ANGER

December 25, 1995

RAPHAEL:

"Leo?"

He nearly jumped out of his shell. I laughed quietly. "Little paranoid tonight?"

He turned to look at me. I was pressed back in a corner of the couch, half asleep. I was surprised Leo hadn't seen me. He must be really deep in thought. "You okay?" I asked.

He stared at me blankly for a moment, then managed a slight nod. "You sure?" I pressed, suddenly sensing that he might not be okay. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

He sat down on a nearby chair and stared at the coffee table, a dumbfounded look on his face. Something had shocked him good this time. I considered that for a moment before I stood up. Leo and I hadn't been on the best of terms since Clarisse took off. We both knew that if he'd just eased off, she might've stayed longer. But now wasn't the time to bring that up. Something was wrong, and it was obvious.

"Go for a walk?" I suggested.

He looked up slowly and stared at me as if I'd just grown another head in his presence. "Hey, we can pretend to be civilized for a few minutes, can't we?" I grinned. I offered him a hand and he stared at it for a moment before allowing me to pull him to his feet.

We left the lair silently and started down the long tunnel. Still, he said nothing. After a few minutes, I realized this was going to take some prodding. "Okay, so what happened to you?" I demanded. "You get laid or something?"

"Raph!" he cried, obviously shocked. Whether by the suggestion or the fact that I'd flat out asked him that, I wasn't sure.

I laughed to myself. Okay, so that wasn't it. But at least it got him talking. Now if I could just keep him talking. "Well, you and Anna... you know."

"No, Raph."

"You sure?" I challenged.

"Yes."

"Okay, so what did you do?"

"I..." he hesitated. "Talked to her."

I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand. Of course he didn't sleep with her. Why would he need to when just talking to her left him in a post-orgasmic stupor? "Leo, you amaze me," I mumbled.

"What?" he questioned. "Why?"

"You need to just fuck her and get it over with already."

"Raphael, stop," he ordered, his voice ice cold. But he didn't sound like he was in a trance anymore.

"Tell me you don't want to do her, Leo," I challenged.

He turned and suddenly, without warning, pinned me to the wall by my shoulders. "If I wanted to sleep with Anna, I would have already done it, Raph," he growled. "I don't need you to tell me how to run my life and I don't need you making comments like that about her. She's not a goddamn toy."

Damn he was short tempered tonight! I'd never seen him like this! I was gonna have bruises where he was gripping me. "Okay, okay," I relented, shocked by his outburst.

He let go of me and backed off. I followed him as he began walking again. "So what happened, Leo?" I questioned. "Because you look seriously tripped out."

"Anna Palmer is Hamato Yoshi's daughter."

I froze. My blood ran cold. Did he just say what I thought he did? Anna Palmer? Miss Anna Palmer? How the hell did he come up with that idea? There was no way...

He kept walking for a few steps, then stopped. He hung his head for a moment, then turned back to me. I knew my eyes were wide as saucers, but I couldn't do a damn thing about it. "What's the matter Raph?" he taunted, clapping a hand over my shoulder. "You look like you just got laid or something."

He shoved me hard and turned his back on me. I stumbled over my own two feet for a minute, watching him walk away. Finally, I managed to take a few steps. I ran to catch up with him. "You're kidding, right?" I choked.

"No," he mumbled, his voice low and serious. "Splinter and a woman named Sakura. Fifteen years younger than him and thrown out on the streets by the guy who brought her over from Japan."

"Oh, like hell!" I half-laughed.

"Believe it, Raph, the whole thing came out of Anna's mouth; I never said word one. The sewers, Yoshi, and his pet rats and turtles."

He stopped and turned to look at me. I knew I was gaping, but I couldn't hide my shock. "He..." I stammered. "Why wouldn't he tell us?"

"Anna thinks he didn't know," he mumbled.

"How could he not?"

"Sakura left shortly after Anna was conceived," Leo explained. "But if you want my take, I think he did know. And I think he didn't tell us for the same reason that he didn't tell Sakura that he was still alive."

I stared at him as memories that flooded to mind, and swallowed hard. "I remember."

Leo nodded slowly. "We were three. She did come looking for him and he hid from her."

"Why?" I wondered out loud.

"He didn't want to face her as Splinter," he answered. "Wanted her to think he was dead so she could get on with her life." The serious tone suddenly disappeared from his voice, replaced with a cynical, almost non-chalant one that was so unlike Leo, it scared me. "It's very romantic when you think about it, Raph."

He turned away. I watched him take a few steps and knew that he wasn't going to wait for me this time. "Hey," I called after him. He stopped, but didn't turn around. I hesitated for a minute. "Maybe he didn't know," I tried. "About Anna."

He looked over his shoulder. "I remember seeing Sakura and I remember that she had a little girl with her. If I saw it, so did he."

"But maybe he didn't know," I defended, still dumbstruck. "Maybe he didn't know it was his."

He turned slowly and walked in front of me. "Raphael, you know Splinter as well as I do," he said coldly. "And you know just as well as I do that he probably recognized her from the moment she set foot in the lair. When she handed him that map that he probably drew and said 'I've had this since I was a little girl,' tell me you don't think he knew!"
I could hear the anger in my brother's voice, and it scared me. In all of my sixteen years, I'd never seen him this mad at Splinter. In fact, I couldn't remember him ever being mad at Sensei. I had no idea how he was going to handle it.

I didn't really even understand his anger. We all knew that Hamato Yoshi had existed long before we were ever born. He'd told us almost nothing about his life before he'd been transformed, except the events leading up to his exile from Japan. "When you were human did you ever...?" was always answered in the same way: That was another life. We all knew it; we accepted it. Hamato Yoshi died when Splinter was born and we fed off of his wisdom without knowing where or how he'd gained it.

"So what if he did know, Leo?" I struggled. "What if he did know about Anna and he didn't tell you? Does it change the way you feel about her?"

"No."

"And you think he didn't know that? Why would he want to bring up old wounds if she...?"

"It's not about Anna, Raph," he growled. "It's about honesty. And if he would lie to us about her because she's part of Hamato Yoshi's life, what's to say he wouldn't lie about other things?"

I stared at him, stunned by the accusation. "He didn't lie to you, Leo, he just didn't say anything!"

"Where do you think Shredder came from, Raph?" he continued, ignoring me. "And if Hamato Yoshi is so dead that he can't fess up to having a daughter, why the hell would he tell us the whole story behind Oroku Saki? Or maybe the whole story about why he came over here."

"Why's it any of your business?" I challenged.

"Because I would defend that man to my death!" he yelled, pointing back toward the lair. "I would defend his honor to my grave believing every fucking word that comes out of his mouth without question, without suspicion, without ever once thinking that he would fail to tell me something that directly affects my life!"

"How the hell was he supposed to know that, Leo?" I demanded. "It's not like you told him you were in love with Anna and asked what he thought about it!"

"You knew!" he cried. "You think he didn't?"

"I think he's got the dignity and respect for you to not come out and ask if your fucking her, Leo!" I shot angrily. "He ain't like me Leonardo; he'd never bring that out in the open and tell you what he thought about it unless you asked him!"

"He knew, and he should've told me," Leo growled.

"Why?" I demanded. "If you really love her it wouldn't make any difference."

"It's not about Anna, Raphael," he repeated.

"Well, you go off about how he should've told you but you don't give me any reason why," I snapped.

"What else hasn't he told us, Raphael?" he demanded. "If he can stand there and look Anna in the face and not tell her that she's his daughter, what kinds of things could he not tell us?"

I stared at him, realizing the implication of his words as he turned and walked away. I suddenly knew exactly what was on his mind. "No," I protested, stopping him. "No, Leo, I don't believe I'm hearing this. You can't be serious." He didn't move. "I mean, not telling Anna that he was in love with her mother, not telling you that you're in love with his daughter... I think that's a little different than not telling us why we're fighting his mortal enemy."

He sighed deeply and looked down. I pushed away from the wall. "Leo, you're scaring me," I admitted, approaching him slowly. A million thoughts raced through my mind as I considered for the first time in my life that I might not know the whole story between Splinter and Shredder, and what might be hidden there. "I mean, don't you think you're blowing this a little bit out of proportion, Leo?"

My mind reeled with the sudden force of suspiscion I'd never thought to harbor before. Leo said nothing, only stared at the ground. I stepped closer and swallowed hard. "Leonardo?"

He looked up at me slowly, and I saw tears in his eyes. "I'm just realizing for the first time in my life that the one person I thought I could trust unconditionally hasn't been perfectly honest with me," he whispered. I studied him, unable to say anything. "Our whole lives we've trusted him, Raph," he breathed. "And everything we know about who we are and why we're here, it all came from his mouth. He made us everything we are and we never once questioned him."

"And is that really so terrible, Leo?" I asked quietly. "Do you really hate who you are? Who he made you?"

He stared at me for a long time, saying nothing. "I don't know, Raph," he finally answered. "I don't really know what to think right now. My whole universe has just been turned upside down. And I don't know..."

His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes, turning away as tears threatened to overflow. I stood beside him, unmoving, afraid to speak. For a long time, it was silent.

"I never thought I'd hear this coming from your mouth, Leo," I finally whispered. He kept his head turned, not looking at me. "I've envied your relationship with Splinter my whole life knowing that it was yours because you were everything I could never be." I could feel a righteous anger begin to seeth inside of me as I studied him. "Perfect son, fearless leader, and all those things I've always hated about you now don't you dare...!" I grabbed his shoulder and spun him to face me. "...throw all that away because your hurt by the one thing he didn't tell you! Especially when he probably, somehow, thought that he was doing it for your safety."

He stared at me for a long time. "Leo, you know Splinter; you probably know him better than any of us. And you know he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you. You know that!"

He closed his eyes and was quiet for a minute. "I thought I knew that, Raphael," he finally whispered, opening his eyes again. I was silenced by the pain there. "I don't know what I believe right now."

He clapped a hand over my shoulder, then turned and walked away. As much as I wanted to stop him, I couldn't find anything else to say.

ANNA:

I lay silent, staring at the wall. A knock at the bedroom door almost made me jump out of my skin. "Anna? It's me. You awake?"

Leonardo. I sat up. "You can come in."

The door cracked open and he poked his head inside. "I'm sorry if I woke you," he aplogized. "I didn't mean to."

"You didn't," I assured him. "I was awake."

"Um, you mind if I crash in your living room?" he asked hesitantly. "I really... don't wanna go home right now."

I smiled sympathetically. "Sure, Leo."

"Thanks."

He closed the door again and I didn't hear a sound for a few minutes. My mind played over the same images, over and over again. Between my story and Leo's, I could understand most of what had happened. I wondered if it was possible that my mother knew more, that she'd omitted things from her writing. When she came back to New York and searched the sewers, did she ever find Yoshi? Did she ever see Splinter? Did he ever see her?

I didn't remember my mother's search. I didn't remember anything about it, although Leonardo said he'd seen me when I was little. I vaguely remembered going to homeless shelters in search of him, although she never actually said who we were searching for. She spoke in hushed tones to shop managers and DHS workers, looking everywhere for any sign of him. Did he know how hard she'd looked?

I knew now where the map had come from. He still lived there, years later. He'd lived there during the time that she'd gone back to look for him. Did he hide from her? Leonardo said he did. But why? Did he not recognize her? He had to recognize her. There was no way he could've not recognized her.

I watched the minutes pass, the glowing red digits on the clock changing every sixty seconds. I always seemed to reach sixty before the numbers changed. "One, one thousand, two, one thousand..."

Frustrated with this insomnia, and the thoughts racing through my head, I threw the covers aside and grabbed my black robe off the back of the door. I expected Leo to be asleep on the couch, but he was sitting in the open window, staring out at the city lights. He looked at me as I walked into the room. "You're not sleeping," I observed.

"Neither are you," he reminded me.

I approached him slowly and he looked away again. His arm circled my waist as I leaned against him gently, my hands on his shoulder. "You don't have to stay on the couch, you know," I whispered. "I mean, you can, but you're welcome to come to bed, too."

He didn't answer. For a long time, it was quiet. "I'm sorry," I finally whispered.

"For what?"

"Well, I feel if I'd have said something sooner..."

"No, Anna," he mumbled. He didn't offer any more of an explanation.

I massaged gently at the tense muscles in his shoulder. "You're upset," I sighed.

His arm fell from my waist and returned to his lap, but he didn't look at me. "Not at you."

"Who, then?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. "You're mad at Splinter?" I guessed. He gave me no answer whatsoever, but I knew I was right. "He didn't know, Leo."

Still nothing. I sighed deeply and slipped my arm around his neck to his other shoulder. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, then turned my face and rested my cheek against him. Still as a statue, I'm not sure he even breathed.

He was silent for a long time, not moving. I wasn't sure what else to say, so I didn't speak. We stood there in the window, looking out over the city as we waited for dawn.

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And yes, I know there's still things that don't make sense. They will. We'll see what kind of reviews turn up and then we'll decide when to post this next chapter... Hee hee