Dear Diary,
as I was sitting in the living room in my new dressrobes (the ones with pictures of torture instruments. Wormtail talked me into buying these as we were shopping together. He thought they looked much more impressive than the ones with the daisy pattern.), leafing through my favourite book My Mortal Enemy – 20 tips and tricks how to really annoy him, I had another brilliant idea on killing Harry Potter.
I immediately instructed my Death Eaters to prepare everything for the ingenious plan. We sneaked into Hogwarts, fastened a net at the ceiling of the Gryffindor common room toilet and put a glass of castor-oil on Harry Potter's bedside table. Of course, the castor-oil was disguised as pumpkin juice. When Harry Potter went to bed, he would see the glass and drink its contents and then come running to the toilet where we were waiting with the net.
Of course, Lucius, the twit, mucked it all up. He confused the glass of castor-oil with my Evil Overlord Cocktail. When I was hiding behind the curtain in the Gryffindor common room, I asked for the cocktail we had brought with us to shorten the wait for me, and as I started to drink, I felt an urgent need to go to the loo. Inside the bathroom the trap went off and I was caught in the net. Because it was so dark, the Death Eaters didn't notice it was me they had caught and not Harry Potter until they had tied me to the rack in our torture cave.
I didn't speak to them for three days and I am still cross that Harry Potter got my Evil Overlord Cocktail.