He couldn't believe that he had just said that. His pride had most likely dissolved in the insanity of the current situation. But then the state of affairs came rushing back to his mind in a series of flashing memories…
His mind scanned the whole scenario feverishly. He saw himself entering Lupin's room, and then sitting down with the cup of tea which lead all the way to this: Lupin being pinned below him… and out of all the things that he could feel right now… he was… enjoying it?
A few years ago he would have felt so ashamed that he would have hexed himself to death -- Not that he wasn't ashamed now, of course. He was, after all, having what seemed like the beginning of an affair with a school professor… a -male- school professor for that matter. He had come to the conclusion that it wasn't a dream -- but then what was it? This is what he had grudgingly been lusting for the last few days.
This.
He felt a wave of self-hate ripple through him like a jolt of electricity. This – he thought again. Was he scared that he was doing this? Or was he scared that he wanted to do this? It was all so confusing.
He looked at Lupin, who looked back at him with mock confusion smothering his expression. Snape made up his mind. As much as he wanted to do this, it made too little sense for him to agree with himself and engage in it.
He made one valiant roll to the side and stumbled onto his feet. Lupin was staring at him with a look of pure astonishment and confusion.
"I-I can't believe I…" Snape muttered, rubbing his mouth hesitantly after tasting a new flavor on his lip that did not belong to him.
"You did this didn't you!" Snape snapped, wagging a finger at Lupin who lay on the ground leaning up on his elbows his eyebrows arise on his forehead.
"I can't do this, Lupin… I can't," Snape said. Lupin let out a quiet well-mannered chuckle.
"Severus you have a lot to learn."
"There is nothing to learn. I'm not doing this. It's out of the question. It's just… insane!" Snape snapped.
"Is that what you were thinking two minutes ago while you were pinning me to the ground, with your tongue in my mouth?" Lupin asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, shut up!" Snape groaned. He whiped his forehead, which was shimmering with sweat.
"Why are you doing this, y-you insane… werewolf!" He blurted, not considering the consequences.
"Well, first of all, I'm not insane otherwise I wouldn't be a teacher. But yes, I am a werewolf, but you and I already knew that." Lupin replied calmly, slowly getting to his feet. Snape immediately whipped out his wand and muttered a Latin incantation under his breath, and Remus was suddenly drawn straight back down again.
"Stay still," Snape said mildly. "You never answered my question."
"Why I'm doing this, you mean?" Lupin asked mildly. Snape glared at him, and raised his wand threateningly.
"Well, simple. I was just trying to help you out. You know… making it easier for you. I would have thought that such a man of your genius would have understood that immediately." Lupin said, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" Snape blurted.
"Well, if you didn't have such a huge crush on me, then I wouldn't have bothered."
Snape just stared at him unblinking for a moment, both eyes wide, and one of his eyebrows risen. He tried to say something but his voice wouldn't work.
"It was quite obvious, Severus. First I didn't mind when a few of the teachers approached me about you being extremely shocked that I returned to Hogwarts. But when the staring at me during the meal times started it was just too obvious. You leave yourself out in the open far too often, Severus." He smiled.
"We can't do this Lupin, it's –"
"Why not? You're in love with me, and I don't mind. If you'd like a chance—then now is the time to take it."
"Well I…" Snape muttered quietly.
"Yes?"
"This is crazy…"
"I'm going to bed. Good bye." Lupin sighed, getting up and turning to walk to his bedroom, and out of his study.
"Lupin wait!"
Snape couldn't believe what he was doing. After all of what had just happened…
He put his wand back in his shirt pocket, and came striding quickly behind Lupin. Lupin popped out around the corner.
"Yes?" He said. Snape almost walked right into him.
"I'll stay…" He said, just above a whisper.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"I'll stay." He said, louder. If he could hear it, then so could Lupin. Lupin's face lit up with a smile.
"That's not how you ask."
Snape was bursting to scream, "Don't push it!" as loud as he could, but knew that it would completely kill any chances of staying the night with him.
"Can I stay?" He muttered.
"You're still missing something."
"Can I please stay here tonight, Lupin?" He said at a shout.
"Are you sure? I mean—"
"Yes, I'm sure." Snape muttered, in shame.
"Alright, come in." Lupin smiled at him as they both entered the bedroom.
His mind scanned the whole scenario feverishly. He saw himself entering Lupin's room, and then sitting down with the cup of tea which lead all the way to this: Lupin being pinned below him… and out of all the things that he could feel right now… he was… enjoying it?
A few years ago he would have felt so ashamed that he would have hexed himself to death -- Not that he wasn't ashamed now, of course. He was, after all, having what seemed like the beginning of an affair with a school professor… a -male- school professor for that matter. He had come to the conclusion that it wasn't a dream -- but then what was it? This is what he had grudgingly been lusting for the last few days.
This.
He felt a wave of self-hate ripple through him like a jolt of electricity. This – he thought again. Was he scared that he was doing this? Or was he scared that he wanted to do this? It was all so confusing.
He looked at Lupin, who looked back at him with mock confusion smothering his expression. Snape made up his mind. As much as he wanted to do this, it made too little sense for him to agree with himself and engage in it.
He made one valiant roll to the side and stumbled onto his feet. Lupin was staring at him with a look of pure astonishment and confusion.
"I-I can't believe I…" Snape muttered, rubbing his mouth hesitantly after tasting a new flavor on his lip that did not belong to him.
"You did this didn't you!" Snape snapped, wagging a finger at Lupin who lay on the ground leaning up on his elbows his eyebrows arise on his forehead.
"I can't do this, Lupin… I can't," Snape said. Lupin let out a quiet well-mannered chuckle.
"Severus you have a lot to learn."
"There is nothing to learn. I'm not doing this. It's out of the question. It's just… insane!" Snape snapped.
"Is that what you were thinking two minutes ago while you were pinning me to the ground, with your tongue in my mouth?" Lupin asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, shut up!" Snape groaned. He whiped his forehead, which was shimmering with sweat.
"Why are you doing this, y-you insane… werewolf!" He blurted, not considering the consequences.
"Well, first of all, I'm not insane otherwise I wouldn't be a teacher. But yes, I am a werewolf, but you and I already knew that." Lupin replied calmly, slowly getting to his feet. Snape immediately whipped out his wand and muttered a Latin incantation under his breath, and Remus was suddenly drawn straight back down again.
"Stay still," Snape said mildly. "You never answered my question."
"Why I'm doing this, you mean?" Lupin asked mildly. Snape glared at him, and raised his wand threateningly.
"Well, simple. I was just trying to help you out. You know… making it easier for you. I would have thought that such a man of your genius would have understood that immediately." Lupin said, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" Snape blurted.
"Well, if you didn't have such a huge crush on me, then I wouldn't have bothered."
Snape just stared at him unblinking for a moment, both eyes wide, and one of his eyebrows risen. He tried to say something but his voice wouldn't work.
"It was quite obvious, Severus. First I didn't mind when a few of the teachers approached me about you being extremely shocked that I returned to Hogwarts. But when the staring at me during the meal times started it was just too obvious. You leave yourself out in the open far too often, Severus." He smiled.
"We can't do this Lupin, it's –"
"Why not? You're in love with me, and I don't mind. If you'd like a chance—then now is the time to take it."
"Well I…" Snape muttered quietly.
"Yes?"
"This is crazy…"
"I'm going to bed. Good bye." Lupin sighed, getting up and turning to walk to his bedroom, and out of his study.
"Lupin wait!"
Snape couldn't believe what he was doing. After all of what had just happened…
He put his wand back in his shirt pocket, and came striding quickly behind Lupin. Lupin popped out around the corner.
"Yes?" He said. Snape almost walked right into him.
"I'll stay…" He said, just above a whisper.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"I'll stay." He said, louder. If he could hear it, then so could Lupin. Lupin's face lit up with a smile.
"That's not how you ask."
Snape was bursting to scream, "Don't push it!" as loud as he could, but knew that it would completely kill any chances of staying the night with him.
"Can I stay?" He muttered.
"You're still missing something."
"Can I please stay here tonight, Lupin?" He said at a shout.
"Are you sure? I mean—"
"Yes, I'm sure." Snape muttered, in shame.
"Alright, come in." Lupin smiled at him as they both entered the bedroom.