SEVEN:
Cary was relieved to know that Aunt Sara would get better. "I told you it was just that she was grieving over Dad." He told me smugly.
I laughed. "Okay, sorry Dr. Logan." I teased.
He made a face. "You know what I meant!" He said. "We'll just have to make sure she takes her medication and keeps busy."
"Well there are a million and one things to do for the wedding that I never even imagined, so she's going to be pretty busy."
After I gave Cary the good news I sat May down and explained it all to her slowly. When I was finished she signed "So she will get back to normal soon?" I assured her that she would, and she was relieved also. Later that night, as Aunt Sara slept sedated, and May worked on her homework Cary and I sat on the porch and started talking about the wedding and our plans for buying a house. "It's not that I don't love living here," Cary hastened to explain. "But I just think it would be weird to start my married life here."
"I understand completely. I feel the same." I assured him. I didn't mention that my feelings came more from the fact that the idea of Uncle Jacob staring down and frowning upon us gave me the creeps, than anything else.
"Melody?" Cary asked.
"Yes?"
"You're not upset that you're not going to college are you?" He asked.
I sat up straight. "What made you think of that?" I demanded.
"Nothing really.." He said, but I knew him well enough to know he wasn't telling me the truth.
"Cary trust me. There is nothing in the world I want more than to become your wife!" I promised him, and he smiled at me.
"I know I say it often but I just can't believe how lucky I am to have you. The day your mother left you here was the best day of my life!"
I smiled too, and leant over to kiss him, softly at first, but then our kisses grew more passionate, and I felt his hand move to caress my breast. I moaned with pleasure. Since Grandma Olivia had died and we'd gotten engaged we had never had the house to ourselves, and I refused to let him come and sleep in my room. I was worried that Aunt Sara or May would find out, or catch us in our lovemaking. Cary complained that they'd never know, and even if they did they wouldn't care. "After all," He'd muttered sulkily after I'd turned him away from my room. "We're engaged!" He lifted me up slightly to get his hands under the back of my shirt. When I felt my bra clasp undone I pushed him away and sat up.
He glared at me.
"Cary! Not here!" I said, straightening my clothes, and taking a deep breath to quell the rising passion I had felt. "Not now!"
"When then?" He asked. He was breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry." I said simply.
"Melody, we haven't made love since that time on the boat." Cary said. "Is there any reason for this you're not telling me?"
"No!" I protested. "You know the reason. It's just.I can't not here." I didn't tell him but there was another reason I could never allow him and I to go all the way at this house. Even though Uncle Jacob was dead his presence remained there as a constant reminder to me that he thought I was just like my mother. I could imagine him glaring down at me now, and yelling "Harlot! Harlot! Just like Haille!"
Cary sighed, and pushed his hair back. "Fine. I'm going to bed then. Goodnight Melody."
"Goodnight Cary. I love you." I replied.
He sighed again, and went inside, leaving me seated out there alone. It was a few minutes before I gathered my composure and went inside too. I thought about Aunt Sara and hoped she was better before the wedding. I didn't want her thinking it was Laura and Robert's wedding, and saying something to a guest who would then think she was crazy. In fact, in the meantime, I hoped she didn't say anything to anyone to let them know she wasn't completely with it at the moment!
*****
The next afternoon Cary dropped me off in town so I could do some shopping and then meet May to walk home from school with her. I could hardly believe it when I looked at her, how much she had grown up in the last year or so. I'd joked to Cary about her being able to have boyfriends soon, and he'd frowned. "I don't think so." He'd said. "May's special. Boys would take advantage of that!" I didn't bother replying to that, even though I could have told him all about the boy who May classed as her boyfriend, even though she had confessed to me all they did was hold hands! But sooner or later Cary'd have to face the fact his little sister was growing up-after all she was a teenager now!
As I was walking down the street I heard my name being called, and I turned around quizzically. Then I wished I hadn't, it was Teddy Jackson-my real father. The last time I'd seen him had been just before Grandma Olivia died when I'd stormed into his office and demanded to know about Laura, and how much he'd known. He claimed that Grandma Olivia had blackmailed him into helping her. "I started to resist and she told me she would not hesitate to expose me." And then he admitted he had helped her with all the legal issues. I'd been disgusted, and I told him that I was glad he chose to be a coward about the whole thing with my mother because I didn't want anyone to know he was my real father, as I didn't think I'd be able to get over the shame. And then I'd walked out, and I hadn't seen him since. And to be honest, I hadn't wanted to see him either! Now here he was hurrying down the street to catch up to me, and I couldn't think of an excuse to turn and run the other way!
"Melody. I heard about your engagement party the other night." He said, as he reached me. "It sounded wonderful."
"It was wonderful." I said coldly.
"When's the wedding?" He asked.
"Six weeks. So you'll understand that I am very busy at the moment. I don't really have the time to stand here and talk." I said, my voice still cold.
He sighed, and looked at the ground. "You mean you don't have the time to talk to me. Anyone else would be different."
"What do you expect?" I snapped angrily. How dare he try and make it sound like he was some kind of victim, someone who deserved pity?
"Melody, you've never really given me the chance to explain." He complained. '
"I did let you explain. That day after school!" I argued. "But you couldn't explain. You only said you were a coward, and I've told you I agree with that!"
"I never told you about my parents, did I?" He asked.
"I don't care about your parents Mr. Jackson." I said.
"My parents were very into their social standing." He said, ignoring my comment. "When my wife and I married they were delighted. When Adam was born they were even more so. They actually started his college trust fund then with five thousand dollars! But what they didn't know was that my wife changed then. It wasn't that she didn't love me and I didn't love her, but it was more that she was too preoccupied with Adam and being a Mom to give me the attention I needed-"
"-So you turned to my mother is that it?" I interrupted. "Feeling neglected and unhappy you thought you'd turn to my mother?" I wanted to turn and walk away then, and not hear this, but my curiosity was too strong!
"Maybe it was that in part. But the other part of me fell in love with your mother. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever known. I know I said she was seductive, and she was, but I let myself be intoxicated by her. I worked hard during the day and went home to a wife who was full with tales about her son, and had no time for me." He sighed, and glanced around. The street was empty and there was no way anyone had been able to hear what we were talking about.
"You were lucky to have a wife who was such a devoted mother." I said coldly. "Some people don't have the luxury of a real mother!"
"I know. I love my wife dearly, and I never will stop loving her. After Adam grew up a bit, things got back to normal. She became more like the woman I married." He admitted. "But by then your mother was already pregnant. She told me, but she never expected me to do anything. 'I know how your family and practice mean so much to you. I don't need or want your help. I just thought you should know!' She told me. I was floored, but even so I offered to help her, to give her money for my child. But she laughed and refused. The next thing I knew she'd accused Samuel of fathering her child, and she and Chester had run off. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of her in the proceeding years, but as my life got fuller and busier the thoughts grew less frequent."
I was silent for a moment and then I sighed. "I don't know why you were so anxious to tell me this." I finally admitted.
"Because you need to know the truth. I understand you hate me, but I wanted you to at least hear my side of the story as well before hating me." He said.
"And what about you?" I demanded. "What does telling me this do for you?"
"It gets it off my chest. It eases my conscience." He said.
I took a deep breath. "Well I'm glad you feel better after having told me what happened. In fact I appreciate you telling me when I am sure it was hard for you. But it doesn't help me. It doesn't make up for anything... I have to go or I'll be late meeting May after school."
He sighed and looked at me sadly. "You won't forgive me will you?"
"I don't think you need my forgiveness." I replied. "Goodbye Mr. Jackson."
He didn't say anything to stop me walking away, and I'm glad because there were tears in my eyes as I left. I wished I hadn't listened to what he had to say, but my curiosity was too strong. After all there was not really much chance of my mother telling me, and even if she did how could I believe anything she said when I knew what she was really like? And now, even though I didn't forgive him, I thought perhaps I understood what had happened. I wasn't going to deny that my mother could possibly have seduced him, knowing her better than I had before my visit to LA in the summer. And I wasn't going to deny that it was his fault, but I knew it was more than likely my mother's as well. Suddenly, as annoying as it was to admit it, Teddy Jackson seemed a little human. But, I reminded myself sternly as I arrived at May's school, this didn't mean I liked him. As far as I was concerned he was never part of my life, and never would be.
Cary was relieved to know that Aunt Sara would get better. "I told you it was just that she was grieving over Dad." He told me smugly.
I laughed. "Okay, sorry Dr. Logan." I teased.
He made a face. "You know what I meant!" He said. "We'll just have to make sure she takes her medication and keeps busy."
"Well there are a million and one things to do for the wedding that I never even imagined, so she's going to be pretty busy."
After I gave Cary the good news I sat May down and explained it all to her slowly. When I was finished she signed "So she will get back to normal soon?" I assured her that she would, and she was relieved also. Later that night, as Aunt Sara slept sedated, and May worked on her homework Cary and I sat on the porch and started talking about the wedding and our plans for buying a house. "It's not that I don't love living here," Cary hastened to explain. "But I just think it would be weird to start my married life here."
"I understand completely. I feel the same." I assured him. I didn't mention that my feelings came more from the fact that the idea of Uncle Jacob staring down and frowning upon us gave me the creeps, than anything else.
"Melody?" Cary asked.
"Yes?"
"You're not upset that you're not going to college are you?" He asked.
I sat up straight. "What made you think of that?" I demanded.
"Nothing really.." He said, but I knew him well enough to know he wasn't telling me the truth.
"Cary trust me. There is nothing in the world I want more than to become your wife!" I promised him, and he smiled at me.
"I know I say it often but I just can't believe how lucky I am to have you. The day your mother left you here was the best day of my life!"
I smiled too, and leant over to kiss him, softly at first, but then our kisses grew more passionate, and I felt his hand move to caress my breast. I moaned with pleasure. Since Grandma Olivia had died and we'd gotten engaged we had never had the house to ourselves, and I refused to let him come and sleep in my room. I was worried that Aunt Sara or May would find out, or catch us in our lovemaking. Cary complained that they'd never know, and even if they did they wouldn't care. "After all," He'd muttered sulkily after I'd turned him away from my room. "We're engaged!" He lifted me up slightly to get his hands under the back of my shirt. When I felt my bra clasp undone I pushed him away and sat up.
He glared at me.
"Cary! Not here!" I said, straightening my clothes, and taking a deep breath to quell the rising passion I had felt. "Not now!"
"When then?" He asked. He was breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry." I said simply.
"Melody, we haven't made love since that time on the boat." Cary said. "Is there any reason for this you're not telling me?"
"No!" I protested. "You know the reason. It's just.I can't not here." I didn't tell him but there was another reason I could never allow him and I to go all the way at this house. Even though Uncle Jacob was dead his presence remained there as a constant reminder to me that he thought I was just like my mother. I could imagine him glaring down at me now, and yelling "Harlot! Harlot! Just like Haille!"
Cary sighed, and pushed his hair back. "Fine. I'm going to bed then. Goodnight Melody."
"Goodnight Cary. I love you." I replied.
He sighed again, and went inside, leaving me seated out there alone. It was a few minutes before I gathered my composure and went inside too. I thought about Aunt Sara and hoped she was better before the wedding. I didn't want her thinking it was Laura and Robert's wedding, and saying something to a guest who would then think she was crazy. In fact, in the meantime, I hoped she didn't say anything to anyone to let them know she wasn't completely with it at the moment!
*****
The next afternoon Cary dropped me off in town so I could do some shopping and then meet May to walk home from school with her. I could hardly believe it when I looked at her, how much she had grown up in the last year or so. I'd joked to Cary about her being able to have boyfriends soon, and he'd frowned. "I don't think so." He'd said. "May's special. Boys would take advantage of that!" I didn't bother replying to that, even though I could have told him all about the boy who May classed as her boyfriend, even though she had confessed to me all they did was hold hands! But sooner or later Cary'd have to face the fact his little sister was growing up-after all she was a teenager now!
As I was walking down the street I heard my name being called, and I turned around quizzically. Then I wished I hadn't, it was Teddy Jackson-my real father. The last time I'd seen him had been just before Grandma Olivia died when I'd stormed into his office and demanded to know about Laura, and how much he'd known. He claimed that Grandma Olivia had blackmailed him into helping her. "I started to resist and she told me she would not hesitate to expose me." And then he admitted he had helped her with all the legal issues. I'd been disgusted, and I told him that I was glad he chose to be a coward about the whole thing with my mother because I didn't want anyone to know he was my real father, as I didn't think I'd be able to get over the shame. And then I'd walked out, and I hadn't seen him since. And to be honest, I hadn't wanted to see him either! Now here he was hurrying down the street to catch up to me, and I couldn't think of an excuse to turn and run the other way!
"Melody. I heard about your engagement party the other night." He said, as he reached me. "It sounded wonderful."
"It was wonderful." I said coldly.
"When's the wedding?" He asked.
"Six weeks. So you'll understand that I am very busy at the moment. I don't really have the time to stand here and talk." I said, my voice still cold.
He sighed, and looked at the ground. "You mean you don't have the time to talk to me. Anyone else would be different."
"What do you expect?" I snapped angrily. How dare he try and make it sound like he was some kind of victim, someone who deserved pity?
"Melody, you've never really given me the chance to explain." He complained. '
"I did let you explain. That day after school!" I argued. "But you couldn't explain. You only said you were a coward, and I've told you I agree with that!"
"I never told you about my parents, did I?" He asked.
"I don't care about your parents Mr. Jackson." I said.
"My parents were very into their social standing." He said, ignoring my comment. "When my wife and I married they were delighted. When Adam was born they were even more so. They actually started his college trust fund then with five thousand dollars! But what they didn't know was that my wife changed then. It wasn't that she didn't love me and I didn't love her, but it was more that she was too preoccupied with Adam and being a Mom to give me the attention I needed-"
"-So you turned to my mother is that it?" I interrupted. "Feeling neglected and unhappy you thought you'd turn to my mother?" I wanted to turn and walk away then, and not hear this, but my curiosity was too strong!
"Maybe it was that in part. But the other part of me fell in love with your mother. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever known. I know I said she was seductive, and she was, but I let myself be intoxicated by her. I worked hard during the day and went home to a wife who was full with tales about her son, and had no time for me." He sighed, and glanced around. The street was empty and there was no way anyone had been able to hear what we were talking about.
"You were lucky to have a wife who was such a devoted mother." I said coldly. "Some people don't have the luxury of a real mother!"
"I know. I love my wife dearly, and I never will stop loving her. After Adam grew up a bit, things got back to normal. She became more like the woman I married." He admitted. "But by then your mother was already pregnant. She told me, but she never expected me to do anything. 'I know how your family and practice mean so much to you. I don't need or want your help. I just thought you should know!' She told me. I was floored, but even so I offered to help her, to give her money for my child. But she laughed and refused. The next thing I knew she'd accused Samuel of fathering her child, and she and Chester had run off. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of her in the proceeding years, but as my life got fuller and busier the thoughts grew less frequent."
I was silent for a moment and then I sighed. "I don't know why you were so anxious to tell me this." I finally admitted.
"Because you need to know the truth. I understand you hate me, but I wanted you to at least hear my side of the story as well before hating me." He said.
"And what about you?" I demanded. "What does telling me this do for you?"
"It gets it off my chest. It eases my conscience." He said.
I took a deep breath. "Well I'm glad you feel better after having told me what happened. In fact I appreciate you telling me when I am sure it was hard for you. But it doesn't help me. It doesn't make up for anything... I have to go or I'll be late meeting May after school."
He sighed and looked at me sadly. "You won't forgive me will you?"
"I don't think you need my forgiveness." I replied. "Goodbye Mr. Jackson."
He didn't say anything to stop me walking away, and I'm glad because there were tears in my eyes as I left. I wished I hadn't listened to what he had to say, but my curiosity was too strong. After all there was not really much chance of my mother telling me, and even if she did how could I believe anything she said when I knew what she was really like? And now, even though I didn't forgive him, I thought perhaps I understood what had happened. I wasn't going to deny that my mother could possibly have seduced him, knowing her better than I had before my visit to LA in the summer. And I wasn't going to deny that it was his fault, but I knew it was more than likely my mother's as well. Suddenly, as annoying as it was to admit it, Teddy Jackson seemed a little human. But, I reminded myself sternly as I arrived at May's school, this didn't mean I liked him. As far as I was concerned he was never part of my life, and never would be.