CHAPTER 2

"Hello? Anybody home?" said Luigi, walking into Mushroom Castle. His voice echoed off the high stone ceiling. The place seemed to be empty.

Suddenly, out of the shadows, a large animal leapt at him, tackling him to the ground.

"Ahhhh!" Luigi screamed, "Don't kill me! I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" A strangely familiar voice said. "Anything at all?"

"Y-y-yes!"

"Fine." A spoon appeared from the beast's hand. "Tell me if this needs more salt."

"Huh?"

With a hysterical laugh, Yoshi got off Luigi, and Wario stepped from the kitchen, laughing a deep, bellowing laugh.

"Yoshi, that wasn't funny!" Luigi screamed, dusting himself off.

"Oh yeah? Then what is Wario doubled over back there for?" the Dinosaur replied with a smirk. "Come on, don't be a baby. Have some stew."

"Well, I really came here to hang with Mario." Said Luigi, looking around. "Is he here?"

"Mario? He is not around." Said Yoshi. "He may be with the princess, however. Last I heard, he was going to ask her to go steady with him."

"Well good for him." Said Luigi, and he went off to the Princess's room.

He creaked the door open quietly. Peach was asleep, breathing slowly. The TV was still on, with some Beavis and Butthead movie playing. He watched her for a moment, decided it was best not to wake her, and tiptoed away.

"Is he there?" Yoshi asked.

"No. I don't know where he is."

"Eh, well…" said Wario, a ton of stew dripping from his massive jaw, "'ees only yer brother, dontcha know. Can take care of 'imself. Kickin the crap outta Bowser I dunno how many times should be a sign o' that."

"You're probably right." Said Luigi.

"Stay for lunch." Said Yoshi, more of an order than an invitation.

"I guess it couldn't hurt. The giant vegetables in my yard won't be ready until next week."

And so Luigi sat down and talked the afternoon away with a green dinosaur and a fat man in purple overalls.

Meanwhile, aboard the Star Destroyer Avenger…

"Lord Vader!" said Admiral Piett, approaching the Sith Lord.

"What is it, Admiral?"

"My Lord, the fleet has moved out of light speed. ComScan has detected a swirling portal into another dimension. If we continue at our present speed, we will be sucked into it in about 5 minutes."

"Contact Admiral Ozzel. Tell him to move the ship in the opposite direction immediately."

Admiral Piett gulped. "Um, my Lord…"

"Do as I say, Admiral."

"Y-yes, my Lord." Piett hurried out of the chamber, wondering if Vader remembered he had killed Ozzel about 20 minutes ago.

Apparently he didn't, because in 5 minutes, the ship gave a horrible lurch as it was sucked into the portal. Muttering swear words in 10,000,000 forms of communication (Eat your heart out, 3PO), Vader fell unconscious under the toilet.

Meanwhile, in SubCon…

Mario landed lightly in front of the entrance to SubCon. He took off his cape and put it in his pocket, then stepped through the door.

"Well, looky who's back." Said the Shyguys as he jumped down the cliffs. "Our leader is gone. Why have you returned?"

"To see my brother."

"Oh, you mean the GOOD version of you?"

"Blow me." Mario shot back as he reached Luigi's house.

"Yo! You here, my brotha? I meanin' that literally now. Hello?"

He opened the door and peeked in. It was empty. Pizza boxes and bottles of Pepsi were all over the place, and the HotNet movie guide was on the coffee table. Mario figured Luigi was probably just out, getting some salad dressing or something, so he decided to wait for him. He picked up the HotNet guide.

"Hmm… this looks pretty good." He picked up the remote and ordered "F*cking and Fire Flowers."

Meanwhile, back in Mushroom Land…

Yoshi, Luigi, and Wario were playing SSBM in the den when Peach walked in, yawning.

"Good morning." said Luigi with a smile.

"Ah, 'eets more like afternoon, now." said Wario.

"Good whatever to all of you." said Peach, her voice angelic. "Where's Mario?"

"No idea." said Yoshi.

"He said he had something to ask me… I guess he went out for some air."

"Yah, dat'd be Mario, aight. 'Eee needs 'is excersie, cos my man is getti'n so fat, dontcha know." Wario said.

"Luigi, you look good. Did you get a haircut?"

"Nope. I got em all cut." Luigi cracked.

"Haw, haw, haw!" Wario doubled over with laughter, dropping his GCN controller.

"You're funny." Peach giggled. "Your brother never tells any good jokes."

Luigi blushed.

"It's always good to have a comedian in the family, isn't it?" Peach continued, putting her hand on Luigi's shoulder.

"Uhhhh…"

"How sad… the plumber can't take a hint." Yoshi whispered to Wario, who nodded.

"Well, I have some stuff to do upstairs, if any of you need me." Peach winked at all of them, then walked upstairs.

"You know what she was really saying, don't you?" Yoshi said to Luigi with a wry grin.

"No. What?"

"She's sayin' she wants ya ta go up thar, and do some fun stuff, cos she gots the hots fer ya, dontcha know." Wario told him.

Luigi snorted. "Yeah, whatever. As IF!" Suddenly catching himself in another decade, he resumed playing SSBM, not saying another word.