//I can't believe this. My NaNoWriMo piece is crap. I refuse to let anyone ever look at it. As soon as I'm finished I'm going to print it out and burn it. I can't write a long, intensive piece! Argh! But I can't quit, 'cause I am NOT a quitter. Dammit.
So I'm taking a break and writing something that isn't too long, and that I truly enjoy. Hurray for fanfiction! And hurray for Jack finally realizing how deep in denial he is!//
What Shadows Hide: Arguments
The schoolyard was quiet. Classes were over. They sat at the playground, watching the light fade in the late afternoon. They watched as the light shed its last rays before falling into shadow.
Ralph was almost huddled into himself, refusing to look at Jack at all. For his part, Jack was also trying to avoid eye contact. He still couldn't believe the lack of control he'd shown the other day.
But that didn't mean he wasn't laying blame. And that didn't mean that Ralph wasn't going to pay.
"How did you explain your neck to your parents?" he asked snidely, darting one poison-ice glare at Ralph, who closed his eyes and held himself tighter. Jack nearly snarled in frustration; Ralph was so completely vulnerable, and he didn't dare do anything.
Not unless he made himself just as vulnerable.
"They never saw it," Ralph finally croaked, his hand coming up to touch the red bite mark that Jack had left, rather near the jugular. Jack clenched his fists when he noticed how Ralph's eyes were red and the skin around them raw-looking. He had been crying.
If it weren't for the bruises on his hands due to pounding various objects and the marks left by his nails digging into his palms, Jack would have called Ralph weak.
He's still weak. I fight and he cries. I break things and he breaks down. Who's stronger, then? I am!
There was a time when he would have believed that without question.
"I guess they don't care so much about how their darling boy is doing, then," he sneered, trying to ignore the way that he was starting to shake. Tears were hot in his eyes, too; tears of frustration and rage and pain.
I don't care about you. I hate you. I hate you! You're making me weak; you're making me just as weak as you are. Let me go, leave me alone! I don't want anything to do with you!
Ralph shrugged, his eyes dull and more gray than blue.
Liar, liar.
"I guess you didn't care much, either," he said, anger making him spit the words out. "I guess you, Mr. Civilized, enjoyed that a bit too much."
Ralph's eyes blazed with anger and he jumped up, finally facing Jack and not backing down. "Oh? And who started it, Jack?"
"Don't even say my name," Jack hissed, pulling his arm back. Ralph stood straight and let his arms dangle at his sides, staring right into Jack's eyes.
"Hit me, then, Jack," he said quietly, daring him to do it. "Hit me if it makes you feel better." Ralph's voice rose in volume. "Hit me if it makes any of this any better! Let's let violence solve all these problems! God, they started them, mindless stupid fighting! Why can't they finish them?"
Jack froze, trembling, unable to move or to back down. Ralph laughed harshly.
"You don't know what to do, do you?" he asked, his voice breaking with his anger but still stronger than Jack felt at the moment. "You don't understand what you started, all over again! You're so bloody stupid!"
"And I take it you're so much wiser," Jack whispered, feeling the heat radiating off Ralph.
"What do you want, Jack?" Ralph asked, his voice suddenly soft and pleading. "What did you want, with all of this? Tell me what you want and maybe we can end this!"
I am not that weak.
"Shut up," Jack said, his voice gaining hysterical strength. "This isn't about-"
"This is all about you, Jack!" Ralph shouted. Jack finally lashed out at him, hitting him in the cheek and knocking him backwards. As Ralph fell, clutching his face, Jack had to restrain an urge to just jump on him and hit him again and again and again.
I will kill you. I am not that weak. I will make you suffer. I am not as weak as you.
Ralph looked up at him with calm, strong, gray-blue eyes, equal parts blue and gray, and Jack realized with rising horror that he was not strong, that he was weak, because Ralph was the strong one here.
The weak lash out because they are afraid to understand. The strong try to find out why, where, how. The strong don't have to fight, because they are not threatened. I am weak. I am threatened.
I am frightened, and I am weak.
"What do you want?" Ralph asked, his voice strong and quiet in the still air.
Jack turned away, walked away; running when he judged that Ralph could no longer see him. He wouldn't- he couldn't- answer that question.
He knew he wasn't strong enough to admit that what he wanted, what he needed, was Ralph.
//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//