The song ends as soon as it began and I find myself back at the table. I
didn't realize the effect dancing with Boz would have on me. I decide I've
probably had too much to drink and when the waitress returns I order water.
Boz looks over at me and I can see the question in his eyes.
"Think I'll slow down a little."
"Probably a good plan."
At that moment I realize I'm not happy with Fred, I honestly don't think I have been for a while, nor will I ever be again. I wonder if this makes me a bad person. I know Fred and I have had our share of problems, but I think they're mostly my fault. Don't get me wrong Fred's hardly the perfect husband, but I've spent most of our marriage looking for his faults, it's no wonder I can find them.
When Fred had his heart attack I was scared shitless. When he made his recovery I thought we'd have a second chance. Turns out Fred being giving a second chance changed him, made him a better person, more caring, more understanding. I should be thrilled but I'm not. The truth is, I like being the strong one in our marriage. I like being the one who pays the bills, handles the tense situations and picks up the pieces when things get bad. I like Fred being the screw up. I guess that does make me a bad person.
"Faith, earth to Faith."
"Huh?"
"You kinda zoned out on me there, you OK?"
"Sorry, I think maybe I should head home."
*****
I'm more then a little disappointed but I'd do anything for the woman, so if she wants to go home, I'll take her.
"Come on, I'll give you a lift."
"It's OK, I can walk."
"Like hell, come on."
"Alright."
I'm surprised she's given in so quickly, I was really expecting an argument. I'm once again concerned. I lead her out to the car, she's a little wobbly but we make it. I think she's had six shots to my one.
The ride is made in silence, something I've become used to. I pull up in front of her building and wait for her to say goodnight. She doesn't, she doesn't even make a move to leave the car. I look over at her and see tears in her eyes, it breaks my heart and I feel the sudden need to pull her into my arms and tell her everything is going to be OK.
I don't, hell I'm not sure everything is going to be OK, I have no idea what's going through her head right now and that frightens me.
"Can I stay with you tonight?"
She asks so quietly I'm not sure I didn't imagine it. She looks frightened and I realize she did ask. I feel my heart races and I'm temporarily at a loss for words.
"Sure"
It comes out croaked and I wonder if I've made the right decision. I don't want to be a selfish person but I am. I need Faith more then I've ever needed anything and at this moment I don't care that I could be tearing a family apart.
I put the car in drive and we slowly make the way to my apartment. Once we arrive, Faith hovers behind me as I unlock the doors and flip on a light. The place is a mess and I realize my home reflects my life. I suddenly become self-conscience and wonder what the hell I'm doing and how we are ever going to get out of this.
"You want some coffee or something?"
"No, I don't really know what I want."
She sits on my couch and stares straight ahead. I take a seat in front of her on the coffee table and wait for her to tell me what to do. Just when I think she's not going to open up she speaks.
"How did life get so crazy Boz? All I wanted was to have a normal life, a good job, a happy marriage, and wonderful kids. Why does it feel like that's not enough, like I'm missing something?"
"Passion?"
I can't believe I just said that but it's too late to take it back. I can tell from the look on her face that she can't believe I said it either. I look into her eyes and realize that she knows. I think maybe on some level she's known all along.
I'm past the point of reason and have stopped listening to my conscience. I lean forward a press my lips lightly against hers. If possible, she's even softer then I imagined. I notice her eyes close and I do the same. The kiss intensifies and I become lost in the taste that is Faith.
I stand and pull her off the couch. We've somehow managed to accomplish this without breaking contact. I lead her to the bedroom and I know there is no turning back from this. She shivers and I know it's not from the cold. I break away and look her in the eye, give her one last chance to back out. She smiles and I'm lost.
"Think I'll slow down a little."
"Probably a good plan."
At that moment I realize I'm not happy with Fred, I honestly don't think I have been for a while, nor will I ever be again. I wonder if this makes me a bad person. I know Fred and I have had our share of problems, but I think they're mostly my fault. Don't get me wrong Fred's hardly the perfect husband, but I've spent most of our marriage looking for his faults, it's no wonder I can find them.
When Fred had his heart attack I was scared shitless. When he made his recovery I thought we'd have a second chance. Turns out Fred being giving a second chance changed him, made him a better person, more caring, more understanding. I should be thrilled but I'm not. The truth is, I like being the strong one in our marriage. I like being the one who pays the bills, handles the tense situations and picks up the pieces when things get bad. I like Fred being the screw up. I guess that does make me a bad person.
"Faith, earth to Faith."
"Huh?"
"You kinda zoned out on me there, you OK?"
"Sorry, I think maybe I should head home."
*****
I'm more then a little disappointed but I'd do anything for the woman, so if she wants to go home, I'll take her.
"Come on, I'll give you a lift."
"It's OK, I can walk."
"Like hell, come on."
"Alright."
I'm surprised she's given in so quickly, I was really expecting an argument. I'm once again concerned. I lead her out to the car, she's a little wobbly but we make it. I think she's had six shots to my one.
The ride is made in silence, something I've become used to. I pull up in front of her building and wait for her to say goodnight. She doesn't, she doesn't even make a move to leave the car. I look over at her and see tears in her eyes, it breaks my heart and I feel the sudden need to pull her into my arms and tell her everything is going to be OK.
I don't, hell I'm not sure everything is going to be OK, I have no idea what's going through her head right now and that frightens me.
"Can I stay with you tonight?"
She asks so quietly I'm not sure I didn't imagine it. She looks frightened and I realize she did ask. I feel my heart races and I'm temporarily at a loss for words.
"Sure"
It comes out croaked and I wonder if I've made the right decision. I don't want to be a selfish person but I am. I need Faith more then I've ever needed anything and at this moment I don't care that I could be tearing a family apart.
I put the car in drive and we slowly make the way to my apartment. Once we arrive, Faith hovers behind me as I unlock the doors and flip on a light. The place is a mess and I realize my home reflects my life. I suddenly become self-conscience and wonder what the hell I'm doing and how we are ever going to get out of this.
"You want some coffee or something?"
"No, I don't really know what I want."
She sits on my couch and stares straight ahead. I take a seat in front of her on the coffee table and wait for her to tell me what to do. Just when I think she's not going to open up she speaks.
"How did life get so crazy Boz? All I wanted was to have a normal life, a good job, a happy marriage, and wonderful kids. Why does it feel like that's not enough, like I'm missing something?"
"Passion?"
I can't believe I just said that but it's too late to take it back. I can tell from the look on her face that she can't believe I said it either. I look into her eyes and realize that she knows. I think maybe on some level she's known all along.
I'm past the point of reason and have stopped listening to my conscience. I lean forward a press my lips lightly against hers. If possible, she's even softer then I imagined. I notice her eyes close and I do the same. The kiss intensifies and I become lost in the taste that is Faith.
I stand and pull her off the couch. We've somehow managed to accomplish this without breaking contact. I lead her to the bedroom and I know there is no turning back from this. She shivers and I know it's not from the cold. I break away and look her in the eye, give her one last chance to back out. She smiles and I'm lost.