Authoress's Note: Yes, I do update – when I want to. There is no logic to my updating, but it will be updated when I feel like updating it, which means that whenever I'm in an extremely elated mood, you might get a new chapter… which is usually about once every few days…. This is my current humor fic, which I am writing both to balance my really dark, angst-y horror fic. This is also to prove that Pegasus doesn't have to be evil.
And this is my first fic that will STAY PG-13! *little dance*
Don't own "Yu-Gi-Oh…"
*somewhere in the Suit's lair*
Téa: *tied to the wall* I'll never join you! You're a monster!
Jou-Suit: YOU MIGHT THINK THAT, MY YOUNG BRIDE-TO-BE, BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE OF ME. I WILL PERFORM THE RITUAL THAT WILL PUT YOU INTO THIS SKANKY GARMENT FOR ALL TIME. *holds up something that looks very prostitute-y*
Téa: *as visual innocence is shattered* NOOO! I'LL NEVER WEAR THAT MONSTROSITY!
Jou-Suit: YES, YOU WILL, MY YOUNG BRIDE-TO-BE. WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOR ALL TIME.
Téa: Not if my boyfriend Kaiba can save me!
Jou-Suit: YOUR PATHETIC BOYFRIEND CAN'T EVEN STAND NOW, LET ALONE RESCUE YOU! I HAVE BROKEN HIS MIND BY TAKING YOU FROM HIM, MANIPULATING YOUR FEELINGS UNTIL YOU LASHED OUT AT HIM! AND NOW, TÉA, YOU WILL SEE WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS CITY, THIS NATION, THIS HEMISPHERE, THIS WORLD, THIS SOLAR SYSTEM, THIS LOCAL STAR GROUP, THIS SECTOR, THIS GALAXY, THIS LOCAL GALAXY GROUP, AND THIS UNIVERSE!
Téa: *ignores the stuff about the universe* *focuses on the important stuff* So you are the reason why I kicked him! *stares at him* I HATE YOU! *breaks into a lot of sobs*
*scene shifts to somewhere in Yugi's house*
Kaiba: Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Tea. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa. Must – save – Téa.
Yami: You know what, Bakura? I kind of like this background noise. It kind of gives us a purpose.
Bakura: I know what you mean, idiot-Pharaoh. This background rocks! I love the pathetic, broken sound to his—
Ryou: *jealously grabs him* You're supposed to beat up only me, Bakura! How could you say something about breaking another being?
Bakura: Here comes that speech…
Pegasus: You mean the one you're always complaining about?
Bakura: Yeah….
Ryou: I am a masochist. I like being hurt, and I like hurting myself. You are a sadist, Bakura; you like hurting others. In this respect, we are perfect for each other! I love you so much, Bakura, and I love the way you hit me and kiss me and make me fight back until I faint…
Bakura: *starts crying* I'm so touched…
Yami: *sniffle*
Pegasus: Oh, please! That makes you guys cry?
Bakura and Yami: YES! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL! *sobs*
Pegasus: Oh là là…
Bakura: He's talking in French again…
Yami: So?
Bakura: I hate it when he does that… you never understand what he says…
Yami: Can't we ask Seto what he's saying?
Bakura: Is Seto able to do that?
Seto: In the context used by Mr. Maxamillion Pegasus, "Oh là là" means "oh dear." *says this like a dictionary*
Bakura: Ooh… can I rent him for Ryou's homework?
Ryou: *blush* BAKURA!
Bakura: Sorry… I just really like those talking dictionaries…
Seto: *in a flat voice* I am not a talking dictionary. I must save Téa.
Pegasus: All right-y then…
Bakura: What were we talking about, anyway?
Yami: I don't know. Any ideas, Pegasus?
Ryou: *whispers* No one bothered to ask me…
Bakura: *hisses* Shut up…
Pegasus: Um…
Ryou: No, you shut up.
Bakura: *reminds self to do happy dance later* No, you shut up!
Pegasus: I think—
Ryou: No, you shut up!
Pegasus: I know— *is interrupted again*
Bakura: You!
Pegasus: Never mind…
Ryou: You!
Bakura: You!
Ryou: You!
Bakura: You!
Ryou: You!
Yami: WILL EVERYONE PLEASE BE QUIET?!
Seto: *small voice* We need to save Téa-with-the-sparkling-soulful-eyes.
Yami: Ah… *admires Seto's wits*
Bakura: He's so intelligent… *gawks*
Ryou: I agree… *smiles*
Pegasus: It wasn't that hard to remember. I was about ready to say it, but Ryou and Bakura interrupted me! I could have been the one everyone gawked at! I could have been the saintly one! But, nooooooo! You had to interrupt me and make Kaiba-boy seem intelligent when he is really stupid compared to me! *pouts*
Ryou: Now that, class, is what we call "regression."
Yami, Bakura, and Seto: Aaaah… Ryou so smart…
Ryou: And that is what we call improper grammar.
Pegasus: *mumbles something that the authoress omitted so the story can remain PG-13*
Ryou: PEGASUS! *is numb with shock* *lower lip trembles* *starts shaking*
Bakura: Look at what you did! He's lost his innocence!
Pegasus: No, he hasn't.
Bakura: Yes, he has.
Pegasus: No, he hasn't.
Bakura: Yes, he has!
Ryou: *gives them both the LOOK*
Pegasus and Bakura: Aaaaaw… he's so CUTE! *both give Ryou a big hug*
Seto: *gives the three people the Look* You are pathetic… let's go save Téa.
Pegasus: Yeah. Blowtorches?
Everyone else: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Pegasus: I know.
Everyone else: Oh.
*fade out*
Jou: I don't like this…
Jou-Suit: No one ever said you had to like it. You will obey me, slave.
Jou: I don't even like Téa!
Jou-Suit: That's too bad, Jou… that's too bad… *evil laughter*