"W-what are you.. Uhm..," Richard swallowed "..doing here?" He held on tightly to the door knob behind him as he stood there, shirtless in front of Justin. Oh Shit! He forgot to throw on clothes…..

Justin's eyes drifted down to Richards chest then back to his eyes. " I.. Have to tell you.. something."

Maybe.. A confession? A slight shiver crossed Richards body and it wasn't from the cold air either. A confession….maybe? Richard slightly grinned to himself.

Justin chewed on the inside of his mouth. "Well, uh..d-do you wanna come in or something?" Richard asked in the most nicest way possible. Justin only stared at Richards form. He was beautiful, wrapped in his tan lanky body. "Justin?" Richard said.

Justin shook his head trying to jolt from his gazing. " Uhm, what? Oh, yes.. I mean, sure… no, I mean.. is it… Okay?" He swallowed hard. Richard scratched at his brow " Yeah, as long as you don't hit me or anything." He huffed a laugh nervously and Justin slightly blushed. The two of them stood there in silence looking in different directions.

Richard felt so awful for liking Justin.. For being so happy that he was there.. For wanting him to come inside his house… Justin's heart was racing as he stood on the steps. What was he going to tell Richard once he got inside.. Would he really tell him? Would Richard jump on him if he told him? He hoped so…. " Justin?!" Richard repeated. " What?" Justin replied. "Uhm, Are you gonna come in here and tell me something or what?" Richard rubbed his bare arms." Besides it's fucking cold out here … so.. Hurry up. All you have to do is move your legs an-" He was cut off by Justin " I know how to walk!" Justin stormed up the steps with his head down. He wasn't sure how to look at Richard and he was afraid that if he did he would turn bright red or do something stupid.

They stood in the middle of Richards living room in silence. Richard had propped himself up against the door with his hands in his pockets and head tilted downward. Justin stood facing his back to Richard. "Richard..?" Justin choked out.

"Yeah?" He lifted his head slowly to gaze at Justin's wonderful backside. He loved how his bobbed haircut fell in all even lengths in the back. Richards eyes sent soft at the thought of touching his strands. But the softness quickly left just as it had come as he saw Justin balls his hands into fists. " What you wrote…." Justin began. Richard turned his head to the left. "Justin… I- I don't think we should talk about this.. Maybe you should jus-" Justin spun around to face Richard who was placing his hand on the door knob. "NO!"

Richard shot his gaze at Justin. "No?!" Richard replied with a disgusted face. "Dude, there's nothing to say about it.. You made it PERFECTLY clear how you feel.. So just.." He turned the knob and the door cracked open. " … Get out!" Ooh it pained Richard to say it to Justin.. It stung him in the worst pain than any bee could ever give him. But there wasn't anything to say… He was kicking himself for even letting Justin inside for hopes of a turn around.

Justin lunged for the door and shut it with his forearm. " NO! I said." Justin stood only inches from Richard as he rested against the front door. Richard froze as he was locked in Justin's blue eyes. He was so… close… Richard could smell his hair he was so close! Justin's eyes were welling up with tears as he pursed his lips at Richard with an angry look. " Is it.. Is it really true?!" Richard only swallowed hard as he watched the boy he had been falling for almost break in front of him…. Richard choked out an answer, "Yes." He swallowed hard with sad frown. "I'm sorry Justin. It was never meant to be read by you.. I never meant to hurt you and I didn't want you to ever know." Richard backed away from his own front door where he left Justin standing alone with tears slowly rolling down his cheeks.

"No…" Justin wiped his tears away with a shaking hand. " No , what?" Richard said as he grabbed a shirt from the laundry basket that had been sitting in a chair on the dining table close to the couch. Richard was trying so hard to keep his cool. To remain calm. To build the wall even higher that it already was. He wasn't going to let Justin know that he really wanted him. The sight of Justin crying silently made him ache inside… The stupid bastard. " Justin, I already told you that I was sorry. We don't have to continue tutoring." He pulled the black shirt over his head. " In fact, we can just pretend that we don't even know each other." He raised his eyes in a cocky manner. " How about that? You .. And Lisa can fuck all the time for all I care. She's pretty shitty in bed." He sneered. "I'm sure you'll find that out soon enough. She works like a snake."

Justin lifted his eyes as he huffed. " Richard…. I don't like Lisa…." Richard laughed with his cigarette in his mouth. " That's funny." He flicked his zippo out and lit his little stick of death. " You sure coulda fooled me." He took a drag off it. " It-I.. I was just.. Lying to myself… Richard…" Justin tried so hard to get his words out to Richard. He knew that it wasn't going to be easy. Richards heart had been broken and Justin knew it. Richards fake little facade wasn't working to well. " Lying to yourself?" Richard replied seeming slightly interested. " W-whadda mean?"

" She's not who I've been wanting…." Justin said. "Its.. .someone else.. Someone that I didn't think would have ever wanted me back…." Justin continued. Richard flicked his ashes in a drinking cup as he listened to Justin blab.. " Well, ya know, most girls won't want you.. So.. Whadda gonna do, eh?" He took another drag off it as he looked at Justin who's bottom lip was trembling quite terribly. Richard felt awful for saying what he was.. But Justin didn't want him. Or.. Was he trying to tell him that That person Justin wants is…. Him? With the realization , Richard slowly put the glass down along with his cigarette.

Justin wiped his tears again as he stood there on the door rug. What was he doing… Richard was breaking him down in every way possible… No.. He had to fight.. He had to tell him.. What he read wasn't a lie…. What he read was really how Richard felt… The way Richard acted that day was how he really was… Not this cocky son of a bitch that was standing before him… Justin had to press on with strength. " RICHARD! Shut up! Let me finish!" Richards eyes slightly glittered in the setting sun coming from the huge windows of the living room… Justin was serious… and Justin was commanding and didn't even care about all the mean things that Richard had JUST said to him. "Okay.." Richard whispered.

Justin clinched his fists again as he tried his best to sort out all his words and emotions.. " Richard, the reason why.. I got so mad was because, I didn't think that it would really happen. I didn't think that you would ever want me like that… I've wanted you for as long as I can remember seeing you too." Richard slowly opened his mouth with a trembling bottom lip to go along with it.

" J-Justin….." he whispered. "Shut up Richard." Justin put his hand out in front of him. " I have to finish." He swallowed hard. "I was jealous when I saw you with Lisa … I was jealous because I thought that I had a thing for Lisa.. But I knew it was you that I wanted. I KNEW it was you." Tears slipped out again around Justin's cheeks and he paused to wipe them away. Richard was inching closer to Justin as he confessed his feelings. " The other night, I went to see Lisa… I had to know for sure if I liked her or not.. I had to kiss her…." Richard took another step closer. " And So, I did.. And I didn't really like it…. But I got confused and thought that I should just hide all the feelings I had for you. I .. I thought it was a joke!" He grabbed a fist full of hair as he sniffed his tears back.

" I thought it was a joke Richard!" He whimpered out to Richard as he tilted his head up to see Richard frowning at Justin from a few feet away. " It's not….. Justin." Richard whimpered out. " Shut .. UP!" Justin choked out again and Richard did just that. he Shut up. " After seeing you leave from class just because she and I were conversing made me wonder if .. It wasn't a joke after all. I'm not good at this… I don't know how to deal with feelings!… I don't know anything! I don't.. I just…" Justin began losing himself in his agony and held on tight to both sides of his head with fists full of hair. The tears increased as his whole body slid down against the front door. " I dooon't." Justin moaned out.

Richard quickly dashed down to Justin who was curling his knees up close to his chest. " Justin.. Oh god, Justin.." Richard gripped his hands around Justin's wrists. " Justin… Look up.. Justin look up at me!" Richard pleaded. " I-I can't." Justin cried out. " I don't know how to deal with this…" Justin sobbed uncontrollably while Richard held fast to his arms. " …. Just look up at me Justin!" Richard was now in tears himself. " Please…" Justin sniffed just before looking up to see the lanky blonde crying himself. " I Don't either Justin…. I didn't mean what I said about girls not wanting you.. I didn't mean it.. Or anything else I said… Justin.." Richard grabbed hold of Justin's face in his bony hands " I don't know how to deal with these feelings either….. I want you so bad." Justin choked on his tears as he locked his eyes with Richard. The beautiful model like boy… liked him.. It wasn't a Joke.. It was real… and he was really touching him.. And really crying over him..

To be continued.