The Darker Side of Me (Ranma)

By Kalio

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma, which is a damn shame, but it really isn't up to me. Anyway, don't sue.

A/n: I decided that it would be good to give you guys Ranma's POV for all of this, because since you didn't see what I was thinking about him like you would have if it wasn't from Akane's POV, you thought it was hard to understand Ranma's actions. So I wanted to make it easier for you and me to see what went on inside his head. Here ya go.

Gods it's cold out here... I really should think about these things before I say them... Stupid, stupid, stupid! Here I am about to throw love and honor to the wind. What is wrong with me?! I can't find that girl anywhere, and it's spiffin` late! I've already checked the school, her favorite restaurant, and a million other places. I even went to Mom's house for crying out loud! Why do I do this to myself? To us? I never should have said it, shouldn't even have thought it. No wonder she was mad.

I shouldn't have gone there... She knows, and I know, why did I have to tell her she shouldn't even try to cook. Why? WHY?! Because, like all to many things between us, it's just habit. I don't even have to think about it anymore, the insults just roll off my tongue. How was I supposed to know it was edible this time? She should have told me Kasumi pulled out the ingredients. Then again... maybe she was about to tell me.

And that's why I'm trying to find her. Man, I have never seen Kasumi so... disappointed in me. After she left, Kasumi nearly... y-y... yelled (!) at me! She said: 'Ranma! I don't believe you! Akane worked really hard today, and the ingredients for that pie were correct. You should have tried it before you told my little sister off. And when she tried to apologize for what she said, you yelled so more. You're just as bad as she is!' I looked at her guiltily.

'It... wasn't deadly?' She pursed her lips (can you believe it?! It's one of those looks that makes lesser men wet their pants).

'Quite the opposite.'

It's true, too. I can't believe that I yelled at her for trying to apologize... I can be such and idiot sometimes... I don't even know if I would have accepted it anyways, which is what gets me the most. I think that by the time she told me she hated me, I was just looking for an excuse not to tell her... I suppose just how much I didn't want to go... ever. It was just so easy to give up when she said that... so easy to justify running away where it would probably eat me alive until the day I die.

So I guess it really was a- how do they call it?- wake up call. It's really easy to leave and not to look back until you can't anymore. But then, it's harder than almost anything else you could do. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I hadn't accepted her apology... Gods, it's not even funny between us, anymore. It really isn't.

Bloody hell! That's it! Akane said something about how much she loved to go to the skating rink with her mom when she was little. If she's not there... okay, not thinking about that, now...

I roof hop as far as I can before it's less residential and more... parky. I don't like to run on the ground as much, but it will always work in a pinch. I'm finally at the park, out of breath, for the first time in a long time. I finally spot her on a park bench. I try to make my feet move, but somehow, I am rooted to spot. And I don't have the faintest why.

So, I just look at her wondering how long it will take for her to realize I'm here. She isn't very observant today, because she doesn't look my way at all, or maybe she just doesn't want to. I suppose it serves us right for treating each other so badly. Looking back at our track record, we've really screwed up. Hey, I'm not going to take all the blame for this. But I will take my share, and there's a lot of blame to take.

But... there's a lot of good, too. It doesn't matter what I've done, or where I've gone that Akane wasn't more than willing to follow to keep me in line and help me out. When I had no strength -damn Happosai- she was right there to tell me not to go, she was willing to go to China, even though I told her no. When she was taken there by Kiima, she broke out of the jail thing, and may as well have sacrificed herself for me- Gods I can't even think about that... She even was willing to marry me just so I could get that cure that I wanted so badly... God, how could she even say she hates me? I don't understand how she can hate me so much, and always be there for me, taking backstage in everything I do. I should have let her apologize... I should have shut my trap for a few seconds and listened. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda... I hate that.

Geez, what can I say? I don't want to leave, I want to stay here; I want to run the dojo with her help; I want to... I want to tell her I love her; I want to marry her. Heck, I want little Ranmas and Akanes running around the backyard... and everything it takes for that to happen. But, that can wait. Right now, I need to make things right. I just need to get my feet moving, my mind working, and my mouth talking. I don't need a miracle, I need the truth and a little help from God, not to FUBAR this.

Oh, man. I see her shoulders shake a little, and she doesn't look cold. That can only mean one thing. She's crying. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to comfort her. The other part wants to run in the opposite direction as fast as I can. But I don't. I have not idea what to do, I just want to cry with her. I find my feet, mind and voice, somehow. 'Akane?' I ask as softly as I can. I don't want to scare her... or myself, for that matter. 'Hey, can I sit here?'

She nods. I suppose it is sharp, but considering how much we've hurt one another today, it is not surprising, in the slightest. I knew she was crying, but to see how she just left them there, how she just sat looking at the rink without wiping them away... it caught me off guard for such a proud girl to be caught crying over anything and not trying to cover it up. But maybe it is fitting... pride in every aspect of her life... if there's something that makes her feel bad, then she isn't going to let anyone tell her not to. 'Akane?'

I rub a fresh tear away with my thumb, something I'm still not sure where I found the courage for. It is yet another time that I wish that I have not been a martial artist all my life. I can't even wipe away a tear without hurting her. Stupid callouses... Even some damn guy off the street would have a gentler touch than me. 'What's wrong?' I know very well what's wrong... all my spiffin` fault... No, it's not all my fault. It's all our fault for being stubborn and quick to judge. Eventually she answers, looking at me.

'W-what?'

'You're crying. What's wrong?' I repeat it, trying not to slip, trying not to shake her and tell her how big of idiots we are. She just stares at me, so I do the only thing I can.... keep babbling... 'Hey, listen. I, uh... I wasn't thinking this afternoon. It was my fault you were mad at me, and it's okay if you don't like me, but... I don't want you to hate me. So... I decided that if I leave, I can't make you not hate me. So you're stuck with me, okay?' I really am a fool. Would it be too much to ask, really, for her to just forgive me, already? Does she have to look at me like that?

So instead of looking at me like that, she deems it necessary to cry in my shirt. Not that I mind... but it wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for... 'Whoa! Aw, geez, Akane, I didn't mean for ya to cry like this. Com'on, stop that!' Instead, she just sobs harder. Why is it that I have this effect on her? Why?! I don't want her to be sad, it makes me feel so... un-manly... I want to cry with her until she stops. Instead, I just pat her on the back, hoping that she'll quit it an listen to me apologize, but I guess I can't ask her to do what I couldn't, huh? 'Please, Akane. Don't cry. Anything but that. Okay, okay, I WILL leave if you want me to!' At least that got her to stop.

'No.' She says, finally, after looking up at me with the most pained expression I have ever seen in those melted chocolate eyes. When I say what I say, it is more out of shock from her eyes than from her one word.

'Huh?' I took her a minute to get it out.

'I d-don't want you to leave.' God, almighty, we're on the same page! But I can't look like I'm about to dance... how unlike me could I get? So I try for the disbelieving thing.

'Really?' She wipes away her own tears for once, and says as seriously as I have ever heard her:

'I don't hate you, Ranma. I lied. I lied badly. I'm sorry I hurt you. My fault. I... would be so alone without you. I don't want you to leave.' I stare at her. Wow... Now that, I wasn't expecting. The princess of Furinkan High lonely without ME?

'You would? You'd, like, miss me?' She chocked a laugh out.

'Yea. Very much. I don't mean the things I say. I... shouldn't hit you at all, and I shouldn't be jealous. I have no right to be.' As if I couldn't be more shocked... but my face softens anyway.

'Akane, you don't have any reason to be jealous.' More, shock. Surprise, surprise.

'Huh?' Great... clarification leaves room to say too much. I scratch nervously behind my ear.

'I don't really care about anybody but you. I mean, how could I? You would have given your life to help me in China. I can't forget that. Besides...' I grin knowing I really am going to say too much, but I do, anyway. 'You're cuter than I let on.' She stares at me, but not in the way that makes me feel I shouldn't have said it. In fact the look told me to keep going. So I do... I smile and kiss her cheek -the thing, that out of all the things in my life, took the most balls (or backbone, if you prefer)- 'Come on. Let's get out of here, I'm cold.'

I gently take her hand, and help her up. Like me, she doesn't seem like she could stand on her own. We need each other's help, today, I suppose. I start walking to the house. She smiles as I look back at her, and somehow I can tell she's thinking the same thing.

OUR house.

A/n: Okay. It was much harder writing this from Ranma's POV. I think it had to do with me not being a guy... but that's okay... I'm a bigger tomboy than Akane (except for the hair, it's shoulder length). Anyway, thanks for all of your reviews, guys. I hope you're all reading my other fics, they could use suggestions, too. Anyway, I'm done with this little fic forever, so if you like it, hate it, whatever, now's your last chance to tell me. If you hate it, don't be unreasonable. Tell me why you disliked it. And if you hate Akane, that's not hating my fic, get it right.

Oh, and for those of you wondering about that guy I was talking about. He's had plenty of hints to go on. I even took him to my homecoming this year. I know for a fact that people can't read me if I don't want them to. In fact, I have never blushed from embarrassment in my life (from running, sure, but being embarrassed, never). I'm lucky, I know, but it's also unlucky cuz people can't tell what I'm thinking. My own brother can't tell when I'm embarrassed unless I ham it up. But I make it abundantly obvious that I'm interested. Sometimes he takes the bait, other times, I could just hurt him cuz he started flirting with me a moment earlier. I think I'm just going to give up on him, and go for someone who actually likes me. *frown* Or just randomly shout 'Make up your spiffin` mind!' when he flirts with me again. *narrows eyes* Hmm... not a bad idea to do both... Anyway... last chance to tell me whether you love, hate, etc. my writing, or the style of story.