Author's note: I know, it's been a while since I last updated this, but I'd been working on it off and on for a bit. Here we go for a hat trick.
The blue light cleared from Samantha Bridges's eyes and she blinked a few times. She glanced down at herself. She wore a white uniform. Medical scrubs, it looked like. Was she back at the Project? It didn't seem so. She had a clipboard in one hand. The room around her was a storeroom. On the clipboard was a roster of medical supplies. Apparently, whoever she'd leaped into had been inventorying the room. Attached to the paper was a yellow post-it note. Flo – the day nurse did not run inventory today. Please have it back to me NOW. Penny.
"Wow, she sounds like a Nazi," Sam said to herself. She looked around.
A glowing white oblong appeared, and Kurt stepped out of the door with his Palm VII in hand. In his other he held a lit cigar. Sam looked at him.
"I didn't know you smoked cigars," she said.
Kurt shrugged. "Sometimes," he admitted.
"Trying to look more like Dean Stockwell?" she asked, grinning.
"Shhhh! We'll get sued!"
"OK, fine," she said, shaking her head. "How about telling me what I'm doing here playing with the alcohol wipes?"
A door opened next to her and a man in similar white scrubs appeared, pushing another man in a wheelchair. Sam looked at the man in the wheelchair and recognized him as Hannibal Lecter with no surprise. Kurt glanced over and tapped on the Palm in his hand.
"OK, Sam, you've leaped into Florence in Chameleon's fic. 'Maidens and Monsters'. It's really weird, though. Usually whatever character you leap into appears in the Fanfic Leap Accelerator. This time, though…two appeared."
Sam let out a groan. "Didn't you see the episode with the evil leaper, Kurt? C'mon, it's obvious. Chameleon leaped with me and there's something we have to do here."
"Oh. OK. Riiight." He tapped away on the Palm. "Things are looking very weird here, though."
"How so?"
"Well, the problem is that Chameleon never finished this fic. So whatever you're here to do, you have to do before the chapters that we have. Otherwise…we don't know. You could be trapped in limbo, forever."
Sam pulled a face. "That doesn't sound good," she said. "Now wait a minute…did you say I leaped into Florence?"
"Yes, that's her," Kurt said. "The Project staff has her in the Waiting Room now."
An excited look came into Sam's eyes. "Wait, then! I read this fic! We have to stay in this fic until chapter fifteen!"
"Why chapter fifteen?" he asked.
Sam bounced up and down excitedly. "Because in chapter fifteen, Florence gets to have sex with the GD!"
"Ah…Sam…I know you'd like that, but there's only sixteen chapters in the story. It'd be dangerous."
"Who cares?" Then she glanced over at where Hannibal Lecter was being wheeled into his room. "Oh my God! He's in the hospital! I'm his nurse! I can do whatever I want with him right now! And it gets mooshy about here, doesn't it?"
"Well, yes, but what about the leap? About fixing history and all that?"
"Leap, schmeap," Samantha said, her eyes gleaming. She headed into Hannibal Lecter's room with a gleam in her eye.
"Ah, Sam, I know you're excited about this and all, but really, Effie's trying to figure out what's going on. You can't give up on the leap just to do the deed with Dr. Lecter."
Sam turned. "And what are you going to do about it, hologram?" she asked saucily. "C'mon. Just go back to the Project for a little while Effie figures it out. Just turn down the Imaging Chamber lights for a while, if you catch my drift."
Kurt sighed. "First off, OK, have your fun. But secondly, do you think for a moment that the other Lecterphiles aren't gluing themselves to the monitor right now?"
"I'm sorry," Sam said, grinning. "My patient needs some…intensive care. Private therapy."
"You're not a nurse," Kurt pointed out.
"I'll play it by ear. This is an exacting procedure. We need privacy."
"Sam," Kurt said, "you do have a job here."
"I know. I'm doing it. Go away. We'll worry about the leap later."
"All right," Kurt said. "But…um…what are the latex gloves for?"
Sam's grin grew wider and hungrier, but she did not reply.
The physical therapist in the room chatted with Sam for a while.
"Ok, Flo, I worked our good Mr. Kline here pretty hard today, so you need to take it easy on him. Maybe even give him a massage tonight. Then after that you might want to give me a massage. I might be a bit sore."
"Oh, I'll take care of the patient, all right," Sam said. The physical therapist walked out of the room, looking back at the door with a puzzled look.
"Jeez, Flo, you don't have to push like that," he said. "What's with her?"
"Whatever it is," Kurt told the physical therapist, "I don't think it's covered by his HMO." Then he re-entered the Imaging Chamber and disappeared.
Dr. Lecter's voice echoed from his hospital room. "Florence," he purred. "Tell me, Florence, how does it feel to be all alone in the world?" Then he stopped for a moment. "Florence? What are you doing?"
"Taking your temperature," Sam said breathily.
…
The room was dimly lit. Rows and rows of cases filled the room. In each case was serial-killer memorabilia. Guns and knives, the night-vision goggles of Jame Gumb, a swatch of hair from Charles Manson, a portrait of Elizabeth Bathory. All lovingly displayed with a small plaque next to each item displaying where it was from. It was a museum of murder.
The glowing white door opened and Kurt stepped out. Since both Florence and Clarice had appeared in the Waiting Room, they had been slightly surprised. But once they'd locked onto Sam as having leaped into Florence, it didn't exactly take Dr. Lecter-level genius to figure out whom Chameleon had leaped into.
The images on the screen of the Palm VII made Kurt nervous as he looked around and gestured a little bit like Dean Stockwell with his cigar (but not enough to get sued.) Where the heck was she? Ah, there she was, stretched out on a prison bunk. She looked at him and stretched out her arms.
"Chameleon," he said. "Good, there you are. You're out of Project Evil Fanfic Leap and part of Project Good Fanfic Leap."
"Really?" Chameleon said. "Well, good. No more torture movie." She yawned and put her feet up on the bunk.
"Look, I just saw Sam," he said. "She's leaped into Florence, and you've leaped into Clarice in your own fic. 'Maidens and Monsters'."
"I figured that," Chameleon said. "I did write this."
"Well, anyway, we need to figure out what you need to do here and get out. Now you're locked in this cell, but we know that Curtis Varmser is going to get you out of here eventually. So when he does, bash him and get out of here as quick as you can."
Chameleon considered for a moment. "Nah," she said. "Not yet."
"What? How can you say that? The guy's a total nutbag, and he's dangerous."
Chameleon sighed contentedly. "You don't understand," she said calmly. "I've been doing nothing but work, work, work."
"But he's dangerous."
"Yeah," Chameleon said. "But it's so nice and…quiet here." A beatific smile crossed her face. She stretched out on the prison cot. "No one I have to train, no one saying 'Chameleon, I need a void', 'Chameleon, can I go on break?', 'Chameleon, I need this or that'. Look, when you work in retail, being held hostage rocks."
"But what about the leap? There's something we have to do here, Cham."
"Find out what it is and call me later," Chameleon yawned. Her eyes closed.
Kurt sighed. "We got a situation to fix and two leapers lying down on the job," he grumbled. His only answer was a loud snoring. The Imaging Chamber door opened, and Kurt stepped through it and disappeared.