"Judgement" By Luke's Dragon

A/N

Deliberately played through a new game of Suiko II to get the scene with Mcdohl and Kasumi and the scene where the two hero's runes combine. Huh talk about an anti climax, still I've tried using Kasumi's game dialogue in the exchange between the two of them. Almost exclusively from Hazel's POV apart from a very brief scene from Reo's with him and Cleo.

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Chapter 5 Living in the Past

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"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world"

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For the first time in three years I am scared, terrified even as we approach the border checkpoint, don't know why I don't just turn and run. Run as fast as I can and never look back, no one can be worth so much to me that I want to go back to Gregminster. But I stay, leading them onwards, trying not to let them know that inside my stomach is filled with butterflies, although dragons would be a better creature to have there, okay maybe not dragons, but some big although quite frightened creature. Stupid thoughts really, I'm just going because of this kid who needs my help, take him to the doctors and then go. I'm not staying, I'm not going to become president and I'm not going to tell Kasumi anything.

So why do I feel so nervous?

The border guards are led by an old familiar face, Varkas, former bandit chief and part of the reason I joined the Liberation Army in the first place. He looks our group over; probably suspicious in the extreme of a group of battle stained warriors wanting admittance to the republic. He is just about to turn us away when he notices me, hiding at the back, like a school kid who doesn't want to be there.

"Is it really Lord Hazel! You've come back to us?"

"…"

Or what '…' really means is 'no, this is just because of some kid, that's all'. But I can't really say that, not with that grin on his face.

"We need to see Dr. Luiken as quickly as possible!"

The kid's sister at least has her head screwed on, I was busy remembering Odessa asking me to save Varkas and Sydonia and the feeling of guilt that it was because of me that they were in trouble. Cleo's expression when I said it wasn't my problem and Gremio saying I was right, even though he was lying through his teeth.

The thought of what my life would have been like if I had never said yes to that request filled my mind all the way to Gregminster. How many of my friends would still be alive, but I can't think like that I suppose, it happened now I have to deal with the consequences. That's why I don't want to go back, why I ran away in the first place, and too many ghosts and memories haunt that place for me to want to stay there. I'm trying to forget about the influence of a certain female ninja walking next to me with a concerned expression on her face on that decision.

***

Three years have passed since I walked through these gates, the years since I walked away from my home and thought I could go through this alone. Gregminster always looks magnificent, and today was no exception, the rooftops shone in the sunlight and the streets were all so clean. But none of that really matters, the city isn't just about bricks and mortar, it's the people who live there that make it the place it is. And there you have it, all the people who matter to me and made this place my home are gone. My father, Ted, Pahn and Gremio all gone, and with them the sense of this place as my home. The actual building is still there, and Cleo is still there too, but it still isn't the same. Hard to describe really, but seeing so many places with so many happy memories just makes me want to cry. I won't of course, not with people around, I always make a point of crying alone. I want to cry but I don't, surely I get some sort of credit for that.

For not shattering all there illusions of me as some sort of great hero, someone who is so strong, someone who isn't being eaten up inside by his grief.

And so, surrounded by all the pomp and ceremony I walk into the office of the first president of the Toran Republic, Lepant. I was quite surprised when I heard he was given the post of president. Back in the war I just remember him as a swordsman who was dedicated to his wife. Still I suppose with out Mathiu or myself around they didn't have many options, still Lepant? Well I suppose I gave up my rights to say anything about it when I left this place. I can't help but overhearing the whispers that Lord Hazel has come back to lead them again.

No Lord Hazel is only back to help out this kid, then I'm gone. I don't know where I'll go but I won't be staying here. The only thing is I don't know if I want to tear my heart out again and leave her… I guess I got over it once so I can manage again… Got over? No I never got over her anymore than I got over losing anyone else I care about. I just got better at hiding that particular pain.

"Lord Hazel Mcdohl and Lord Reo of the Dragon Army" The chamberlain ushers us in.

"Lord Hazel! It really is you, you have returned"

"I'm here because of this kid, we need to see Dr Luikan right away"

And with that everyone starts rushing around, Kou is carried off to be attended to and that means I can't avoid the inevitable request any longer, and I know that I'm going to disappoint someone else who believed in me. Lots of people will be disappointed I suppose, but I have to do this, I have to walk my own path in life, otherwise what is the point? Ageless but trapped in an office, no. If I have to bear this I have to do it my way. I have to follow my heart… Who was it who told me that?

"Lord Hazel, the office of president is rightfully yours, please step this way.

I don't. I take a step back, trying to hide behind the ample frame of Viktor.

"Lord Hazel? This is the country you made with your own hands"

"…I'm sorry… I can't"

"Hazel…"

I feel a hand on my shoulder, I don't even need to look to know who it belongs to, and it gives me my strength and my courage. Or at least enough to come up with a convincing lie.

"I'm still young, I want to travel and see the world. But I promise I'll come back someday"

I feel awful about that, but who knows maybe someday I will want to come back. Maybe but I doubt it. Anyway it has the desired effect, Lepant looks happy and launches into some speech about keeping things running for me. I smile and nod in all the right places until it is time to leave. Apparently Kou will be fine and just needs to spend the night in the hospital wing resting, so we leave the castle.

On the way out I spot something truly bizarre, a room dedicated to me.

Looking around there is a shelf of books about the war, a couple of badly drawn portraits, a replica set of my clothing and a statue of me. It is quite simply bizarre, but they made a museum about me, a damn museum. I don't get it, I mean no other leaders have museums, the old emperors never bothered but they made one for me. I suppose it is a compliment and I guess they thought it would be nice to let all the kids learn about the great and heroic Hazel Mcdohl. But I don't like it, mainly because it makes me feel like I should already be dead. After all I'm sure only dead people get put in museums.

Kasumi is giving me a worried look, so I leave the statue to be admired in years to come, unable to shake the feeling it is watching me.

Outside the castle a crowd has formed, all wanting to catch a glimpse of me. Feeling horribly embarrassed I give a little wave, feeling my face turn bright red. I'm encouraged by a few kind words behind me, even though I can't tell who from I appreciate it Cutting through the group I see a few familiar faces, friends who fought alongside me. After exchanging pleasantries and feeling awful that they all want to catch up later, but say there's no rush. After all it's not like I'm going to leave them again… I feel like its three years ago and I'm tearing myself to pieces once again. I'm going to betray all their faith in me and leave them. Only this time… this time I'm going to… Forget about it… thinking about it hurts too much.

***

Against my better judgement, mainly due to Viktor, Flick and Nanami wanting to, we go 'home'. Or at least the building that used to be my home.

Now I've been in some bad places in my life but this is something else the air seems heavy, like a great sadness is in the air, like the house itself is lonely and all the history is weighing down upon it. Huh maybe I'm just going mad, reading too much into it, still it is so strange being back here. A place that even though it feels like a lifetime ago used to be my whole world. No that's not true, the people who lived her used to be my whole world, now there's nobody left except…

"Master Hazel?"

"Cleo… it's been a while"

She hadn't changed that much, still the same woman who I always thought of as a big sister, and the only living soul that made me think of my childhood. Maybe that's why I hadn't wanted to go back for three years, she reminds me, every time I look at her, of what I've lost.

And it hurts, more than it usually does which I suppose is something, I always thought I was at a peak of hurt, but being back here… damn it even smells the same… everything looks just the way it did, like stepping back in time. But it's too quiet and that's the giveaway. Although my father was usually away there was always noise and life in this house and now… Now there's nothing. From what I heard after the war Cleo just returned here and kept the place, guarded it like some sort of sentinel in the tomb of a king. And this place reminds me of a tomb, buried here are all the memories and dreams of my childhood and I don't like being back here. That's why tomorrow I'm going to leave for the last time. I don't think I could stand to be here another day. Tired and depressing myself I make my excuses and go to my old room, missing dinner, you see if it wasn't Gremio's stew I don't think I want it.

***

For someone who was used to Nanami's 'cooking' the meal had been a welcome break for Reo, in between inn meals and the restaurant at the castle it had been a while since he had a proper home cooked meal. Cleo, Flik and Viktor had reminisced about their adventures in the Liberation Army, Reo had never realized what huge heroes they had been, but he caught himself wondering why they had set up the fort. Surely they had enough adventures to last them a lifetime, maybe like Hazel the idea of settling down was more terrifying than any monsters they might encounter. Still after this all he wanted was to be with Nanami and Jowy and never need to fight again. He was about to bed when he came across Cleo in the corridor.

"Umm… it was a lovely meal Miss Cleo"

"Thank you…"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes… Just thinking I guess"

"…Okay"

"Reo… is war painful for you?"

"I…I don't know… Yes I suppose… but…"

"But there's no choice right?"

"Right… but why ask me that?"

"I was thinking, what did Hazel gain from the war, personally I mean"

"…I…I don't know"

"Well I'm sure you will… goodnight Reo"

Reo went to his room, but he couldn't sleep through thinking about what Cleo had said. Hazel had certainly lost a lot during the war, but had he gained anything. Lots of people were much happier and better off than before but Hazel… It was sad really, after everything he had been through Hazel had lost his life in a way. So much expectation and admiration, but the only thing he could do to be free was to keep on running away from his home and anyone he cared about. And maybe it was just Reo's imagination but he looked so tired all the time. Maybe that was Soul Eater, or maybe it was three years of loneliness. It sent a chill down Reo's spine when he wondered if he might suffer the same fate.

***

A knock on my door stirs me out of my thoughts, in a way I'm grateful of the interruption.

"Come in"

Kasumi? Huh I wasn't expecting her to be here, still it's been a while since we've talked. Well, not talked as in the exchange of words since I don't really do that, but the point is still the same.

"Umm… excuse me… can I come in?"

"Sure" She's already in so I don't know why she even asked.

"It's been a long time… three years"

Yeah I know how long its been, it feels even longer than that though. I want to say something but I'm tongue-tied again

"It was nice seeing everyone again… everyone leading new lives"

Everyone that is except Gremio, Pahn, my father and all the unknown soldiers else who died that is.

"But you haven't changed at all… except your eyes they look… older"

"…" In response I just raise my right hand and show the rune.

"Oh that… I suppose that's why you don't want to stay right… a life without end"

"Yeah"

Or a life alone, I don't know which is worse, but maybe if I try so hard not to say anything, try not to fall in love with her again, just maybe my heart will understand that this is all for the best. For the first time in three years, quite unbidden a tear rolls down my cheek, blinking it away a moment too late I can tell by the look in her eyes that she saw that. And despite the fact she is a little wrong in why I cry, she is right when she thinks I'm crying because of her.

"I… forgive me… forgive me… I'm… a fool"

She turned to run, just like we had both wanted to run ever since we saw each other that very morning, here I stood at another crossroads. Should I let her just walk out of my life again like I had walked out of hers, just say '…' and let it happen? But then a flash of a painful memory seers across my mind and I know what I have to do to keep a promise.

Young master, promise me that you will always follow your heart, that is my first and only request of you.

Follow my heart, so much harder than it sounds, but something inside makes me do it.

"Kasumi… please don't leave me"

For a brief second she pauses, torn between the open door and me stood there, pleading like a little kid, I can see from her expression she is lost as to what to do. So I just do the only thing that seems right, I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her. And for the first time since I can't remember when I feel happy and secure, because just for tonight I know someone cares for me.