Author's note: Hi again all! I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out but… sigh… writer's block hit and it wasn't pretty. But now it's done and I came to realize in writing it that there is only one more chapter left. So hopefully, it won't take that long to write. Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad people are enjoying this story!

Chapter 5 : The Harshest Storm

The snow fell for three days after the fire but Soujirou never saw it. He sat in the middle of the temple, knees curled to his chest and tried to deal with the deluge of emotions that were fighting inside of him. The memories proceeded in an endless loop quickly moving from the start of the fire to the end outside. Every option played out, every chance he might have had to do something to save Hayami.

The smell still lingered in the air, a deep burnt aroma that assuaged his senses every time he dared to look up. If he had had the energy he would have left this temporary shelter and sought something deeper in the forest, away from everything.

He hadn't seen anyone from the Genkai nada since the fire but it didn't bother him. The thought of facing them, of meeting with the blank stares of pity and anger only made his isolation seem like the only choice.

Is this what he was suppose to learn? That all life had to give you was bear glimpses of joy and happiness before it stripped them away and left you wallowing in this sort of misery?

Had he been lying when he told Soujirou that he needed to feel emotions? Was this some sort of cruel punishment for all the troubles Soujirou had caused with the Juppongatana?

His nails dug into his arms and his eyes suddenly opened as a sheen of wetness draped itself over them. He felt a clinching in his chest and he tried to push it away but it would not disappear. His mind had chosen the answer for him and there was no turning back.

In the darkness of the temple, with the snow slowly falling outside, Soujirou finally cried. It was not the cries of defeat or after beatings. But it was the realization that he could never change what had happened in the past. All the worry, all the jealous he had felt towards the small family fueled the grief, consuming him like the fire had Hayami.

He couldn't know how much time passed. His mind was lost to the haze of grief. But suddenly he felt something. Looking down at his feet, he saw the small girl curled at his feet, her small eyes pouring out her own tears. Next to him, Ichiro leaned against him, arms wrapped around the baby as his own tears fell.

Soujirou blinked back his own tears and watched the two little children. His brow furrowed as he tried to make a decision of what to do. Part of him wanted to run away, as if their mere presence only expounded on his problems. But another part looked at them and realized they were going through the same things as he was.

He was an adult, he should know how to deal with things like this. But his emotional coldness all those years had reduced him to a child in many ways. What could he tell them, though? Sorry, I don't know how to deal with this myself so you need to go.

They were clinging to them as if physical contact would somehow make things better. Cautiously he reached down and placed a hand on Koharu's head and wrapped his other arm around Ichiro's body.

"It'll be all right," his voice said softly, almost cracking as the words came out. "It'll be okay."

Meaningless! his mind screamed. What the hell was he saying? He couldn't possibly believe these words.

But then he watched as the children's breathing slowed. He watched as sleep overtook them, a look of peace settling in on their faces.

How could seven words be enough to still them? Had they really believed him? Soujirou frowned, watching them in their sleep and had to wonder at it all. What caused them to believe him? Did they trust him that much?

No, he realized slowly. They didn't think things would be fixed right away. But somehow they believed that because he said so, he could make things right soon. Hope, they had hope. And looking down at them, Soujirou started to feel the same thing.

* * *

"It's a complete loss," his assistant said, glancing over the files. "The place was completely burned down, nothing remains."

Saitou took a long drag on his cigarette and closed his eyes in thought. "Is there any sign from either side what the next move will be?"

"No," the assistant said. "Nothing. Three days and everything is still quiet."

"They are negotiating," Saitou said with a frown. "Something is not right."

"But wouldn't agreeing on a peaceful resolution help us?"

Saitou nodded. "Perhaps. But it also means that Genkai nada have something much bigger planned. Something big enough that they would be willing to overlook this disgrace. And whatever it is, it might prove more dangerous then street battles."

"What should we do?"

Saitou looked out the window in silence. He didn't know. If he was right, then preventing the street war could make things much worse. But at the same time, could he afford to have Sapporo spiral into chaos on a hunch?

"Let's review the chain of events," Saitou said, turning away from the window and putting his cigarette in an ashtray. "First the prostitute dies. We know that she worked at the Hall of Celestial Delights, a front for the Sapporo division of the Genkai nada."

"Right," his assistant said. "Someone claimed the body and sent it for burial. The murderer was unknown until… well until you believe he was killed in the street."

"It was Mitsuda Daisuke," Saitou said firmly. "I'm sure of it."

"So who killed him? The Genkai nada?"

Saitou picked up his cigarette and put it to his lips. "Of course, they were the only ones with a true motive at that moment. But the man who killed him… the report said he collapsed shortly afterward. I don't think he was a killer."

"What do you mean, sir?"

Saitou paused thinking back to the night that he had been stalked in the streets of Sapporo. The people who were waiting for him had backed off. That had been shortly after the rumors started that he had been the one to kill the girl.

At first he had put it off to a failed attempt by Kotaro. That the merchant had realized that two men were not enough to take on the Wolf. So he had sent more of them that afternoon in the forest. It suddenly occurred to him that the two might not be related.

"The woman, the sister of this prostitute Keiko," Saitou said taking in a deep drag. "She was mostly like the one to claim the body. The report said she's married."

"You think it was the husband that killed Mitsuda?"

"Perhaps."

"Then the Genkai nada had nothing to do with his death," the assistant said.

Saitou frowned. He very much doubted that. Still, it was starting to make sense. Suppose the Genkai nada had wanted to rid themselves of a political opponent. What if they had killed the whore and told her relatives it was Mitsuda's doing? Honor would force revenge, revenge would mean death and the Genkai nada would rid themselves of an opponent with no blood on their hands.

It was a perfect plan. And it was why the Genkai nada had not retaliated to the fire. They were telling Mitsuda's party that it was not their doing. That it was a rouge agent that had taken revenge on him for the death of his sister. Simple and clean. All that remained was to hand over the husband on a silver platter.

There was a knock at the door and the assistant jumped up to answer it. Saitou watched out of the corner of his eye as the officer gave his report. A witness to the murder of Mitsuda, he even recognized the killer.

Saitou smiled slightly. Simple and clean indeed.

* * *

Soujirou stirred the soup slowly, looking over his shoulder at the two children seated at the table.

"It'll be ready in a few minutes," he said with a small smile.

Ichiro shifted slightly at the weight of the baby and nodded. Koharu looked up at him with happy eyes.

He turned back to the soup and stirred. Seisuke should be the one to do this. But according to the kids, he hadn't been around for most of the day. It wasn't surprising, Soujirou guessed. But if he was going to put up a brave front for Ichiro and Koharu, then Seisuke should do the same.

There were footsteps in the main hall of the temple and Soujirou frowned. They were too light to be Seisuke's. Besides, there was a strong fighting spirit behind the wall. He pulled the soup away from the fire and poured some into the bowls of the children.

"Stay here," he said firmly. "No matter what."

The children looked at him strangely, but Soujirou was already out the door, watching as the tall figure came into focus.

"What are you doing here?" Soujirou said, not longer working to conceal the distaste in his voice.

Saitou raised an eyebrow at the overt sign of emotion. "I was simply coming to talk to you."

"We're through," Soujirou replied suddenly. "The Genkai nada's hideout was destroyed, I haven't seen them in days. Whatever you wanted me to do, it's a moot point now."

Saitou nodded. "I didn't come to talk about them. I came to talk about the heroics you pulled at the fire."

Soujirou resisted the urge to snort at the statement. Was Saitou being cruel or did he not know about Hayami?

"You saved the wrong one, you know," Saitou continued, watching to see if Soujirou's face changed. "The man, Seisuke, is a murderer. He murdered a politician on the street, Mitsuda Daisuke."

Soujirou blinked. He couldn't show the shock he was feeling or the fear. Anything that would make Saitou know he was right.

"What are you talking about?" Soujirou asked.

Saitou shook his head. "It was better before. But now that you have gotten yourself emotionally involved, you can even lie anymore." Saitou's feet shifted. "You were there too, I know that, but for now the witness will only confirm it was Seisuke."

"You're wrong," Soujirou broke in. "I killed Mitsuda."

Silence descended on the room. Soujirou watched Saitou, seeing if he believed the lie. There had been no witness to the crime, Soujirou was sure of that. If he could make Saitou believe it was him, then Seisuke would be free. Ichiro, Koharu and Toniko would have their father. Soujirou had already lost their mother, this was the least he could do.

You will be executed.

I know. But…

"It won't work," Saitou said. "Someone is very willing to offer Seisuke as a sacrifice. And all the evidence points to him. Your confession is worthless."

"Then why are you here?" Soujirou yelled. "To rub my nose in it?"

"No," Saitou said. "I'm here to offer you a chance."

"A chance to what?"

* * *

"A chance to bring him in yourself."

Okita looked at Hijitaka with horror in his face. "Why? How can you ask me that!" he screamed.

"Yamanami is your friend," Hijitaka replied.

"He's your friend too! We've known him since the beginning! Since before there even was a Shinsengumi! How can you asked me to bring him here, knowing what will happen?"

"He is a traitor and a deserter, there is only one course of action now."

Okita's shook his head and turned to Saitou. "Tell him… tell him he's wrong!"

Saitou looked between his friend and his superior. He was still new to this group, he didn't have the same connections as the other did.

"He won't," Hijitaka said. "Because he knows what I say is right." Okita's eyes locked on Saitou, his wordless look asking for something, anything that might change things.

No one said anything for several minutes. Okita's face was torn as he minded weighed between friendship and duty.

"Don't ask me this," Okita said softly.

"Okita," Hijitaka said. "Would you rather I sent out some nameless soldier to bring him in? Yamanami knows what is in store for him. He knew the day he committed his crime. The laws of the Shinsengumi are something we have all memorized. "

Okita blinked and looked up, searching Hijitaka's face for any sign of pity. He was one of their leaders, someone to look up to. But right now, Okita could barely face him.

Saitou watched the scene play out, knowing that the Vice Captain would not back down. Hijitaka was the one who had to do the dirty work. As he had told Saitou, there was always someone who would have to do it. No matter how distasteful it was.

Saitou also knew that Yamanami and Hijitaka had been close. And despite his coldness now, he knew Hijitaka was distraught over the prospect of letting a friend die. Hijitaka was a strong man, something Saitou would be one day. He would be the one to do the things that no one else wanted to, the things that had to be done, no matter what the cost and thus be stronger than them all.

"Okita," Hijitaka said.

Okita closed his eyes one more time and tried to think of another option. "There is no other way?"

Hijitaka shook his head. "Yamanami will be brought here. He has been ordered to commit seppuku. I will oversee it."

"I will bring him here," Okita said softly. "If it has to be, at least let someone he knows deliver the news." Okita turned away and headed towards the door.

"Okita," Hijitaka called out. The younger man stood, resting a hand at the door's frame. "You swear you will bring him back?"

Okita looked back, steeling his voice for the two words he was loathed to say, but that he knew he must. "I swear it, I will."

* * *

"I won't!" Soujirou yelled. "I won't do it!"

"The man's sentence is passed. There is no other course of action for him."

"Yes there is," Soujirou replied. "I'll get him away from here. Take him someplace you can't find him."

Saitou looked at Soujirou with surprise. Was this the same boy he had met three months ago? There were no attempts to hide his emotions anymore. He was looking at Saitou with pure rage. So the little boy had finally learned what he was sent out to do. He was learning to express his emotions.

"You will not do that," Saitou said.

Soujirou's eyes narrowed and he glanced across the room to where his sword was lying against the wall. Saitou followed his eyes and frowned. He didn't want to fight this boy.

Why not? Why was he so afraid of Soujirou? The young man was no longer the great fighter he once was. Saitou would be able to read his attacks now that his emotions were out in the open.

Because he reminds you too much of Okita.

Saitou frowned, resting his hand on the hilt. No, it wasn't true, he reaffirmed to himself. But he hesitated long enough to allow Soujirou to dive for his sword.

Saitou quickly unsheathed his own, pushing away the tiny voice in his head that protested this move. His golden eyes steeled themselves as Soujirou's foot slowly started tapping on the floor.

This is not Okita! His mind screamed. Stop looking for him in this boy! Okita is dead. Can't you realize that?

Soujirou disappeared, the temple floor splitting as his feet moved with immense speed. Saitou let his senses open, searching for the first sign of Soujirou.

Left! His mind screamed and Saitou quickly put up his sword, barely countering the blow that Soujirou threw. He stumbled backwards against the strength of the attack and let his sword slide across Soujirou's before attempting to counter with his own blow to the side.

But Soujirou was not there and Saitou's sword hit air. He turned quickly, feeling the attack on his right and barely managed to dodge the blow. He tumbled on the ground, gracefully turning as he stood up. He brought the tip of his sword to rest on his outstretched hand, watching as across the temple floor Soujirou tapped his feet and resheathed his sword.

Kill him, kill him now and be done with it.

But Saitou hesitated again, his mind overlaying the image of Okita on top of Soujirou like he had once down with Battousai. But he had not been fighting Battousai before, he had been fighting a tamer version of the man. A version that would make the decision to settle down and avoid fighting rather than embrace it.

Soujirou was attacking and Saitou couldn't get out of the way. The sword flew against his arm and torn open the jacket and skin. He prepared himself for a counterattack but it never came.

"What are you doing?" Soujirou asked, watching as Saitou turned to him.

"Fighting you." Saitou replied angrily, placing a gloved hand to his arm. The white fabric quickly turned red.

"No… you're not," Soujirou said simply.

Saitou scowled at him, moving quickly as he launched an attack. Soujirou jumped out of the way as he countered and almost landed another blow. Saitou refrained from cursing at his foolishness.

This is not OKITA! Okita is dead, Hijitaka is dead, even Battousai is dead. This is not the past. The past is dead.

Saitou held his sword in his hand. All the months that he had been seeing Okita in Soujirou were wrong. Okita was dead. He knew that. Why had it suddenly come up again?

"Hajime… do you have to leave again so soon?"

"It is necessary."

"But… you only just got back from…"

"There is nothing to be done about it. Someone must do this job."

"I had hoped there might be someone else to take your place. Someone who didn't have family…"

"We have been through this. My job is does not afford me much flexibility. You will stay here and be fine."

"Yes… I suppose I will."

He had left her and then ignored her the entire time he was here. Only half looked at the letters, ignored the hidden pleas that he come home. She understood that he had to do this. Someone had to do the things that no one wanted, he had told her that before. She understood but… she still couldn't help her sadness.

The shattered form of Sagara…

This was the only path to take and he was stronger then them all.

…the incessant crying of Kamiya…

His wife had understood that, they all would understand it.

…the gold taking over the violet of his eyes.

So why was he haunted by the ghost of Okina?

Okita is dead, Hijitaka is dead. This is not the past. The past is dead.

Why now?

Saitou's nemesis was currently rotting away in Tokyo, the ex-hitokiri having given in to the thought of a quiet life of a wife and children. His nemesis was dead.

The past is dead. When the gold last faded from his opponent's eyes, so did the last traces of that life. And yet… he still clung to it, in this fashion.

Okita's shook his head and turned to Saitou. "Tell him… tell him he's wrong!"

Saitou's battle cry suddenly boomed across the empty temple, shaking the place at its core. Soujirou barely had a chance to blink as the wood was shredding to pieces in the wake of Saitou's attack.

Soujirou fell back, completely unprepared for it and landed on the ground. Instinctively, he closed his eyes, waiting for the final blow. His chest heaved quickly as he tried to steel himself for what would come next.

Outside the wind was howling, the snow on the ground spun into tiny twisters of white. The only sound beyond that was of the two men breathing.

Soujirou opened an eye and saw the end of the blade resting just below his neck. He followed it upward, to the face of his executioner. Saitou looked down at him, hands steady on the blade, preparing to strike the final blow.

And then suddenly, the blade moved, arcing in the air before landing in the wood floor several feet beyond the two.

"Take the children and leave," Saitou commanded, stepping back.

"What?" Soujirou asked, still unwilling to move.

"Nothing can be done for their father," he stated. "The sentence was passed, my men have him surrounded. The minute he tries to leave, they'll catch him."

"There has to be…"

"Take the children and LEAVE!" Saitou yelled.

Soujirou looked up, fighting to find the words to say next. He knew what Saitou was doing. If the children stayed here, they would be ostracized, branded children of a traitor and left on the streets to starve.

Saitou could do nothing for their father but… he was going to give them a chance. He was going to give Soujirou a chance.

Soujirou stood up quickly, looking over at the kitchen door and not surprised to see two surprised faces peeking out. He walked over to them and pulled them back into the other room.

"Get all your things together," Soujirou said quickly.

"But what about…" Ichiro started.

"Just do it now," he restated. "I'll explain on the way." Ichiro looked at him, ready to protest but he suddenly saw Koharu move. The little girl ran about collecting what she could. Ichiro waited a beat longer before handing Toniko to Soujirou.

Soujirou slowly edged towards the door and stole a glance outside. Snow was blowing inside the open temple door and the Wolf was gone.