatment*
Biblehermione: You know me so well! Scary!
If anyone has ideas for this fic, don't hesitate to tell me and if used, you will get credit and if I don't, you'll get it anyway. So if any of you loonies or wannabe loonies out there got a funny thing, or not so funny even, give me the deal and I'll see what I can do!
*~* means change of scene, k?
What are you waiting for? Read the story!
Beth and Aisling were strolling through the Grand Corridor, just chatting, looking for something to do and someone to annoy. Then Beth groaned.
'Oh dammit!' she hissed. Aisling glanced at her friend, who had the expression of someone inches away from a full-blown cringe fit.
'What is it?' she asked, looking at where her friend was looking.
'Xizor,' Beth growled. 'Eugh, ugh, yuck, eeuw, ick.' (A/N I think her feelings are clear, don't you?)
'Still sore about it eh?' Aisling grinned, looking at the ch'hala tree less than a foot from them. Beth gave her a look that has no verbal equivalent.
'I can't believe you never told me,' she hissed, trying to find a way out where Xizor wouldn't spot them. 'I mean, you let me, and you knew, and you know and, eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!'
'Let?' Aisling repeated, raising an eyebrow. 'Since when were you ever "let" do anything? Reverse psychology books have whole chapters dedicated to you, you know.'
'You know well what I mean,' Beth shot back. 'I cant believe I let him near me!' she wailed. Aisling wisely bit back the comments that leapt to mind. 'I mean, I cant believe that he, we, it, ACK! Eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw- eeuw-EEUW! I need a bath! A long hot bath!'
'But first, how about we get out of here?'
'Lead the way!'
*~*
Palpatine gestured and the recording ended. There was silence, except for Vaders ventilator, which seemed to be having some kind mechanical failure, and the almost audible embarrassment and humiliation of the Faleen Prince.
'That was recorded this afternoon,' the Emperor stated. There was no sign of amusement in his face, voice or posture, no mean feat considering the fact that Vader was in stitches in the back of his mind, the Imperial Guards were just about able to stand straight and the fact that he himself was dying laughing in his head. 'I assume that you know who the two speakers are, Xizor?'
The Faleen nodded, face burning to the degree that Palpatine was wondering if his robes would catch fire. Vader raised a hand.
'Master,' he said. Vader was in fact standing on board the Avenger some 50 lightyears away; he was here in holo form. 'I am unsure as to the exact identity of the second speaker, perhaps if we listened again?' He gestured as Palpatine nodded and the recording began again.
' "Oh dammit," ' the recording said. They listened for a bit, Xizor somehow managing not to loose it when the hole in the earth resolutely refused to open. (A/N Don't you HATE it when that happens?!)
' "I cant believe I let him near me!" ' Vader paused the recording.
'I am unsure as to what has just been said, bad reception.' He rewound the sentence and played it again.
' "I cant believe I let him come near me!" '
'Once more.'
' "I cant believe I let him come near me!" ' (A/N Sadism can be so much fun some times!)
'I think I got it now.' He turned to Palpatine. 'So the speaker is in fact saying that she was unable to realize how she allowed Prince Xizor, Prince Xizor of the Faleen, get anywhere near her. Am I correct in that assumption?'
'You are correct.'
'Just wanted to be sure. Shall we carry on?'
' "I mean, you let me, and you knew, and you know, and eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!" '
Vader stopped the recording.
'Odd word that, isn't it Master? Eeuw. Wonder what it means.'
'It may mean disgust and loathing.'
'It could be, it could be. Do think that is what it means in this context?'
'It is possible. Perhaps if we listened again, its full meaning could be understood.'
'Lets try.' Again Vader rewound the recording a small bit and played it.
' "…eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!" '
'You know Vader, I think it could definitely mean disgust and loathing.'
'I think so too Master. Shall we try and decipher the rest of the recording.'
'We shall.' Vader started the recording again, as Xizor tried to burrow himself into his robes.
They listened again for a bit.
' "I cant believe I let him near me!" '
'There's that sentiment of regret again.'
' "I mean, I cant believe that he, we, it, ACK!" ' This time it was Palpatine who stopped the recording.
'That's an even odder word. Ack. I wonder what "ack" is supposed to convey?' Vader shrugged innocently.
'A stronger feeling of disgusted loathing? Coupled with the desire or need to vomit?'
Palpatine considered this.
'Plausible. But what was the little pausing for?'
'What, these?' Vader resound to where he wanted it and played.
' "…he, we, it, ACK!" '
'Yes, those. What do those mean?' Xizor looked from Palpatines interested expression to Vaders mask, wishing that they would finish so that he could go and kill himself.
'The inability to put the strength of her disgust and loathing into words?' Vader suggested.
'I believe you are right Vader. Continue with the recording.'
' "Eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-EEUW!" '
Palpatine and Vader were mercifully silent for that one. The Emperor turned to Xizor.
'Is there a reason for that conversation between Bethany Walsh and Aisling O' Connell?' Vader fiddled with the recording.
' "Eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-eeuw-EEUW!" '
'Yes sire,' Xizor replied, trying to ignored the armoured Sith who was moving his hand like an ancient disk-jockey.
' "…eeue-eeuw-EEUW!-eeuw-eeuw…" '
'And that was?'
' "…ee-eeuw-uw-EEUW!…'
'Bethany Walsh and I had, sexual relations,' he stammered. Somehow, telling the Emperor, he of the saggy, dead, white, lumpy skin and yellow eyes, that you had sex felt wrong. (A/N All of you, who ever had to have "the facts of life" explained by an elderly nun or priest, {pity me, I had to survive both} may have an inkling of how wrong this feels. To all of you lucky bitches and bastards who did NOT have to got through that, you have no idea at all) And Vader messing with that dammed recording didn't help matters.
' "…EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWW!-eeuw-eeeeuuww…" ' Palpatine paused and looked at his apprentice, fingers drumming on the arm of his chair. Vader looked up at him and dropped his hand. The recording stopped and Xizor was overcome with relief. Palpatine looked back at him and he stood straight again.
'That is all,' he said. 'I merely wished to enlighten you as to Bethany Walsh's feelings on the matter, should you have be under any, illusions.' He watched the Faleen for a moment. Xizor kept his face carefully neutral. 'Dismissed.'
The Prince bowed, turned and damn-near ran out of the room. As soon as the door closed, the two Sith Lords, Masters of the Dark Side and rulers of the galaxy, pissed themselves laughing. (A/N Hey, I would)
*~*
Some time later, in the Unknown Regions
Vader regarded the contraption with suspicion. It looked like a jury-rigged set of holo-projectors, one set above the other. A confusing array of wires and connectors and ribbon tape somehow disappeared into the base of a control panel that was covered with a dazzling display of buttons. The kind that made Beth have an obsessive compulsion to push. Vader leafed through an old book that appeared to be written as an instruction manual.
'As far as we've been able to tell,' an officer was telling him. 'It's a matter transporter. But we have been unable to find the dials for the co- ordinates.' Vader looked at the panel, a past conversation echoing in his head.
'Perhaps,' he said slowly. 'It is voice activated.' There was something, odd about this machine, odder even than the thing itself.
'We've tried that, my lord.' Vader poked around in the device with the Force and found it, a type of alien mind reader, thingy. (A/N yes! Another thingy!) Very interesting.
'Try the name of the place rather than the co-ordinates.'
'Yes, my lord.' A box of parts was placed on the base of the thing and the troopers scurried out of the way.
'Bridge of the Avenger,' Vader said and the officer pressed the only button that appeared to have any real use. The machine glowed and the box disappeared.
A moment later, there came a squawk from the open comlink on the officer's belt.
'Where the hell did this shagging box come from?!' they heard the captain yell. 'Get this blasted thing off me!'
'It seems my guess was correct,' Vader mused as the others sniggered.
Three hours later and they had discovered that people could also be sent through the contraption. They sent a trooper to the Avenger, one to nearby Csilla, one to Imperial City, one to Malastare and one all the way across the galaxy to Mon Calamari. According to the rather shocked reports, the troopers had suffered no apparent harm, though each one reported intense cold.
It would doubtless come in very handy.
'How did you come across such a device?' Vader asked the general in charge a while later.
'We were excavating for a base in the mountains,' the general said. 'When the sensors picked it up. It took us quite a while to figure out what it did.'
'It is to be taken to my ship,' Vader ordered. 'It will be brought to the Emperor. Dismissed.'
'Yes my lord.' The general bowed and left.
'Very handy indeed,' Vader muttered, looking at it before turning and sweeping out. Though he'd have to find out how to finish the cursed game first, of course. (A/N You thought I forget about it, didn't you? No such luck!)
*~*
Emperor Palpatine was having a meeting with his twelve Grand Admirals. And Beth and Aisling. They weren't technically supposed to be there, but only one was sure enough of himself to try and remove them and Palpatine couldn't be bothered. Bar one Grand Admiral who was now nursing various parts of himself and glowering, from a safe distance of course.
The meeting was droning and dragging on and on and even Palpatines eyes were drooping by the time one of the more pompous Grand Admirals sat back down. There was silence for a moment or two as they all tried to wake up some brain cells.
'Mmm,' someone murmured. 'George.'
The silence went on, but gained a much more thoughtful and curious air. Then, as one man, they all turned to look at a bench by the wall. Seated on were Beth, who was clearly in dreamland and enjoying every moment of it, and Aisling, who was shaking in silent mirth.
'Um,' Palpatine said after a moment. 'Okay. Thrawn, what of your last mission to the Unknown Regions?'
'Mmm, Fred.'
The Grand Admirals looked carefully at Thrawn who pointed at Beth, conveying the message of "That was all her! Not me! Her! Stop looking at me like that!" Odd noises were coming from Aisling, who was finding it difficult to breathe AND keep her balance at the same time.
Palpatine decided to ignore them and nodded at Thrawn who picked up his report.
'George,' Beth half-moaned, followed closely by the thud of Aisling falling off her chair.
'Bethany Walsh!' Palpatine roared, jumping to his feet. The effect was surprising. Beth hopped up and stood to attention.
'Square-root-of-X2-minus-X1-to-be-squared-plus-Y2-minus-Y1-to-be-squared.' Then she blinked and looked around. 'Um, yeah, okay.' (A/N Anyone recognise that formula?)
'You're not in maths class Beth,' Aisling giggled, from her position on the floor, being unable to get up.
'No, you're not,' Palpatine growled. 'Out!'
'Oh, but, cant we stay?' Beth pleaded. 'Please? Please? Please? Please? Woah!' This last was because the Emperor had picked them both up with the Force, opened the doors and tossed them through.
'Alright!' they heard Aisling yell before the doors slammed shut. 'We know when to take a hint!'
*snigger* Ya like? Ya don't like? Tell me anyway!
Some things, the matter transporter yokimabobby is my own invention. It is, for all of you have sufficient braincells and imagination to notice, *smirk* loosely based on the Star Trek transporters. But this one can read minds and only needs one button pushed, i.e. so much better! Therefore, much more suited to Star Wars, don't you think? *smirk snigger smirk* It will also have some bearing on the plot, so make sure you remember it!
The whole "mmm George" thing, is from an experience that Jacintha had in school recently, though I'll most likely be killed for telling you all.
The recording is just a bit of sadistic humour that's the result of too many hours of study and hanging around with a group of idiot adolescent lads for too long. Plus, Jacintha promised to kill me very slowly if I didn't exact some revenge on Xizor. I didn't have a problem with it, so there it is!
I hope you all enjoyed it and tune in for the next thrilling instalment of, "Two Lunatics and a Sith Lord"!!!