[A/N. I know this chapter is a little bit smaller than the usual one but I
had to end it there as you'll see soon! I also want to explain that the
reason the start bit where Melody made her decision to leave was only
fairly brief-the reason was that when she made the decision she knew she
had to stick to it and not look back!]
TWELVE:
It was only five-thirty in the morning when I snuck downstairs, a suitcase in one hand, and my bag in the other. Whenever the stairs creaked I stopped, my heart in my throat, listening for any sound of stirring. I felt like a naughty kid sneaking out! Downstairs I rang for a taxi requesting that they come to the end of the driveway and therefore not wake up anyone in the house. I think perhaps I made my decision the night before, but as I tossed and turned around three I decided to definitely do it. This was the best way, just leaving a note on the bench and going. Cary wouldn't find out about Uncle Jacob's infidelity, nor would Aunt Sara or May. It would also save both Cary and I the pain of me having to make up some reason as to why I couldn't marry him, and still having to see each other. Not that either of us wasn't going to be hurting, but I knew this was the only way to do it at all humanely. I quickly re-read the letter again before placing it on the bench. It was short and to the point, if it were any longer I might have put more of my feelings in it and this could have led Cary to believe that there was some hope for us when there couldn't be.
"Dear Cary,
I know when you read this you're going to be hurt, but this is the only thing I could do. I can't marry you Cary. I am going away, and I don't expect you to look for me because I don't want to be found. It's too hard. But trust me on this Cary-I'm doing the right thing, even if you don't believe it. I'm leaving you some money Cary and I want you to start the boat-building business. Don't give up your dreams! I want you to find someone else to love and be happy with.
Love Melody."
Taking a deep breath I looked around the place that had become my home one last time. Then I walked outside and then down the driveway to wait for the taxi to arrive. I didn't allow myself to look back because I was scared I might weaken and go back.
*****
"Melody! Holly didn't tell me you were coming!" Billy said in surprise when I walked into the small crystal shop. It looked exactly like it had when I had been there last. A flowery incense was burning, and Far Eastern music was playing softly in the background. Crystals and stones were crowded around everywhere. Billy also looked the same, although his ebony hair seemed a little longer. For a man in a wheelchair he had the appearance of a very fit man-muscular and firm.
"She doesn't know-and Billy you can't tell her!" I said, a little anxious.
Billy raised an eyebrow. "So what are you running away from?" He asked perceptively.
I sighed. "Can I stay here for a bit please Billy? I don't know anyone else in New York and it won't be for long. As soon as I can get a job and an apartment I'll be out of your hair." I asked, changing the subject. As much as I liked Billy it was too early for me to talk about my pain.
Billy pushed his hair out of his green eyes. "You can stay as long as you want Melody. I'll be glad for the company. And when you want to talk about it-I'm here."
I nodded. "Thanks." I said simply.
Billy turned his chair around and led me through the beaded curtains to the living quarters at the back of the shop. "You can have Holly's old room- it's much nicer than the spare one. You look tired. Why don't you have a rest before dinner?"
"Thanks." I said again, and he nodded, and went back to the shop. I closed the bedroom door behind me and put my suitcase and bag beside the bed. The room was mostly empty, but on one of the shelves sat a dark black ball. I walked over to it and picked it up, and then smiled. It was one of the balls which you asked a question, shook and then it answered it. "Okay ball, have I done the wrong thing?" I asked it. "It is probable." The ball answered, and I frowned putting it back onto the shelf. I walked over to the bed and threw myself onto it. The early morning flight was draining in itself, but as if that weren't enough the pain of leaving Cary was just as bad. On the plane I glanced at my watch about the time Cary would be getting up and getting my note. I could imagine the pain in his eyes when he read it and the confusion in his heart! I couldn't help myself. I started to cry. I missed Cary more than anything, but I knew that there was no conceivable way I could have stayed in Provincetown after calling off the wedding. Had I stayed there seeing Cary's unhappiness might have tempted me to tell him that I hadn't called off the wedding because I didn't love him, but because of what his father had done in the past. And that was the main thing I wanted to avoid! Exhaustion got the better of me and soon I was fast asleep.
*****
A knock on my door woke me. I sat up rubbing at my eyes, and taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. It took me a moment to realise where I was, and then I remembered and called "Come in!"
Billy opened the door and maneuvered his wheelchair into the room. "I didn't want to wake you but I thought you might be hungry. Besides if you sleep now you won't sleep later on tonight."
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Almost seven." Billy replied.
"Seven?" I cried in shock. "I didn't mean to sleep that long. I was going to make dinner or something-"
"-Relax. You obviously needed your sleep." Billy said philosophically. "Anyway I've cooked dinner. I remembered last time you were here how much you liked the chilled okra-yogurt soup and rice, carrot, mushroom and pecan burgers on seven-grain bread. And for desert I've made carob chocolate slice."
I smiled, a little touched at the fact that he had remembered this. "You're right-I loved them! Let me just change and fix my hair and I'll be there." I said.
A few minutes later we were seated at the kitchen table, tucking into our meals. Billy really was a great cook! When we were finished I sighed and leant back in my chair.
"I wouldn't get anything like this at home...After all we had to support the fishing industry and all. And Cary..." Then I stopped. To speak of Cary like there was nothing different was too hard.
Billy leant forward to me. "Melody, let me tell you something. Do you remember what I showed you that I wrote when you were here last time?" I nodded. "Well putting down my thoughts on paper helped me so much. It's therapeutic. And if you can't write well you can talk. I promise you it will make you feel better."
I took a deep breath and then opened my mouth to tell him the whole terrible story. "When Mommy told me that I had to ask the judge why I couldn't marry Cary I was terrified. So terrified that I hurried to see the judge as soon as I could. I don't think he was going to tell me at first but then he told me. There is a possibility that my real father could be Uncle Jacob. Cary and I could be half brother and sister. It's only a slight possibility granted, but it's one nonetheless. How could I marry Cary knowing this? And even worse how could I tell him what his father had done? His father who always called Haille nothing but a harlot, and spoke so disparagingly of her had actually slept with her! His father with such his high moral values wasn't as holy as he liked to pretend. And Cary respects his father so much; it would have killed him to know. And not only him-but also Aunt Sara and May. And when the town got wind of it.." I shrugged. "My other alternative was to lie, but I can't lie to Cary. And that would have hurt him even more, and hurt me just as much. I had to get away. And that's why I'm here in New York."
Billy was silent for a moment. "That's a terrible burden on you Melody. I know you won't like to hear this but maybe you should have told Cary-at least he would have known you did love him still."
I shook my head firmly. "No. I refuse to be the one to put hate for his father into his heart!"
Billy nodded understandingly. "Hate can eat us up. Maybe it is better this way. But it'll be harder for you." He told me.
"I can cope." I said hoping I sounded a lot braver than I really felt.
"I'm here to help you." Billy offered. "As long as you need me that is."
"Thanks." I said for the third time that day. Billy was truly an amazing and giving person, someone very special.
TWELVE:
It was only five-thirty in the morning when I snuck downstairs, a suitcase in one hand, and my bag in the other. Whenever the stairs creaked I stopped, my heart in my throat, listening for any sound of stirring. I felt like a naughty kid sneaking out! Downstairs I rang for a taxi requesting that they come to the end of the driveway and therefore not wake up anyone in the house. I think perhaps I made my decision the night before, but as I tossed and turned around three I decided to definitely do it. This was the best way, just leaving a note on the bench and going. Cary wouldn't find out about Uncle Jacob's infidelity, nor would Aunt Sara or May. It would also save both Cary and I the pain of me having to make up some reason as to why I couldn't marry him, and still having to see each other. Not that either of us wasn't going to be hurting, but I knew this was the only way to do it at all humanely. I quickly re-read the letter again before placing it on the bench. It was short and to the point, if it were any longer I might have put more of my feelings in it and this could have led Cary to believe that there was some hope for us when there couldn't be.
"Dear Cary,
I know when you read this you're going to be hurt, but this is the only thing I could do. I can't marry you Cary. I am going away, and I don't expect you to look for me because I don't want to be found. It's too hard. But trust me on this Cary-I'm doing the right thing, even if you don't believe it. I'm leaving you some money Cary and I want you to start the boat-building business. Don't give up your dreams! I want you to find someone else to love and be happy with.
Love Melody."
Taking a deep breath I looked around the place that had become my home one last time. Then I walked outside and then down the driveway to wait for the taxi to arrive. I didn't allow myself to look back because I was scared I might weaken and go back.
*****
"Melody! Holly didn't tell me you were coming!" Billy said in surprise when I walked into the small crystal shop. It looked exactly like it had when I had been there last. A flowery incense was burning, and Far Eastern music was playing softly in the background. Crystals and stones were crowded around everywhere. Billy also looked the same, although his ebony hair seemed a little longer. For a man in a wheelchair he had the appearance of a very fit man-muscular and firm.
"She doesn't know-and Billy you can't tell her!" I said, a little anxious.
Billy raised an eyebrow. "So what are you running away from?" He asked perceptively.
I sighed. "Can I stay here for a bit please Billy? I don't know anyone else in New York and it won't be for long. As soon as I can get a job and an apartment I'll be out of your hair." I asked, changing the subject. As much as I liked Billy it was too early for me to talk about my pain.
Billy pushed his hair out of his green eyes. "You can stay as long as you want Melody. I'll be glad for the company. And when you want to talk about it-I'm here."
I nodded. "Thanks." I said simply.
Billy turned his chair around and led me through the beaded curtains to the living quarters at the back of the shop. "You can have Holly's old room- it's much nicer than the spare one. You look tired. Why don't you have a rest before dinner?"
"Thanks." I said again, and he nodded, and went back to the shop. I closed the bedroom door behind me and put my suitcase and bag beside the bed. The room was mostly empty, but on one of the shelves sat a dark black ball. I walked over to it and picked it up, and then smiled. It was one of the balls which you asked a question, shook and then it answered it. "Okay ball, have I done the wrong thing?" I asked it. "It is probable." The ball answered, and I frowned putting it back onto the shelf. I walked over to the bed and threw myself onto it. The early morning flight was draining in itself, but as if that weren't enough the pain of leaving Cary was just as bad. On the plane I glanced at my watch about the time Cary would be getting up and getting my note. I could imagine the pain in his eyes when he read it and the confusion in his heart! I couldn't help myself. I started to cry. I missed Cary more than anything, but I knew that there was no conceivable way I could have stayed in Provincetown after calling off the wedding. Had I stayed there seeing Cary's unhappiness might have tempted me to tell him that I hadn't called off the wedding because I didn't love him, but because of what his father had done in the past. And that was the main thing I wanted to avoid! Exhaustion got the better of me and soon I was fast asleep.
*****
A knock on my door woke me. I sat up rubbing at my eyes, and taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. It took me a moment to realise where I was, and then I remembered and called "Come in!"
Billy opened the door and maneuvered his wheelchair into the room. "I didn't want to wake you but I thought you might be hungry. Besides if you sleep now you won't sleep later on tonight."
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Almost seven." Billy replied.
"Seven?" I cried in shock. "I didn't mean to sleep that long. I was going to make dinner or something-"
"-Relax. You obviously needed your sleep." Billy said philosophically. "Anyway I've cooked dinner. I remembered last time you were here how much you liked the chilled okra-yogurt soup and rice, carrot, mushroom and pecan burgers on seven-grain bread. And for desert I've made carob chocolate slice."
I smiled, a little touched at the fact that he had remembered this. "You're right-I loved them! Let me just change and fix my hair and I'll be there." I said.
A few minutes later we were seated at the kitchen table, tucking into our meals. Billy really was a great cook! When we were finished I sighed and leant back in my chair.
"I wouldn't get anything like this at home...After all we had to support the fishing industry and all. And Cary..." Then I stopped. To speak of Cary like there was nothing different was too hard.
Billy leant forward to me. "Melody, let me tell you something. Do you remember what I showed you that I wrote when you were here last time?" I nodded. "Well putting down my thoughts on paper helped me so much. It's therapeutic. And if you can't write well you can talk. I promise you it will make you feel better."
I took a deep breath and then opened my mouth to tell him the whole terrible story. "When Mommy told me that I had to ask the judge why I couldn't marry Cary I was terrified. So terrified that I hurried to see the judge as soon as I could. I don't think he was going to tell me at first but then he told me. There is a possibility that my real father could be Uncle Jacob. Cary and I could be half brother and sister. It's only a slight possibility granted, but it's one nonetheless. How could I marry Cary knowing this? And even worse how could I tell him what his father had done? His father who always called Haille nothing but a harlot, and spoke so disparagingly of her had actually slept with her! His father with such his high moral values wasn't as holy as he liked to pretend. And Cary respects his father so much; it would have killed him to know. And not only him-but also Aunt Sara and May. And when the town got wind of it.." I shrugged. "My other alternative was to lie, but I can't lie to Cary. And that would have hurt him even more, and hurt me just as much. I had to get away. And that's why I'm here in New York."
Billy was silent for a moment. "That's a terrible burden on you Melody. I know you won't like to hear this but maybe you should have told Cary-at least he would have known you did love him still."
I shook my head firmly. "No. I refuse to be the one to put hate for his father into his heart!"
Billy nodded understandingly. "Hate can eat us up. Maybe it is better this way. But it'll be harder for you." He told me.
"I can cope." I said hoping I sounded a lot braver than I really felt.
"I'm here to help you." Billy offered. "As long as you need me that is."
"Thanks." I said for the third time that day. Billy was truly an amazing and giving person, someone very special.