Her hands suddenly turned cold upon my skin, and they fell away silently. I didn't look down at her, because I was afraid to; afraid of the awful denial that I had been subjected to so many times before. I sensed she was waiting for a reaction, some kind of allowance.

My eyes flickered downwards at her, only to meet the top of her head. I was surprised, after all, I had felt her gaze upon my face. Suddenly, a hot wetness sprang through my robes, where she had burrowed her face, and I realised she was weeping, very quietly, though not very subtley. I awkwardly formed a ring around her with my arms, somewhat frightened to put my skin directly onto hers. She stood there, shakily crying, and most likely snotting into my clothes, while I stood like an idiot, pantomining what a comforting lover was supposed to be doing.

I coughed, trying to do so in a roundabout fashion and not disturb her, but she lifted her head. Her face was swollen, and her eyes red, her hair tangled and knotted beyond human help and her lips were already puffy from being bitten. But she looked like some glorious relief upon one of the Hogwarts hallways. I smiled, but my face ached. Smiles were something of a rarity for me.

You just said you loved..., she whispered, sliding her hands very switfly around the nape of my neck, trapping me from my escape. I found that verbal ability was diminished, so I nodded. She couldn't contain her squeal, nor her shock. I gave her a sharp look, but she ignored it.
You mean it, she began again, her elation suddenly sliced by the ever sharp knife of reality. I paused, knowing that if I said no, I would be lying. And if I said yes, that I would end up getting hurt. I had never loved a woman without consequence.

I'm afraid so, Granger, I sighed, I'm afraid you'll be branded by my horrid, dark, evil, warlock love forever. She laughed, and wrapped her arms round me again. I suddenly felt suffocated, like the air in the room was being slowly, torturously vacumed out, and that each moment I stayed with her, I would never breathe again.

I stumbled away from her, pushing her arms off of me, ignoring the glance of pain sharp worthy of a Cruciatus Curse. I must go, I gasped, nearly stumbling over my feet, I have to get out of here.

She made no move to stop me, in fact she retreated herself, hugging herself so tightly, her fingers left wide, white stripes in her arms. She was shivering, her teeth chattering, and her eyes tossing wildly about.

That is where I left her, running away, bitter because I was too cowardly to love, and furious at those who had impaired me from ever loving another. I ran, blindly, stupidly, painfully, my shirt and trousers and robes billowing so strongly after me, I felt an inexorable tug to follow their lead. I stopped, dangerously out of breath, in front of Dumbledore's office, the portrait guiltily needling me with its too-intelligent eyes.

I felt something sting on my face, some alien substance. Like a child hunting for delectable snowflakes, I snaked my tongue slowly out, testing, delving into this mystery stuff.

Contrary to belief, human tears are among the most acidic substances secreted by the human body. And they hurt a hell of a lot more when you hadn't used your tear ducts since your father had forbidden you from weakness of any kind. I wiped them away shamefully, knowing I was the last person deserving of any kind of emotion.

A warm hand was placed upon my shoulder, and a glance at the tassled, noisy blue slipper told me it was Dumbledore. I looked up at him, and quickly straightened up, rubbing my hands nonchalantly over my cheeks; he looked away tactfully, pretending to be absorbed in one of the paintings.

I see things have not gone well for you, he intoned gently. If there was a more skilled master of their voice than I, Dumbledore was assuredly it. I felt an instant calm, almost a sedated drowsiness. Come in and discuss this over tea. I find that it does wonders for composure, he said simply. I nodded, grateful that neither students nor Sirius Black had seen me.

Once settled in the damnably comfortable arm chairs, I sipped my scalding tea. The caffeine hit my system like a hex, and all my emotions resurfaced. He must have noticed my discomfort, for he immediately signalled for me to put the cup down.

Why is it that you can never honestly express emotion, he mused, beacon-like eyes raking over my features. I did, I replied hoarsely, only I couldn't the second time round. He nodded sadly, I was afraid of this. Perhaps Miss Granger has been to hasty in her own way?.

I shook my head vehemently, It has nothing to do with her, Albus. I'm not worthy of her time, nor her heart. She has far too good a soul for someone of my past and present indiscretions. He laughed, Severus, you credit yourself too much. You're not half as black as you wish, nor as horrid as you decieve everyon else into thinking. I snorted, I disagree, Albus. I doubt even you know the sordid details of my history.

I am quite aware of them, Severus, he said seriously. I felt a squirming desire to go and hurl myself out the window. Then why am I even allowed in the presence of other humans? Why am I even alive?, I said bitterly. Oh, do not be so hard on yourself. You've done quite enough to redeem your lapse of judgment, he answered.

Granger, by all acounts, should hate me with her heart of hearts. The fact that she doesn't makes this worse, I moaned into my hands. She did hate you, dear boy, when she first arrived, and quite a bit. But, unfortunately for your misanthropic ambitions, you tend to grow on people, he answered sagely. I am beastly to her, I'm ugly, arrogant and the fact that I hate her long standing companions should be enough of a deterrent to keep her within an eighty meter distanc from myself, I snapped. I was tiring of these arguments. I just wanted Hermione Granger to hate me with the same volume as I hated myself.

That is not going to happen, Severus, Albus interrupted my train of thought with an equally disturbing revelation: he could read thoughts. No, I can't read minds, professor, but I am expert at reading facial expression, he finished.

Why can't she just be normal and dislike me along with everyone else?, I said, almost beseechingly. Because, unlike those who are unwise, our Hermione has learnt to look beneath the surface, and to disable your defenses. She seeks the rose, depite the thorns, Dumledore was always putting infuriatingly sentimental parables into his lessons. High time for an allegory, I said sarcastically, but I do believe that thorns have pricked Hermione Granger quite severely this season.

Just take for granted she loves you. Why must you always try to question the most innocent of causes?, he asked, eyes twinkling manically. Because I would hardly call Hermione Granger innocent, I shot back before thinking. Noticing how Albus' grin grew wider, I reddened. Once again, my superflous attempts at thinking before I speak were thwarted.The old man had a way with words.

I am aware that you had an erstwhile attachment to her. And now she reciprocates it, only for you to throw it back in her face. I know how you feel, Severus, you cannot smother emotions forever. Swallowing of one's pride is just required once in a while, he chirped. I made the foulest grimace I could muster.

Go. Tell her. Do what you must. Do not leave her with one toe in the lake, and the other out. Hearts are capricious things, he began again. I muttered a curse which only caused him to offer me a lemon drop. I took it, only because I longed for an excuse to not say anything. It was surpsringly delectable, the tarty sweeetness not drowning my tongue in sugar. I gave it another thoughtful tug of my tongue before cracking it between my teeth.

I rose, cracking my knuckles. It's time for class, I explained. He nodded. If you won't tell her, Severus, then I will grant her permission to terminate her teaching contract and permt her to return to London, he said.

I almost choked on the remaining half of the candy. , I blanched, London? You would let her leave?.

She apparently believes she is of no use, he said humbly, thought I was sure she had said a great deal more than that. Of all the senile, inane, stupid..., I began furiously, but he tapped his watch, I believe you have a class to teach, professor.

I could have honestly hexed him.











A/N: Sorry for the delay, but the computer ate my story and refused to regurgitate, so I had to download it from ff.net. Anyway, hoped you liked this one. Kinda brings a climax to the story.