"Judgement" By Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer

SPOILERS---Even in the author notes! If you haven't played and/or finished Sukioden I and II then maybe you should think about doing so before you read this fic. Go on they're excellent games.

Also just remember that Sukioden belongs to Konami, not me. Okay here we go then

A/N

This is set three years after Suiko I finishes (right when Sukio II is taking place…) and follows the 'bad' ending. Mcdohl makes such a good tragic hero that I really wanted to go the whole way with the angst.

Oh and just be aware of the following pointers…

Hero Sukioden I Hazel

Hero Sukioden II Reo

Suiko II Castle Phoenix Castle

Sukio II Army Dragon Army

Pahn and Gremio both died in Sukio I

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Chapter I Memories

"I understand that with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?"

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It's another freezing cold night, late autumn always used to be my favorite time of year, so colorful and so many memories. But this year winter seems to be here early, and a cold wind is blowing around, chilling me to the bone as I take this boat back home. It will be the first time I've been back to the republic in almost three years…

Three years since the war where we fought to make a nation with our own hands, three years since almost everyone I cared about died. My father, Gremio, Pahn, all gone, and Viktor and Flik, I don't know if they survived the final battle, I hope so. I heard a rumor that a pair of warriors matching their descriptions set up a fort near Muse, maybe I should go and visit them someday, but I'm not sure I want to go back.

And more than that, it's been three years since I last saw here face, and it still feels like yesterday. When I close my eyes I can usually see her face, smiling like she always did when I was around, but with such a sad look in her eyes because she knew this time I wouldn't be coming back. I'm glad it's her face I usually see, other times its…well it's not as nice to say the very least.

It feels like yesterday, but it feels like a million years ago too, maybe its just the effects of the cursed rune I carry, but it feels like everyday alone is like an eternity. That's what makes it seem so bad, just three years ago I never thought I'd be lonely, strange the ways things turn out really.

I never managed to let her know how I felt back then, maybe I didn't know, or maybe I was just afraid, afraid of letting someone else get close to me and losing them too. Guess from the way I'm feeling that my plan didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. I still feel like I've lost her, what is it that they say, "Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all". I think it was Gremio who told me that I wonder if he was right, would I be feeling much happier if I'd left her behind after telling her everything…probably not but I can't help wondering. Wondering how different my life might be if I hadn't just walked away from her, from Gregmisnster, from my friends, from my responsibilities.

And there you see lies the rub, the Soul Eater gives me great power, and immortality…Immortality and power, and it also gives me eternity. An eternity stuck in some office in the castle, ruling over people for ten years, a hundred years, a thousand years, forever? I couldn't face that, so I ran, ran like a child… Huh guess I still am a kid though, I've killed people, lead armies and so much more. But I'm just three years older than when all this started and sometimes I don't know if I can deal with that, being so young and having a nation pinning all its hopes and dreams on me. But I feel so old too, maybe its because of all the death and devastation I've seen, or maybe its the curse of the Soul Eater, that I have to watch everyone I love die. That's why I couldn't stay with her. Why I had to run, why I won't go back, and why no matter how much I miss her, I won't go and look for her, because I'd only end up hurting the most wonderful girl I'll ever know. Damn it all, I know it makes sense but why then does it hurt so much without her?

I've told myself that the only reason I'm going back is because the winters are far milder in the republic than anywhere else, but I can't help that treacherous little thought in the back of my mind, that I might just run into her again, and then I'd… I'd…

Well I'd do nothing again of course but it would be nice to know that she was still alive, doing well in the world.

What am I talking about? She's probably forgotten all about me, met some guy in Rokkaku and moved on I don't even know that she even cared about me as anything more than a commander. Not even as a friend really, I don't think we ever exchanged more than a handful of words and here I am still thinking about her even after all this time. But I can't go back, no matter how much I want to see her again, it's just far too risky if I saw her again I'd do something really stupid, I'd fall in love with her all over again. And then one day, maybe a month, a year or fifty, but someday she would die and would be left to carry on alone again, and I don't think I could take that.

To watch the girl I love gradually grow old, while I remain as young as the day I took that rune…That is my greatest fear and I can't help but worry that I'm going to see it come to pass. And every single night I see her in my dreams, every night I fall for her all over again, and every morning I wake up and I lose her again. Ted told me that he hadn't had a good nights sleep since he took the rune, I feel like I'm going the same way, I don't want to see her face when I sleep, because I know my heart will break once again.

So here I am, in Banner Village, less than a few hours walk away from her, so what am going to do now?

I'm going to go fishing, Gremio always told me it's a good thing to do when you need to think.