ADMISSION OF GUILTLESSNESS

September 2, 1974

YOSHI:

"Yoshi?"

I glanced to the door. "Come in."

She stepped into my room and stared at me with a puzzled expression on her face. "You are wearing weapons around your neck," she observed.

I smiled faintly. "Hai. I'm aware of it."

"Do you know how to use nunchakus?"

I nodded once. "I know how to use many weapons."

She knelt beside me, at the edge of my bed. "You learned in Japan?"

"Hai."

She studied me carefully. "You were a sensei," she guessed.

I cocked my head slightly to the side, amused by her perception. There was a moment of silence as she waited for confirmation. "I was the master teacher of a ninja clan," I admitted.

Her eyes widened slightly, and she bowed her head in reverence. "I am sorry. I did not know."

I smiled, though I knew she could not see it. "If I had wanted my position to influence our friendship, I would have mentioned it earlier."

She bowed lower. "I understand, Yoshi-sama."

I sighed her name and slipped my fingers under her chin, raising her eyes to mine. "You act as if you have suddenly found yourself sharing a room with royalty." I brushed her hair back. "It is a title I no longer hold, and respect which I no longer deserve."

She relaxed slowly as she considered my words. "And is that why you left Japan?"

I nodded slightly. "What...?" She did not finish. Her eyes fell and she quieted. "I am sorry," she whispered. "I speak out of place."

I laughed quietly. "That has never bothered you before," I reminded her.

She blushed, but said nothing. I considered ending the conversation here and now, but decided against it. There was no point in withholding the truth from her any longer. "I had a student," I explained quietly. "His name was Oroku Saki. He was my best student and I had taught him... for many years."

She watched me, her eyes searching, but said nothing. "He sought to usurp my leadership of the foot clan," I continued. "But he knew that he could not defeat me in battle. So he made it look as if I were making an attempt to kill a teacher of much higher rank who came to visit us. I was banished from the foot clan, and Saki no doubt took my place. The sensei's students, I am sure, seek my life. Such a threat is not looked upon favorably."

She reached up and brushed the side of my face. "Oh Yoshi, I thought it was something you had done," she whispered.

SAKURA:

"I think, in a way, my exile from Japan has worked in my favor."

I turned to the man who was absently picking at the rug, surprised by his sudden optimism. For more than an hour, we had been talking. His resolve had been the same throughout that time. This was somewhat unexpected. "In what way?"

"Well," he started. He reclined on his side, propping his head on his elbow. "If my student had never betrayed me, I would have continued to live a life I was comfortable in, and never sought anything more." He found my hand and laced our fingers together. "I never would have met you, and I would have died without once falling in love."

I stared at him, surprised by his words. He was a good deal older than I and he had never made love? "You have never been with a woman?" I asked, eyes wide. The words escaped my mouth before I could consider whether or not they were appropriate.

"I..." he started. He laughed slightly as he looked away. "That is not what I said."

"So you have," I smiled slyly. "And you act as if you are embarrassed."

He laughed, but did not reply. I reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, turning his eyes back to mine. "Why?" she asked.

He seemed to search for an explanation. Finally, he took my hand, lowering it from his face. "My father sent me away when I was eight and from that point on, I lived and breathed the martial arts."

"Sent you away?" I questioned, confused.

He sighed. "To a ryu where I lived at the school and learned ninjutsu as well as math and language." He brushed the side of my face lightly. "There was little tolerance for error and it was a very high-stress environment. I took my training very seriously and perhaps that added to the tension even more. So I sought the fastest way to alleviate that tension. And as a teenager, I was with many women."

I laughed quietly. "That is hard for me to believe."

He looked away. "I am not proud of it," he mumbled. "And I rarely think of it. I was only a child, and I have changed a great deal since then."

"I would say so," I chuckled. He smiled faintly and there was a moment of silence. Finally, I reached up and brushed his hair back from his forehead. "If you had not left Japan, you would not have fallen in love," I repeated quietly, teasing him. "Is that to say that you are in love with me?"

"I am very much in love with you, Sakura," he whispered, studying me carefully.

"Truly?"

"Hai."

I smiled as I sat up. He rose next to me. For a long time, neither one of us spoke. The air turned serious between us as a million thoughts flooded my mind, and my smile fell. I swallowed hard and touched my fingers to Yoshi's forehead.

"My ex-husband was the only man I was ever with," I admitted, almost afraid to break the silence. I ran her fingers lightly down his cheek. "And he was very..." I pressed my palm to the side of his neck as I sought words. "... cruel, and selfish..."

I stared at him and felt my heartbeat quicken as I realized what was happening. I could feel the intensity creeping into my soul, and making my body react with hot flashes and strange tinglings. I could see the look in his eyes reflect the feeling in the pit of my stomach. My fingers inched upward until they were buried in his silken hair.

"I don't think I've ever really..." I massaged his scalp gently and my other hand found his, tangling our fingers together. "... made love."

He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. "Nor have I," he whispered.

Our lips brushed as I guided his hand around my waist. He watched me, barely breathing. "I've never felt..." I breathed, barely audible over the beating of our hearts. Our lips met and we kissed quickly, only slightly more than what might be considered chaste. "... passion."

The word sent a jolt of electricity down my spine. He kissed me again and left his lips resting against mine. I could taste his warm breath as he whispered quietly. "Then let me be the first."

OROKU SAKI:

"Hamato Yoshi is still alive," I mumbled.

"That is not possible," Kentaro answered, sounding surprised. "Takahashi's students surely would have found him by now."

I remained silent. I had heard nothing from my foot soldiers in America, and yet I knew. I knew that he was alive and well. The thought sent a wave of anger through me.

"Why does he trouble you so much, Sensei? Surely he is no threat to you. You have eliminated any threat his loyal students might have posed, and he has no family. Why would he ever return to our country?"

"I do not fear his return, Kentaro-san," I answered. "But I do not find comfort in the fact that he still lives."

"Why is that?"

His threat still rang in my ears, haunting my dreams. "If I were to focus my attention on another student, Oroku Saki... even at my age..." Those words would remain with me until he was gone. And as my students, in addition to Takahashi's, could not find him, it looked as if the responsibility was mine.

"I am going to America," I informed my head student.

His eyes widened. "What? You cannot leave!"

I turned to him. "I can not rest until I put an end to Yoshi," I whispered. "When that is accomplished, I will return. Until then, I leave the foot clan in your safe-keeping."

"Iie," he protested. "I will go with you!"

I studied him for a moment. "Iie, Kentaro," I mumbled. "But if my search proves difficult, I will send for you."

YOSHI:

"What troubles you?"

I sighed, running my fingers through the woman's silky hair. Her head was resting on my chest, and I had not been sure if she was awake. "I am only thinking."

She kissed my skin and snuggled closer to me under the warm blankets. "Of what are you thinking?" she whispered.

I raked my nails lightly over her scalp, lost in thought. "You know, I have worked my entire life to attain a single goal," I whispered into the darkness. "I have forsaken a wife, a family... everything to pursue the martial arts. I spent so many years, moving from one dojo to the next, learning everything I could with one goal in mind. And when I finally acheived it after forty-three years..." I paused, choking on his words. They hurt fiercely, even though the wound was no longer fresh. "Everything I worked for was stolen by my student. In five minutes, my whole world was taken from me."

She was quiet for a moment. Then she sat up and placed her hands on either side of my face. "You are an amazing man, Yoshi," she informed me. "But if you do not stop feeling sorry for yourself, your life is as good as over."

"My life is over," I relented.

She sighed, sounding annoyed. "Oh, Yoshi, stop it," she chastized, a little more harshly than I was comfortable with.

"What would you have me to do?" I demanded, slightly irritated with her. "I cannot go back to Japan."

"You need not go back to Japan. Find your life here, in America."

I said nothing. Such a thing was simply not possible. To stay nameless and faceless, dead to the world, was the only way that I would not be found. It was the only way that I would survive. My life was over, and I was an outcast to every life that remained, save Sakura's.

She lay down next to me again. "Yoshi, I love you very much. But to remain here with you for the rest of my days with no purpose and no direction... that is not life. Not for me or you."

"What would you have me to do?" I asked again.

"You say you gave your life to the martial arts, so pursue them."

"In America?" I laughed. "Sakura, I will never find a man more advanced than I am in this country."

"I wasn't suggesting that you learn, Yoshi," she answered. "I was suggesting that you teach."

I looked away. "Iie," I whispered. "I could never teach again."

"Why not?"

I was quiet for a moment, trying to think of an easy way to explain to her a feeling that I could not put words to. "I have no faith in my students, Sakura."

"You have no faith in Oroku Saki; what does that have to do with every other student who has learned from you?"

I pushed myself onto my elbows and looked away, resisting the urge to glare at her for her harsh words. I was quite sure that she didn't realize the sensitivity of the nerves she was prodding. "Oroku Saki was my best student," I tried to explain. "My protégé. He was like a son until he turned on me. That is not something one easily forgets."

She reached up and placed her hand on my cheek, turning my face to her again. "I am not asking you to forget, Yoshi," she whispered. "I am only asking you to give yourself another chance at life."