EXPLANATIONS

December 25, 1995

MICHAELANGELO:

"Mikey! Hey! Wake up!"

I moaned slightly and cringed at the pain. I had a headache behind my eyes, and my arm hurt. "Mike? You okay?"

I opened my eyes. All three of my brothers were leaning over me. Where was I? I could feel blood run down my arm. I hadn't been out for very long. "Why'm I bleeding?" I slurred. I was starting to remember what had happened, but I didn't remember getting cut.

"You got a cut on your arm," Don informed me. "But it's not bad."

I groaned and tried to sit up. Leo slipped an arm behind my back and helped me. I saw Kristie at my feet. "Are you okay?" she asked. She'd been crying.

"Yeah, babe, I'm fine. You alright?"

She nodded. "They took Miss Anna."

I closed my eyes. "Yeah, I figured."

"Do you know why?" Donny questioned.

I shook my head and the room started to spin. I moaned slightly. "I don't know," I admitted.

"What did he say?"

"I... don't think he said anything, really," I whispered, massaging my temples. The headache was slowly going away. "Nothing important anyhow."

Raphael stood up. "Well, at least we still got this guy," he gestured.

Leo rose and walked over to them. The man was nearing consciousness, from the quiet noises he was making. "He's probably got cracked ribs," I informed, still kinda out of it. "So be careful."

"Yeah, we'll be nice and gentle!" Raph growled, jerking the man up.

The headache had subsided. Donny rested a hand on my shoulder. "Y'okay?"

"Yeah."

I looked down at my arm. It wasn't too bad. Splinter wasn't going to be happy, though. Donny handed me my weapons. "Shredder himself came, right?" he asked as he helped me to my feet.

"Yeah," I gasped, gripping his arm for support. It took me a minute to gain my balance.

"Did he say anything about why he wanted her?"

I shook my head as I steadied myself. Kristie walked over to Leonardo. "Leo?"

He turned to her. The man was awake now and his facemask was on the floor. "I don't know anything!"

"Why did he take Miss Anna?" Kristie asked.

Leo rested a hand on Raphael's shoulder, and shifted his eyes quickly to the wide-eyed little girl. Raph followed his gaze, and relaxed his grip slightly. I breathed deep. "Hey Kristie, come here," I called.

She turned and walked to me. I hugged her, shooting a pleading look at Raphael. Just give me two minutes to get her out of here... He nodded just slightly, knowing what I meant even if I hadn't said it out loud. I crouched in front of Kristie and rested my hands on her shoulders. "You're hurt," she told me.

"I'm okay," I assured her. "Listen, we're gonna find Miss Anna, okay? There's nothing to worry about. But I need you to do something for me. Can you do that?"

She nodded bravely and brushed her cheeks roughly. "I want you to go tell Mrs. Collins what happened, okay? And don't tell anyone else. Promise?"

She nodded her head again. "Okay, Mikey."

I hugged her again, careful not to get blood on her clothes, and kissed her forehead. "It'll be okay, Kris. We'll find her."

She pulled away from me and gave one last look over her shoulder before heading to the door. "Remember, don't say anything to anyone except Mrs. Collins," I reminded her.

She nodded and disappeared out the door. "Mrs. Collins?" Don asked me.

"Kind of the head overseer here," I explained. "She knows us."

"Should probably leave her a way to contact us," Donatello considered.

My eyes shifted to Raphael as he slammed the now fully conscious man to the wall again. He cried out in pain. "Look, I told you I don't know anything!" he cried.

"Hmm," Raph mumbled. "Looks to me like you got a couplea cracked ribs. That must really hurt."

Raphael twirled his sai and pressed the blunt end to the young man's chest. "Wonder what would happen if I just..."

He pushed slightly and the man cried out in pain. "Oh, that doesn't feel too good does it?" Raph taunted. "Maybe you wanna tell me where he took her."

"And why," Leo added coldly.

His eyes darted back and forth between all of us. "I... I dunno why he wanted her," he stammered. Raph jabbed again and he nearly screamed. "I swear! I don't! Why would he tell me that?"

"Where?" Leo demanded.

"There's a dojo on the east end called Apprentice Arts. He's been staying there."

I exchanged glances with Donny, who was closest to me. "Think we got time?" I questioned.

"Depends on what he wanted," Don answered. "Though I think if he just wanted to kill her, he would've done it here."

"So what do we do with him?" I gestured, directing that question at Leo. He was standing near the window, deep in thought. For a moment, I wondered if he'd even heard me.

Finally, he looked up at Raph, then over at the foot soldier pressed against the wall. "Let him go."

"But we still don't know what he wanted with Anna," Raph protested.

"Let him go," Leonardo said again. "Shredder's already got her; he's harmless."

"But what about...?"

"I'm not going to waste time arguing with you, Raphael," Leonardo snapped, an angry tone tainting his voice. "And I'm not going to waste time interrogating somebody who knows nothing."

I stared at him for a minute, not sure I wanted to get involved. "Um, Leo?" Don started. "When he's standing there with a knife to her throat, threatening us to act, we need to know if he'd kill her or not."

"When has Shredder not been willing to kill?" Leo sighed, sounding tired of this argument.

"I'm just saying, if we don't know what he wants with her..."

"I know what he wants," Leo mumbled.

Raph let go of the foot soldier and took a step back, his eyes trained on Leo. "How would he know that?" he demanded. He and Leo were on the same page, but I had no idea what they were talking about. "And if he did know, why wouldn't he take her sooner? She's been in the goddamn orphanage since she was six! Why now?"

I stared at them, lost. "What?"

"I don't know, Raph," Leo answered coldly, ignoring me. "Why don't you go ask Splinter?"

That was a threat. I didn't understand it, but I knew it was a threat. One that Raph didn't have a comeback for. He breathed deep, closing his eyes. Then he shoved his sais back into his belt. "No, Leo," he growled, opening his eyes. "I already know what I believe. You're the one who needs to talk to Splinter." The cold intensity in his voice sent a chill through me. He glared at Leonardo, his gaze unwavering. "But you better do it fast 'cause if you're right and Shredder does know, there's no doubt in my mind that he'll kill her."

DONATELLO:

"How does he know about Anna?" Leonardo demanded.

Master Splinter sighed. "You are asking a question I cannot answer."

I leaned on the back of the couch and watched with growing fascination. The walk home had been... confusing. Leo took off out the window, Raph went the opposite direction, and Mike and I stared at each other in wide-eyed confusion, trying to figure out what we'd missed. Splinter had been mentioned, and we figured he must know something. But when we got here, we'd walked right into the middle of an argument.

"If you knew she was in danger, why didn't you say anything?" Leonardo asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"To the best of my knowledge, she was not in any danger."

"Hey," Michaelangelo cut in. We all looked to him. "I don't mean to interrupt, but does somebody wanna tell me why I just got my ass kicked by Shredder and a couplea foot soldiers? What did they want?"

Leo and Splinter looked at each other. There was a long silence. "Tell him," Leonardo finally ordered. I was shocked by his tone. I don't think I ever heard Leo talk to Splinter with that kind of disrespect. "Tell all of us. Tell us about Sakura."

Sakura. I didn't recognize the name, and didn't have a clue what it had to do with Anna. But I knew better than to ask questions. Mike didn't. "Who's Sakura?" he questioned.

Splinter sighed. I glanced over my shoulder as a familiar presence entered the room. Raphael walked to the opposite end of the couch and leaned on the arm rest, watching Sensei in the long silence that followed. "I met Sakura almost immediately after coming to the states," Splinter finally began, staring directly at Leonardo. "She had come over here from Japan because she had married an American soldier. He brought her to New York, and later divorced her. He threw her out on the streets, and she had nothing."

I rested my chin in my palms, amused by this new information. Splinter rarely offered any details of his life before our transformation. "She was attacked in an alley, and I happened to see her as I was going to get food. She and I were both wounded, and I brought her back with me to the lair."

Mike and I exchanged glances. Raphael and Leonardo both watched Splinter intently, as if they were scrutinizing every word. "It was first agreed that she would stay only until we were healed, as she did not wish to accept charity. However, she decided to stay even afterward, accepting the help as from one friend to another. In return for shelter, she taught me English - a great deal of the language if not fluency - and urged me to pay attention to television and radio. She also taught me to write this language, and to read it. Her English skills were impeccable, and she was an incredibly creative writer.

Her talents earned her scholarship money to a school in California, and I urged her to go. She agreed, and she left."

"And during this time that she lived with you, she had a child," Raphael assumed. I glanced at him. He obviously knew more of this story than I did.

Splinter shook his head slowly. "No, the child was only conceived. She left for California in the earliest stages of her pregnancy."

I felt my eyes widen. Mikey nearly fell off the back of the couch. "What!"

"How long was she gone?" Raphael demanded, unaffected by the confession. My mind was reeling. Suddenly, I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this, but I had no idea how the pieces fit.

"She lived in California for more than five years," Splinter sighed. "It was more than two years after she left that we were mutated. When she returned, I hid myself, and you, from her discovery."

"Why?" Leonardo asked. The same question had sprung to my mind, but I was still unable to talk.

Splinter's eyes fell and a look of sadness came over his face. "For many reasons, Leonardo," he whispered. "Many of the same reasons I raised you the way that I did."

I knew the outside world would consider them freaks, so I trained them in the ancient art of ninjutsu... The words came back to me in a rush, and I caught my breath, shocked by what he was saying. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Raphael stiffen. "You considered yourself a freak," he accused. I stared at him, realizing what that said for us.

Splinter sighed. "You must understand, Raphael. I was not always like this."

His words cut deeply, though I couldn't totally explain why. I was suddenly filled with a deep sense of betrayal. He didn't even try to deny it. I glanced at Mike, and saw a hurt expression on his face, which I'm sure mirrored my own. "Do you still feel that way?" he whispered. He sounded like his voice could crack if he spoke too loudly.

Splinter looked up at him. "Michaelangelo, time changes a great deal of things."

"Do you?" Leo challenged, realizing that the question was not answered.

Splinter sighed deeply. "Leonardo, from the time you found out who I used to be, from the time you were eight years old until you were fifteen, you made it your life's work to find a way to restore me to my human form. You nearly succeeded once. Do you remember that?"

I thought for a moment. "Shredder had a retromutagen ray," Leo remembered. "It undid mutations. We went to go get it."

"And do you remember what happened to Shredder's retromutagen ray?" he questioned.

"You destroyed it," I whispered, remembering. "When he was going to use it on us."

Splinter paused for a moment to let that sink in. "Do you not think that I could have gotten that device away from my enemy if I had only allowed you all to be sacrificed?"

That was a rhetorical question. Of course he could have. We were probably the only weakness Splinter had. "I made a choice that day," Splinter continued quietly. "And I chose, knowingly, to spend the rest of my days as your sensei, here in these sewers. I have accepted that decision, and I cherish it more than all my memories of Hamato Yoshi's life. I would have it no other way."

I considered that for a moment. "You still didn't answer the question," Raphael pointed out.

"I would not have chosen to be something that I appalled."

I sighed deeply, knowing now that he wouldn't answer it. Not when he knew his words would cause us pain. He was a freak, but he accepted that life, and enjoyed it for what it was worth. In that way, he was not unlike myself, when I realized that I could never be a part of society. Though the term itself was an insult, in its purest form it was truth. That was, perhaps, why it hurt so much. But that didn't mean I regretted my life, or that I would change anything about it if I had the opportunity.

"How did Sakura die?" Raphael questioned.

Sakura. My mind was drawn back to the original conversation. Splinter didn't answer the question.

"Surely you know," Leo continued, almost mockingly. "How did Anna end up in the hospital?"

Splinter sighed deeply and bowed his head. "When Sakura came back to New York with her daughter, she searched for me. She most likely recognized the differences in the lair an assumed that I still lived there, but thought that I had gone elsewhere to escape the winter cold. She searched the city looking for me."

"And you watched her go through all that?" I asked, slightly surprised.

"No," he sighed. "But I heard of it. She was a successful businesswoman upon her return and had offered a substantial reward for information about me."

"How substantial?" Raph questioned.

"It was large enough to attract the attention of the news media."

I considered that for a moment. She must have been very successful in her business. He hesitated a moment before continuing. "At one point during her search, she came into contact with a man whom I trust gave her a name other than his own. She surely would have recognized him if he had been honest."

"Saki?" Leo guessed.

He nodded. I cringed as the pieces started to come together. A woman on television proclaiming Hamato Yoshi's name would attract Shredder's interest in a heartbeat. "He found out that our relationship ran deeper than what she was telling the news media, and that her child was, in fact, mine."

He stopped. The force of his words hit me like a Mack truck. Of course, I'd already figured that out. But to hear him actually say it, flat out, was almost too much to handle. "So he killed her," Leonardo assumed when he didn't continue. Splinter nodded.

"Why didn't he kill Anna?" Raph demanded.

"Anna's your daughter..." Michaelangelo whispered quietly.

"He slit her throat," Splinter explained, ignoring Mike if he'd even heard him. "In my presence. I fought with Saki, and took the child to a pay phone, where I called for an ambulance. She somehow survived."

Leo sighed deeply. "And the traumatic experience caused her to lose large portions of her memory."

"It wasn't difficult for police to identify Sakura," Splinter continued. "And from there, they identified her daughter, Kioko." I blinked as several thoughts hit me at once. Not Anna? Kioko was the name of the victims he'd been targeting. "She had no traceable family or friends. When she woke up, she remembered nothing. Her doctors tried to recall her memory, then decided to let her shape her past as she saw fit. That was the last the news media said of her. Years later, I discover that she named herself Anna, and grew up in an orphanage."

The final pieces fell into place and I stared blankly at Splinter. Leo hid his face in his hands. "Anna Palmer isn't even her real name," he realized.

"No," Splinter agreed. "Her real name is Tanaka Kioko."

"And you knew her when you saw her."

He nodded. "I did."

"You drew that map for Sakura, and she gave it to her daughter," I mumbled. "That was how Anna found us."

Splinter nodded. "Why didn't you tell her?" Leonardo demanded. "I mean, not telling me is one thing. But how can you look your daughter in the eye and not tell her who you are?"

He sighed, and didn't answer. "For the same reason you didn't tell Sakura?" Raph asked cynically. I cringed, dreading the answer.

Splinter shook his head. "No. Not at all."

"Then why?" Leo pressed, anger tainting his voice.

He didn't answer for a long time. "Leonardo, what I did not tell you was for your protection and hers. You must understand that."

"I don't need you to protect me, dammit!" Leonardo yelled, springing to his feet. I jumped back, shocked. Next to me, Mike suddenly had a death grip on the back of the sofa, which he was sitting on. Raphael's eyes shifted to Leo, but his emotionless expression didn't change. "All Iwant from you is the truth!" Leo cried.

"The Shredder had no idea who Hamato Yoshi's daughter was or if she was still alive," Splinter snapped back at him, using that authoritative tone that had always made me cower as a child. "And I would have preferred to keep it that way, seeing as Anna Palmer's life as she knows it is now in danger. Surely you can see the correlation, Leonardo."

He was not angry, but the intensity of his voice suggested that he may be on the threshold of such emotion. Leo backed down and let him continue. "Has your anger so clouded your thinking that you have not considered the danger that she could face if she remembers that she is Tanaka Kioko, Hamato Yoshi's offspring?" Splinter continued. "Do you not think that I had reason for allowing her to grow up in an orphanage, instead of raising her myself? She was safer as Anna Palmer than she would ever have been under my care. Because as my daughter, she faces the same dangers you do as my students. And Oroku Saki would not have failed to promptly kill her if he knew who she was."

"But he does know!" Leonardo yelled back.

"Then it is your responsibility to find out how he..."

"My responsibility!" Leo interrupted. "She's your goddamn daughter!"

I felt like I'd stepped into the twilight zone. Even Raph had never had the balls to raise his voice at Master Splinter. But to hear those words coming out of Leo's mouth was like watching a movie. It didn't feel real.

"Hey! Leo!" We looked to Raph. His arms were crossed over his plastron, that same emotionless expression on his face. "Look, we can argue about it or we can go find her. But the fact of the matter is that it's probably gonna hurt you a hell of a lot more than it's gonna hurt Splinter if she doesn't live through this so you better take responsibility for her."

My jaw dropped. Reverse psychology. He was using goddamn reverse psychology on Master Splinter! Did he even realize what he'd just said? Splinter looked stunned, and it wasn't hard to figure out why. I suddenly realized how much deeper this went than either of them knew. They were turning on him. They were turning him into the enemy.

"Woah, wait!" I interrupted, finding a hidden boldness, spawned from anger, that I didn't know I had. "This is wrong! What the hell are we going to accomplish by sitting here and...?"

"Who the fuck asked you, Donny?" Raphael demanded, cutting me off.

"How dare you!" I continued, undeterred. I could feel the anger growing inside of me as I considered just how deep this issue ran. "You wouldn't even be here if not for Splinter!"

Leo was slightly calmer than Raph. "Don, that's not what we're..."

"We spend our whole lives running after Shredder, Oroku Saki, Splinter's best student who turned on him for god-knows-what reason, and now you've got the audacity to stand here and do the same damn thing as the man you call your enemy? And over a woman?"

I hit a nerve. I didn't mean to. It wasn't really supposed to come out that way, but it did. I knew that Anna was more than just a woman to Leo. Moreover, I knew what an insult it was to his integrity to accuse him of turning against his sensei. But from where I was standing, it didn't look like much of an exaggeration.

It took about a half-second for Leonardo to move, and another half for me to get ready. But he never got to me. He took two steps and ended up on his back. His weapons clattered to the ground as his wrists were attacked, and by the time he had a chance to open his eyes, the tip of Master Splinter's walking stick was at his throat. Raphael tensed and I wondered for a brief moment if he would dare to attack. He didn't. Whether out of respect or the knowledge that Splinter could kick his ass, I wasn't sure.

"This. Stops. Now," Splinter growled, still as a statue. "You will not behave this way in my presence."

Leonardo didn't have much of a choice. Splinter wouldn't kill him; we all knew that. But he wouldn't hesitate to cause some pain if he wasn't obeyed. They remained still. I couldn't see Splinter, but I saw the angry look on Leonardo's face slowly fade. It didn't totally go away, but he closed his eyes and relaxed, submitting reluctantly. I expected Splinter to pull away, but he didn't. "Do you know why you are angry, Leonardo?" he finally asked.

Leo's eyes remained closed. "You weren't honest," he whispered. "With me or with her. Possibly not even with yourself."

Splinter didn't move. "No, Leonardo. That is not the reason. You are angry because I made a decision, fourteen years ago, which was dishonest even though it was made with the best intentions. I did not lie to you, nor to Anna, nor to myself. And you know this. You were deceived because I lied to Sakura, in hiding from her. And this I did because I am not perfect."

He pulled the weapon from Leonardo's neck, and Leo opened his eyes slowly. "And if you cannot forgive me," Splinter continued, "for a sin committed more than a decade ago, which was never intended to hurt anyone to begin with..." They stared at each other intently as Splinter paused for a moment. "...then you are neither my student nor the child that I raised."

Without another word, Splinter turned and left the room.