by Clueless One
Rating: R
Disclaimers: BTVS & Angel belong to Joss Whedon, ME, UPN, and WB respectively. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.
Summary: Spike returns to Sunnydale after a lay over in the City of Angels. Buffy and Dawn are getting their lives sorted out. Willow is back from her detox in England. Xander and Anya move on with their lives hoping to discover whether they're traveling the same path. Meanwhile one of the Old Ones wakes, and begins searching for her bloodline, and reclaiming her family. She's old as mankind Hell-bent on restoring the world to the way it was when she last walked upon it, and seeking revenge on the one who was created to destroy her: The Slayer.
Spoilers: All of Season Six and Three set in an Alternate Season Seven and Four of BtVs and AtS Respectively.
A/N: I'm kind of just jumping right in four months ahead of Grave. Feedback: Please? I need feedback.
Chapter One: Here we are now together again.
"Hello my friend we meet again. It's been awhile where should we begin?" Creed -My Sacrifice
Buffy didn't want to think about how they had ended up being chained to the walls in what had once been Angel's mansion. How they had blindly walked right into Drusilla's little trap.
"You've been naughty," Drusilla whispered to Willow, "So very naughty." A slight whimper came from Willow as the vampire turned to face Dawn. "Pretty doll. You have his eyes, blue like the sky, and yet they shine like green stars." Drusilla laughed, stroking a black thumbnail down Dawn's chin. "Don't be afraid I won't hurt you."
Buffy struggled again against the chains holding her to the wall still unable to break them. Drusilla turned to her. "You," she hissed, "you stole everything from me. First Daddy and then my brave knight!" she screamed. "I came for him, I did, but he's gone, and the moon told Miss Edith that it's all your fault. So now you'll watch as I take away everything you love." She walked over to where Xander was chained grabbing his hair she yanked his head up exposing his neck. As her mouth was about to descend an arrow whistled passed sticking in the wall between them.
"Sorry love, can't let you do that." Buffy turned her head shocked as she heard the familiar British accent. He stood at the entrance of the mansion holding a small crossbow in his hand pointing it at the ground by his side. Drusilla backed away from Xander then ran toward Spike. Hate, disgust, affection, and jealousy rushed through her as she gazed at him for the first time in over four months. The first time since that night in her bathroom. He was still in black sans the duster and his patented smirk. His platinum hair now a slightly longer darker sandier brown with only the tips retaining the bleached coloring. Eyes that had once danced with the passions of life were now hollow and empty, except for pain. She recognized the look. It was the same despair that had stared back at her in the mirror for months after she had been brought back.
"Spike, but the moon said…" She wrapped her arms around him then reeled back screaming in disgust. "No! Noooo! What have you done? What did you do?" she spat. "You're not my Spike anymore" Her voice lowered to a faint whisper that Buffy could barely hear "You're something else now."
She rocked backward on her heals. "Spike, William. William, Spike. The Slayer of Slayers. My Black Knight." She sang still rocking. "Which one are you? My black knight, or the poet in search of love, and beauty effulgent?"
"Both."
"Why?" she cried out. Reached she touched his face then pulled her hand away. Buffy watched them confused, unable to understand what they were talking about. She saw him look towards her then Dawn, Xander, and Willow. His gaze returned to her then back to Drusilla.
"You let that filthy, vile, disgusting, thing back into your body for them? For her?" What did he do? What thing? The chip? Let it back in? Did that mean it had been removed?
"I had to pet. Couldn't risk-"
"First Daddy now you. The sea it bled his love and in the hills his forgiveness was blue. Everyone's left me all alone." Her head snapped up with a murderous gleam in her yellow eyes, and she hissed, "She doesn't love you, She'll never love you." Drusilla turned towards Xander and Willow. "They'll never let her love you. Not like I can. We'll find a way to get rid of that vileness inside you."
"No."
"They won't trust you."
"It doesn't bloody matter Dru." he laughed bitterly. "I don't deserve her love, and I don't deserve their trust. I finally get that. I accept it. Doesn't change how I feel. I know I can never rid myself of the blood on my hands. I know I'll never be forgiven, but I failed them once." He closed his eyes and swallowed, Buffy knew he was meant the day she had died. He had blamed himself for not being able to protect Dawn and save her. She felt guilt swell as she realized she never had she told him what a wonderful job he had done to protect her sister when she had been gone. Never had she tried to ease his mind over her death. "Never again." Buffy heard his voice crack then his jaw tensed before setting in a determined look. "Nothing happens to them. They live, and so do you if you leave now."
"You would choose her over me again. I thought I was your salvation?"
Spike shook his head sadly "For a bit but I was wrong. I found my salvation pet. I danced under her light and tasted the beauty of her soul. She's my salvation Dru. The path towards change, and love. The chance to prove I'm more then I was."
"It's too hard, you'll never make it, you're not strong enough. Not with that in you."
"I have to bloody try. Please just go Dru, your life for theirs."
"I'm your Dark Princess you won't hurt me the stars promised. My Spike would never-"
"The bloody stars lied to you Dru!" She cringed away from him. "I'm not your Spike anymore remember? I'm something else now. Look at me. Look at me!" he shouted. "This isn't a game pet. It isn't teatime with your dolls. I damn well meant what I said." She backed away holding her head down. Spike stepped up to her and tilted her chin up. His voice suddenly softer. "Dru? Leave and live. Please?"
"But I can give you what you want. Something glowing and glistening. Something... Effulgent."
"No Love, you can't, you can only give me darkness, destruction, and death."
"If you stay she will bring you death. It will rain down destroying everything you are and love. Please William?"
He shook his head.
"You truly love her." Buffy could not mistake the pain in the vampire's voice.
"Goodbye Dru."
"Goodbye William." Buffy watched amazed as Drusilla walked over and lightly kissed him tears running down her cheek. Moments before she had been ready to kill them. Now she left heartbroken.
"Oh good Psycho-Bitch is gone now Mr. Attempted Rape has us all to himself. So whose the soulless fiend gonna start with first?"
"Xander don't." Buffy started.
"Don't sweat it love," Spike said as he released the manacles chaining her to the wall.
He smiled nodding at Dawn but she ignored him turning her head away to face Xander. Spike looked stricken.
"Right, I'll leave you to do the rest, get your friends home, and tuck the 'Bit in bed. I-we need to talk Slayer."
Buffy reluctantly nodded. "I'll meet you at the crypt," she told him as he left the mansion.
"You can't be serious." Xander said while she unchained them. "You're going to meet him after what he did?"
"Xander-"
"He's right Buffy. How do you think you can trust him?" The question surprised her coming from Dawn's mouth. Damn, she had never explained things to her sister.
"I don't ok. But I need to find out. I owe him that much at least for what he did tonight. Besides, I can handle him. Trust me Ok?"
"Fine go," he paused. "I'll take the girls home." Xander said. "But if he touches you I swear: I will kill him."
Buffy walked out the mansions door wondering what she was doing. Why she was going to see him after what he had done. The things he had said tonight... She needed to see him if for nothing else closure. A part of her still hated him, wanted to hate him at least, for what he had done. And what he didn't do. She had admitted to having feelings for him, but it wasn't until after that night that she could admit what those feelings were. In fact it was while she was trapped with Dawn under the graveyard, and the world had not ended that she could comprehended how much he had meant to her. How bad his betrayals had hurt her. And despite it all how much she missed him. What he had done was inexcusable, but there were feelings there for him still. Just what those feelings were she wasn't sure.
She had been given a gift of realization down there that had only grown as the summer progressed. She hoped she wouldn't waste it.
***
"Can you believe she's doing this?" Xander asked.
"She cared for him Xand I know she doesn't like to admit it but she did." Willow tried to explain.
"And he hurt her. He's evil Wil."
"Oh that's right, he's evil and stuff. Ooh he's a vampire. He killed for fun. To eat. He had a chip put in his head that tamed him. I've heard it all Xander. Like you I've lived it, and you've harped on it for two years. What you never mention is how he fell in love with Buffy and-and he protected us, protected Dawn with his life. He was ready to die at Glory's hand to protect them. He stayed and helped us all summer while Buffy was dead. But hey he's evil he's a vampire."
"You sound like you're on his side."
"No sides here Xander, but I'm willing to accept he's not the same man who tried to kill us six years ago. People change for better or-or worse we change."
"He tried to rape Buffy."
"And he was wrong what he did was terrible I agree."
"I'm glad someone finally agrees with something I'm saying...God sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers he's a soulless killer. How could she ever care for him."
"Yeah," Willow said backing away, her voice beginning to break. "I've been asking myself all summer how anyone could care for a killer."
Xander frowned. "Willow."
"It's not like he made a conscience decision to be what he was. Not like he had a soul and skinned a man alive, risked countless lives trying to torture two others. He didn't repeatedly try to kill his friends and then try to burn the world to cinders." Willow cried.
"Oh God Willow I didn't' mean I-I'm sorry." He hugged her as she continued to cry.
"He's a soulless killer, but I've got a soul, and I still did all those things, which one of us is worse Xander?
***
Spike looked around chuckling as he took in the sight of his crypt. There was a fridge stocked with liverworts, and lemonade. A microwave in the corner and TV-dinners in the ice box. A new chair sat in the corner as well. The place was clean, smelling of vanilla and oranges. He shook his head remembering how Clem had said he would take care of the place for him. If he put it back the way he wanted it, it would just hurt the saggy-skinned bugger. Damned bloody conscience. Spike sat in his old chair not bothering to turn on the telly; instead he closed his eyes and thought of what had just transpired. He'd raced here to stop Dru, but that cock-up afterwards wasn't how he wanted things to go. He hadn't planned to see any of them this soon. Hell, who was he kidding. He wasn't coming back. He had been content to hide from them in LA. To hide from himself. Bloody hell! He had never hidden from anything in his unlife, yet now he'd rather look at his bloody grandsire everyday as opposed to facing Buffy.
God he needed to see her. He craved seeing her, hearing her voice, feeling her touch, the way she smelt, the way she tasted. He craved the feeling he felt whenever he was near her. The feeling that he was alive. He fought the tight stinging in his throat as he thought of her, he could not break down, not now.
Spike knew the others wouldn't accept him back, that they would probably try to stake him on the spot, but he had thought Dawn would be more open to the idea. It wouldn't have been the same but... His body shook as he remembered the look of disgust on her face before she turned her head. Then there was facing Dru. Damned wonderful time for the bitch to a have a lucid moment there. Damn! He meant what he said, he would have killed her, but he still loved her. It wasn't what he felt for Buffy. Nothing was like that, but it was love in some form or other. Now Buffy was on her way here. God he wasn't ready for this. What the hell was he doing listening to the Poofter anyway? He saved them, ran Dru off, he should just leave and go back to LA.
"You need to go back Will."
"Why? They're not gonna want me back, bloody hell Angelus they never wanted me there to begin with."
"You need to make peace if you don't what you're feeling will get worse, then they'll be gone, and there will be nothing you can do about it."
"But-"
"Look I can't make you go, to be honest I don't want you near Buffy. But, you need to do this. Your soul needs a chance to heal. You might not be forgiven by any of them. You probably won't. But it will help you to heal. You need to go, and Spike if it doesn't' work out remember the door here is always open for family..."
There was a soft knock at the door pulling him from his memories followed by Buffy's voice reverberating through the chamber. "Spike?"
"That's new Slayer." He said trying to regain some control his emotions. "Since when did you knock on my door?"
"Since Clem spilled hot coffee on his lap."
"So...gonna stake me now?"
"No, no staking."
Spike stood up, turning so he could see her, then took a few steps, but was unable to hold the tears in as he dropped to his knees. He looked up at her. "I-I'm sorry Buffy I can't ask you to forgive me, not after what I did. I can never forgive myself. I crossed the line...I don't expect you to accept my apology. I just need you to know... As if sorry could ever be enough." he quietly added.
"Spike..." She knelt in front of him. "I know. OK? I know. You don't have to ask me-I forgave you months ago." Spike shook his head he couldn't have heard that right.
"Buffy, how can you forgive what I did."
"You're not the only one of us that's hurt the other Spike."
"S' not the same."
"No, it's not, but the whole thing was wrong and unhealthy, for both of us, on so many different levels. You loved me. I know I said it wasn't' real, but deep down I knew Spike. I knew, and I used you just the same. I hurt you in every way imaginable."
"You can't compare it Buffy. I don't deserve your forgiveness."
"Someone told me once that forgiveness is an act of compassion. That we don't forgive because the person deserves it, but because they need it.
"I wasn't ready to love, not you, not my friends, not even Dawn. Everyone I love leaves me. If I let myself love you, I knew, you would leave. And I didn't think I could go on if someone else left. Then you did it any way. You left. You hurt me, and you left. And that hurt even more. And then everything went to hell here, but afterwards I realized something Spike. I can love, and I can forgive. That's something I've never been good at. But I needed to forgive, I forgave Willow and I forgive you."
"It's not that simple."
"Yes it is Spike."
"You're not thinking straight, the thing with Dru she mojo'd your 'ead or something."
"No she didn't, for the first time in a long time I am thinking straight. I have been for months. I can and I do forgive you. I've learned friendship is far too important to let mistakes ruin it."
"That what we are now?" He asked. "Friends? S'funny I thought we were enemies."
"No, but we almost were." Her voice lowered. "But now, like it or not, we're something-other then friends, we're not enemies but at the same time I don't know if we can ever go back to being friends." His heart sank with her words he knew things wouldn't go back to how they were still, he had hoped she would let him back into her life somehow.
"We're something more, we're Mortal Enemies," she smiled at him, "darkness and light and…" She glanced down then back at him, saying quietly. "And we were lovers. No matter what else happens Spike, as far as I'm concerned, you're one of us. You're family. You have been since the night I asked you to protect Dawn. I know I never thanked you for taking care of her last summer. I couldn't because that would let you in. I'm sorry. Thank you." He looked into her eyes and unbelievably found sincerity, and felt a sense of calm he had felt only once before. It was so new these feelings he felt, guilt, pain, and the peace of being forgiven. And acceptance however much it may be. He was accepted by both Buffy and Angel, by his family. Watching her as she stood he smiled at what he saw. It was something that hadn't been there in over a year, and God was it beautiful to see again.
"What?" She asked as she held her hand out to him. He took it feeling a shock go through his body at the contact of her warm flesh as she pulled him up.
"You Love." he said. "All of you, the fire's back."
She walked over to a chair. "So since when did you start crying? Which is very disturbing and non-Big-Bad like I might add. And creepy. Uber-creepy."
"Bloody hell Slayer, that gets out..."
"Where did you go." she cut him off.
"Africa."
***
"Africa?" Buffy asked surprised, "What's in Africa besides a sunburn." She had an idea of what he had done, after listening to him and Drusilla, but she had to make sure. She had meant every word she had said before but the Slayer in her had to be sure about the chip.
"Caves, Demons, flesh eating scarab beetles."
"Sc-wha?"
"Doesn't matter pet, I went to - to find something I lost a long time ago."
"Did You?"
"Yeah Love, guess I did."
Raising her eyebrows questioningly she stared at him "Holding out much?"
"It's hard to talk about. If you really want to know I'll tell you just not now."
"I have to ask. I'm not doing this to hurt you, and if it's no I want you to know that I understand why, and I'm not going to stake you. But I have to know was it the chip?"
"Still here and working Slayer, far as I know anyway. 'aven't tried it out in a while." She nodded in relief and it shamed her. "How 'bout you?" he asked. "What happened, you're you again. Not that I'm complaining mind you."
"A lot of things. After you left, well things got bad. I caught two of the Nerd-trio, but the next day Warren showed up out back. He...he had a gun and began firing before running off. He shot me."
"Are you-"
"I'm fine, but one of the bullets...it killed Tara." She watched Spike's pained blue eyes flash into a rage filled golden yellow. His face shifted showing his true form. It shocked her, he always held such control over the demon's surfacing.
"Where. Is. He?"
"He's dead."
"You?"
"No, Willow."
"Good for-"
"No! Not good for her Spike!"
He stopped tilting his head as it shifted back into its human form. "Red let loose with the magick didn't she?" Buffy nodded. He sighed. "She go back to Rack?"
"Worse. She shot up on every book of Dark Magick she could until it possessed her. She tortured Warren, skinned him alive, then killed him. She killed Rack. She went after us. Nearly killed Dawn, Giles, all of us. Then she tried to destroy the world."
"She was there tonight," he furrowed his brow, "I mean she's back right? White Hat 'n' all?"
"Xander stopped her talked her back, but she's not like us. She's never had to kill anyone before." Images of the Knights of that she had killed while protecting Dawn flashed through her mind. "Much less murder them. The things she did Spike, I don't think she's going to be ok."
She looked at her watch seeing how late it was. "I better go before they come looking for me. Spike stay away from Xander until I talk to him. He's been moody lately, and he really hates you."
"Knew that already."
"So um...wanna patrol tomorrow night?"
"Sure Slayer, you can pick me up."
"See you then."
***
It flashed through Giles's mind, as he sat in the study of the small flat he owned in London, that he was about to die. It felt as though his heart had stopped, and his breaths came in short labored gasps. Calming himself he read through the prophecy again and removed his glasses. If what he read came to pass...If..."Oh dear lord no..."