FIFTEEN:
I'd made up my mind during the night about getting myself on the first available seat to LA to see my mother, but telling Billy this was a little harder than I expected. When he woke he reached for me to hug him, and I let him hug me, but I must have held myself a little stiff or something because he pulled back to look at me.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing." I said, looking away and wondering how to tell him.
"Melody it would be a lot easier if you just told me the truth. Are you having regrets about what we did yesterday? Because I'm not." Billy said.
I sighed, and sat up in the bed, pulling the cover up to cover my nakedness. "It's like this. Today I'm flying to LA to see Mommy. I can't move on with my life if I can't get the past straight." I explained.
Billy looked confused for a moment and then suddenly sad. "Cary?" He asked simply.
"I'm sorry Billy, I've tried, really, really tried to get Cary out of my mind. But I keep thinking Mommy must know the truth. If Jacob is my father, well then I've got no choice but to get Cary out of my mind once and for all." I said.
"And if Jacob isn't?" Billy asked, though surely he knew the answer.
"I'm sorry Billy!" I said feeling terrible. "Please believe me when I said I didn't want to hurt you!"
"I do believe you." Billy said, with a sigh. "I know you wouldn't do that on purpose."
"It was just last night I was thinking about Cary after we did what we did, and I realised I had to make sure of everything one hundred percent. Otherwise there is no way I can go on with my life, and give my heart to someone else." I explained.
"You're talking about me?" Billy asked.
"I guess." I said. "But this is something I should have done before I came here. I shouldn't have let my grandfather tell me, Mommy should have told me everything. And let me assure you Billy- this time she sure as hell will!"
"You look so determined." Billy said with a little smile.
"I AM determined." I insisted. "It's not fair that people can keep playing with my life and emotions. I deserve to know the truth so I can live a full, a proper, life!"
"You're right of course. Go to LA. Make her tell you." Billy said, and then he pulled himself up. "I'm going to make breakfast- if you're going to be flying over there today you'll need something in your stomach."
I smiled slightly, and watched as he pulled himself into his chair and dressed himself. When he'd left the room I put my head back onto the pillow and let a few tears escape. Billy had taken the whole thing so well, when I'd virtually told him that it was Cary I still loved, Cary who I couldn't get out of my mind. He knew if my mother told me that Jacob was likely to not be my father then I'd be back in Provincetown with Cary, and he didn't say a word to stop me. Surely it hurt him, but he didn't say it. How could one man be so good to me? I got dressed and followed him into the kitchen.
"So," he said breaking the silence we were eating in. "How are you going to make your mother tell you?"
"There's one thing Mommy has never been able to resist." I said with a grin. "Money."
Billy looked shocked. "Are you telling me you're going to bribe your own mother?" He asked.
"I wouldn't exactly call it a bribe..more of a persuasion." I said, getting up. "Excuse me for a moment, there's someone I've got to call first."
"Cary?" Billy asked looking thoughtful.
"Nope, Mr. Teddy Jackson." I said with another grin.
After my phone call to Mr. Jackson I rang the airlines to see whether I could get a spot on a flight to LA. "You're in luck Miss Logan," The lady told me. "We've got a spot on the 2:45 to LA today. Want me to book it for you?" I hesitated a moment, before replying in the positive.
*****
Saying goodbye to Billy as harder than I had expected. Even though I knew I was in love with Cary rather than him, I did care about him a lot. If things were different I was well aware I would have fallen in love with him. I think he probably knew that too.
"Are you going to come back?" He asked me.
I shrugged. "I don't know Billy. If Jacob's not my father I won't be back. If he is...I just don't know. And Billy it probably wouldn't be fair on you to put you through this, and then just come waltzing back and saying 'I'm back, love me' sort of thing, would it?"
"Look Melody, I love you right. And I understand this is something you need to do- it's only natural. Otherwise I'd always have been second best. Maybe I still will be. But let me tell you now, if you come back, things won't change." Billy said.
I felt tears prick my eyes, but held them back. "Billy Maxwell you are the most amazing man I've ever met. And if I have hurt you, I am so sorry for it." I said.
"Actually Melody, rather than hurt me you've done me a favor." Billy said strangely.
I felt sick. Did he mean I was doing him a favor by still being in love with Cary?
"You're the first woman who I've made love to since the accident. I guess you've proved to me I can still do it, I can still have a normal life in that department." Billy said, not looking me in the eye. "Thanks."
"I don't know what to say." I muttered, and then the cabbie sounded his horn out the front and I had to hug Billy and leave.
"Will you call me?" Billy asked.
"As soon as I know the truth yes." I promised. It wouldn't be right to leave him hanging, especially if the answer meant that I wouldn't be back. After all, maybe then he could find someone else to love. And as I was sitting in the taxi on the way to the airport a terrible thought occurred to me- what if Cary had found someone else to love? I told myself I'd deal with that if it came to it. But Holly had said he was heartbroken- that didn't sound as if he was in love again, did it? And it was going to be hard enough to explain to him why I'd done what I'd done. But surely, surely, he'd understand! He HAD to!
*****
I didn't tell my mother I was coming; instead I just turned up at the last address I'd been given for her. It was a fairly small apartment complex, but it was nicer than the one she'd been in before- maybe she was finally beginning to get somewhere? When I rang the doorbell it was awhile before it was answered, and then none other than Archie Marlin answered it.
He looked at me in disgust. "What are you doing here?" He demanded.
I swallowed my own dislike of him, and managed a smile. "I've a proposition actually...a monetary proposition."
"What money? You don't have no money- you don't get it till your 25!" Archie said.
"That's not technically true." I admitted. "I've got the money from the sale of Grandma Olivia and Grandpa Samuel's estate in the bank. It will hopefully go to buying a house and Cary's business soon. But I've also got some more money which my real Grandfather gave me. It was for me to go to college, but I decided not to go, and therefore I've still got it."
Archie looked like he was struggling with something, and then he opened the door further and let me in. "Gina's just gone down to the shops for some gin- we were all out. And we're celebrating the fact that she got another part in a major movie- this time with more lines. She's on her way your mother." He said proudly. I looked round the house. The walls were freshly painted, and the carpet was fairly new, so my mother and Archie's stuff looked out of place in there.
Archie saw my look. "This complex was only built a few years back. Once Gina's a star we could probably afford something even bigger, but it'll do for now." He said.
"Sure, it's nice." I replied, and then I sat on the couch and waited for my mother to return.
It was only about ten minutes later when the door opened and my mother walked in holding up the bottle of gin. "Let the celebration begin!" She cried, and then she spotted me sitting on her couch. "What are you doing here?"
"Don't look so happy to see me Mommy." I said, disguising my hurt well.
"Well Melody you all but told me to get out of your life when I left Provincetown!" My mother said. "And not even sparing your poor struggling mother a cent."
"It doesn't look like you're struggling as much as I had thought." I said.
"Well we're not- now! Before we were." My mother replied. "So if there's no real reason for you to be here I would appreciate it if you just left."
"Gina, I think perhaps you should hear her out." Archie said. Even though I'd refused to discuss my proposition to him before my mother returned home he at least knew it involved money.
My mother exchanged looks with Archie, and then when she spoke her voice was gentler, like it used to be. "What is it Melody?" she asked.
I took a deep breath and hoped this would work- after all my future life was at stake wasn't it? My future happiness and love?
I'd made up my mind during the night about getting myself on the first available seat to LA to see my mother, but telling Billy this was a little harder than I expected. When he woke he reached for me to hug him, and I let him hug me, but I must have held myself a little stiff or something because he pulled back to look at me.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing." I said, looking away and wondering how to tell him.
"Melody it would be a lot easier if you just told me the truth. Are you having regrets about what we did yesterday? Because I'm not." Billy said.
I sighed, and sat up in the bed, pulling the cover up to cover my nakedness. "It's like this. Today I'm flying to LA to see Mommy. I can't move on with my life if I can't get the past straight." I explained.
Billy looked confused for a moment and then suddenly sad. "Cary?" He asked simply.
"I'm sorry Billy, I've tried, really, really tried to get Cary out of my mind. But I keep thinking Mommy must know the truth. If Jacob is my father, well then I've got no choice but to get Cary out of my mind once and for all." I said.
"And if Jacob isn't?" Billy asked, though surely he knew the answer.
"I'm sorry Billy!" I said feeling terrible. "Please believe me when I said I didn't want to hurt you!"
"I do believe you." Billy said, with a sigh. "I know you wouldn't do that on purpose."
"It was just last night I was thinking about Cary after we did what we did, and I realised I had to make sure of everything one hundred percent. Otherwise there is no way I can go on with my life, and give my heart to someone else." I explained.
"You're talking about me?" Billy asked.
"I guess." I said. "But this is something I should have done before I came here. I shouldn't have let my grandfather tell me, Mommy should have told me everything. And let me assure you Billy- this time she sure as hell will!"
"You look so determined." Billy said with a little smile.
"I AM determined." I insisted. "It's not fair that people can keep playing with my life and emotions. I deserve to know the truth so I can live a full, a proper, life!"
"You're right of course. Go to LA. Make her tell you." Billy said, and then he pulled himself up. "I'm going to make breakfast- if you're going to be flying over there today you'll need something in your stomach."
I smiled slightly, and watched as he pulled himself into his chair and dressed himself. When he'd left the room I put my head back onto the pillow and let a few tears escape. Billy had taken the whole thing so well, when I'd virtually told him that it was Cary I still loved, Cary who I couldn't get out of my mind. He knew if my mother told me that Jacob was likely to not be my father then I'd be back in Provincetown with Cary, and he didn't say a word to stop me. Surely it hurt him, but he didn't say it. How could one man be so good to me? I got dressed and followed him into the kitchen.
"So," he said breaking the silence we were eating in. "How are you going to make your mother tell you?"
"There's one thing Mommy has never been able to resist." I said with a grin. "Money."
Billy looked shocked. "Are you telling me you're going to bribe your own mother?" He asked.
"I wouldn't exactly call it a bribe..more of a persuasion." I said, getting up. "Excuse me for a moment, there's someone I've got to call first."
"Cary?" Billy asked looking thoughtful.
"Nope, Mr. Teddy Jackson." I said with another grin.
After my phone call to Mr. Jackson I rang the airlines to see whether I could get a spot on a flight to LA. "You're in luck Miss Logan," The lady told me. "We've got a spot on the 2:45 to LA today. Want me to book it for you?" I hesitated a moment, before replying in the positive.
*****
Saying goodbye to Billy as harder than I had expected. Even though I knew I was in love with Cary rather than him, I did care about him a lot. If things were different I was well aware I would have fallen in love with him. I think he probably knew that too.
"Are you going to come back?" He asked me.
I shrugged. "I don't know Billy. If Jacob's not my father I won't be back. If he is...I just don't know. And Billy it probably wouldn't be fair on you to put you through this, and then just come waltzing back and saying 'I'm back, love me' sort of thing, would it?"
"Look Melody, I love you right. And I understand this is something you need to do- it's only natural. Otherwise I'd always have been second best. Maybe I still will be. But let me tell you now, if you come back, things won't change." Billy said.
I felt tears prick my eyes, but held them back. "Billy Maxwell you are the most amazing man I've ever met. And if I have hurt you, I am so sorry for it." I said.
"Actually Melody, rather than hurt me you've done me a favor." Billy said strangely.
I felt sick. Did he mean I was doing him a favor by still being in love with Cary?
"You're the first woman who I've made love to since the accident. I guess you've proved to me I can still do it, I can still have a normal life in that department." Billy said, not looking me in the eye. "Thanks."
"I don't know what to say." I muttered, and then the cabbie sounded his horn out the front and I had to hug Billy and leave.
"Will you call me?" Billy asked.
"As soon as I know the truth yes." I promised. It wouldn't be right to leave him hanging, especially if the answer meant that I wouldn't be back. After all, maybe then he could find someone else to love. And as I was sitting in the taxi on the way to the airport a terrible thought occurred to me- what if Cary had found someone else to love? I told myself I'd deal with that if it came to it. But Holly had said he was heartbroken- that didn't sound as if he was in love again, did it? And it was going to be hard enough to explain to him why I'd done what I'd done. But surely, surely, he'd understand! He HAD to!
*****
I didn't tell my mother I was coming; instead I just turned up at the last address I'd been given for her. It was a fairly small apartment complex, but it was nicer than the one she'd been in before- maybe she was finally beginning to get somewhere? When I rang the doorbell it was awhile before it was answered, and then none other than Archie Marlin answered it.
He looked at me in disgust. "What are you doing here?" He demanded.
I swallowed my own dislike of him, and managed a smile. "I've a proposition actually...a monetary proposition."
"What money? You don't have no money- you don't get it till your 25!" Archie said.
"That's not technically true." I admitted. "I've got the money from the sale of Grandma Olivia and Grandpa Samuel's estate in the bank. It will hopefully go to buying a house and Cary's business soon. But I've also got some more money which my real Grandfather gave me. It was for me to go to college, but I decided not to go, and therefore I've still got it."
Archie looked like he was struggling with something, and then he opened the door further and let me in. "Gina's just gone down to the shops for some gin- we were all out. And we're celebrating the fact that she got another part in a major movie- this time with more lines. She's on her way your mother." He said proudly. I looked round the house. The walls were freshly painted, and the carpet was fairly new, so my mother and Archie's stuff looked out of place in there.
Archie saw my look. "This complex was only built a few years back. Once Gina's a star we could probably afford something even bigger, but it'll do for now." He said.
"Sure, it's nice." I replied, and then I sat on the couch and waited for my mother to return.
It was only about ten minutes later when the door opened and my mother walked in holding up the bottle of gin. "Let the celebration begin!" She cried, and then she spotted me sitting on her couch. "What are you doing here?"
"Don't look so happy to see me Mommy." I said, disguising my hurt well.
"Well Melody you all but told me to get out of your life when I left Provincetown!" My mother said. "And not even sparing your poor struggling mother a cent."
"It doesn't look like you're struggling as much as I had thought." I said.
"Well we're not- now! Before we were." My mother replied. "So if there's no real reason for you to be here I would appreciate it if you just left."
"Gina, I think perhaps you should hear her out." Archie said. Even though I'd refused to discuss my proposition to him before my mother returned home he at least knew it involved money.
My mother exchanged looks with Archie, and then when she spoke her voice was gentler, like it used to be. "What is it Melody?" she asked.
I took a deep breath and hoped this would work- after all my future life was at stake wasn't it? My future happiness and love?