Title: Lessons to Learn Chapter Three: Hold Me
Author: SlayrGrl55 (aka Anna)
Rating: PG
Pairing: B/S
Spoilers: Lessons
Feedback: pretty please?
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'…yet ~laughs deviously~
A look of understanding passed between slayer and vampire and Dawn thought better of it to leave them alone. She hugged Spike once more and then quietly scampered up to her room, closing the door behind her. Buffy took a seat on the couch and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. Spike made a bold move and took the seat next to her. Not close, but closer than across the room.
"Buffy-" he began but Buffy cut him off.
"Spike, do you still love me?" she asked, looking up at him. She looked frightened, confused, and definitely freaked out. He wanted to move closer and take her in his arms, comfort her and tell her everything was all right. But he didn't. Couldn't. Not after what he had tried to do. I'm not worthy he thought.
"Forever." He simply responded. The panic in her face faded and she threw her arms around him. Unable to resist, he hugged her back. He couldn't believe she was hugging him. She had never hugged him before. She'd kissed him, punched him and even slept with him…but she had never hugged him. He nuzzled her hair and she relaxed her head on his shoulder, not wanting to move from his embrace.
"Spike, where were you? Where did you go? What was so important that you had to leave me-uh, us for? What did you leave us for?" she asked, finally pulling away from him.
His eyes traveled around the room, looking anywhere but her. How would he answer this? 'Well, I wanted to kill you…' That wouldn't help things, but he didn't want to lie to her.
"I went to Africa. I wanted to be what I was. I wasn't sure what that was, though. Turns out…I wanted a soul." He finally looked back at her. "I have a soul."
"Spike! That's great!" She hugged him again. God, I could get used to this he thought. She pulled away from him and grabbed his hand, tugging him after her as she ran up the stairs and into Dawn's room. She flung the door open and jumped onto Dawn's bed, still pulling Spike with her.
"Dawn, Spike has something to tell you." The smile on her face was growing wider and wider. Dawn looked to Spike expectantly.
"Nibblet, I have a soul."
A shriek of happiness could be heard throughout the house as Dawn threw herself at the bleach blonde. She hugged him so tight she might have broken him if he was human. Still smiling, Buffy stood up and began to walk out of the room, "So, any requests for dinner?"
"You cook now, luv?" Spike was astonished, and quite scared. Buffy and cooking were un-mixy things.
"No," Dawn answered. "She dials. I want anchovies on my pizza." Buffy gave a look of pure disgust in her sister's direction.
"And us normal people will have plain. That okay with you, Spike?" she asked.
"Fine with me, pet." he answered, still tangled up in Dawn's hug. Buffy giggled and dashed down the steps to order the pizza. Forty-five minutes later they all sat at the dining room table, eating their pizza and chatting.
"So, you were like in the desert all summer? Wasn't it hot? And the Sahara's huge! How did you find your way back? Did you get lost?" Dawn rambled on and Spike tried to answer as many questions as he could while she caught her breath. When they finished, Buffy made up the couch for Spike and Dawn went up to bed, leaving Buffy to do the dishes. She dried and put away the plates and switched off the kitchen light. She intentionally passed through the living room to see Spike. To her surprise, he was still wide-awake.
"Aren't you tired?" She asked upon entering the room. As she talked she checked all the windows to make sure no random rays of sun could get in.
Spike was touched. He wanted to thank her but he settled for just answering her question. No need to get all sappy. "Bloody tired as hell. I just can't fall asleep. I slept so well this afternoon. I don't understand why I can't fall asleep again." He sighed. "I'm just doomed to be awake for all eternity."
She chuckled and thought it over for a second. She hesitated as she spoke again. "Well, today when you were sleeping I was, um, holding you. I left right before you woke up."
Spike was stunned again. Bullocks. She's holding me all day and I'm bloody asleep for all of it.
"Thanks luv." was all he could say.
Buffy finished fiddling with the curtains. She knew she should just go upstairs and go to sleep, but she didn't. Instead she did the unexpected. "Spike, do you want to come sleep upstairs with me? The bed's big enough for the both of us. And if it'll help you sleep…" she trailed off.
"Uh, yea. Sure." He unraveled himself from the jumble of blankets and pillows he had chosen to sleep with and Buffy now saw that he was clad in only his jeans. She turned and headed up to her room, Spike only a few feet behind her. When they reached her room he sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure of what to do. She rummaged around in her drawers a minute before pulling out her pajamas.
"I'm just going to change-" she began.
"Oh, I'll leave then-" he interrupted.
"No, stay." Now that didn't come out too wrong. Buffy cursed herself in her head. "I mean, you don't need to leave. Just turn around."
He nodded and walked over to the window, fixing his eyes in an incredibly interesting tree branch. She changed quickly and began to brush her hair. "You can turn around now. Uh, you can take that side of the bed. I'll close the curtains so I don't wake up to a pile of dust tomorrow morning." Tying her hair back, she crossed the room to secure the curtains. He lay back on the bed, on top of the covers. Not gonna press my luck.
Buffy saw he was deliberately not pushing anything and laughed as she lay down next to him. He looked confused. What have I done now?
"Spike, we've slept together. I think we can go one night lying in the same bed. I mean, look at us. We're all fidgety. It's so pathetic." She continued laughing and it became contagious. Apparently they were loud enough for Dawn to hear them. She barged in the room laughing and saying "Buffy, what is your problem? What is so funny?"
All laughter stopped when she entered. Their situation was very compromising. "Oh! Sleepover." Dawn squealed as she jumped onto the bed.
"Dawn. We're very tired. We all need sleep and there's school tomorrow. No sleepover. Go to bed." Buffy gently ordered. Dawn pouted but got up anyway. As she closed the door Spike heard her say "Riiight." She dragged out. "You're 'tired'."
"She's a piece of work, isn't she?" Spike thought out loud.
"Tell me about it." Buffy replied. After that, all conversation ceased. They were both a little uncomfortable, not knowing what to do.
Spike was uncertain whether he should face her or not. Facing her could be pushing it, but if he didn't maybe she would take that as a bad thing. So he settled for just laying on his back, as uncomfortable as that was.
Buffy, still feeling brave for today, turned to him and whispered "Spike, I know this is gonna sound majorly weird, and you don't have to, but would you hold me? Last year we never held each other…" He could tell she was starting to ramble so he pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her.
"Anything for you, luv." They both moved closer and he put his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest and all the tension the day had brought seemed to melt away. Spike fell asleep first. She could tell because he didn't breath in his sleep. It was a habit that he had picked up that while he was awake he simulated breathing, but never when he slept. Moving her fingertips across his chest she spoke to herself. "What will tomorrow bring, Spike? What's going to happen between us?" she sighed wrapped her arm around him. Drifting into unconsciousness, one last thought escaped her lips.
"I Love you, Spike."
TBC…