Senses Of Insecurity

I couldn't tell fact from fiction
or if my dream was true,
The only sure prediction
in this whole world was you.
I'd touched your features inchly,
heard love and dared the cost.
The scented spiel reeled me unreal
and I found my senses lost.
Senses Of Insecurity' by Maya Angelou

Plot: Set in Season Two just after Surprise; Buffy and Spike are both hurting as their lovers usurp them, Angelus grows more powerful and he's not the only Big Bad in town. (B/S mostly, but also some Scooby action.) WIP.
Rating: This chapter is basically PG-13 to be on the safe side, there is not really any bad language just vague references to sex.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. It all belongs to Joss Whedon, I own nothing. Nada. Zeppo.
Author's Note: This is majorly a Work-In-Progress. The first three chapters are based around the Season Two episode 'Innocence' but after that its going to change a great deal (I hope). Though most of the time I will be writing about Buffy and Spike, don't expect anything major to happen between them quickly. I want to make it at least a little realistic. There will also be bits of B/A, S/D, W/X, W/O, X/C and G/J. Enjoy!

Innocence Again

Do you remember when
You were way back then
You held the world
inside your hands
When you told me love
Was the strongest stuff
Your strength was innocence
Innocence Again' - Switchfoot

Buffy sat in her classroom, third chair from the back. She was tapping her pencil against the side of her book and studiously paying attention to her lesson.

...So Heathcliff finds when he returns that Cathy has left him and married another man. Ironically she has married this other man because he possesses the very things that Heathcliff goes out to get, and succeeds in finding. Heathcliff does have a gage on what Cathy wants, but he is too late to present it to her. Thus making all his efforts and sacrifices along the way null and void...

She flipped over her copy of Wuthering Heights and read the blurb as the teacher continued to speak. She'd have to ask Willow about the story line, she summarised as the blurb was confusing. Or maybe she could talk to Angel, he was bound to have read it, gothic romance to a Vampire with a Soul must be like Kibble to kitties. Do kitties eat Kibble or is that dogs?

The bell rang and saved her from a severe case of brain-babble. Shoving her books into her bag Buffy quickly swung it over her shoulder and hurried after Willow.

Willow questioned helpfully.

Buffy nodded, To see if-- Yes, library.

I'm sure he'll turn up soon, Buffy, all safe and in once piece...

Buffy's brows knitted, If he does then I will personally beat him up...

Willow glanced across at her, surprised.

Well, if he's in one piece then he hasn't got a good excuse for disappearing..

The two girls turned into the Library to find Giles and Xander both peering over books. The former was expected but the second caused them to do a double-take.

Hey! What? Just because I don't like to read doesn't mean I can't! Oh, what's that? Kidding!!

Caffine high Xander?

Just a few cokes.. Heh..

Caffine and sugar then, huh, anything Giles?

Giles glanced up and immediately removed his glasses and began cleaning them in a flippant gesture,

No, Buffy, I'm sorry..

Buffy straightened her posture,

Its okay Giles, no big, I'll just have to look myself..

Xander picked up a particularly heavy looking book and offered it to Buffy with an angelical smile, Lockson's Guide to Ninth Level Deamon's and their Freaky Mojo Masters?

Buffy blinked at him, she asked for a second, confused. Then realisation dawned,

Oh, the Judge guy.. No, I meant Angel... I'm going to look for Angel..

Giles sighed, ... At the moment your missing boyfriend is the least of our troubles--

Our troubles maybe, but not mine. He is my priority. She held up a silencing hand when Giles made to rebuttal, Besides I'm not research-girl. Even Xander does that better than me..

Xander yelped indignantly, then after a pregnant pause, I mean about the girl bit..

I suppose you're right Buffy, but don't tire yourself out looking for Angel, he's used to taking care of himself.

Buffy uttered quietly before turning and walking from the Library.

***

She smacked Willy up against the bar again. Her fists were clenched, one around his shirt-collar and the other ready to strike. If there had been anyone in the bar after Willy's not-so-subtle warnings of her presence she had certainly scared them out now. Willy seemed relatively unharmed apart from the split eyebrow, and she hadn't really meant to punch him that hard anyway. Also his breath was coming out in irregular panicked gasps and a thin sheen of sweat licked his face,

I swear, Slayer, I haven't heard anything about your Vamp...

Buffy glared at him for a few seconds before loosening her grip,

You're sure now Willy? Because I'd hate for this great relationship we have to go-- she pulled a stake from her pocket, -- Poof.

Willy glanced at the stake and laughed nervously,

I'm human, Slayer, you can't stake me..

You'd be amazed at how many things a sharp object to the heart will kill. But I don't kill human's Willy. Though isn't most of your clientele Undead-and-Loving-it? Bet you'd hate for them to just... she raised the stake in an expressive gesture,

Heh, I really don't know anything, Slayer, honest.

Buffy pushed the stake back from her pocket and after one last warning glare at Willy she released him entirely. She wouldn't admit it but she felt drained. She'd been around the whole town-- everywhere that Angel might have been -- but there was no sign of him. And after her, ehem, lack of sleep the night before, she felt in need of a shower then cottony sheets. With that sick feeling of worry settling in her stomach she made her way out of Willy's, leaving him to clean up the mess.

She confessed to herself that she was even more worried now than she had been before. Angel missing from her sight was one thing, but Angel missing from town, that was most definitely another. Along with that she didn't even want to throw what had happened the night before into the mix. He was supposed to be there, to hold her and tell he that he loved her, and to make it perfect. To tell her that everything would be all right. Oh, Buffy, don't go there...

She strolled across the street and almost did a double take as a pay phone moved into view. She only thought about it for a second before sprinting to pick up the receiver and fishing for change. The phone rung three times before being picked up by the best person Buffy could have wished for, well, almost.

Hey, Will... Uh, did Angel check in?

No, no, he didn't, but I'm sure he'll...

Where could he be? What--What is he doing?

She knew she sounded angry and mentally told herself off for the moping a few moments ago.

Well, Buffy, he probably has some plan, and he's trying to protect you.

Huh? Protect me from what? This Friendly-Blue-Judge? What plan does he have that wouldn't be safer with a Slayer onboard...?!

Well, I-I don't know what. I'm not in on the plan. It's his plan.

As quickly as it had arrived the anger dissolved, leaving only the frightened sound of her breathing. Buffy quietly voiced her one deepest fear,

Will...What if he's dead..

No. Don't even say that! Angel is not dead.

Buffy's lips curved slightly and the solitary tear that had been meandering down her cheek dropped off her face,

Yeah.. You guy's gonna be in the Library for a while? I just need to stop home-- Bath. Bed. ...An..And then I'll join you.

Yeah, of course we'll be here.

See you.

Buffy barely heard the farewell from Willow as she placed the phone back on its hook. She rubbed her dry eyes and turned around to check the bushes for gawkers. Paranoid. She forced herself to pick up her feet and began to walk back to her house. She blanked her mind of all the thoughts that kept surfacing nastily, as well as the flashback's off her dream and the night before, and instead inserted some insanely-happy pop tunes. She was humming along to some Backstreet Boy's song as she rounded the corner to Rivelo which stopped her avoidance dead in its tracks. Buffy continued however to walk up to her house even if the images of a dead Angel kept making sporadic appearances in her head. As she neared the door to her house---

I cannot move or see you fly
Now that I've found...
Drusilla suddenly appears behind Angel and thrusts a stake into his back. He arches backward in pain.

...this love.
She reaches out for him, and he for her, but before they can touch he begins to disintegrate. His ring, symbol of his love for her, falls to the floor and Drusilla takes a few steps forward.
"Happy Birthday, Buffy.

-- Buffy turned around and rushed away from her house. She had to find him.

Right, Buffy, think about this logically, start at where you saw him last. He wasn't a remote control but it could still work. So she rushed to Angel's apartment. When she arrived outside the door she couldn't help but slow down to push it open gently and close it behind her. This was a setting that she would probably remember for the rest of her Slayer-life. Which granted wasn't long. But it was the place. Was she being too melodramatic?

She looked over to the bed--

It had been made. Confused, hurt, bewildered she walked over to the smoothed out sheets and reached for a shirt that has been laid out. A soft thrum in her stomach alerted her to someone at her back. Unthinking, she'd never make a good detective, she turned around and--

Buffy shrieked. Thank God. She ran towards him and flung her arms around him, burying her face into his neck. She had never been so relieved. Her breathing was ragged and she felt the need to cry, laugh and hit him all in the same motion. She held him so tight that she didn't even notice he wasn't returning the favour.