A/N Have you seen CoS? I loved it!!! It was great! I went on the opening
night and the day after it and I'm considering watching it for the third
time tomorrow (last time I saw it was yesterday... lol) I'm such an HP
freak...
*important!!!!* Someone from Israel, aged 13 sent me an email telling me she likes this story, if this is you please send me the email again since I somehow lost it and couldn't reply to it therefore. :(
Is It Love?
Chapter Seventeen: Nightmares
The day went normally by. Double Herbology, Transfiguration, Divination, making the Potions essay in the library and chatting until late in the common room.
Lily literally collapsed into her bed, falling into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.
And when the next day came Lily just regarded her nightmare as something that happened so long ago it didn't matter anymore.
But when she fell asleep:
She was standing on the top of a hill covered in grass. It was a very sunny and beautiful day even though the sea underneath the hill was raging.
And just near the edge, on a picnic blanket, sat her family. And her.
She remembered that vacation well; She was about 4 then, Petunia used to get seasick so she went to visit her friend, and it was only her, her father and her mother.
Lily smiled sweetly watching the happy family. Her father just tackled her down tickling and she tried running away to hide behind her mother.
Perfect.
Too perfect.
BAAAAAM.
And her parents were thrown off the hill to the deep see.
And the little Lily ran down from the other side and to the sea.
She started swimming, even though she didn't know how to, trying to get to her parents and then she drowned.
And Lily was too far away to help.
She watched as the little Lily tried helplessly to struggle the waves.
And then her head disappeared under the waves.
And then she started drowning herself.
The air was suffocating her and she awoke with a gasp for air.
For a second Lily didn't know if it was all a dream or not.
It felt so real...
She got up and poured herself some water from the silver jug in the corner of the room.
Gulping slowly she managed to calm herself.
Her feet on the cold floor gave her confidence and a sense of reality. She was here, in Hogwarts, and her parents were in Surrey sleeping sound fully.
And everything was all right. There was nothing to worry about.
She made her way to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face.
Feeling refreshed, she made her way back to bed.
But it took more then a while for her to fall asleep again.
When she awoke the next day she was quite relived from the fact that the nightmares haven't returned after that horrible one.
She shuddered and started organizing for bed.
And then, that night, a bit worried, she went to bed
The nightmare repeated it self.
But three times worse then before.
The same, horrible, frustrating, feeling of not being able to do a thing haunted her even after she woke up.
And when the next morning came she just wished it would last forever, just so that the night won't come. And she wouldn't be forced into that horrible world nightmares.
On breakfast, while sitting next to James, she noticed an owl flying by her and her heart gave a huge thump. She watched as the owl soared down, with the blood red envelope in his beak, and landed - in front of Sirius black.
And started shouting.
Lily eased. It was just a howler. Nothing sad, no one's dead, everything's just fine.
Just fine.
"IF YOU DARE SENDING ANOTHER PRANK TO YOUR SISTER SIRIUS FRANKLIN BLACK I'LL BE SURE TO COME DOWN HERE MYSELF AND GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND!!!"
Sirius' mother's voice echoed in the great hall.
And Sirius, who usually seemed nonchalant, looked absolutely frightened at the prospect of his mother bursting to Hogwarts.
James laughed so hard his sides hurt, but he couldn't not notice the weird expression on his girlfriend's face.
Lily tired smiling at the amusing turn of breakfast, but she felt so wrong she stopped at once.
Thinking she needed a moment alone to calm herself down she put her bag on her shoulders and exited the Hall muttering a quick goodbye to her friends.
"THAT'S JUST ONE TIME TO FAR!!! WHAT WILL BECOME OF YOU SIRI?"
As soon as he saw her leaving, James knew something wasn't alright.
He got up and made his way after her.
When she finally was alone Lily sat on the floor leaning against a wall.
What's happening?
Why does she keep having does dreams?
Is something wrong with her?
Should she tell someone?
The first 3 question were left unsolved, but she answered the fourth quickly: no.
Maybe she was just acting silly. Maybe she was just over reacting. Everyone had problems of their own and there was no need to hares them with her stupid little problems. She was just acting silly and that was all.
Those were just nightmares. Everyone had nightmares and there was no reason to make a big deal out of it. It wasn't a big deal anyway. Just nightmares.
With that decision planted in her mind she got up and started making her way to class when she bumped into James.
"James!" She gave a little smile, which made her feel even emptier then before.
"Lily." He didn't smile and she detected some concern mixed with suspicious in his tone.
She broadened her smile and, trying to change the subject quickly, she asked:
"So have you finished your Potion essay?"
"Yes, why?" The suspiciousness in his voice was now clear.
"Er," She searched her brain quickly for an excuse. "I haven't finished it, can I copy yours?" Lame, pathetic, owing to the fact he heard her declaring more then once how much she thought wrong of it.
James eyebrow shot up. "Really?"
"Mhm." She nodded quickly. "I completely forgot about it and wanted to start doing it now but since you already did it..." Amazing, she had a skill as a lier. And she couldn't believe she was using it against her boyfriend, against James.
"Can you give it to me now? The class will start in about 15 minutes and Professor Tulbo will have a fit if it's not done."
Eyeing her in a very weird way he reached for his bag and took out the essay.
"Thanks." She snatched it from his hand, planted a kiss on his cheek and started making her way briskly towards the common room.
"I'll see you later." She yelled behind her shoulder.
James was standing in the same place in awe of her strange behavior.
"Er, Lily?" He suddenly remembered the reason he went after her in the first place and managed shouting towards her before she completely ran out of sight.
"Yeah?" She asked nonchalantly not even turning her head.
"Is everything- is everything okay?"
"Sure why not?" Lily faked a little giggle and turned around the corner.
Lily started jogging to the common room and sprawled on the sofa with her head stuck under a pillow.
Is it the way things are going to be between her and James from now on?
Her simply lying to everything he asks concerning her?
James shook his head. Maybe he was just imagining something was wrong?
She seemed okay now. Maybe she was just tired or something similar.
It did seem a bit strange though.
But he asked her if everything is alright and she replayed positively.
Feeling confident everything was okay James went looking for the other Marauders.
He didn't need to worry.
Because Lily would never lay to him...
All through that day, Lily did her best trying to avoid James. It felt so wrong lying to him... But she couldn't avoid him forever... Could she?
Finally, at the end of the long day, Anne, Lily, Kathleen and Emily sat joking in the common room. And for that little hour Lily managed to forget everything that was bothering her... She just laughed and joked and relaxed.
Rolling on the floor together with the other three she saw the portrait swinging open and the Marauders stepping in. She recognized the messy black head immediately. She perked up.
"Oh shit! I completely forgot I need to finish my star chart for astronomy!!!" Lily faked a gasp. "Can you please cover for me? I'll sneak there and finish it okay?"
The girl nodded and Lily grabbed her bag swiftly, nodding a very quick good bye to the boys and exited the room towards the astronomy tower.
James approached Kathleen, who was still on the floor.
"Where did Lily go?" He asked.
"To the astronomy tower, she forgot to finish her chart."
James frowned.
Lily made her way gloomily to the astronomy tower. Now she also lied to her friends...
Reaching it finally she sat on one of the chairs in the corner of the tower.
What now?
She did her chart already and had no desire to do it again. She lifted her head upwards and gazed at the stars.
She loved stars. She used to imagine they were thousands of thousands of fairies lighting up the sky. When, as a ten-year-old, she discovered it was huge gas balls she refused to believe it, besides fairies were much better.
She even named some of the fairies. A little smile played across her lips remembering the names.
As six-year-old Lily was wandering around the house at night. She was cold, extremely cold. She went looking for her father and mother, but they weren't in their room. She went down the staircase towards the kitchen. But they weren't there as well.
*Strange.* She thought. The living room was empty as well and something was beginning to worry her. She quickly climbed to Petunia's room and knocked, but there was no answer.
"Petunia!" She called out.
No answer.
She fiddled with the doorknob finally able to open the door. But Petunia's bed was empty. She went around the room slowly. Are they all hiding? Is it a game? Are they just playing with her? Suddenly terrified screams were heard from out side.
The little Lily ran out as quickly as she could.
And there, at the front of the yard-
Stood Voldermort. Red eyes gleaming manically, dressed in completely black robes and long hands playing with his wand he watched with some what amusement Lily's family, who were standing near the house.
"What do you want from us?" Petunia asked frightened.
"You muggles don't deserve to live!!! There's no reason for your existence when there are some more noble then you!" He was suddenly raging.
"Mom!!! Dad!!! Petunia!!!" The little Lily ran to her family hugging them. Voldermort laughed.
"Lily!" Her mom cried and she started crying.
"Shhhh... Lily it's okay." He father cradled her carefully.
"We're safe now, we're together."
And suddenly Lily, the real Lily, was there as well watching the scenario horrified.
"A family moment, how touching." Voldemort watched them.
"You-You evil monster!!!" The little Lily screamed at Voldermort.
"My, my, my courageous are you Lily?" He stepped forward towering above the little girl. "Shame..." He tutted. "You'll be a great lose." For a second Lily just watched, and then, realizing she jumped forward:
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
But it was too late: "Avada kadvra!" Voldemort bellowed. And Lily's family went still.
The Evans' were gone.
"No, no, no." Lily whispered eyes filled with tears. She went to her knees and tried to bring life to her family. But they were dead. And there was nothing she could do.
Ignoring Voldermort, ignoring the world she sat silently and cried.
"Time to finish it off." Voldemort aimed his wand at Lily.
"Avada kadavra" And with a green blast Lily stopped feeling.
She jerked up, heart beating madly, sweaty, hands shaking, her sight was blurred and she blinked trying to focus her vision. She looked around.
She dozed of at the astronomy tower.
But she wasn't relived much. She grabbed her chair tightly, trying to stop the shaking. She closed her eyes hard and tried to relax. But it just didn't work.
*Think about happy thing Lily! Think about James.* But this wasn't a happy thought, because of the recent events. *Think about Kathleen, and Anne, and Emily.* But she lied to them as well. *Think about your family.* And that thought only made her remember the dream, even more detailed that before.
She opened her eyes and forced them to the sky. The fairies were twinkling. After about half an hour of forcing herself to relax and forgot about everything she was somewhat less troubled.
Slowly, she stood up and straightened her self. She wiped her sweaty forehead and picked up her bag. She took one step towards the exit, forcing herself to remain calm, and another step, and another, and another...
She was finally at the Gryffindor tower. The common room was empty, and she made her way to her dorm. When she went inside she found Emily reading a book in her bed, Anne asleep on her bed and Kathleen just emerged from the shower.
"Oh there you are!" She exclaimed and Lily nodded briefly.
"Did you finish the chart?" Another quick nod.
"Shame you just remembered now, we had fun downstairs." Emily told her above her book.
"James seemed to be *very* concerned by your disappearance." Emily winked at her but Lily didn't understand it the right way.
"Did he ask-asked where I was?" She asked frantically.
Kathleen nodded.
"And what-what did you tell him?"
Kathleen looked at her funnily, "I told him what you told me, that you needed to finish your chart in the astronomy tower."
"Good, good, it's a good thing that you told him cause..." But Lily's stock of excuses was already used.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked suspiciously.
"Me? Oh I'm fine." But at least she could still lie well.
"Are you sure, you seem a little pale." Kathleen approached her and put her hand on her forehead. "You're really hot, maybe you've got the flu?"
"No, I'm fine, really I am." Why did she have such good friends? "I'll go and take a- a shower okay?"
And she swiftly grabbed her nightgown and entered the bathroom.
"Good night!" She called behind the locked door.
"Night." She heard them murmur.
She turned the water on and stepped in.
Usually the water made her feel better. The washed everything away. This time, it didn't help her much.
But she stayed there for about 45 minutes, wanting to avoid any further investigation from her best friends.
Finally, she stepped out. She looked at her bed, but she couldn't get herself to climb in. She stood there, merely watching it, for about an hour. All that while trying to convince herself that there was nothing wrong with going in there. Was there? No there wasn't, she had the nightmares no matter where she slept, this was proven at the astronomy tower. She shivered and then, trembling, went to bed.
And she tossed, and turned, and tossed, and turned, and she couldn't fall asleep. Two and a half hours went by and she still couldn't fall asleep. On her back, on her stomach, on both sides, with her pillow, without it, with her head under the blankets, without that blankets - nothing helped.
Then, finally, blissfully, she fell asleep. Only to awoke with a start after an hour. There wasn't any nightmare, she just awoke. And then she tossed and turned for another hour until, finally, the sleep over took her and she slept dreamlessly until dawn.
Worn out from the night before she spent a whole hour in the bathroom under the shower, hoping it will all go away.
It didn't - as she was proved that night. And this time, not only her parents and her were murdered; Kathleen, Anne and Emily were there as well. And there was nothing she could do. When she awoke with a start after that dream, at about 4 am, she couldn't fall asleep again.
And another day came, another day of lying to everyone. Her boyfriend, her friends, the teachers. Lily was worn out. And the dreams didn't stop. They only became more horrible. And now it took Lily more then an hour to force herself to bed, and more then two and a half hours to fall asleep. She was getting paler with everyday, and more and more worn out.
Night- Lily finally fell asleep.
And a new face appeared in the nightmare.
James.
And this time Voldemort made her choose between him, her friends, and her family. And she ended up killing all of them. The betrayed and hurt look on their faces stabbed her so badly she didn't even notice when Voldemort killed her.
And with a loud cry she awoke.
"Lily! Lily!" She felt someone shaking her, not that he needed to, she was already shaking madly. Terrified, she looked around her and saw the concerned faces of Kathleen, Emily and Anne. She grasped the end of her bed so tightly her knuckles went white. She shut her eyes hard.
"Lily?" Kathleen touched her arm. Lily flinched.
"What happened?" Anne inquired.
Lily pursed her lips shut.
The three hugged her. Lily couldn't not feel a bit safe with their hug, but her brain was searching for a quick thing to say so that they'll be sure the nightmare was a one-time thing.
"Thanks." She murmured. "I'm sorry, I just had a bad dream, sorry I woke you guys up."
Emily looked at her shocked. "We're your friends, there nothing to be sorry about!!!"
Lily nodded.
"What was it about?" Kathleen asked.
Lily waved her arm unimportantly. "I already forgot." She gave a little laugh and her friends seemed a bit relived.
"You okay?" Anne asked.
Lily nodded again. "Fine, it's just that I haven't had a nightmare since two years so I was a bit - taken aback."
The girls nodded.
"Well, I'm off to sleep again kiddies." She tried to sound nonchalant. "G'night"
"Night." They replied and went back to bed.
"You sure you're alright?" Kathleen asked.
"Positive hon." Lily closed the hangings.
"Have a nightmare-less sleep." She heard Anne murmur.
If the situation wasn't so horrible, she would have surely laughed bitterly.
But instead of going to sleep, she just sat in her bed. She didn't even try to fall asleep. She didn't want to. Better stay up all night then have another horrifying dream. She stared blankly at the red hangings of the bed, motionless, trying to forget it all until the morning came.
She was sitting in Transfiguration, trying to concentrate about what McGonagal was telling. She failed. She felt her head slowly falling on the desk near the end of the class.
She was so tried.
"Lily!" Kathleen elbowed her too late.
"MISS EVANS!!!" Lily jumped. Mcgonagal raging was towering above her, she looked around her - the class was empty except for her three friends and the Marauders.
"HOW DARE YOU FALL ASLEEP IN MY CLASS? THIS WILL AFFECT YOUR GRADES YOUNG LADY."
Lily, fearing what might happen, decided the safest for now was just to listen to what she was saying.
McGonagall suddenly noticed the presence of the others in the room. "OUT! OUT!!!"
Lily never saw her so mad. McGonagal watched them scrambling quickly outside.
"YOUR GRADES ARE DROPPING, YOU DON'T SHOW ANY INTERESTS IN CLASS, YOU DOZE OFF. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MISS EVANS?!" Minerva couldn't believe it. One of the best students at Hogwarts was, magically, dropping.
Lily felt mad and frustrated. It wasn't her fault. Did she want her to have nightmares all the time?
"I except an improvement at once."
She sighed quietly and nodded to the professor. She made her way out of the classroom fuming, and hating everything.
She passed a mirror on her way to the next lesson and caught a glimpse of her reflection. She looked as she felt - worn out, tired, powerless, and haunted. She had little bags under her eyes, and she was very pale. That was probably the reason James asked her everyday if everything was alright. Of course she lied every time. What choice did she have?!
"Lily." She felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around and came face to face with James.
"Hey." Nonchalant, all she needed to do was act nonchalant.
"We need to talk." He seemed so serious it frightened her.
"Er, Histoy of Magic is supposed to begin, we'll be late!" She started walking quickly.
"It's more important then that!" He grabbed her arm and Lily knew he won.
"Okay." She said, defeated.
James sighed. "Lily, I know I'm asking this a lot lately but: is anything wrong?"
For a split second she wanted to tell him, but it was stupid, he'll think she's a little scared girl.
"And I know I keep answering this but: no!" Her temper was raising slowly, she had enough.
"Lily..." He said softly looking into her eyes, searching for something. She looked away.
"There's nothing wrong James." She couldn't look at him in the eye.
"Yes there is, something's got to be wrong Lily! You look aweful- like you haven't slept at all, you nearly fell asleep on transfiguration, you don't do homework, you-"
"What are you McGonagal?! Stop lecturing me!!!" The anger was bubbling inside her, ready to explode any minute.
James looked hurt. "I just-"
"You just what?!"
"I want to help you..."
"There's nothing it help me with!!!" BAAM - it exploded.
"Oh Lily Come on!!!" James frustration became anger.
"Come on WHAT?! I'm FINE!!" She started shouting, losing control.
"Oh REALLY?" He had his fair share as well.
"Yes, REALLY!!!"
"WHY DON'T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?!" He was turning red.
"WHY CAN'T YOU EXCEPT THE FACT I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP??? I DON'T NEED YOU!!!" She was only getting whiter.
For a second they were silent, fully understanding what she just said. James looked destroyed. Then he got even redder.
"FINE!!! WHY WOULD I NEED YOU ANY WAY?!"
"FINE!!!"
"FINE!!!"
And each stormed to another direction.
And Severeus Snape was watching them from a corner gleefully.
A/N OMG! *drum roll* I know this sounds dredful but I loved writing this chapter!!! I'm so sorry for the long wait... but I made up for it with a long chapter haven't I? No be a dear and REVIEW!!! And happy Hannuka all! ;)
My livejournal for updates and such: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tta
Thanks to the reviewers from the last chapters:
lil lily - Snape has his own ways... meanie! ;)*amazed* *takes award* I couldn't have been here without you. Once I was so lousy and now: *proud* I'm getting you longest written review award!!! *wipes tear* lol...
lily potter - I love Sirius!! Thanks!!!
Eclectia88 - oops *sheepish*
axania chic - James suffered a bit as well in this chapter... *evily* I loved writing this!!!
Alohamora - You'll figure what the potion exactly did next chapter.
Lexie
Beatriz - I hate Snape as well... he so very bad!!! I hope you got my email to your new address... it's kinda long ;)
HermiAngel - 'If happy little blue birds fly over the rainbow, Why oh why can't I' lol! :) Snape doesn't need to do anything to James... He took care of Lily and she took care of James...
Shaggy - We reached 100!!! AHHH!!! I'm so happy!!! You don't need to translate anything for me anymore... it's just too much! Yay! Just tell me if there's soemthign really interesting or smth.
adriana - Should I name my kid (future kid, I mean) James? Lol...
EmeraldQUeen
CassieOwls
*important!!!!* Someone from Israel, aged 13 sent me an email telling me she likes this story, if this is you please send me the email again since I somehow lost it and couldn't reply to it therefore. :(
Is It Love?
Chapter Seventeen: Nightmares
The day went normally by. Double Herbology, Transfiguration, Divination, making the Potions essay in the library and chatting until late in the common room.
Lily literally collapsed into her bed, falling into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.
And when the next day came Lily just regarded her nightmare as something that happened so long ago it didn't matter anymore.
But when she fell asleep:
She was standing on the top of a hill covered in grass. It was a very sunny and beautiful day even though the sea underneath the hill was raging.
And just near the edge, on a picnic blanket, sat her family. And her.
She remembered that vacation well; She was about 4 then, Petunia used to get seasick so she went to visit her friend, and it was only her, her father and her mother.
Lily smiled sweetly watching the happy family. Her father just tackled her down tickling and she tried running away to hide behind her mother.
Perfect.
Too perfect.
BAAAAAM.
And her parents were thrown off the hill to the deep see.
And the little Lily ran down from the other side and to the sea.
She started swimming, even though she didn't know how to, trying to get to her parents and then she drowned.
And Lily was too far away to help.
She watched as the little Lily tried helplessly to struggle the waves.
And then her head disappeared under the waves.
And then she started drowning herself.
The air was suffocating her and she awoke with a gasp for air.
For a second Lily didn't know if it was all a dream or not.
It felt so real...
She got up and poured herself some water from the silver jug in the corner of the room.
Gulping slowly she managed to calm herself.
Her feet on the cold floor gave her confidence and a sense of reality. She was here, in Hogwarts, and her parents were in Surrey sleeping sound fully.
And everything was all right. There was nothing to worry about.
She made her way to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face.
Feeling refreshed, she made her way back to bed.
But it took more then a while for her to fall asleep again.
When she awoke the next day she was quite relived from the fact that the nightmares haven't returned after that horrible one.
She shuddered and started organizing for bed.
And then, that night, a bit worried, she went to bed
The nightmare repeated it self.
But three times worse then before.
The same, horrible, frustrating, feeling of not being able to do a thing haunted her even after she woke up.
And when the next morning came she just wished it would last forever, just so that the night won't come. And she wouldn't be forced into that horrible world nightmares.
On breakfast, while sitting next to James, she noticed an owl flying by her and her heart gave a huge thump. She watched as the owl soared down, with the blood red envelope in his beak, and landed - in front of Sirius black.
And started shouting.
Lily eased. It was just a howler. Nothing sad, no one's dead, everything's just fine.
Just fine.
"IF YOU DARE SENDING ANOTHER PRANK TO YOUR SISTER SIRIUS FRANKLIN BLACK I'LL BE SURE TO COME DOWN HERE MYSELF AND GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND!!!"
Sirius' mother's voice echoed in the great hall.
And Sirius, who usually seemed nonchalant, looked absolutely frightened at the prospect of his mother bursting to Hogwarts.
James laughed so hard his sides hurt, but he couldn't not notice the weird expression on his girlfriend's face.
Lily tired smiling at the amusing turn of breakfast, but she felt so wrong she stopped at once.
Thinking she needed a moment alone to calm herself down she put her bag on her shoulders and exited the Hall muttering a quick goodbye to her friends.
"THAT'S JUST ONE TIME TO FAR!!! WHAT WILL BECOME OF YOU SIRI?"
As soon as he saw her leaving, James knew something wasn't alright.
He got up and made his way after her.
When she finally was alone Lily sat on the floor leaning against a wall.
What's happening?
Why does she keep having does dreams?
Is something wrong with her?
Should she tell someone?
The first 3 question were left unsolved, but she answered the fourth quickly: no.
Maybe she was just acting silly. Maybe she was just over reacting. Everyone had problems of their own and there was no need to hares them with her stupid little problems. She was just acting silly and that was all.
Those were just nightmares. Everyone had nightmares and there was no reason to make a big deal out of it. It wasn't a big deal anyway. Just nightmares.
With that decision planted in her mind she got up and started making her way to class when she bumped into James.
"James!" She gave a little smile, which made her feel even emptier then before.
"Lily." He didn't smile and she detected some concern mixed with suspicious in his tone.
She broadened her smile and, trying to change the subject quickly, she asked:
"So have you finished your Potion essay?"
"Yes, why?" The suspiciousness in his voice was now clear.
"Er," She searched her brain quickly for an excuse. "I haven't finished it, can I copy yours?" Lame, pathetic, owing to the fact he heard her declaring more then once how much she thought wrong of it.
James eyebrow shot up. "Really?"
"Mhm." She nodded quickly. "I completely forgot about it and wanted to start doing it now but since you already did it..." Amazing, she had a skill as a lier. And she couldn't believe she was using it against her boyfriend, against James.
"Can you give it to me now? The class will start in about 15 minutes and Professor Tulbo will have a fit if it's not done."
Eyeing her in a very weird way he reached for his bag and took out the essay.
"Thanks." She snatched it from his hand, planted a kiss on his cheek and started making her way briskly towards the common room.
"I'll see you later." She yelled behind her shoulder.
James was standing in the same place in awe of her strange behavior.
"Er, Lily?" He suddenly remembered the reason he went after her in the first place and managed shouting towards her before she completely ran out of sight.
"Yeah?" She asked nonchalantly not even turning her head.
"Is everything- is everything okay?"
"Sure why not?" Lily faked a little giggle and turned around the corner.
Lily started jogging to the common room and sprawled on the sofa with her head stuck under a pillow.
Is it the way things are going to be between her and James from now on?
Her simply lying to everything he asks concerning her?
James shook his head. Maybe he was just imagining something was wrong?
She seemed okay now. Maybe she was just tired or something similar.
It did seem a bit strange though.
But he asked her if everything is alright and she replayed positively.
Feeling confident everything was okay James went looking for the other Marauders.
He didn't need to worry.
Because Lily would never lay to him...
All through that day, Lily did her best trying to avoid James. It felt so wrong lying to him... But she couldn't avoid him forever... Could she?
Finally, at the end of the long day, Anne, Lily, Kathleen and Emily sat joking in the common room. And for that little hour Lily managed to forget everything that was bothering her... She just laughed and joked and relaxed.
Rolling on the floor together with the other three she saw the portrait swinging open and the Marauders stepping in. She recognized the messy black head immediately. She perked up.
"Oh shit! I completely forgot I need to finish my star chart for astronomy!!!" Lily faked a gasp. "Can you please cover for me? I'll sneak there and finish it okay?"
The girl nodded and Lily grabbed her bag swiftly, nodding a very quick good bye to the boys and exited the room towards the astronomy tower.
James approached Kathleen, who was still on the floor.
"Where did Lily go?" He asked.
"To the astronomy tower, she forgot to finish her chart."
James frowned.
Lily made her way gloomily to the astronomy tower. Now she also lied to her friends...
Reaching it finally she sat on one of the chairs in the corner of the tower.
What now?
She did her chart already and had no desire to do it again. She lifted her head upwards and gazed at the stars.
She loved stars. She used to imagine they were thousands of thousands of fairies lighting up the sky. When, as a ten-year-old, she discovered it was huge gas balls she refused to believe it, besides fairies were much better.
She even named some of the fairies. A little smile played across her lips remembering the names.
As six-year-old Lily was wandering around the house at night. She was cold, extremely cold. She went looking for her father and mother, but they weren't in their room. She went down the staircase towards the kitchen. But they weren't there as well.
*Strange.* She thought. The living room was empty as well and something was beginning to worry her. She quickly climbed to Petunia's room and knocked, but there was no answer.
"Petunia!" She called out.
No answer.
She fiddled with the doorknob finally able to open the door. But Petunia's bed was empty. She went around the room slowly. Are they all hiding? Is it a game? Are they just playing with her? Suddenly terrified screams were heard from out side.
The little Lily ran out as quickly as she could.
And there, at the front of the yard-
Stood Voldermort. Red eyes gleaming manically, dressed in completely black robes and long hands playing with his wand he watched with some what amusement Lily's family, who were standing near the house.
"What do you want from us?" Petunia asked frightened.
"You muggles don't deserve to live!!! There's no reason for your existence when there are some more noble then you!" He was suddenly raging.
"Mom!!! Dad!!! Petunia!!!" The little Lily ran to her family hugging them. Voldermort laughed.
"Lily!" Her mom cried and she started crying.
"Shhhh... Lily it's okay." He father cradled her carefully.
"We're safe now, we're together."
And suddenly Lily, the real Lily, was there as well watching the scenario horrified.
"A family moment, how touching." Voldemort watched them.
"You-You evil monster!!!" The little Lily screamed at Voldermort.
"My, my, my courageous are you Lily?" He stepped forward towering above the little girl. "Shame..." He tutted. "You'll be a great lose." For a second Lily just watched, and then, realizing she jumped forward:
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
But it was too late: "Avada kadvra!" Voldemort bellowed. And Lily's family went still.
The Evans' were gone.
"No, no, no." Lily whispered eyes filled with tears. She went to her knees and tried to bring life to her family. But they were dead. And there was nothing she could do.
Ignoring Voldermort, ignoring the world she sat silently and cried.
"Time to finish it off." Voldemort aimed his wand at Lily.
"Avada kadavra" And with a green blast Lily stopped feeling.
She jerked up, heart beating madly, sweaty, hands shaking, her sight was blurred and she blinked trying to focus her vision. She looked around.
She dozed of at the astronomy tower.
But she wasn't relived much. She grabbed her chair tightly, trying to stop the shaking. She closed her eyes hard and tried to relax. But it just didn't work.
*Think about happy thing Lily! Think about James.* But this wasn't a happy thought, because of the recent events. *Think about Kathleen, and Anne, and Emily.* But she lied to them as well. *Think about your family.* And that thought only made her remember the dream, even more detailed that before.
She opened her eyes and forced them to the sky. The fairies were twinkling. After about half an hour of forcing herself to relax and forgot about everything she was somewhat less troubled.
Slowly, she stood up and straightened her self. She wiped her sweaty forehead and picked up her bag. She took one step towards the exit, forcing herself to remain calm, and another step, and another, and another...
She was finally at the Gryffindor tower. The common room was empty, and she made her way to her dorm. When she went inside she found Emily reading a book in her bed, Anne asleep on her bed and Kathleen just emerged from the shower.
"Oh there you are!" She exclaimed and Lily nodded briefly.
"Did you finish the chart?" Another quick nod.
"Shame you just remembered now, we had fun downstairs." Emily told her above her book.
"James seemed to be *very* concerned by your disappearance." Emily winked at her but Lily didn't understand it the right way.
"Did he ask-asked where I was?" She asked frantically.
Kathleen nodded.
"And what-what did you tell him?"
Kathleen looked at her funnily, "I told him what you told me, that you needed to finish your chart in the astronomy tower."
"Good, good, it's a good thing that you told him cause..." But Lily's stock of excuses was already used.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked suspiciously.
"Me? Oh I'm fine." But at least she could still lie well.
"Are you sure, you seem a little pale." Kathleen approached her and put her hand on her forehead. "You're really hot, maybe you've got the flu?"
"No, I'm fine, really I am." Why did she have such good friends? "I'll go and take a- a shower okay?"
And she swiftly grabbed her nightgown and entered the bathroom.
"Good night!" She called behind the locked door.
"Night." She heard them murmur.
She turned the water on and stepped in.
Usually the water made her feel better. The washed everything away. This time, it didn't help her much.
But she stayed there for about 45 minutes, wanting to avoid any further investigation from her best friends.
Finally, she stepped out. She looked at her bed, but she couldn't get herself to climb in. She stood there, merely watching it, for about an hour. All that while trying to convince herself that there was nothing wrong with going in there. Was there? No there wasn't, she had the nightmares no matter where she slept, this was proven at the astronomy tower. She shivered and then, trembling, went to bed.
And she tossed, and turned, and tossed, and turned, and she couldn't fall asleep. Two and a half hours went by and she still couldn't fall asleep. On her back, on her stomach, on both sides, with her pillow, without it, with her head under the blankets, without that blankets - nothing helped.
Then, finally, blissfully, she fell asleep. Only to awoke with a start after an hour. There wasn't any nightmare, she just awoke. And then she tossed and turned for another hour until, finally, the sleep over took her and she slept dreamlessly until dawn.
Worn out from the night before she spent a whole hour in the bathroom under the shower, hoping it will all go away.
It didn't - as she was proved that night. And this time, not only her parents and her were murdered; Kathleen, Anne and Emily were there as well. And there was nothing she could do. When she awoke with a start after that dream, at about 4 am, she couldn't fall asleep again.
And another day came, another day of lying to everyone. Her boyfriend, her friends, the teachers. Lily was worn out. And the dreams didn't stop. They only became more horrible. And now it took Lily more then an hour to force herself to bed, and more then two and a half hours to fall asleep. She was getting paler with everyday, and more and more worn out.
Night- Lily finally fell asleep.
And a new face appeared in the nightmare.
James.
And this time Voldemort made her choose between him, her friends, and her family. And she ended up killing all of them. The betrayed and hurt look on their faces stabbed her so badly she didn't even notice when Voldemort killed her.
And with a loud cry she awoke.
"Lily! Lily!" She felt someone shaking her, not that he needed to, she was already shaking madly. Terrified, she looked around her and saw the concerned faces of Kathleen, Emily and Anne. She grasped the end of her bed so tightly her knuckles went white. She shut her eyes hard.
"Lily?" Kathleen touched her arm. Lily flinched.
"What happened?" Anne inquired.
Lily pursed her lips shut.
The three hugged her. Lily couldn't not feel a bit safe with their hug, but her brain was searching for a quick thing to say so that they'll be sure the nightmare was a one-time thing.
"Thanks." She murmured. "I'm sorry, I just had a bad dream, sorry I woke you guys up."
Emily looked at her shocked. "We're your friends, there nothing to be sorry about!!!"
Lily nodded.
"What was it about?" Kathleen asked.
Lily waved her arm unimportantly. "I already forgot." She gave a little laugh and her friends seemed a bit relived.
"You okay?" Anne asked.
Lily nodded again. "Fine, it's just that I haven't had a nightmare since two years so I was a bit - taken aback."
The girls nodded.
"Well, I'm off to sleep again kiddies." She tried to sound nonchalant. "G'night"
"Night." They replied and went back to bed.
"You sure you're alright?" Kathleen asked.
"Positive hon." Lily closed the hangings.
"Have a nightmare-less sleep." She heard Anne murmur.
If the situation wasn't so horrible, she would have surely laughed bitterly.
But instead of going to sleep, she just sat in her bed. She didn't even try to fall asleep. She didn't want to. Better stay up all night then have another horrifying dream. She stared blankly at the red hangings of the bed, motionless, trying to forget it all until the morning came.
She was sitting in Transfiguration, trying to concentrate about what McGonagal was telling. She failed. She felt her head slowly falling on the desk near the end of the class.
She was so tried.
"Lily!" Kathleen elbowed her too late.
"MISS EVANS!!!" Lily jumped. Mcgonagal raging was towering above her, she looked around her - the class was empty except for her three friends and the Marauders.
"HOW DARE YOU FALL ASLEEP IN MY CLASS? THIS WILL AFFECT YOUR GRADES YOUNG LADY."
Lily, fearing what might happen, decided the safest for now was just to listen to what she was saying.
McGonagall suddenly noticed the presence of the others in the room. "OUT! OUT!!!"
Lily never saw her so mad. McGonagal watched them scrambling quickly outside.
"YOUR GRADES ARE DROPPING, YOU DON'T SHOW ANY INTERESTS IN CLASS, YOU DOZE OFF. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MISS EVANS?!" Minerva couldn't believe it. One of the best students at Hogwarts was, magically, dropping.
Lily felt mad and frustrated. It wasn't her fault. Did she want her to have nightmares all the time?
"I except an improvement at once."
She sighed quietly and nodded to the professor. She made her way out of the classroom fuming, and hating everything.
She passed a mirror on her way to the next lesson and caught a glimpse of her reflection. She looked as she felt - worn out, tired, powerless, and haunted. She had little bags under her eyes, and she was very pale. That was probably the reason James asked her everyday if everything was alright. Of course she lied every time. What choice did she have?!
"Lily." She felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around and came face to face with James.
"Hey." Nonchalant, all she needed to do was act nonchalant.
"We need to talk." He seemed so serious it frightened her.
"Er, Histoy of Magic is supposed to begin, we'll be late!" She started walking quickly.
"It's more important then that!" He grabbed her arm and Lily knew he won.
"Okay." She said, defeated.
James sighed. "Lily, I know I'm asking this a lot lately but: is anything wrong?"
For a split second she wanted to tell him, but it was stupid, he'll think she's a little scared girl.
"And I know I keep answering this but: no!" Her temper was raising slowly, she had enough.
"Lily..." He said softly looking into her eyes, searching for something. She looked away.
"There's nothing wrong James." She couldn't look at him in the eye.
"Yes there is, something's got to be wrong Lily! You look aweful- like you haven't slept at all, you nearly fell asleep on transfiguration, you don't do homework, you-"
"What are you McGonagal?! Stop lecturing me!!!" The anger was bubbling inside her, ready to explode any minute.
James looked hurt. "I just-"
"You just what?!"
"I want to help you..."
"There's nothing it help me with!!!" BAAM - it exploded.
"Oh Lily Come on!!!" James frustration became anger.
"Come on WHAT?! I'm FINE!!" She started shouting, losing control.
"Oh REALLY?" He had his fair share as well.
"Yes, REALLY!!!"
"WHY DON'T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?!" He was turning red.
"WHY CAN'T YOU EXCEPT THE FACT I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP??? I DON'T NEED YOU!!!" She was only getting whiter.
For a second they were silent, fully understanding what she just said. James looked destroyed. Then he got even redder.
"FINE!!! WHY WOULD I NEED YOU ANY WAY?!"
"FINE!!!"
"FINE!!!"
And each stormed to another direction.
And Severeus Snape was watching them from a corner gleefully.
A/N OMG! *drum roll* I know this sounds dredful but I loved writing this chapter!!! I'm so sorry for the long wait... but I made up for it with a long chapter haven't I? No be a dear and REVIEW!!! And happy Hannuka all! ;)
My livejournal for updates and such: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tta
Thanks to the reviewers from the last chapters:
lil lily - Snape has his own ways... meanie! ;)*amazed* *takes award* I couldn't have been here without you. Once I was so lousy and now: *proud* I'm getting you longest written review award!!! *wipes tear* lol...
lily potter - I love Sirius!! Thanks!!!
Eclectia88 - oops *sheepish*
axania chic - James suffered a bit as well in this chapter... *evily* I loved writing this!!!
Alohamora - You'll figure what the potion exactly did next chapter.
Lexie
Beatriz - I hate Snape as well... he so very bad!!! I hope you got my email to your new address... it's kinda long ;)
HermiAngel - 'If happy little blue birds fly over the rainbow, Why oh why can't I' lol! :) Snape doesn't need to do anything to James... He took care of Lily and she took care of James...
Shaggy - We reached 100!!! AHHH!!! I'm so happy!!! You don't need to translate anything for me anymore... it's just too much! Yay! Just tell me if there's soemthign really interesting or smth.
adriana - Should I name my kid (future kid, I mean) James? Lol...
EmeraldQUeen
CassieOwls