AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here's chapter one. Sorry it took me so long. I've been busy working on a collab with Yoippari and talking to Jade and Fel-chan. It was so much fun. Remember, folks, this is A/U. As you might have noticed, this is quite different from what I usually do. I've never written AU nor WAFF before so please do excuse me if everyone's OOCing. Without OOCness, fanfics would not exist. Please enjoy! *crosses fingers* I know this chapter sucks but the next is a lot better, I swear. Care to leave me a note on your way out? Thanks!
p.s. Yup. We've got hot creamy stuff in here… uh huh. Now who's the hentai? I know! It's Ken! *gets bricked* I know Ai Shiteiru is not a greeting. Ran really did say "I love you" to Ken… a rare happy ending to you, fei.

So many reviews! Whoop! Reviews r good for you! (and me) With huge glomps and thank yous to:

Silverblaze : Whoop! Major ego boost! *glomp*
Karina : Here you go… ^^ Thanks for the mails. *hug*
Zeets : Oh… my love… my darling… *snogs*
TNN : *glomp* Long time no see! *squeezes* I had so much fun chatting with you! ^^
Shooting Star : Here it is. I just hope you'll keep coming back after this major suckage…
Alyssa : Ow. Not so hard! *giggles and thinks hentai thoughts*
Sylan : Here's more.
Pink Bunny : *puppy eyes back* Thanks for reviewing!
Camille : I can't fool you, can I? *grin*
Lolz : *mock stern* This is R rated, you know. But you know me. I can't live without lemon, so…
Ayako : ^^ *sheepish grin* Ran's going to give you a huge surprise…
Jin : XD Who doesn't love Ken? *molests Ken* He's the picture perfect boy-next-door. Whoohoo! RanKen!
Teteiyus : Wai! *glomps you* Sankyuu for adding my fic! Whoop! How can I ever thank you enough? *clings to Teteiyus and squeaks* Been wanting to thank you personally but you didn't leave an address…
Chibi koneko : Thanks for the reminder. *hug* That was very kind of you. I make mistakes all the time. Glad that someone bothers to remind me…
Ciphercat : Whoo! Kat-chan! *snuggle*
Cece : Head Over Heels! *demands* I know I should be talking about the review here but pleeeeeease? Please, Cece?
Fei : *joins in kicking ff.net* You gave me an idea. There may be someone in the room with Kenken…

-CHAPTER ONE- (This all happened before the prologue. One year ago.)

~January 1, Ganjitsu~

Hidaka Ken smothered a yawn with a hand as he lounged comfortably on the couch, legs spread, chocolate brown eyes carefully trained to the ticking clock on the wall. A finger tapped against his lips. Ten more seconds to go.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Harumph. Screw seconds. Ken threw off the pillows he'd been hugging to his chest, leapt to his feet and hurried into the kitchen just in time to catch a whiff of clam chowder as he burst in through the doorway. He turned off the fire and lifted the lid of the steel pot. Dipped a spoon into the hot creamy liquid and raised it to his nose. He took a delicate sniff.

Yum.

A slow grin of satisfaction curved upon his lips as he surveyed his efforts. Fried rice. Soup. Four dishes of which included the ridiculously expensive smoked salmon. Salmon he hated but Ran was extremely fond of, so out of politeness he had to include stinky fish in the menu.

His thoughts flickered to the redhead. Damn but he hadn't seen his cousin for six years. Six whole years.

Ken grinned. So they had never gotten along after all. Ran was a year older than Ken was. Quiet, grave and solemn. Ken snickered loudly as he recalled the last family gathering they had shared so very long ago. He was thirteen and Ran was fourteen. He had engaged in a heated soccer match with his peers while Ran kept his nose glued to financial pages in the newspaper, earning pats on the back from the family that he would be destined to riches.

Reading was for losers.

Ken jerked his attention back to the food. Oh yeah, the arrangements. He placed the vase of red roses he got from the shop earlier in the middle of the table, a fiery riot of flaming red. Not his usual cup of tea, but his mother had insisted. So Ken had picked up the bunch from his workplace after his shift at Koneko no Sumi Ie, a flower shop in which he worked his ass off five days a week. A college student needed to earn his daily expenditure. Money just didn't evaporate out of thin air with a stupid flick of a magic wand accompanied by an easy syllable 'Acabra'.

Ken lived alone but his apartment was spacey and he was feeling generous, so he had agreed to share his place for the night.

Okay, scratch that. Generosity had its limits. Truth was, his parents paid for half his rent. He was in no condition to argue when they volunteered to host the damned family gathering in his private dining room, as so to speak.

The phone suddenly rang, piercing the quiet atmosphere, causing Ken to nearly drop the bowl of steaming hot soup he'd been carrying. For a split second, he fumbled with the teetering tray and balanced it dangerously with one hand before catching both sides and steadying himself.

Whew.

He set the soup carefully on the table. Feeling irked to no ends, he stalked over to the phone and barked into the mouthpiece, not caring if he sounded rude, "Hello?"

Total silence. Then the vague noise of someone breathing.

"Sorry to disappoint, but if this is an obscene call, you'll have to try and breath slightly harder," said Ken irritably.

"Ken. It's me."

All premises stripped, Ken grinned into the phone at the amused tone of his best friend. "Oi Yohji. Do you ever engage in normal conversations?"

He heard Yohji's rich chuckle over the line. "Okay, then. How are you?"

Ken blinked. " Nani?"

"Buzz! Wrong answer. You're supposed to say 'I'm fine, thank you for your kind concern.'"

A pause. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"

Yohji laughed. "Depends."

"You idiot." Ken smiled despite himself. "What are you calling for anyway?"

"Nothing much. Just checking on you before you make it to the last supper."

Ken, being Ken, allowed the weak joke to sail right over his head. "I'm fine. Really. I've set up the table and hid the boxers, stuffed your scattered porn magazines under the coffee table---," he was quite satisfied to hear Yohji's apologetic wince as he counted off his fingers, "----and cooked the meal, and I---"

"You cooked?" On the other side of the phone, Kudou Yohji turned green at the mere thought. "You cooked," he repeated.

"Yeah," came the cheerful reply. Good old oblivious Ken.

This is going to be some family meal, Yohji thought wryly. A dinner signed, sealed, and delivered straight from seven hells. Poor Hidakas. As much as Ken liked to cook, no one had ever had the heart to tell the self-appointed chef his cooking skills could barely meet the basic standard of dog chow. He wondered how Ken's relatives would take it.

There was a loud rapping at his door and Ken executed a quick goodbye to Yohji before the blonde could figure out how to gently persuade Ken into entertaining his guests with coke and pizza. The line went dead.

Yohji stared at the mouthpiece for a long moment.

Not my problem, he decided and popped open a can of beer.

Back at Ken's, his family was piling in. Ken plastered on the fake cheery smile you usually reserve for Aunt Mabel of the Elderly's Home and tried not to grimace as the children ran around the living room and immediately stirred up a pillow fight. He loved children on the field. Not on his carpet. Especially not when they were trotting mud-splattered sneakers all over his cleanly mopped floor. Ten minutes later he bit back a sigh of relief as everyone finally settled in their seats and surveyed the crowd.

"Where's Ran?" A voice echoed his thoughts. Ken glanced around. Sure enough, the icy redhead was nowhere to be seen. He shot the Fujimiyas a pointed look.

The couple exchanged a weary glance. Aya-chan played with the end of her braids.

"We sent him to run some… uh… errands. We don't have to wait up for him," said Mrs. Fujimiya.

Ken raised a skeptical eyebrow but asked no further questions. Still he couldn't help but smile as everyone took his first bite of his special recipe…

Special recipe!

He stared at the dishes. One, two, three… where was the fourth dish? Ken caught a flashback of a packet of frozen lamb chops in the refrigerator.

Oh shit.

He took off in a full run into the kitchen without throwing a backward glance. It was rather fortunate he did that he didn't catch his guests spitting out various mouthfuls of food. Nor did he witness them downing a tall glass of water each, or thumping each other purposefully on the back. There was hardly any doubt in everyone's mind.

Thirty-four eyes darted towards the door.

Half an hour later, Ken emerged from the kitchen with the lamb chops. He was greeted by the sight of empty chairs, overturned glasses and untouched food.

What the… ?

The bell buzzed, momentarily jerking Ken out of his trance. He bounded towards the door and flung it open, and came face-to-face with a beautiful angel with sleek red hair, pansy cat-eyes and lush lips. Ken found himself staring mutely at the bow-shaped mouth as it parted to speak, all disappointment forgotten. Only when he heard the voice did he realize the angel was a man.

"Hi Ken," said Ran, thoroughly bemused. "Long time, no see. Where is everyone?"

:+: OUTTAKES :+: (refer to Of Bloody Kittens And Germans with Fangs Chapter 9 by Jade Green in mediaminer.org)

Jade : *eyes naked Aya and drools*

Aya : *realizes his naked glory and runs away screaming like a girl*

Jade & Pheno : *snicker*

Ken : I never realized I was so popular.

Pheno : *giggles and pounces* I did! I did!

Ken : *chokes* ACK!

Aya : ASH! SHI-NE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *GLARE*

Jade : Ouch! *puts on Yohji's sunglasses*

Pheno : Damn it, Aya. It's getting old. *fishes out dictionary* See? *flips pages* There are other ways of telling people to die. Tod. Matrice. Dado…

Aya : ^.^ *runs away with dictionary*

Pheno : Hey! Wait! Gimme back my dictionary! AYA! SHI-NE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sankyuu to Jade for tolerating my idiocy! Whoop! Damn. I've completed chapter four and this fic is becoming more the comedy which feels weird coz I haven't written any humor since Insatiable... *growls* Same old, same old… no review, no update. Gomen ne. I need my energy fuel from you. Especially with my newly acquired broken limbs and all...
p.s. Pssssst! WK Yaoi fiction writing contest. I'm on my way to a better page, so please excuse the ugliness for the time being : http://www.geocities.com/butterflyvestige/wkyaoifanficcontest.html