A day in the life of a muggle
By Maddy
Chapter 3
Please say I'm at home; I really hope I'm home. Just open one eye, if I see maroon I'm at Hogwarts, if I see a deep red with gold stars I'm at home. Eleanor open your eyes. They're open an I'm at… Hogwarts. One day won't kill me, but it could kill Hermione, she has to live with my brothers. Well as long as I'm not here tomorrow, I'll be fine, if I'm here tomorrow I'll have to do lessons and I'll spoil Hermione's perfect academic record.
"Morning Colin."
What? Where's Colin? Who is that and what are they doing in the girls' dorm? But this is the wrong bed, I was in the bed closest to the door yesterday but now I'm in the middle bed. The only reasonable explanation is that I'm Colin, which is absolutely impossible as I'm a girl. It is not possible it doesn't make sense, but then again waking up and finding out that you're at Hogwart school of Witchcraft and Wizardry doesn't make sense either, but still, it's impossible.
"Colin, are some going to sit in bed and day dream all morning or go down to breakfast."
Well that's it the impossible has happened. Eleanor Evans, you are now truly and officially a guy for nobody knows how long, though as I was Hermione for the day, I might be Colin for the day. This means that Colin is in my body, though at least he's a muggle born so he'll know how to act in a muggle house. Now lets see the normal routine of Colin. Wake up, eat breakfast, say hello to Harry at least fifty times, talk with friends, maybe I should meet up with Ginny and set up a Harry Potter adoration group; though that would completely and utterly humiliate Harry and people would think he was trying to be Lockhart- stupid good for nothing air head. Lets see I have to go to breakfast. Lets get ready to get lost I can't use the marauders map today. "Morning Colin."
Oh look it's Harry. "Morning Harry."
Now lets see I have to get to the great hall, how many staircases are there in Hogwarts again? 142.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT EXACTLY I DIN'T SEE YOU UNTIL 11AM YESTERDAY."
Who is that? Erm lets see flaming red hair. Chocolate brown hair, it's Ron and Hermione I wonder what they're fighting over.
"YOU WOULDN'T EBEN GO TO HAGRIDS YESTERDAY!"
The liars, they said that Hermione had a fight with Hagrids, what are they deliberately trying to catch me out. Oh well I better help Hermione, I got her into this mess so I might as well try and get her out. "Hermione, Ron could you please be quiet."
Every one's looking at me; well I don't think that people have the courage to tell them to shut up.
"Harry is still in his room Colin."
"I'm not here to talk to Harry and I don't really care that he's still in his room, he can stay there as long as he wants. What? Do you think I worship the ground he walks on? Don't answer that. Ron what's the problem."
"That has absolutely nothing to do with you. Now go talk to Harry"
"It has so little to do with me and yet so much."
They really think I worship the ground he walks on. If Ron knew he kissed me yesterday.
"What're you laughing at?" Asked Ron
"Nothing. Hermione what day is it?"
"Umm… Saturday 2nd September."
"See there's your answer. It's Sunday 3rd September. Wasn't Hermione feeling ill yesterday? I think that she's completely forgotten every thing from yesterday."
Hermione stood there with a confused expression on her face. "But I can't of… unless… I'm going to the library." Hermione ran towards the portrait hole opened it and left.
"But…"
"Ron, it's Hermione, when in doubt go to the library it hasn't failed yet."
"Yeah…"
"Look there's Harry. Bye."
Now all I have to do id find Hermione
***
"Colin has Ron sent you?" I jumped.
"No, you should go read your diary."
"What?"
"Well you can't remember anything that happened yesterday and you might have written it in your diary."
"Good idea. The thing is... No I shouldn't… well I have to tell someone. Promise who won't repeat what I'm about to say to you to any one not even Ron or Harry."
She wants to keep a secret from Ron and Harry she hasn't done that since third year.
"I promise."
"Well yesterday, it's really complicated. I wasn't in my body I was in a muggles. Her name was Eleanor Evans, she knew about Hogwarts and every thing. There were these books, they were about us, they eve mentioned you in it. They have all these websites on the Internet about us; it's really weird, I swear some of those muggles are obsessive. So do you believe me?"
"I do. Look lets go to breakfast, talk to Harry and Ron as if nothings happened and then meet me back here at 8.30."
***
Where is she?
"Colin?"
"Yeah, it's me. You really shouldn't sneak up on people like that."
"Sorry. So what did you want to see me about?"
"Look, my name isn't Colin."
"What?"
"Eleanor Evans."
"What about her?"
"This is the point that you shake my hand."
"Colin, why would I shake your hand? I've know you for 5 years."
"Gosh I thought you were clever. Where's the logic you used to work out the riddle to get the right potion so Harry could get the philosophers stone from the mirror of Erised."
Hermione stared blankly at me.
"How do you know?"
"The mirror of Desire, I show not your face but your hearts desire. Harry saw his parents. He asked Dumbledore what he saw and he said socks. My name is Eleanor Evans. I was in your body yesterday. I have to brothers called Matthew and Max. I have all four books, the movie comes out in November."
"Eleanor?"
"Yes it's me. All I can say at the moment though is that I preferred being you I hate being a guy."
"We have to tell someone."
"No we're not. We're going to confuse a lot of people make a few laugh and then if I'm still here tomorrow we'll tell Dumbledore."
"Ok, but if you're someone tomorrow you have to tell me."
"I will. Do you really think that I want to be different people for the rest of my life?"
"Well no."
"We better go, Ron and Harry will be wondering where we are."
"Ok, but where are you going?"
"I'm going to find out how to send a Howler."
"Why?"
"Well Snape needs to be told how to wash his hair and Malfoy needs to be told that there is another facial expression apart from the sneer."
"Why?"
"Well you might not of guessed, but muggles don't exactly like them. I know all the Gryffindor's hate him, but some times they really get on my nerves." (A/n you might be thinking I hate these characters but I don't. I like the act that they're evil- well maybe not evil just annoying, any way back to the story)
"Can I help?"
"You want to help me break the rules?"
"We're not breaking the rules. There is no rule that says we can't send howlers to annoying teachers and Slytherins. The thing is we need to disguise our voices, so they don't know who sent them."
"How do you send howlers?" I asked.
"You get an envelope from the post office and follow the instructions."
"I think we should tell Harry and Ron about this. We need to borrow the invisibility cloak and the marauders map."
***
"So any way we need to borrow the invisibility cloak and/or the marauders map to get to Hogsmead to get the enveloped. So will you let us borrow them?"
Harry and Ron were staring at me. They then looked at Hermione. Harry spoke first. "It's a great idea, but, why did you tell Colin about the map and stuff."
"Hermione is going to use a memory charm on me later today I won't remember any of it."
"So we'll send it so they get I at Dinner and then before we go to bed I'll put the memory charm on you. I can't believe I'm pulling a prank. Though some one has to start the school off now that Fred and George have left.
***
"I wish the owls would hurry up. What time do they get here? Snape's is at 7.20 and Malfoy's at 7.30." I said
"Who is Eleanor Evans by the way?" asked Harry " Would she really appreciate that fact that we used her voice?"
"She's a muggle. They won't know who she is, and she'd love to help you lot pull a prank like this."
"Is Eve a muggle as well, cause you signed her name at the end."
"Eve is Eleanor. Eleanor's full name is Eleanor Victoria Evans the intials make Eve, but only her close friends call her Eve. Its 7.19 the owl should be here any second."
"TO A MT SEVERUS SNAPE. I WOULD LIKE TO EXPRESS MY DEEPEST CONCERN ON YOUR LACK OF HAIR CARE KNOWLEDGE. THE THING IS SEVERUS, MUGGLES AS STUPID AS YOU THINK WE ARE HAVE MASTERED THE USE OF SHOWERS, SHAPOO AND CONDITIONER. I THINK YOU HAVE TO LEARN THE SUBTLE SCIENCE AND EXACT ART OF WASHING YOUR HAIR. THERE IS NO WAND-WAVING HERE, BUT THE RESULTS ON YOU WILL LOOK LIKE PURE MAGIC."
By now the whole school including he teachers were laughing, though Snape was looking rather green.
"I EXPECT THAT EVERY ONE WILL RELIZE THE BEAUTY OF THESE HAIR CARE PRODUCTS. I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT NO-ONE HAS ONE A NOBEL PRIZE FOR INVENTING TOOTHPASTE, OTHERWISE COLGATE, AQUA FRESH AND WRIGLEYS WOULD HAVE A COUPLE. YOU SHOULD STOP TRYING TO INVENT SOME TOOTH PASTE BUT INSTEAD USE TOOTHPASTE, MOUTHWASH, AND SELF-FLOSSING STRING MINTS. I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT TO YOU THAT MUGGLES ARE NOT STUPID OR THIN BRAINED AS YOU THINK WE ARE. YOURS UNFAITHFULLY EVE."
The school was laughing hysterically. Snape stood up to go, but Dumbledore stopped him.
"You have to find out who did this Dumbledore."
"You may not of guessed but that was from a muggle, who knows a witch or wizard."
Just then an owl flew in and dropped a letter on Malfoy.
"TO A MR DRACO MALFOY. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY LAST HOWLER, NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOURS. I AM NOT DOING THIS BECAUSE I HATE YOU, I DON'T MIND YOU BUT MY FRIENS DON'T SO HERE GOES. THEN SCHOOL ID FED UP WITH YOU WALKING AROUND AD ID YOU OWN IT…(a/n here tried to think of something really bad to say to him without Draco realising that Eleanor, Hermione, Ron and Harry had sent it)…LASTLY AND MORE IMPORTANTLY I WOULD LIKE YOU TO STOP CALLING MUGGLE BORNS MUD BLOOD. IT'S VERY RUDE AND IT'S JUST AS BAD AS RACISM AND OH YEAH BEFORE I ORGET DO YOU KNOW ANY OTHER FACIAL EXPRESSION APART FROM THE SNEER. YOURS UNFAITHFULLY EVE."
There was now a lot of muttering in the great hall. Draco was looking at the pile of ash, while other Slytherins were giving the Gryfindors dark looks. The Ravenclaws were muttering and looking at the staff table. Some of the Hufflepuff were laughing though some were just wondering how a muggle sent a letter to Hogwarts, though all the Gryfindors were laughing.
"That was priceless." Hiccupped Ron who had been laughing to long and was nursing a stitch in his side.
"I wonder what they'll think about the next one?" Laughed Harry.
I looked up sharply.
"What do you mean by the next one?"
Right on cue and owl flew in and dropped a bright red letter on Trelawney. "You didn't send one to her with out telling me. I have a bone to pick with her 'the grim my dear, the grim' I'm not dead yet am I?" I asked
"TO A MISS CYBIL TRELAWNEY, IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE A DIVINATION TEACHER AT HOGWARTS, THE MOST DIFFICULT OF ALL MAGICAL ARTS. (At this point the divination teacher puffed out her chest and nodded.) I MUST WARN YOU THAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SIGHT, THERE IS VERY LITTLE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TEACH. MANY WITCHES AND WIZARDS, TALENTED THOUGH THAY ARE IN LUD BANGS AND SMOKE AND SUDDEN DISSAPERAINGS, ARE YET UNABLE TO PENETRATE THE VEILED MYSTERIES O THE FUTURE, IT IS A GIF GRANTED TO FEW, AND I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE FEW. NOW I AM ADVISING YOU TO BEWARE A BLOD HAIRED MAN. THE 13TH SEPTEMBER WILL BE CONFUSING AND YOU WILL PREDICT MANY PEOPLES DEATHS- THOUGH NONE OF THEN COEM TO ANY THING. BEWARE THE GRIM THE GRIM IS FATAL. YOURS UNFAITHFULLY EVE."
Sybil was horrified, and was shouting at a rather uncomfortable professor Vector as he had been laughing. She then turned into a large black shaggy dog. The school were now crying in mirth. Professor McGonnagal had run up to the dog and was now trying to change her back.