Cocoon

We die,
Welcoming Bluebeards to our darkening closets,
Stranglers to our outstretched necks,
Stranglers, who neither care nor
care to know that
DEATH IS INTERNAL.
The Detatched' by Maya Angelou

Buffy pulled the bedcover up over her head for a few moments to drown out the sound of her mother calling. She was sure it wasn't time to get up yet, her mom was probably just being pre-emptive or something.

Buffy! If you're not down in five minutes you can walk to school!

Buffy groaned and unenthusiastically leapt from bed. Great. Not only did she get an hours sleep, she also got to wear old clothes and smell of sweat for the whole day. She hoped there hadn't been homework.

She'd barely managed to make it over to her wardrobe and extract an outfit before her mother was pounding on the door.

I'm coming mom!

I am!

Buffy pulled on a pair of black jeans impatiently, struggling with one leg then the other and very nearly falling over. Succinct. She then picked up the top she had chosen, black, strappy and loose, showing off her shoulders. Pity she didn't spent much time in the sun otherwise it'd be great to show off her tan in.

As she wrestled a pair of boots on her mother pushed open the door and walked in. Why did parents always think they could do that? Walk straight into their kids rooms. She could have been naked, or snuggly with some guy, both states that she did not want her mother to walk in on.

Oh, honey.. her mother said as she glanced around the untidy room, then at Buffy's similarly untidy hair. Buffy reached up and grimaced, she quickly grabbed a band from her night stand and tied her hair up in a ponytail. She stood,

Right. Ready to go mom.

Her mom glanced around the room once more, wondering whether to say anything, but deciding against it until Buffy got home that night. She honestly didn't understand teenagers, they got everything for free, didn't have to work, and slept for eight hours with no responsibilities, and yet still made it out to be the worst chore in the world.

She sighed before guiding her daughter downstairs, Okay Buffy..

***

Willow lay on her bed, staring up at her ceiling with what she would guess to be a goofy grin on her face. Last night had been the night. Not the the night. But, suffice to say she was no longer a kiss-virgin.

The kiss wasn't a big deal in itself. Sure it had been nice and made her lips all tingly, though that might have been the week-old popcorn, but it was the whole implication of it that was making her grin.

She had grown up, she was a normal girl with her guitarist boyfriend, who didn't think she was repulsive and kissed her. Well, technically it was only one kiss, but it spoke of others to come, right? Unless he had just been using her for practice? No, Oz would not do that. Besides he'd probably kissed lots of girls.

Uh, bad thought Willow. But still, it was something that she should rush to school and tell Buffy about. Then why was she just lying here staring at the ceiling? School could wait a few more minutes. Sometimes it was just nice to dwell on the moments in your life.

Heh, says the seventeen year old.. Willow chuckled and sat up. Yeah, school.

***

Whoa, Buffy, what's with the black-on-black look?

Buffy paused in the corridor and Cordelia caught up with her, balancing an armful of books. It was lunch but Cordy was the first semi-friend that she'd seen all day. She eyed the other girls short leather skirt and swooping neckline, her eyebrows raising.

Heading for a Scooby meeting too? Cordelia questioned, before nodding, Me too. But seriously what is with the look? Someone die or are you just trying to blend in with your Vampire pals?

Buffy glanced down at her outfit and felt the bile rise in her throat. Trying to blend in with her Vampire-- Ugh.

Uh, its just a thing Cordelia, no need to go all obsessive-compulsive over everyone else's clothes as well as yours.

Cordelia raised her hands defensively and marched ahead of Buffy into the Library. Xander and Oz were already sitting around the table, with Willow giggling in Oz's lap. Cordelia walked over and sat next to Xander possessively, grabbing his hand and whispering in his ear waspishly. Books were strewn around, a lot of them open, but nothing important jumped out at Buffy as she sat down.

Where's Giles?

Willow pointed dumbly, her smile suddenly fading. Buffy turned around and glanced in the direction of Giles's office. He was sitting at his desk, staring into space. A newspaper was clutched between his fingers, but it looked almost ready to fall to the floor. She rose slowly from her chair and walked over to the closed door, adding a tentative knock to the silence that had suddenly descended.

Giles blinked twice in quick succession before looking up at the direction of the noise. When he spotted Buffy his face visibly paled, but he pushed back his chair and stood up.

Yes, what do you want?

Uh, Giles.. Buffy waved around at the rest of the group, We've got this new evil to fight...

Giles stared at the other teenagers before his gaze darkened, his eyes snapped back to Buffy,

I think we should deal with Angelus first..

What? But Giles, yesterday--

Forget yesterday.. Giles winced and his expression became even more fixed, Killing Angelus is our priority.

Wait, Giles, this new guy seems to be more dangerous than Angelus. I mean, as far as we know Angelus hasn't even killed anyone yet... and this cake-guy has.

With the mention of death Giles exhaled and did not seem to take another breath at all. The group leant forward worriedly as they watched the Librarian sway on his feet. Finally after an internal battle Giles sucked in a lung-full of air,

Buffy turned to the group, We've got the supplies to do this spell, but do we have anyone to cast it...?

The group stared at her blankly until Willow raised a shaky hand, everyone stared at her except for Oz who just held her other hand tightly.

Well, I was thinking than, uh, Jenny could cast it... Or find someone to cast it for us... she glanced at Buffy before continuing quickly, I know she isn't our favourite person at the moment.. But if its all for the cause of good... her voice trailed off.

Buffy swallowed and thought about it. She seemed to do most of her thinking in school about things other than school. In fact she didn't think about school when she wasn't there either. She was a bad student. Huh.

Inviting Jenny back into the group wasn't really something that she was ready to do. As far as she was concerned the computer teacher had lied, causing Buffy to loose her boyfriend.

But hadn't she also done Buffy a favour, giving her the chance to find out who, or what, Angel really was.

No, she wasn't mature enough to think of it like that yet. It still hurt. Or didn't hurt, it was an emptiness in her stomach that wouldn't go away. It was like she'd never get over Angel.

His lips pressed into hers, they were warm, which was surprising. It was tender and needing and as their tongues touched she felt a little peace, and a little relief from the stress and tension that had built up over the last few days. His fingers caught up in her hair were comforting, and the feeling of his body beneath her--

Uh, Buffy?

Buffy jumped and immediately felt a mortifying blush rise up to her cheeks. What the hell had possessed her to think about that kiss. Was it just going to pop into her mind at inappropriate points until she went mad with guilt and anger. Probably, and it was her own fault for kissing him. Spike. Ugh. As you reap so shall you sow, or something like that.

Um, yeah, Will, that's a great idea. Giles?

Giles had been growing steadily paler with every word spoken, when Buffy engaged him he stared around the group as if he wanted to tell them something. As if it was tearing him up inside. But instead..

I-I'm sorry.. he murmured before turning and rushing out of the Library.

What was that about? Xander questioned.

Buffy stared after Giles, worry creasing her features.

Should we go after him? Willow asked.

Where would he go? I mean... He lives in the Library...

I think we should leave him... He obviously has something going on... But it might not be any of our business...

Grown-up stuff?

Yeah, Will..

Xander shook his head with disbelief and stood up, his hand still fixed in Cordelia's.

I can't believe you're not going to follow him, he's a friend. Not just a

Its not just that Xander, its--

Whatever. I'm going to see what's wrong...

Xander pushed past Buffy and stalked out of the door, Cordelia following closely behind him, speaking in a low voice. Buffy looked over at Willow and Oz imploringly, only to see Oz get up and follow the rest of the group.

I told him to do that. Willow explained, He might be good with the man-stuff... Plus I wanted to talk to you..

A wide smile broke Willow's face and she beckoned Buffy over to sit with her. Buffy moved in and sat down, crossing her legs in her chair and hardly managing to keep her worried face on for long in the wake of Willow's smile.

What's the news Will?

Willow leant back from the shocked look on Buffy's face and explained quickly,

Willow and Oz type kisses. Or a kiss, anyway..

Oh... That's great Will...

Willow's eyes widened as she watched Buffy. She'd known her for over a year and knew, most of the time, when there was something else going on. She'd seen Buffy at her worst and at her best, and she loved her like only a best friend could. She was hiding something. It couldn't be that bad or she wouldn't have been able to walk around looking so happy... But it was something.

Buffy... What is it?

You're hiding something....You went all flustered when I mentioned kisses. Ohh! Is there a new man? Some lip-locking action? Buffy..?

Buffy stared at her boots hard. Could she really tell Willow about it? She'd probably be shocked, but she wouldn't tell anyone, maybe she'd understand. She felt her eyes welling up with tears. Well done, Buffy, crying again, like that'll change anything.

Will.. I've done something bad...

I.... Uh, I don't even know how to say it without throwing up... Last night I kissed, uh, I kissed Spike.

Silence.

(Author's Note: I am aware of how crappy this chapter is, but please don't think I'm saying that because I want to guilt you into reviewing. It really is crappy. For those who have reviewed, another big thank you.)