Ex Equals Undefined by Rachel
Nikolai was a social creature, by genius-boy standards. He was easy and laid-back around strangers. He made friends relatively quickly.
._.
Bean was a terrible teacher.
His brain moved so fast that he failed to explain certain vital steps, because he assumed that everyone already knew them and could work them out in their heads. Oftentimes, when Nikolai asked for help on a math problem, Bean would look at it, blink for a second, and proceed to solve the whole thing by himself.
Of course, he started out trying to help Nikolai understand. He'd look at the problem, scoot closer to Nikolai, and take the pencil out of his hand. He started slowly, giving each reason for each number as he wrote them down. Gradually, he got faster and less thorough in his explanations. He started to say, "And then you do this..." or "You just have to..." His handwriting became messier as he hunched down closer to the paper and angled farther and farther away from Nikolai.
Then Bean would straighten and turn back to Nikolai, handing back the paper and pencil before turning and climbing down from the bunk and going to his own. "Do you see?" he'd never ask. He just assumed that Nikolai understood.
Frankly, Nikolai didn't know whether to be flattered that Bean thought he was so smart, or irritated that Bean was so inattentive.
He never got the hint; never noticed that Nikolai always had to come back and ask for help on the same problem until he finally got it. Whenever Nikolai asked Bean to actually explain how he'd solved this particular problem, Bean would look at the problem, half-solved by Nikolai trying to guess what Bean had done before. Then he'd angle the sheet between the two of them and pull the pencil from Nikolai's unyielding fingers.
_._
As Nikolai watched in partial exasperation, he idly wondered what Bean's mind looked like. Nikolai often wondered about such illogical things. He used to imagine his own mind, cluttered with half-formed thoughts and silly impossibilities. Bean's mind, he thought, was probably all straight lines and rigid neatness, thoughts in perfect order, numbered by importance, in columns behind each other like an army in formation. He could imagine Bean's DNA set in perfect straight lines instead of that messy double-helix.
But then Bean seemed to be cluttered when it came to his past, his life on the streets of Rotterdam. It was this gray area with him, unbelievably chaotic and mixed up. The fact that he was willing to talk about it with Nikolai was surprising and gratifying. At times, Bean seemed so off-hand with their friendship that Nikolai wasn't sure they were truly friends at all. But then the other boy would start talking about his life before Battle School, and Nikolai was once again assured.
Nikolai thought that Bean was something of a puzzle, sometimes like a machine and sometimes like any other unruly, confused child.
._.
Bean seemed to get lost in the problems. He'd forget to explain while running through mathematic processes and number theory while he scribbled numbers down on Nikolai's homework. He turned away from the world, more interested in solving that one problem at that one time than maintaining any human connections at all.
Example: Bean had been staring at his desk all day. He had been given some sort of private assignment, an extra problem given by Dimak himself. He was very close-mouthed and more stand-offish than usual. He was preoccupied and utterly absorbed. He couldn't spare any thought to anyone else.
But Nikolai could. Nikolai noticed Levy, another kid in their launch group. He and Levy had been friends, but they'd stopped talking to each other awhile ago in that out-of-sight-out-of-mind way. It was a well-known fact that Levy resented Bean. That, in itself, was not unusual, because everyone in their launch group resented Bean to some degree. What was unusual was the fact that Levy wanted to do something about it.
Nikolai knew he'd been looking for an opening for months; an opening in Bean's defenses. Now that Bean was so distracted, Levy would see his chance to pick a fight with the element of surprise on his side. If Bean was not distracted, he would be able to anticipate anything Levy did and avoid it.
At lunch, Nikolai watched everything like a hawk, sticking almost uncomfortably close to Bean and watching Levy always out of the corner of his eye. But in the lunch line, things always get a little hectic. Nikolai got jostled away from Bean for a split second, and Levy took his chance. He picked a fight with Bean in the way all irrational bullies do, accusing them of something petty and demanding payback. Bean stood his ground; it was all he could do. The lunch line was crowded and compacted in such a way that even his small size couldn't find a space to escape through.
Levy pushed Bean. Bean stumbled backwards, grunting at the force of the push. A little ring was forming, and the teachers were nowhere in sight. Levy looked so huge compared to Bean, though he was barely four feet tall. Bean certainly didn't stand a chance alone.
Nikolai processed this in a matter of milliseconds and pushed his way there, butting in and punching Levy in the jaw. He had no idea that he could be so powerful. It was the first time he'd ever hit anyone. Levy's head flew back, his hand flying up to his face as he tried to get his bearings. His nose was bleeding, the shocking red blood seeping through his fingers. Nikolai had never noticed how white he was before this. They were all white at Battle School.
Levy flung his hand off of his nose, letting the blood on his hand spatter off from the force of his movement. He looked irate and dangerous with the streams of red messy on his face. His hands became red and white fists. "What's wrong with you, Nikolai!??" he screamed.
At this moment, Nikolai realized how hard he was breathing, how hot his cheeks were, and how tense his muscles felt. He also realized that he had nothing to say. The only thing he was aware of was Bean at his back and Levy's trembling shoulders.
Levy took this moment to continue, getting louder and redder. "I thought we were friends! Now you're protecting this self-righeous pinprick?!! It's like you're another person! Don't you even care about the rest of the world anymore?!"
"No."
Then the sound of the raucous crowd came back, and he felt himself being grabbed and dragged away by one of the teachers.
End
Author's Notes: Okay, I re-wrote this under a different title, because I hated the old title. And this needed a re-write, because the previous end was cheap and did not make any sense unless you were me. Therefore, I've changed the end of it. I still think this is my best-written story. It's probably the prettiest thing I've ever written. I made up Levy, because I needed to. Could be totally AU, but it could also not be. It takes place in Ender's Shadow when Bean has been given that task to make up a hypothetical army. As Ender omits some things that appear in Bean's version of events, so Nikolai might include some things that Bean omits. And thanks to the people who reviewed the previous version of this fic. Feedback appreciated muchly.