[A/N. Thank you all for the reviews. I didn't expect to get so many, and I
am both surprised and flattered. Especially to Alex who is always reading
my story. Thanks! ( As for those of you who want Melody to take a different
path than that she is currently taking, well you'll just have to wait and
see what I've got in mind. After all, it IS a VC Andrews fanfic isn't it?
And we all know what that means!]
FOURTEEN:
Billy poked at the fire until it was roaring and I settled comfortably in my favorite chair, rugged up in my dressing gown. I yawned, and then tried to hide it. Billy had been all excited about getting up early on Christmas morning and I'd gone along with it to keep him happy.
"Right, there's the fire. Now- time to exchange presents." Billy declared, and he wheeled himself over to the tree. It had been delivered the other day, and we'd both decorated it with lots of colored tinsel and balls. Beneath it sat the present I'd bought for Billy, and there were also three other things under there. I'd noticed them when I'd come into the room this morning. Before this there had only been two under there- Billy's and mine. I wondered whether maybe his parents might be coming over or something, and now I asked him this?
"You've got to be kidding." Billy said with a frown. "I'm sure they'll be going to my brother's house. He's a lawyer and has a nice big house, perfect for their tastes. They were pretty disgusted with me when I decided to work in the shop and live here. They call me a hippie!"
"That's a shame. Still, you'd think on Christmas you'd want to make peace, wouldn't you?" I asked thoughtfully.
"Who are you thinking about?" Billy asked, as he picked up the three presents and stacked them on his lap.
"Mommy." I admitted. "I'd like to tell her I'm sorry. All I've ever wanted is a normal mother-daughter relationship. Surely this isn't too much to ask?" I knew I sounded like I was moaning, but it did kind of bug me.
"Don't ask me." Billy said, coming over to me. "My mother and I hardly even speak either."
I sighed, and decided that there was no point in complaining now. Especially when I considered that Billy's life could have been a lot worse than mine. And he had never once complained about his lot!
"Merry Christmas Melody." He said, and he handed me the three presents.
My face went red. "Billy, are these all for me?" I asked.
"Sure are. Open them!" He replied.
"I only got you the one. I didn't know you'd get-" I began, but he interrupted.
"-Melody Logan, open your presents now!" He instructed.
Laughing I opened the first one on the pile. It was a vegan cookbook (I'd told Billy a few times that I wanted to learn to cook how he did). I smiled and thanked him, and then turned to the second present. This one was bigger and I pretended to shake it, and try and guess what it was, when in reality I had no idea whatsoever. I opened it and gasped in shock. It was a complete set of CD's entitled "Country music at it's best". On the front I recognized some of my favorite artists. "Billy, we've got to listen to this- you should hear this guy play the fiddle. He was always my inspiration!" I cried, and Billy smiled to have given me a gift which meant so much to me. "Open the last one first." He demanded. So I did. This one was a lot smaller, and when I unwrapped the tissue paper I gasped again. It was a bracelet with "MELODY" written on it. On the back it simply said "LOVE". I hurried to put it on.
"Well," Billy asked. "Did you like them?"
"Like them?" I asked. "I LOVED them Billy. You're so sweet!"
Then I jumped up and hurried to pick his present up from under the tree. I handed it to him and watched eagerly as he tore the wrapping off.
"Wow Melody, how did you know?" He asked.
"I remembered you saying you'd like to try it one day." I replied. I'd given him a sketchbook, some watercolors, some pastels and some pencils. One day he'd mentioned he'd like to give drawing a try, and that had given me the idea for his present.
"Well it's wonderful, thank you so much." Billy said, and then he held out his arms. I went over to hug him, and then I kissed him on the cheek. I felt his arms tighten around me and I looked down into his eyes. Then slowly, gently, I kissed him on the lips. He kissed me back and in a moment our kisses had grown more passionate, and he had pulled me onto his lap.
He drew away for a moment to say, "I love you Melody."
I pulled away from him. "Billy, don't say that!" I begged.
"Why not?" He asked. "I do love you."
"I just...I wish you wouldn't say that. I know I care about you a lot Billy, but I don't know if I love you completely, and I don't want to hurt you." I said, trying to work out the right way to put it. Yes I cared about Billy, and maybe I even loved him, but for me the big question was simply this: Was I IN love with him? Was I in love with him like I was with Cary? Or did I just love him because of all he did for me.
"If you let me love you that's all I ask. And maybe one day you could say to me 'I love you Billy' and mean it. That's all I want." Billy said.
"If that's all..." I muttered, and then I kissed him again.
We sat there, in his wheelchair kissing for awhile, and before I knew it his hands were undoing my blouse. But I didn't stop him. I loved the feeling and I didn't want to stop. Instead my own hands went to work, undoing his jeans.
*****
I sighed with as Billy wound a lock of my hair lazily round his fingers. We were both lying on the floor in front of the fire naked and Billy was looking as content as I'd ever seen him. I just wished I could have said the same thing for me. Instead of feeling content, I felt contempt. For me. What had I just let myself do? I hadn't even worked out whether or not I was in love with Billy and the whole time we were making love Cary was in the back of my mind. How could I do something like that and what if I hurt Billy?
"I guess we should think about getting that Christmas dinner started?" Billy asked. "I bet you've never tasted a Christmas dinner without turkey?"
I smiled. "No, I haven't." I admitted.
Billy pulled himself back into his wheelchair, and began to dress himself. I did the same, putting my nightgown back on. The phone began to ring and Billy asked me to answer it. Without even thinking I picked the phone up and said "Hello?"
There was silence on the other end.
"Hello?" I asked confused. "Is anyone there?"
"Melody! I knew you were there!" Holly said accusingly.
I felt my heart skip a beat. "Hello Holly, merry Christmas." I said.
"Interestingly enough it's not so merry here in Provincetown, or don't you care about that anymore?" Holly asked me.
"I care!" I protested. "Is there something wrong? It's not Cary is it? Cary's okay isn't he?"
Holly was silent a second before responding. "Cary's heartbroken, but he's alright physically. He never did buy the boat business. The moneys still sitting in his bank where you left it untouched. Instead he's doing odd jobs for people around town. Roy offered to let him come back to the business but Cary refused because he'd given it to him and he wasn't going to go back on his word. Always keeps his promises does Cary."
I felt like I'd been slapped. But I pretended not to know what she was referring to. Instead I asked after Aunt Sara and May.
"They're missing you of course, but they're all right. May's grown up a lot these last few months. Sara seems to be over thinking Laura and Jacob are alive. I think it could be because she's had to be there for Cary perhaps." Holly explained.
"And how about you and Kenneth?" I asked. "How are you two getting along?"
"Well let's just say it'll be three soon." Holly said, a note of pride coming into her voice. Even though she wasn't happy with me she couldn't hide her joy.
"WOW! You mean your having a baby?" I cried. "So I'm going to have a half cousin? That's fantastic!"
Billy who had been in the kitchen poked his head back in. "Holly?" He asked me, and I nodded.
"Listen Holly, Billy wants to speak to you now-" I began, but Holly interrupted me.
"First can you tell me why you left so suddenly? Was it just a case of pre- marriage jitters?" She asked.
I hesitated. "Holly, I don't want to..no I can't speak about it yet, but one day I'll tell you. Please don't tell anyone where I am though."
Holly sighed. "Fine." She said. "Put Billy on."
I did, and then I went and dressed. Holly was really mad at me, but I didn't want to tell her why I'd left so suddenly in case she told someone else.
When I'd dressed Billy was off the phone. "Holly's very perceptive." He told me. "She guessed there was something going on between us."
"She did?" I repeated in shock. After all I hadn't even worked out what was going on between us.
"Mmm." Billy replied. "Well come on lazybones- I need some help with dinner."
*****
Later that night, as I lay in Billy's arms asleep after we'd made love again I began to think, and I knew for sure that I wasn't in love with Billy. Maybe I'd wanted to let myself love him in order to help me get over Cary, but it wasn't right. I couldn't do this to him, nor to me. I decided that the next morning I was going to book a flight to LA to see my mother. There were some things I felt I needed to know.
FOURTEEN:
Billy poked at the fire until it was roaring and I settled comfortably in my favorite chair, rugged up in my dressing gown. I yawned, and then tried to hide it. Billy had been all excited about getting up early on Christmas morning and I'd gone along with it to keep him happy.
"Right, there's the fire. Now- time to exchange presents." Billy declared, and he wheeled himself over to the tree. It had been delivered the other day, and we'd both decorated it with lots of colored tinsel and balls. Beneath it sat the present I'd bought for Billy, and there were also three other things under there. I'd noticed them when I'd come into the room this morning. Before this there had only been two under there- Billy's and mine. I wondered whether maybe his parents might be coming over or something, and now I asked him this?
"You've got to be kidding." Billy said with a frown. "I'm sure they'll be going to my brother's house. He's a lawyer and has a nice big house, perfect for their tastes. They were pretty disgusted with me when I decided to work in the shop and live here. They call me a hippie!"
"That's a shame. Still, you'd think on Christmas you'd want to make peace, wouldn't you?" I asked thoughtfully.
"Who are you thinking about?" Billy asked, as he picked up the three presents and stacked them on his lap.
"Mommy." I admitted. "I'd like to tell her I'm sorry. All I've ever wanted is a normal mother-daughter relationship. Surely this isn't too much to ask?" I knew I sounded like I was moaning, but it did kind of bug me.
"Don't ask me." Billy said, coming over to me. "My mother and I hardly even speak either."
I sighed, and decided that there was no point in complaining now. Especially when I considered that Billy's life could have been a lot worse than mine. And he had never once complained about his lot!
"Merry Christmas Melody." He said, and he handed me the three presents.
My face went red. "Billy, are these all for me?" I asked.
"Sure are. Open them!" He replied.
"I only got you the one. I didn't know you'd get-" I began, but he interrupted.
"-Melody Logan, open your presents now!" He instructed.
Laughing I opened the first one on the pile. It was a vegan cookbook (I'd told Billy a few times that I wanted to learn to cook how he did). I smiled and thanked him, and then turned to the second present. This one was bigger and I pretended to shake it, and try and guess what it was, when in reality I had no idea whatsoever. I opened it and gasped in shock. It was a complete set of CD's entitled "Country music at it's best". On the front I recognized some of my favorite artists. "Billy, we've got to listen to this- you should hear this guy play the fiddle. He was always my inspiration!" I cried, and Billy smiled to have given me a gift which meant so much to me. "Open the last one first." He demanded. So I did. This one was a lot smaller, and when I unwrapped the tissue paper I gasped again. It was a bracelet with "MELODY" written on it. On the back it simply said "LOVE". I hurried to put it on.
"Well," Billy asked. "Did you like them?"
"Like them?" I asked. "I LOVED them Billy. You're so sweet!"
Then I jumped up and hurried to pick his present up from under the tree. I handed it to him and watched eagerly as he tore the wrapping off.
"Wow Melody, how did you know?" He asked.
"I remembered you saying you'd like to try it one day." I replied. I'd given him a sketchbook, some watercolors, some pastels and some pencils. One day he'd mentioned he'd like to give drawing a try, and that had given me the idea for his present.
"Well it's wonderful, thank you so much." Billy said, and then he held out his arms. I went over to hug him, and then I kissed him on the cheek. I felt his arms tighten around me and I looked down into his eyes. Then slowly, gently, I kissed him on the lips. He kissed me back and in a moment our kisses had grown more passionate, and he had pulled me onto his lap.
He drew away for a moment to say, "I love you Melody."
I pulled away from him. "Billy, don't say that!" I begged.
"Why not?" He asked. "I do love you."
"I just...I wish you wouldn't say that. I know I care about you a lot Billy, but I don't know if I love you completely, and I don't want to hurt you." I said, trying to work out the right way to put it. Yes I cared about Billy, and maybe I even loved him, but for me the big question was simply this: Was I IN love with him? Was I in love with him like I was with Cary? Or did I just love him because of all he did for me.
"If you let me love you that's all I ask. And maybe one day you could say to me 'I love you Billy' and mean it. That's all I want." Billy said.
"If that's all..." I muttered, and then I kissed him again.
We sat there, in his wheelchair kissing for awhile, and before I knew it his hands were undoing my blouse. But I didn't stop him. I loved the feeling and I didn't want to stop. Instead my own hands went to work, undoing his jeans.
*****
I sighed with as Billy wound a lock of my hair lazily round his fingers. We were both lying on the floor in front of the fire naked and Billy was looking as content as I'd ever seen him. I just wished I could have said the same thing for me. Instead of feeling content, I felt contempt. For me. What had I just let myself do? I hadn't even worked out whether or not I was in love with Billy and the whole time we were making love Cary was in the back of my mind. How could I do something like that and what if I hurt Billy?
"I guess we should think about getting that Christmas dinner started?" Billy asked. "I bet you've never tasted a Christmas dinner without turkey?"
I smiled. "No, I haven't." I admitted.
Billy pulled himself back into his wheelchair, and began to dress himself. I did the same, putting my nightgown back on. The phone began to ring and Billy asked me to answer it. Without even thinking I picked the phone up and said "Hello?"
There was silence on the other end.
"Hello?" I asked confused. "Is anyone there?"
"Melody! I knew you were there!" Holly said accusingly.
I felt my heart skip a beat. "Hello Holly, merry Christmas." I said.
"Interestingly enough it's not so merry here in Provincetown, or don't you care about that anymore?" Holly asked me.
"I care!" I protested. "Is there something wrong? It's not Cary is it? Cary's okay isn't he?"
Holly was silent a second before responding. "Cary's heartbroken, but he's alright physically. He never did buy the boat business. The moneys still sitting in his bank where you left it untouched. Instead he's doing odd jobs for people around town. Roy offered to let him come back to the business but Cary refused because he'd given it to him and he wasn't going to go back on his word. Always keeps his promises does Cary."
I felt like I'd been slapped. But I pretended not to know what she was referring to. Instead I asked after Aunt Sara and May.
"They're missing you of course, but they're all right. May's grown up a lot these last few months. Sara seems to be over thinking Laura and Jacob are alive. I think it could be because she's had to be there for Cary perhaps." Holly explained.
"And how about you and Kenneth?" I asked. "How are you two getting along?"
"Well let's just say it'll be three soon." Holly said, a note of pride coming into her voice. Even though she wasn't happy with me she couldn't hide her joy.
"WOW! You mean your having a baby?" I cried. "So I'm going to have a half cousin? That's fantastic!"
Billy who had been in the kitchen poked his head back in. "Holly?" He asked me, and I nodded.
"Listen Holly, Billy wants to speak to you now-" I began, but Holly interrupted me.
"First can you tell me why you left so suddenly? Was it just a case of pre- marriage jitters?" She asked.
I hesitated. "Holly, I don't want to..no I can't speak about it yet, but one day I'll tell you. Please don't tell anyone where I am though."
Holly sighed. "Fine." She said. "Put Billy on."
I did, and then I went and dressed. Holly was really mad at me, but I didn't want to tell her why I'd left so suddenly in case she told someone else.
When I'd dressed Billy was off the phone. "Holly's very perceptive." He told me. "She guessed there was something going on between us."
"She did?" I repeated in shock. After all I hadn't even worked out what was going on between us.
"Mmm." Billy replied. "Well come on lazybones- I need some help with dinner."
*****
Later that night, as I lay in Billy's arms asleep after we'd made love again I began to think, and I knew for sure that I wasn't in love with Billy. Maybe I'd wanted to let myself love him in order to help me get over Cary, but it wasn't right. I couldn't do this to him, nor to me. I decided that the next morning I was going to book a flight to LA to see my mother. There were some things I felt I needed to know.