His fist slammed against the wall harshly, but he did not give himself the
satisfaction of feeling the pain that ran from his knuckles up his arm and
manifested in his shoulder. He didn't let himself feel the pain. His body
and mind was in enough pain as it was.
He didn't understand. And for Draco Malfoy to say that he didn't understand something was amazing, but he was admitting to himself that he didn't understand. He didn't understand what had happened. It had happened so quickly, he had gone from happiness and hope to pain and anger in a matter of minutes.
He didn't understand.
Draco understood that he was at fault, but he also understood that she was at fault to. He understood that he may have just stuffed up one of the most important relationships in his life, but he didn't understand why or how.
And he didn't understand how he was supposed to get it all back on track.
He wanted it all back on track, he was not going to deny that. For only a few hours in the storage closet he was Ginny Weasley's boyfriend, and he enjoyed that. In the small hours they had been together, he had felt loved and cared for.
In the hour or so that he had been her boy, he had felt loved more than he had in the last 17 years of his life. Ginny was the first person to ever care for him, it felt unusual and strange and exciting.
Ginny had opened her heart to him, told her all about her. She told him everything that he wanted to know about her. Ginny had answered every question eagerly. She wanted him to know personal things about her. And that he understood.
He understood that she wanted no secrets between them, and that had touched his heart early on. So he had immediately opened himself up to her. Anything she wanted to know, he made it that all she had to do was ask him. He told her everything with the utmost honesty.
And he didn't even understand that.
Honesty wasn't a word that was often associated with the Malfoys. Mainly because the Malfoys were not honest people. But Draco had been honest with her, he had told her anything she wanted; he had made himself vulnerable to her.
Then, he had to go and fall for her. He had not fallen all the way, but he fell, and he could still feel himself falling, even after the hurtful words that had been exchanged. He was beginning to love her, and for a guy who knew first hand the pain of love, that was scary.
He had had his heart ripped out before, and his heart had healed slowly, and he was opening it up to some one new. He didn't know if he was being brave or just plain stupid, but either way, he was taking the risk.
Maybe he didn't need to worry about taking a risk with Ginny; because he was a hundred and twelve percent sure he had well and truly stuffed things up with her.
He had done something to offend her, and that was all he understood about it. He had said something or done something to make her angry at him. Wouldn't surprise him if he had done some thing with out realizing it. It seemed he was always putting his foot in it.
What he didn't understand was that he was only trying to show that he cared for her. Maybe he had done it in a really ass backwards way, but he was only trying to show that he was worried about her.
He should have seen it. Draco knew she was an independent woman, but he had no idea that his concern would make her so mad at him. Maybe he should have just let it go after she said she was feeling ok, but his own selfishness had made him go on and on, pushing the subject.
And he had been selfish, because he had only really been thinking about himself. If Ginny had really been sick and something happened to her, he knew that he would never be able to deal with the pain.
He could not lose some one again. Especially some one he was rapidly falling in love with.
It was stupid, he knew that. He knew Ginny wouldn't have died or anything, but he panicked. He didn't know what to do, so he had turned into a jerk.
A jerk that was powered by concern.
Then she had called him on his jerkiness, and he had become defensive, just as he always did when some one challenged him. He fought back just as harshly as she had fought him. They had both said things they regretted, Draco said so many things that he was not proud of, but neither of them had the guts to stop the hurtful words that were flooding form their mouths.
They had said so many mean things, and he knew that she had every right to hate him. He hoped against hope that she didn't hate him. She hoped that she could find it in her heart to forgive him and all of the heartless things that he had said. He hoped that one day they could be friends again, if not something more.
He wanted so much more of her, because she made him feel special. Growing up in a world with uncaring parents and more enemies than you could poke a stick at, Draco did know what it felt like to feel special. Ginny made him feel special, and he wanted to make her feel special to.
She made him feel alive, she made him feel worth while, she made him feel whole. And he liked the way that she made him feel. He liked the way that Ginny made him want more out of life.
He wanted to see the world through Ginny's eyes, he wanted to magical world of love and hope that she had dwelled in. He wanted to believe in the princess in the tower being rescued by the knight in shining armor. He wanted to see the silver lining in everything that he did.
He wanted her to show him her world. Draco wanted Ginny to take him by the hand and lead him through the bright, colorful world that she lived in. He wanted to experience the emotion she made him feel. He wanted to experience it every day.
He had to tell her how he felt; he knew that he could not last another minute without letting her know. She had a right to know.
Moving to the corner of his room, he picked up a piece of parchment, and began to write.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry that this chapter was so short, I didn't know what else to write in it, but I hope that you liked it. If you could review that would be great.
Oh Yeah, and the Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets count is now 4!!! I have seen in 4 times!!!!
He didn't understand. And for Draco Malfoy to say that he didn't understand something was amazing, but he was admitting to himself that he didn't understand. He didn't understand what had happened. It had happened so quickly, he had gone from happiness and hope to pain and anger in a matter of minutes.
He didn't understand.
Draco understood that he was at fault, but he also understood that she was at fault to. He understood that he may have just stuffed up one of the most important relationships in his life, but he didn't understand why or how.
And he didn't understand how he was supposed to get it all back on track.
He wanted it all back on track, he was not going to deny that. For only a few hours in the storage closet he was Ginny Weasley's boyfriend, and he enjoyed that. In the small hours they had been together, he had felt loved and cared for.
In the hour or so that he had been her boy, he had felt loved more than he had in the last 17 years of his life. Ginny was the first person to ever care for him, it felt unusual and strange and exciting.
Ginny had opened her heart to him, told her all about her. She told him everything that he wanted to know about her. Ginny had answered every question eagerly. She wanted him to know personal things about her. And that he understood.
He understood that she wanted no secrets between them, and that had touched his heart early on. So he had immediately opened himself up to her. Anything she wanted to know, he made it that all she had to do was ask him. He told her everything with the utmost honesty.
And he didn't even understand that.
Honesty wasn't a word that was often associated with the Malfoys. Mainly because the Malfoys were not honest people. But Draco had been honest with her, he had told her anything she wanted; he had made himself vulnerable to her.
Then, he had to go and fall for her. He had not fallen all the way, but he fell, and he could still feel himself falling, even after the hurtful words that had been exchanged. He was beginning to love her, and for a guy who knew first hand the pain of love, that was scary.
He had had his heart ripped out before, and his heart had healed slowly, and he was opening it up to some one new. He didn't know if he was being brave or just plain stupid, but either way, he was taking the risk.
Maybe he didn't need to worry about taking a risk with Ginny; because he was a hundred and twelve percent sure he had well and truly stuffed things up with her.
He had done something to offend her, and that was all he understood about it. He had said something or done something to make her angry at him. Wouldn't surprise him if he had done some thing with out realizing it. It seemed he was always putting his foot in it.
What he didn't understand was that he was only trying to show that he cared for her. Maybe he had done it in a really ass backwards way, but he was only trying to show that he was worried about her.
He should have seen it. Draco knew she was an independent woman, but he had no idea that his concern would make her so mad at him. Maybe he should have just let it go after she said she was feeling ok, but his own selfishness had made him go on and on, pushing the subject.
And he had been selfish, because he had only really been thinking about himself. If Ginny had really been sick and something happened to her, he knew that he would never be able to deal with the pain.
He could not lose some one again. Especially some one he was rapidly falling in love with.
It was stupid, he knew that. He knew Ginny wouldn't have died or anything, but he panicked. He didn't know what to do, so he had turned into a jerk.
A jerk that was powered by concern.
Then she had called him on his jerkiness, and he had become defensive, just as he always did when some one challenged him. He fought back just as harshly as she had fought him. They had both said things they regretted, Draco said so many things that he was not proud of, but neither of them had the guts to stop the hurtful words that were flooding form their mouths.
They had said so many mean things, and he knew that she had every right to hate him. He hoped against hope that she didn't hate him. She hoped that she could find it in her heart to forgive him and all of the heartless things that he had said. He hoped that one day they could be friends again, if not something more.
He wanted so much more of her, because she made him feel special. Growing up in a world with uncaring parents and more enemies than you could poke a stick at, Draco did know what it felt like to feel special. Ginny made him feel special, and he wanted to make her feel special to.
She made him feel alive, she made him feel worth while, she made him feel whole. And he liked the way that she made him feel. He liked the way that Ginny made him want more out of life.
He wanted to see the world through Ginny's eyes, he wanted to magical world of love and hope that she had dwelled in. He wanted to believe in the princess in the tower being rescued by the knight in shining armor. He wanted to see the silver lining in everything that he did.
He wanted her to show him her world. Draco wanted Ginny to take him by the hand and lead him through the bright, colorful world that she lived in. He wanted to experience the emotion she made him feel. He wanted to experience it every day.
He had to tell her how he felt; he knew that he could not last another minute without letting her know. She had a right to know.
Moving to the corner of his room, he picked up a piece of parchment, and began to write.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry that this chapter was so short, I didn't know what else to write in it, but I hope that you liked it. If you could review that would be great.
Oh Yeah, and the Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets count is now 4!!! I have seen in 4 times!!!!