//NaNoWriMo is done. My torment has ended. Thank all the gods.
So now it's time to write more fanfiction! Finally, I can put the shame behind me. Time for more fun Jack and Ralph angst!
This would be day six… written nearly a month after day five. I'm so on top of things.//
What Shadows Hide: Last Time
It hadn't been a good day at all.
Jack had been too stressed out to even look at Ralph. He was fairly sure Ralph had had the same problem; Jack hadn't felt anyone staring at him and he was always very perceptive when it came to things like that.
No, the whole day had been useless. Jack wasn't concerned with grades, but that was because he had never had to be. He got above average marks on homework and tests without trying. Lately, however, his schoolwork had been taking a definite turn for the worse.
And it shouldn't have mattered, or so Jack told himself often. School was a farce; it was little more than conditioning to turn people into unimaginative slobs content with their lot in life. He didn't care for mathematics or science and their harsh rules that tried to contain everything in the infinite universe. He hated literature; what did a bunch of people whom he had never even met have to say that had any bearing on his situation?
Still, watching his marks drop like stones into dark pools rankled more than he could say.
He had slipped a note to Ralph telling him to meet him after the final class period at the school library. Just like a stupid schoolgirl, he thought in disgust.
No, it wasn't anything close to a good day.
He was waiting at one of the desks in plain view, looking over an essay that had garnered less than wonderful marks, when Ralph finally showed up. The librarian was watching them suspiciously, waiting for the first possible sign of trouble.
"Afternoon," Jack said pleasantly, not looking up. He started to pack his books, taking his time as Ralph waited, shifting his weight every other second.
He slung his book bag over his shoulder and walked out of the library, leaving Ralph to trail after him. An innocuous enough place to begin, giving no hint to the true activities planned for that day.
They walked in silence, each lost in thoughts that weren't entirely pleasant. Jack found himself counting their steps. One, two, three, four, and on for an eternity.
Until everything is stopped, once and for all.
Ralph was staring at the ground, walking slower than Jack was but with longer steps. He had his hands in his pockets and was slouching just a bit. Jack realized that he was watching Ralph out of the corner of his eye and was going to stop before he remembered what today was for.
Might as well stare while I can.
He led the way to his house, having chosen not only to deal with Ralph and this whole insane situation on his own turf, but also for privacy, for comfort, and for memories.
Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone, especially not himself.
Ralph's expression was wary when Jack waved him into the house. Jack kept his own face blank, knowing that Ralph suspected something but not nearly all of it. It was almost a relief, though, for both of them.
This is what it had been leading to all along. At least, that's what Jack thought.
He led the way to his room, doing his best to hide any nervousness that he might not have noticed. It seemed to Jack that he was completely calm, almost eerily so, and completely unconnected to what was happening.
It was like a dream, and he knew it couldn't be real because Ralph was there and he was willing. He knew it was a dream because there was no fear, there was no anger; there was nothing but a strange sort of joy.
And that quickly changed to pleasure.
It was all right, just this once, to leave every single mask behind and live in the moment again. There was no death in this, there was no pain and no sorrow because this was all there was. This was it.
And with each touch, each caress and kiss, he tried to memorize what it was to feel alive and loved for a moment. He took everything he could from Ralph, but he gave as much back as he was able, because this was the last time he'd ever do either.
And because he wanted to know.
I told myself it wasn't about sex, and it wasn't.
Jack held Ralph even closer, as if he would never let go.
I said that I didn't want you, and even that was true.
Ralph's eyes met his for one hazy moment and they were open straight to the soul.
But I won't say that word, even to myself.
They were bright with an emotion that Jack wouldn't name.
Because then this would have been for nothing.
They held each other for a very long time after, without speech, because that wasn't necessary.
Because then I wouldn't be able to say goodbye.
//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//