LORD of the Spoofs
4
Three Is A Ménage À Trois
(And 5 Is Almost An Orgy)
The 2 Nibblet pals - Fellatio and Spam - set out on their adventure…
They left the house, walked over the road, through a field, took a small boat across a pond, and arrived at the village of Cheese.
"Aah," sighed Spam, "finally we is here at last, if you're catching my drift."
Oh, but I forgot to mention that in that short 5 minute epic journey, they were joined by Jolly Randyfuck and Prickin Turd, they were helped across the road by the ever-popular Tim Bumdabil, and were chased by Black Riders - each sporting ridiculously over-the-top Afro hair and enormous flares.
Luckily our heroes made it to the Fuckagoat Boat in time to cross to Cheese.
---
The four companions sought the brothel of the Prancing Pink Flamingo and there awaited the arrival of Gangrene the Gay.
But they had a long wait and ended up getting rather pissed-up on cheap cider.
Spam called a waiter over; "We was wondering if we could get a little pussy, If you see my meaning?"
"You can get as much as you want - we've got loads of pussy." The big man said.
Spam shook his head, "No, I mean a little pussy. Cos we only has little willies."
--
Soon Jolly and Pric were up on the table jigging and singing their own little song:
There Once Was A Brothel In Cheese
Where Nibblets Could Shag All They Please
Though The Beer Was Like Piss
And The Girls Were No Dish
At Least There Was Non-Stop Striptease.
We're Jolly And Pric
And We Like A Good Lick
Of A Pussy That's Furry And Tight.
We'll Take Our Cocks Out
And We'll Shake Them About
Cos The Girls Know That We Go All Night.
Fellatio, embarrassed by it all, tried to get them to come down.
"Get off you miserable git." Pric spat and kicked out at Fellatio, "Have another ale, Nobbins! Let's all get blinded!"
The hard kick knocked Fellatio to the floor and the One Ring of Disco flew up into the air in slow motion and went down on Fellatio's finger.
He disappeared!
Everyone stopped.
When he re-materialised, an instant later, he looked just like a white Lionel Richie from his Commodore days. Then he started dancing and singing in a high-pitched girlie voice as though his balls were in a vice:
Well, You Can Tell By The Way I Smoke Dick-Weed,
I'm A Nibblet-Man; We're Big On Greed.
We Eat All Day And Shag Our Girls
And That's What Makes All Our Hair Curl.
But It's Alright.
It's Not Bland.
You Know We Like To Plough Our Land.
We Can Try
To Undermine
All Mod-Cons That Men Design.
Whether You're A Nibblet,
Or Whether You're a Midget,
You've Got Night Fe-ver.
Got Night Fe-ver.
Feel The Dance Lord Comin,
And Everybody's Jumpin,
We've Got Night Fe-ver.
Got Night Fe-ver.
Ah, ah, ah, ah
It's Night Fe-ver.
It's Night Fe-ver.
Ah, ah, ah, ah
It's Night Fe-veeeeeeeee-eeeeeeee-e-e-eeeeeee-eeeeeeer
Just Night Fever.
Spamwise panicked and grabbed Fellacio; "Mr. Gangrene said no jive-talkin, Sir. And I mean to heed his words so please stop that nonsense. Though it was rather good. How did you do all that twirlin, Master Fellatio Sir?"
"By God, you're right Spam!" cried Fellatio; "I must take off the Ring!"
But when he did, he was absconded by a big man who dragged him up to the room he'd paid for.
"He ain't no whore!" shouted Spam as he caught up with them in the room.
"I'm not here for anal." Said the stranger, "I'm just here for Fellatio."
Spam stood as tall as he could; "I'll not let you 'ev him, if you're on my wavelength. I'll beat you like a red-headed step-child first, Mister!"
The Man drew his blow-up baseball bat; "Don't be such a Spamwise-ass."
"You know us?" gasped Fellatio as Jolly and Pric arrived.
"Of course I know you. I'm Stripper." And, with that, the Man did a quick strip routine. "I'm a friend of Gangrene's."
"You're one of those Wankers that ride about Muddled-earth watchin out for trouble!" realised Jolly.
"Yes, I'm a Wanker. But just call me Stripper for now. I will escort you to Ratherdull before the Funky Riders catch up to you."
Fellatio put a hand up; "Who were those riders?"
Stripper shivered, "They are the Nazigâng! They were once great Disco champions of Germany until the Dance Lord convinced them he was the reincarnation of Hitler and told them that the Ring would give him the power to out-boogie the Jewish tap-dancing revivalists. They became the Nein Servants of Savlon."
"Shiiit." Said the Nibblets together.
Then they all went to bed, and I dare not mention what they all got up to that night.