LORD of the Spoofs

3

The Shadow Of The Boogie

Fellatio Nobbins entered Nob End and found a ring on the floor.

He picked it up and toyed with it as he noticed Gangrene the Gay sat like a giant advert for 'Technicolor' in the small den.

"Where's Dildo?! I've just been told he's gone and left! Gone and left me with a whopping bill for that monstrously proportioned shindig he's just had!"

Fellatio went over to where Gangrene was; "Do you realise what this means?" he waved the bill at Gangrene, "I'll have to sell Nob End! Then where shall I live?!"

The little Nibblet gave it some thought, "Unless this ring is worth a hell of a lot more than it looks."

"The Ring?" Gangrene said, coming out of his thoughts. "Is there writing on its surface?"

"Why, come to mention it, yes. But it's in Swahili or something."

Gangrene sighed, "It is in the tongue of Morbid, but I dare not speak it here." He shivered.

"Because it's a dangerous language?" asked Fellatio.

"No. Because it uses a lot of 'S's and I have trouble pronouncing them."

Which was true. He had the habit of saying 'super' and 'fabulous' and they ended up more like 'thooper' and 'fab-you-leth'.

Gangrene turned to the young Nibblet ominously; "In plain English it says:

'One Ring To Make You Cool.

One Ring To Party.

One Ring That's Got Crap Powers,

But Looks Quite Nice And Sparkly.'

…This is the One Ring of Disco. You've seen Saturday Night Fever, right? Well, how do you think Travolta managed to dance like that?"

"The Ring!" Fellatio gasped.

"This Ring makes the bearer super-cool, super-popular and therefore able to rule over the dance halls and discos all across the land. It was forged on the teat of Mount Boob by the Dance Lord Savlon. He was defeated long ago"

"He was bad?" asked Fellatio.

"Badder than Michael Jackson. The Guy had to be stopped. But his spirit is still tied to the Ring, and the great Jap's-Eye of Savlon is ever watchful.

"What'll I do?"

Gangrene scratched at his beard in thought, and found half a sour cress sandwich in it. "Ooh, Thooper!" he said as he munched down on it.

Fellatio tried to wait patiently but couldn't; "Gangrene, what must I do?"

"Oh, yes. Seeing as you're now homeless, you have to make the long and dangerous journey to the Village of Cheese. There you will wait for me in the Prancing Pink Flamingo brothel. I will meet you once I have seen the head of my order - Saladman the Shite - he is brainy and old, so he should have some idea what has to be done about it. One thing is for sure; Muddled-earth can't cope with a revival of those ancient 70's Disco moves. They died with Travolta's 36-inch waist."

Just then there was a sound outside the window.

Gangrene reached out and dragged a Nibblet from out the bushes; "Spamwise Ganja! You nosy little tart! You were ear-wigging!"

"I's not been wiggin no ears, mister Gangrene Sir! Please don't make me massage you anywhere unnatural. Like you did with Jolly and Prickin."

"I have a better plan for you, Spamwise." Said the Man-Witch.

"Shall I have to be bending over for this, Sir?" grumbled Spamwise.

"No you fool, you will accompany Fellatio and see he doesn't perform any tasteless retro dance routines."

"Right-o."

"Oh, and one more thing, Fellatio, … for God's sake no jive-talkin!"

With that, he departed and left the Nibblets to pack their handbags and prepare to depart.

2 B CONTINUED…