Title: Lily (My one and only)
Author: Song Prophet
Pairing: LE/SS
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Just borrowing!
Dedication: To my cat, who just won't stop climbing on my keyboard.
Distribution: Sure! Just give me credit, and tell me where you are putting it.
Songs: Lily (My one and only) by The Smashing Pumpkins
Summary: On the night that James proposes to Lily, someone else who has come to declare his love to her. MWPP
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Lily, my one and only
I can hardly wait till I see her
The October night was filled with an impenetrable darkness that neither light nor flame could fill. There was a soft breeze, a wind that blew around him and through him, chilling him to the bone. But he did not shiver against it, nor did he let it slow him down. Instead, he just pulled his robes closer to himself, wrapping his arms around his body as he moved through the darkness.
The silence that surrounded him was piercing ears, his mind….even his very his soul, as he walked, slowly, along the dark sidewalks of the small town of Godrics Hollow. He was nothing more than a shadow within the shadows as he moved, almost like death itself, gracefully and with a purpose that burned at him. The only sound around him was his robes scraping against the hard concrete, a scratching noise that reminded him of fingernails on a chalkboard. The absence of any other noise was both upsetting and comforting to him; he had grown accustomed to silence years before, though he had never enjoyed it.
But none of these distractions around him, or lack thereof, could have or would have bothered him from his task. He was on a personal mission and nothing would distract him from it. The Dark Lord himself could not have stopped him from moving, getting closer and closer to his goal. Closer and closer to her.
His footsteps were slow and even, one in front of the other. They were silent and predictable, a routine that he followed without thought. But his mind was churning and burning with a thousand and one questions and answers, all of which he planned to share with his one, his only. His Lily.
He held in his breath as he thought of her. She was beautiful in a way he could never quite place…..She was physically beautiful of course, with her milky skin and auburn hair and piercing hazelnut eyes. And she was as perfect as the flower she was named for- Beautiful and pristine and white and pure. A Lily to watch, love, admire, and preserve.
And her very soul, hidden so deep within her that he had never been able to truly see it when he would watch her in class, was strikingly beautiful, and that shone through her eyes, through her every movement. He could see it in the way that she twirled her hair when she was nervous, the way she held her quill with three fingers as she did her homework. In every rise and fall of her chest as she breathed in the same air that he did, their only link at times.
The anticipation was starting to eat at him, killing him slowly. He sped up his footsteps, moving faster and faster until he was nearly running, and the thought of her drove him on through the night.
Silly, I know I'm silly
Cause I'm hanging in this tree
There were noises, all sorts of noises, coming from her flat. They contrasted with the bitter silence that had been his only companion during his long walk through Godrics Hollow. Laughter, singing, chatter. He clenched his fists, wishing he could close his eyes as he stopped in front of the building her flat was in, gazing up at the windows.
And there were people there, all sorts of people, in her flat. They contrasted with the grim solitude that had been his only vice on his long walk through Godrics Hollow. He could see their shadows on the ceiling, though he could see them from where he was standing. He unclenched his fists, closed his eyes, but only for a moment, turning away from the sight.
His gaze fell on a nearby tree, a proud and tall oak that was conveniently placed next to the building. There were still large amounts of leaves stubbornly clinging to the branches. Its long branches extended out, over to her window, where he could look inside, and watch her, see her breathe and laugh and sing, if he were to climb up and rest upon its branches.
He shook his head at himself at the thought. Climbing the tree and spying on her? That would do him no good. It would only bring him trouble and woe. There was no way he could do that; she would think that he was insane, think that he was a stalker. There was no way she would listen to what he had to say if she was afraid and disgusted.
On the other hand, he could not just go up there and knock on her door, not with all those people in there. They would all point and stare and laugh at him, and he would be humiliated. She would be standing there, with her friends all around her, just staring at him in surprise as he would turn and run far away, back into the night that would hide him and his shame.
And so, sighing, he walked over to the tree, and after getting a good grip on the trunk, he began to climb. The task proved to be quite difficult with his robes, but he somehow managed, reminding himself of his reward if he made it to the branches where he could see into her windows.
In the hopes that she will catch a glimpse of me
He settled down onto the branch, making sure to keep out of view, and wishing he had the sense of owning an invisibility cloak. There were potions he could take, of course, but they were at his own flat, and vials soaring through the air would certainly attract the attention of muggles, and get him in trouble with the ministry.
Even though the streets were strangely abandoned, he could not risk a muggle looking out of a window or going to put out the trash and spying his little vials flying past them. Not even when he was doing something that could get him into a very sticky situation if he were caught.
From his position in the tree, he could see into the windows, see the source of the laughter and the chatter. He could see all of her guests now, and the group was exactly who he had expected to find there.
James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin. Her constant shadows, never leaving her side, except to pull pranks on him, make mischief, and cavort around in the dark of the night. He despised them, every single one of them, but above all, he hated James Potter with the fire of a thousand suns.
There were other people he had known from school there too- David Matthews, Tara Bones, even Scarlet Finnigan. Everyone was either in the living room or the kitchen, snacking on food that Lily had likely baked herself, laughing and smiling and milling and talking amongst themselves.
Her shadows were all in one corner, standing around in a circle….James was standing next to Sirius, who was punching Peter on the arm, laughing. Peter was standing next to Remus, who said something to James that made him laugh…. A circle that reminded him of their Hogwarts days. That circle had been just as impenetrable then too.
They all seemed to be looking at something James held in his hand, slapping him on the back and laughing, though whatever the source of their amusement was, it was blocked from his view.
The only person that seemed to be missing was the reason he was there in the first place- Lily Evans.
He turned and looked toward her other window, finding the shade down, blocking the room from his view. But he could see her shadow moving through the room, a silhouette on the shade. What was she doing in there? And if he reached out and touched her shadow, the cold glass permeating his fingers, would she feel it?
And thru her window shade,
I watch her shadow move
With one last glance into the window, where the shadows and the guests were laughing, he moved along his branch, carefully, and to the broad trunk. He moved around it and over to a branch on the other side, which was lower down than the one he had been on before by a few inches. This one led to the second window, the window that he assumed was her bedroom window. He moved along it until he was at her window, and then he sat down upon it. His feet were completely still beneath him, hanging down from the branch, as he held his breath, watching her shadow move.
Even her shadow was tantalizingly beautiful, a dark shape moving through the room, and through the dark recesses his mind. All he wanted was to be her shadow, to never leave her side, to hold her and kiss her and be the one who ran his fingers over that milky skin in the silence of the night, their breaths one, and their hearts and minds forever intertwined.
I wonder if she...?
Lily, my one and only
Reaching out, he touched the glass with a shaking hand. It seemed to take forever to cross the distance between his body and the window, but he felt his fingers make contact, pressing against the glass. The cold surface began to permeate his fingers, spreading and trying encasing itself around his once cold heart, a heart that Lily Evans had lit on fire with her flaming hair, heart, and eyes. But the cold and the ice had little affect on him; she had forever melted his heart.
Bringing his whole hand down upon the window, he ran his hand down along her perfect silhouette, and if he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that it was really her that he was touching, that his breath was her own, that the coldness was warmness, and that the glass was silky skin.
He opened his eyes as a loud noise distracted him. It had sounded something like a bang. Fear built up inside of him- Was she hurt? Did she drop something? Should he apparate in there to her?
Once his eyes were opened, his gaze fell upon the shade. And he was annoyed to find that there were two shadows now instead of just the one.
Love is in my heart and in your eyes
Will she or won't she want him
His curiosity getting the better of him, he moved further along the branch, until he could see into the room through a little slit between the shade and the wall. Now he could see it all clearly, her and her beauty, her room, which was everything he had imagined it to be, and finally, James Potter, kneeling there in front of her, a diamond ring held up for her to take or ignore.
It was a picture perfect scene- James, his green eyes sparkling in hope and love, his floppy hair all over the place, as usual, his hand and his heart outstretched to her. And Lily….she looked like a goddess, staring down at the ring as surprise and shock came upon her beautiful face, reaching down hesitantly to inspect the ring in his hands.
He could hardly contain the sneer that came across his face. There was no way she would accept; she would turn him down, and return to being his moving shadow, a beautiful goddess of cream and blood, fire and ice.
No one knows for sure
But an officer is knocking at my door
But as she pulled that wretched Git up and drew him into her arms, pain and despair snatched him right up into their fold, holding him mockingly in their arms as she kissed that Potter, that moronic fool, instead of him.
He had to be imagining it; it could not be real. He closed his eyes, and opened them again.
She was still in his arms, her lips still on his, and they were still bursting and shining with happiness as Potter slid the ring onto her finger, sealing her fate and taking her away from him in one smooth movement.
His head hit the windowpane with a sudden lurch, as though it was no longer attached to his head, and he felt the air that had been coming so easily before now lodging in his throat, and he did not try to free it, hoping that the darkness and death would soon come to free him from the pain and agony that had just snuck up on him and pounced.
And thru her window shade,
I watch her shadow move
Now he could see her shadow moving toward the window, and Potter's along with it, getting closer and closer to him with every second. She would find him soon, would be afraid and disgusted and think him to be insane, but what did he care?
He really was insane; He had to be, for ever thinking she could have listened to him, and loved him, and been his to hold and kiss and love, her milky skin his to run his fingers over.
For a moment, he considered apparating far away from there, but his mind went, involuntarily, back to graduation, and back to Hogwarts.
She had looked amazing in solid black robes, so like his own, and she had been away from her shadows, her light shining and building and taking over his own darkness as he smiled at her.
She laughed, telling him that when he smiled, he looked like someone entirely different from the boy she had known those past seven years.
And he had smiled again.
They had been in the same house…he had known her better than her shadows ever could have, helping her with potions homework and feeding her large ginger cat, an animal too smart for its own good.
She had hugged him, and told him that they would keep in touch after school, that she was going into the Ministry, and was moving to Godrics Hollow. He had been pleased, since he was moving to Godric's Hollow as well, though only to continue training in potions.
I wonder if she could only see me?
The shade flew up and he opened his eyes, lifting his head. He found himself staring back into her hazelnut eyes, which were full of surprise and shock, but certainly not the same kind that had been on her face minutes before with Potter
And Potter was staring at him as well, but there was no shock, no surprise, just utter hatred and rage. He opened his mouth and shouted for the other shadows as Lily stared at him, but she did not really see him, not the way he wanted her to.
And when I'm with her, I feel fine
If I could kiss her I wouldn't mind the time it took to find
All the shadows were there now, staring out the window at him, the same rage and hatred burning in their eyes as the clenched and unclenched their fists and gathered into a huddle, no doubt discussing how to kill him the slowest.
But Lily was still just standing there, looking out the window at him. His hand went out again, touching the window, and she reached out as well, her hand touching his through the glass somehow, the warmth filling and killing him as their breath fell into rhythm with each other's, and their mind and hearts intertwined.
Or did they?
My lily, my one and only
I can hardly wait till I see her
She was dragged away from him and from the window by Potter as the other shadows disappeared out of the room. He knew where they were going; they were coming for him.
But all he could do was sit there and wait for it, staring at Potter as he held Lily in his arms, and she hid her face in his chest.
He heard her front door open and slam close, heard them coming down the stairs, pounding, like hoof beats in a stampede. He closed his eyes, thinking back to graduation, to that hug, to her ginger cat, which was sitting on her bed, staring at him.
Oh lily, I know you love me
Cause as they're draggin me away
And as he heard them pull their wands from their robes and shout various incantations, he opened his eyes and she turned and looked at him.
For a moment, everything stood still, and he knew that she loved him. She had to; she would not be standing there, looking at him like that if she did not. She kept on moving, everything but the two of them frozen in time, and stopped at the window, staring forward at him.
In her eyes, he could see the girl he had fallen in love with. Lily Evans. Head Girl. Prefect. President of the Future Ministerial Workers Society. Bold and Brave Slytherin, somehow sorted into the wrong house.
Best friend of those insufferable Gryffindor boys who were always getting themselves into trouble, who had played the most horrendous and horrible pranks on him, with Lily scolding them from the sidelines.
Lily Evans, his one and only, the woman he loved.
He could have sworn those were tears in her eyes, or was it his own? He could barely tell anymore as he forced himself to breathe, reaching out once more to touch the glass, to touch her, but she did not do the same.
Instead, she smiled faintly at him. Time returned, and James rushed to her side as she stood and stared. He could feel the curses getting closer with every single nanosecond, and knew that the darkness, if not death, was rampaging toward him.
He heard his voice, heard words escape his grasp, coming out in a jagged whisper. "I love you, Lily…"
He felt a tear escape his eye, running down his cheek, and prayed she did not see it, did not see his weakness. And he vowed to never cry again, not in front of her, not even by himself.
I swear I saw her raise her hand and wave (goodbye)
He heard her whisper something in return. "I know, Severus…"
And then she raised one white hand toward the window. His breath caught in his throat again; was she reaching out to him, accepting him?
She raised her single white hand towards the window, and, still smiling, she waved goodbye to him, her delicate fingers forming a white flag of surrender, just before everything went black.
{Finit}
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