Broken Wings
Every waking moment I...
Fly too fast and soar too high...
Drifting further from your love...
Forgetting why I'm meant to fly...
Willow shut the door to Giles's office firmly. It was comfortably tidy if a little snug. It wasn't as if the people in the Library were making a lot of noise, but Willow's insistence that they were had driven her into the office, and privacy. She needed to call Oz, but she wasn't sure if he'd be too happy about that, and she didn't feel like arguing with him on the phone while people looked on. And she cried. Sometimes she wished that she wasn't such a wimp, crying about everything, and sometimes she was scared that she would stop crying. And caring.
Uh, Willow, shut up. she muttered to herself. Self-awareness wasn't really going to get her anywhere, especially if the world ended that night. Her eyes darted around the office, taking in the bookshelves, filing cabinet, lamp, and telephone. With a final breath of courage she sat down on the soft leather seat and picked up the receiver. It was one of those old phones where you actually had to dial in the numbers with a little ting' signalling each one. She did this with a meticulous slowness, trying to prolong the event. Ringing sounded in her ear. Once. Twice. Three times. Would he really have gone out? Four times. It obviously wasn't that upsetting for him then. Five--
Willow hung up and frowned. She felt that she had to make a decision. Continue looking for Oz or go it alone. She felt that she could probably do the spell by herself, but Oz might be of some help... The red head tapped her fingers against the glass paperweight on the table metronome-style as she thought. And decided.
***
Are Dingos playing tonight? Maybe that's where he is...? Xander supplemented helpfully.
That's what I was thinking. Willow agreed, I have enough time to go and get him don't I?
Giles said hesitantly, But we don't... Do you know everything that you have to do for the spell?
Hmm.. I'm not sure I'm comfortable of you casting it without having a run through first...
I'll be fine, Giles.
All right. You can fetch Oz and we'll get ready here. We'll probably be gone by the time you get back though..
I'll be okay Giles. You-You just look after yourself and the others.
We'll be careful. Giles said, smiling.
Willow returned the smile, towards all of them. It was scary, and also kinda forbidden, to think that some of these people might be dead before she saw them next. That's why you're casting the spell. Doing your part. To save them.
I'd, uh, better be going then.. she murmured.
Xander straightened from where he had been staring at a book and walked over to his best friend. They hugged affectionately, but neither said what was on their minds.
I'll see you later Xander.
Yeah, see you later Will.
If we're not all dead. Cordelia added loudly, then with faux cheerfulness, Bye Willow.
Bye Cordy. Kendra.
Willow turned and walked out of the Library, barely remembering to pull on her coat to shield her against the Californian night. It wasn't the coldness that she was particularly afraid of, but the Vampires. Hence the stakes in the coat pockets. For some reason random songs kept marching through her head, nothing relevant. All fruity pop tunes, but it just seemed sorta disrespectful on the part of her subconscious. Bad brain.
As she made her way to the Bronze she couldn't help but wonder what would happen if she just took a detour and went home, up to her room and crawled into her bed. Her nice warm bed. The obvious answer was that the world would end, but why did she have to have so much responsibility? It'd be nicer to just snuggle under the bedcovers and fall asleep obliviously, but she couldn't.
And that's what my life is like.. she whispered under her breath as she crossed a road. The Bronze loomed into sight. She could hear it before she could see it, the loud sounds of teenagers drinking, laughing, fighting and generally messing around more audible than the music inside.
She went through the usual process of queuing and walking past the bouncers. She still remembered a time when there had just been one lone middle-aged man guarding the entrance. But that had been before Vampires had decided that bouncers were fair game as well. Somehow that made the club more aware of the problem and, bingo, more security.
As Willow walked out onto the dance floor she noted, with nausea and excitement, that Dingoes were indeed playing tonight. Rather than noticing any of the members of the band, who she knew all by name, her eyes fixed first and stayed on Oz, who was even more stoic than usual as he played the bass.
Oh, look who's here, Willow Rosenberg all by herself. How cute. Manage to get away from Cordelia long enough to breath? The high-pitched comments were coming from Harmony as she led what was left of the Cordette's over to Willow.
Willow asked weakly.
Yeah. You two are like regular cuckoo sisters now. Always hanging around together.
Uh, not really.. Willow said, trying to turn and catch Oz's eye.
Not really? Oh, I get it. Its because of that freak of a boyfriend she has. Harris. Did you two used to go out?
Willow caught Oz's eye and motioned with her head that he should come and speak to her. And that it was urgent. He motioned back that he would, after the song.
Ha! So not even a geek would date Cordelia's new beau! Classic!
Willow turned and glared at the blond with annoyance, Did you want something?
What? Oh. God no. I just wanted to remind... you... of the kind of life you miss out on because you're such a... freak. She laughed, as did the other girls, before they slid out onto the dance floor in their hooker-wear.
Willow rolled her eyes emphatically before making her way over to an empty table at the side of the dancers. She was glad that people liked Dingoes, they were a good band by teenage standards, but not very likely to get a record contract. A truth that she wouldn't divulge in front of any of its members. Next year Oz would be going away to college and leaving Willow in high-school. Was it a good idea that they continued to see each other?
Oz pulled out a stool and sat down at the opposite side of the table from Willow. His palms were sweaty, and not just from having been on stage a few moments before. He watched the girl that he loved nervously, wondering if she'd come her to shout at him, and wishing already that things were okay between them.
You didn't tell me that Dingoes were playing tonight.
..Oh, another band cancelled.
Willow nodded and Oz rubbed his palms against his trousers. Another band began to set up on the stage while a melodic tune played through the speakers and a few couples swayed on the dance floor. After a suitable pause of silence Willow spoke up again.
We had a Scooby meeting tonight.
Oz asked, pretending to have forgotten.
Yeah. We're actually fighting the beast and Angelus.. tonight.
Oh... So you came to get me. Oz said, obviously disappointed.
Yeah, I thought I might need your help with the spell casting and such.
So... Will you?
Help? Sure, why not.
.. You don't have to.
I said I would.
But do you want to?
Will--Willow, its about saving the world, not about me.
Oh? Cause I thought you were feeling selfish today.
Sorry. But you, what, shut the door in my face because I don't understand you? Help me understand. I love you, you know that, we can work everything else out.
I love you too, Will.
You love me but you can't let me help you. I want to help you. I love you and I need your help. Not with something to do with me. Maybe someday. But today with helping the world. If you love me then you'll help me save the world. Not just help save the world.
Willow pushed down on the table and stood up, a sweet smile on her face, Did any of that even make sense..?
Oz mimicked her movements and she eyed him, becoming serious again, Are you coming?
***
Spike, keep up.
I am Slayer, its not my fault that your enormous... bulk, forces me to walk behind you.
You're just afraid I'll smack you for that comment.
Afraid. Nope, if I thought you were going to smack me then I'd walk faster.
Slayer and Vampire reached the edge of the forest and stared into the darkness. Or rather the Slayer did, the Vampire gauged the amount of ground they'd probably have to cover to even find this new Big-Bad.
So... You have some idea of where we're going, right? We're not just doing to walk around in circles all night?
We're looking for a gingerbread house.
I'll take that as a
Well, from what we know of this thing, it should come to us.
..And kill us quick if your mate hasn't cast that spell?
Well... Kill us, yes.. but technically not quickly.
Great. Not slash and claw then?
No. It... plays with your emotions until you're a wreck, then it attacks physically. Hey! Buffy said brightly, You should be all right then, because you have no feelings!
Funny, again, Slayer. Spike deadpanned, his eyes still searching the night for anything. He figured that with Vampire senses he'd see it before the Slayer. Especially if she kept talking rather than hunting.
Buffy caught his obvious distraction and mentally slapped herself. She was supposed to be the Slayer and he was supposed to be the one standing around and making stupid-distracting comments. Almost immediately as Buffy switched roles so did Spike.
Hmm, maybe there is no Big-Bad. You just wanted to get me up here alone.
Yeah Spike. That'll be it.
He nodded, answering her sarcasm with sarcasm, Thought so. Then he grabbed her shoulder, twisted her around and kissed her. Her lips melted into his for a prolonged moment before she shoved him away. Instead of hitting him or storming off she simple uttered one word before turning back to survey their surroundings.
How could he possibly kill this girl when she was just so, unpredictable. It would be unfair, unfun. Was it revolting to decide whether someone should live or die based on how exciting they were? Probably. But how could he love a Slayer. That was revolting. It wasn't that he did love her, it was just that if he didn't, then he'd better kill her and have done with. Stop her messing with his head. If it wasn't love.
Lets go into the woods. Buffy said slowly, indicating that she was probably repeating it and that he hadn't been listening.
And do what? Call his name? You said he'd come to us.
Yeah... But it can't hurt for us to be closer.
Actually it could hurt a lot.
Oh, what do you care? You're dead.
Fine, blondie, ladies first.
As if I'd follow you anyway. Buffy quipped as she stepped into the dark forest. Spike watched her go for a moment before following. A delayed thought sprouted into his brain. She didn't seem to be that bothered that he'd kissed her. What had happened to Oh God'? The tears, shame and recriminations. So much he wanted a reason to stop, but she wasn't giving him one. How could he decide not to like her when she was giving out signals that she might like him. Women.
Glowin' yet Slayer?
The talisman?
she reached into her pocked and pulled it out,
Spike rolled his eyes skywards to the canopy of branches, Slayer, how are you going to be able to tell if it is if you keep it in your pocket?
...S-Slayer senses! she snapped.
Uh huh.
She began walking again, her chin thrust in the air obstinately, but he noticed that she didn't put the talisman back into her pocket. So she can take some advice, he observed.
Buffy felt her heart pounding faster as she walked through the trees. She was surprised that Spike hadn't mentioned it, weren't Vampires supposed to notice that sort of stuff? She desperately tried to calm it down but that cost her concentration, causing her to stumble and Spike to make an insulting comment. Annoying Vampire, it was his fault anyway. She kept feeling that perhaps she should have said something more harsh to him for kissing her. But it was probably just a joke, or to wind her up or something. Not meant to be taken seriously. She wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, because there was nothing to make a big deal out of. Nope. Why wasn't he noticing her pulse? Wasn't he paying attention to her?
The forest was actually kind of pretty at night. It wasn't as if he'd ever seen it in the daytime, but he could appreciate nice landscape when he saw it. A floor littered with leaves even if it wasn't fall, green grass that was grey at night. Healthy trees. Spike spent a while admiring the foliage before realising that he was just trying to distract himself from the blonde if front of himself. Very far in front of him now, because he'd slowed down. That was better, physical distance coupled with mental distance made for a very nice amount of... distance.
Spike? Are you following me or looking at the flowers?
Busted.
Following, luv. Spike said speeding his pace to catch up with her, Always following
Good, and don't call me
Its perfectly innocent. Generic.
Generic, huh? I'll believe that when you start calling Xander luv', or Giles.
So why do you want to find this thing so quickly? Spike asked, changing the subject.
Why? So it doesn't kill anyone else.
..And so you can get back and help with.. other matters? Spike persisted. Instead of evading his question she surprised him.
Don't you?
Why would I?
Well... Kendra might be staking Dru right as we speak, that doesn't bother you?
Spike said tightly, Does it bother you that she might be staking Angelus? Wanted to get in there yourself? Or maybe you're just not ready to let him go...
We've been over this--
Yeah, we have, so why did you bring it up again? Dru means nothing to me anymore.
And Angelus means nothing to me. Buffy agreed, glad that was sorted out.
...And Angel?
Angel's dead. she said automatically.
Yeah... But if you could have him back right now, would you? After everything he's done to you and your mates?
Buffy stared ahead, using Slayer senses to check if any bad guys were near. Spike being so close wasn't helping, he was clouding her abilities. And asking stupid questions.
You would, wouldn't you?
Angel is dead. So it doesn't matter. Buffy stated, but it was plain to both of them what the answer was.
Spike was going to let it drop. Let her have her fantasies of the good Vampire Angel, protector of the innocent. But for some reason it annoyed him more than a little that even after all of Angelus's bad deeds, she'd still take her boyfriend back. It wasn't jealousy.
I can't believe that you'd take him back after he attacked you mom, and killed the teacher.
That isn't Angel. That's Angelus.
And you think they're totally different people? Just because they say they are? You think that he never thought about drinking you dry, even with his soul?
He loved me.
Don't need a soul to do that. Spike snapped, then amended hastily before she got the wrong idea, I loved Drusilla.
Can we just stop this conversation? Its all hypothetical. Angel is dead, and not coming back.
Glad you realise that.
God, Spike, what are you talking about? Why do you care? You're just here to kill the monster with me, then you're leaving and never coming back to annoy me ever again.
Or kiss me. Or touch me. Or anything..
Fine Slayer. Stick to the job then. Spike gestured forward into the woods and both marched onwards in the silence of thought.
So she was still in love with the wanker, so what? He was gone. And more importantly it shouldn't matter to him who she loved. Unless it was him, and then he'd break her neck for it. It was so convincing to say that in his head, but actually acting it out was a different matter. Besides, she'd get over Angelus easily enough when he was really dead and gone. Be open to other possibilities. Probably some simpering student at her school. Or that boy, Xander, he liked her, didn't he?. Not Spike. It'd never be Spike. And he should be happy about that. Ecstatic.
Spike was so annoying! He couldn't just let a subject drop. Of course she was over Angel! And Angelus was as good as dust now as well. She was over it. Moved on. Maybe he was like that because he wasn't over his Vamp-ho Drusilla yet. Or maybe it was because he was and he wanted Buffy instead. Clasping a hand to her mouth was all Buffy could do to stop from laughing. Spike wanting her? It would actually be funny if it was true, because it was never going to happen. Vampire. Slayer. And if it wasn't true then... good. Staking him after the battle was becoming an increasingly appealing prospect.
Spike whispered. She sighed and turned to face him.
Look, Spike, I-- Her words were stopped by his hand over her mouth. He was suddenly very close to her, he could feel her pulse where his skin connected with hers, and her warm breath on his hand. She could see the wide expanse of his chest before her--why was he so tall?--and his cooling touch on her face. Slowly he pulled his hand away and their eyes clicked together, gazes locking.
She breathed. He shook his head quickly and pointed to his left, her right.
he said, simply. She did, and her eyes widened at what she saw.
(Author's Note: So, to make up for my lack-of-postage, or lack-of-good-postage, this is my second chapter of the day, a little longer than most. The quote at the top of the page was stolen from an Animorph's fanfic by Guardian, so if you want to read her stuff you can go here (http://www.geocities.com/area51/keep/7466/) Thanks for all the reviews that I keep getting. I'm writing it for you (and possibly for me... heh. So its all kinda selfish.))