Authors Notes - Here's my second installment on Fanfiction.net. I hope you all enjoy it!
Rating: G or a definite Y, again even 2 year-olds could read this and be okay.
Disclaimer: Alrighty everyone here it is - I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OWN SAILOR
MOON!!!!!!!!!! I SO TOTALLY WISH I DID BUT I DON'T SO DON'T GO GRABBING ANY STUPID,
BLOOD-SUCKING LAWYERS AND JAMMING THEM INTO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phew.
Sailor Dorks Part 2
By: Merc
Characters:
Serena Warren...Sailor Moon
Amy Anderson...Sailor Mercury
Raye Hino...Sailor Mars
Lita Kino...Sailor Jupiter
Mina Aino...Sailor Venus
Reeny Warren...Sailor Chibi(mini)-Moon
Darien...Endymion (or a.k.a. Tuxedo Mask who does not appear in this story)
Haruka...Sailor Uranus
Michiru...Sailor Neptune
Hotaru Tomoe...Sailor Saturn
Setsuna...Sailor Pluto
Narrator: Hello and welcome once again to yet another horribly written episode of Sailor
Dorks. This time, our scouts are on vacation. It's winter break (next to no one's Christian
in Japan, but then again who really cares?) and everyone's having a blast. Serena as usual
is over at Raye's temple reading comics and annoying Raye beyond belief, and Amy as usual
is studying at the park (her favorite place aside of school). Lita is (once again) at the
arcade swooning over Andrew, Mina is right next to her doing the same thing, and Hotaru is
plugging in another lamp when suddenly a fuse blows and the whole house turns into an indoor
nightscape. Setsuna is hanging around, reading a little bit, Darien is somewhere, Reeny this
time is diving her math tutor crazy, and Michiru and Haruka are at some restaurant swooning
over each other (as usual). Luna and Artemis are hanging out at the city dump. That's it,
now on with the story!
At Raye's temple...
Serena: * giggle *, tehee, Tehee, TEhee, TEHee, TEHEe, TEHEE!
Raye: Shut up!
Serena: HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Raye: SHUT UP!!!
Serena: (between giggles) Oh Raye, take it easy! This comic is so funny! Have you read this
yet?
Raye: No because you're too busy hogging it!
Serena: Waaaaaa!!! Raye, your so meeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn!
Raye: (silently praying) Great spirits shoot me now I beg of you.
Meanwhile...
Professor Tomoe: AAAAAAAAAA!!! ALL MY WORK, WHERE DID IT GO? Who, what? Why did the power go
out? OH NO, ALL MY WORK (he looks at the blank computer screen where only moments before he
had finished a report that took him 2 all-nighters to type up)!!!
Hotaru: Oops.
Meanwhile...
Tutor: Now then Reeny, what do you get when you take 10 times 9?
Reeny: A big number.
Tutor: Okay, Reeny, try to work it out. Now, what's 10 times 9?
Reeny: You can't make me!
Tutor: (growing impatient) Come on now Reeny, you can do this.
Reeny: Go pound sand!
Tutor: That's wasn't a very nice thing to say.
Reeny: I think it was appropriate!
Tutor: Why you little, I oughta-
Reeny: Tehee hee.
Meanwhile...
Lita: (drool is running down the side of her mouth) What a hunk!
Mina: (dumbly) Huh?
Lita: Dang, he can have my number any day.
Mina: Not unless he's dating me!
Lita: Huh?
Mina: He he.
Lita: Oh no you don't!
Mina: Oh yes I do!
Lita: (growling) Wrong answer blonde!
Mina: (stammering) L-L-Lita, what are you doing? He he, I was only joking!
*SLAM!!!*
Meanwhile...
Michiru: (dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (dreamily) Michiru...
Michiru: (dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (dreamily) Michi... HEY HOW'S ABOUT SOME SERVICE?
Michiru: Huruka!
Haruka: What?
Meanwhile...
Luna: Artemis, I've got a question.
Artemis: What?
Luna: Well, you see, I've been, uh, wondering, why have you been walking and sitting so
weird?
Artemis: Well, um, you see, after you nearly killed me and then that Negamonster slammed me
and all, Mina took me back to the vet. Well, the doctor had to take my temperature and all
and well, you've been through it. Ya know, where they stick that cold, dry, thermometer up
your * ahem *.
Luna: And?
Artemis: It went south.
Luna: South?
Artemis: Yea, south.
Luna: Ouch.
Artemis: Tell me about it, the doctor said that there were two ways that he could get it
out: a quick painless surgery or the hand. Mina opted without hesitation for the hand. Ever
since then, I've been very, um, uncomfortable.
Luna: Oh.
Artemis: Yea, oh.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: (reading) Do de do de do...
Some Guy: Hey there, hot stuff.
Setsuna: (upper cuts him hard and then gives him a swift knee to the you-know-where) don't
call me hot stuff!
Some Guy: (moaning) @#$%^&*(@)!
Meanwhile...
Darien: (entering the arcade) Hey Andrew!
Andrew: Hey Darien!
Darien: What's up?
Andrew: Nothing much, there was an incident though about an hour ago. Lita slammed Mina over
the head pretty hard with a stool. Had to call an ambulance, but she'll be fine as soon as
she can remember her name.
Darien: Oh.
Andrew: Want something to drink?
Darien: Nah, game?
Andrew: What the hey, lunch break is in 5 minutes anyway. Boss won't mind.
Darien: Lucky dog.
Andrew: What?
Darien: I said lucky dog. My boss is a total jerk, won't let me out early for anything. The
guy really should go see a psychiatrist.
Andrew: I know the feeling.
Meanwhile...
Amy: (reading) Do de do de do...
* Suddenly, someone walks up and stops in front of her. Noticing the sudden loss of sunlight,
Amy looks up. *
Amy: Greg!
Greg: (shyly) Hey there, long time no see.
* Amy stands up, not noticing that she dropped her book *
Amy: (shyly) Hi.
Greg: (bending down to get her book) Hi.
* Greg hands Amy the book that she dropped *
Amy: (blushing) Thanks.
Greg: (Blushing) No problem.
Amy: What are you doing here?
Greg: I wanted to surprise you. I just moved back, hopefully for good this time.
Amy: Oh.
Meanwhile...
*Serena is walking through the park after being kicked out of the temple by Mars, the
goddess of war, otherwise known as Raye the angry. She sees the little romantic get together
and hides behind a tree. She listens to their conversation, trying as best as she can to
stifle her laughter, until Greg kissed a startled Amy on the lips. *
Serena: (whispering to herself) Oh man, Raye's gotta here about this! Greg kissing Amy, man
this is sweet!
* Serena sprints back to the temple where a frustrated Raye stands trying to kill a giant
indestructible beetle. *
Raye: @#$% you stupid beetle, die!
Serena: RAYE, RAYE YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!!
Raye: I thought I told you to get lost, ya meatball head!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaa! Raye, you're so mean!
Raye: Oh no, not again!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Raye: Would you calm down already!
Serena: (sniffling) Noooooooo!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Raye: Why me?
Chapter 2
Narrator: Queen Beryl has been brewing up a nasty little scheme to get back
at the Sailor Scouts for killing her best warrior, Boligrafo.
Beryl: (mad) Ooooooooooo, I'm gonna kill those pain in the @#$ Sailor Scouts!
Jedite: (appears from thin air) My queen, the other 4 generals and I have come up with a
rather decent plan.
Beryl: Well?
Jedite: We go face to face and apologize for all the pain and misery we have caused them.
Beryl: Excuse me?
Jedite: That's only the beginning. When they think that we have become allies, we will kill
them!
Beryl and Jedite: (evil sounding cackle) Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Meanwhile...
Narrator: The scouts are all at Raye's temple for the usual scout meeting. Amy's missing for
some unknown reason, so the scouts are taking advantage of it.
Raye: Wait, you mean you actually saw a guy kiss Amy?!
Serena: Yea and I think it was her first kiss to!
Lita: Whoa!
Haruka: (chanting) Go Amy, go Amy!
Hotaru: Who would've thought? I mean, she's supposed to be the unpopular genius and all.
Reeny: Eew! Doesn't anyone get tired of seeing people kiss?
Serena: Raye, I've been meaning to ask you, did you ever kill that beetle?
Raye: Nope, got away when I tried to stick him in a paper shredder.
Michiru: Since when did you have a paper shredder?
Raye: Dunno, I know that it showed up when I took that stupid thing in to put into the
microwave.
Setsuna: You tried to stick a beetle in a microwave?
Raye: I was, but then I saw the paper shredder.
Mina: Plot hole!
Everyone: ?
Mina: What?
Setsuna: Wait, how'd we get from some guy kissing Amy to beetles and paper shredders?
Hotaru: Good question.
Luna: Don't you girls ever get tired of gossip and stuff? I mean, the Negaverse could come
and suck up the world with a giant vacuum cleaner any minute and you're talking about
sticking indestructible beetles into paper shredders!
Artemis: Indestructible beetle, where?!
Luna: Calm down Artemis!
Artemis: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hide me, hide me now!
Mina: After how much I paid for that last bill for the vet, I'm not going to let you outta
my sight ever again!
Artemis: I'm dead.
* Just then Amy walks through the door *
Amy: Hello everyone!
* Everyone glances at her *
Amy: What?
Reeny: Serena saw some cute guy kissing you.
Serena: Greg Urawa.
Reeny: Whatever.
Amy: (blushing) Oh.
Serena: Dang girl, was that your first kiss? Because if so than you're a true natural!
Amy: ...
Haruka: You go girl!
Michiru: Way to go!
Amy: (shyly and blushing) Um, yeah... that's great. Listen, I was coming from the park and I
passed by the candy shop on my way here.
Haruka: And you're telling us this because...
Amy: I got some bad vibes. 10 bucks the Negaverse is at work.
Haruka and Michiru and Lita: You're on!
Artemis: Negaverse, WHERE???????
Luna: At the candy shop you dingbat!
Artemis: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! We're all gonna die! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mina: Not the microwave, Artemis!
Artemis: Aaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!
Mina: There goes another 400 bucks out of my account.
Serena: I feel for you girl.
Mina: Can we swap pets?
Serena: I don't think so.
Chapter 3
Narrator: The Scouts go to the candy shop to check things out. They had already transformed,
so they were swamped by fans. After almost getting killed by screaming fans, they finally
made it through the crowd. They made their way to the kitchen. On the way, Sailor Moon
couldn't help but grab a couple of goodies. Then she grabbed some more, and more and more
until the Scouts had to literally drag her by her odd pigtails to the kitchen with them.
Sailor Moon: (whining) why did you guys drag me away from those sweets? They were so
goooooooooooooooddddddddddddddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mars: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Mars, you're so meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!
Uranus: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: (In between sniffles) is that you're favorite saying or something?
Everyone: Yes.
Moon: Oh *sniffle*.
Mercury: I've spotted them!
Everyone: Spotted what?
Mercury: Whatever the Negaverse sent us. It's in the storage room.
Moon: All right, more chocolates!
Luna: Of all places they had to be, why here?
* The Scouts walk into the storage room where the 5 generals wait impatiently for them *
Malachite: Zoicite, my transsexual love, you can stop reading now. Those stupid Scouts
finally took a hint and came.
Zoicite: Do de do de do... huh? Oh, it's about time; I've been reading this boring book for
2 days now!
Neflite: Well, at least they came.
Zoicite: Can we kill 'em yet?
Malachite: No, but I've been wondering where Endymion went.
Zoicite: Man!
Jedite: Shhhhh! They're here!
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: There go my eardrums.
Moon: I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, and all that wonderful stuff.
Neflite: (teasingly) Ooo, I'm so scared.
Jupiter: I'm Sailor Jupiter and I'm gonna whoop your butt!
Endymion: Oh really?
Moon: DARIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venus: (annoyed) Oh no, not again.
Neptune: Where'd he come from?
Chibi-Moon: Hey daddy, you're on our side, remember?
Mercury: Don't bother, he's probably lost it for good this time.
Chibi-Moon: (exasperated) Perfect.
Jedite: All right, enough with the chitchat. We've got something to say to
you.
Jupiter: Like what?
All 5 Generals: We're sorry for all the pain and misery we've caused you.
Scouts: !
Endymion: Really, I mean, we've been real perverts these past 1014 years, so we thought we'd
apologize.
Mercury: Let me guess, you come face to face and apologize to us so that it tricks us into
thinking that your on our side, then later on you stab us in the back.
Zoicite: Remind me to kill her.
Neflite: @#$% !
Uranus: You're too smart for your own good.
Mercury: Hey!
Jupiter: I'm all for killing the little @#$%^&(^ !
Chibi-Moon: Mommy, what does @#$%^&(^ mean?
Moon: Chibi-Moon!
Chibi-Moon: What?
Mercury: Let's not forget Luna P. and what I can do to it if you don't stop
saying that word.
Chibi-Moon: Luna P.!
Uranus: I'm bored. I'm with Jupiter, let's kill 'em!
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jupiter and Uranus: Hey!
*The generals are thrown to the ground by the unexpected blow. *
Neflite: Ow.
Zoicite: Double ow.
Malachite: Triple ow.
Jedite: Quadruple ow.
Endymion: Quintuple ow.
Jupiter: All righty, my turn! JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.
Mars: MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!
Pluto: Ya know, I haven't had any say in this battle so far and I'm kinda
mad at you perverts so I think I'll hurt you.
All 5 Generals: (annoyed) Great...
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Oh my ears! OW!
Pluto: He he.
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow!
Saturn: I forgot my power so I'll just yell at you and make you all mad!
Endymion: And how exactly did this happen?
Saturn: Haven't a clue.
Zoicite: Are you the odd ball of the group or something?
Saturn: Just drop it, okay.
Jedite: Whatever.
Saturn: Perverts.
Neflite: Hey, I resent that.
Mercury: Well, I didn't forget my powers! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: AYE CARUMBA THAT'S COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zoicite: Look, Jedite's a Negacube!
Malachite: Zoicite, you need to work on your crack-ups a little more.
Jupiter: Well, this is quite the interesting fight.
Venus: What does that mean?
Jupiter: Well ya dumb blonde, it means that we're talking way too much. We're having fun
little conversations instead of killing our 5 worst enemies.
Venus: Oh.
Jupiter: (rolling her eyes) Yea, oh.
Zoicite: I think I'll take that enemy's thing as a compliment. Well, I'm still all for
killing you mangy scouts.
Malachite: Go right ahead.
Zoicite: Ya mean it?
Malachite: Sure, beat the living @#$% outta them!
Zoicite: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: (sarcastically) Oh boy.
*Zoicite throws a bunch of energy at the scouts. *
Scouts: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: Ow.
Artemis: (moaning) uuuuuhhhhh.
Venus: 600 bucks outta my account now.
Artemis: (weakly) Sorry.
Venus: Yea, ya ungrateful cat, you had better be sorry!
*Just then Malachite throws a sharp knife type thingy at our heroines *
Uranus: (incredibly angry as the thing slices her skirt and bows) Hey watch it!
Neptune: Ohmygosh! Are you okay, sweetie-pie?
Uranus: Never better, muffin.
Saturn: I think... I'm gonna... puke.
Chibi-Moon: Ditto.
Pluto: You want a piece of me?
Endymion: Sure, I'm all for the chest!
Pluto: You're a disgusting jerk!
Moon: (dreamily) Yeah, but he's my disgusting jerk.
Pluto: Yuck!
Moon: Well, it's true!
Pluto: Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you were little?
Moon: Well, I did, but, it was only a little bump. I still miss that expensive vase that we
got in Italy.
Mercury: Ugh, well, as usual it looks like I the grate defensive link must once again dig us
out. MERCURY AQUA HARP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jupiter: Don't leave me out! JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venus: And me! VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: (Still frozen in a block of ice) MMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Endymoin: It's a miracle, thanks to you scouts, I miraculously have my memory back!
Scouts: (sarcastically) Yaaaaayyy.
Pluto: 50 bucks says he goes back to the Negaverse sometime next week.
Uranus: You're on!
Mercury: Hey wait a minute, you still owe me those ten bucks from earlier, remember?
Uranus: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Mercury: (sarcastically) uh huh, you forgot.
Zoicite: You mangy scouts are always so sarcastic.
Neflite: Well, I can't blame them.
Zoicite: You don't even know what sarcasm is.
Neflite: Yes I do, I took it in the training course, remember?
Zoicite: No.
Neflite: We were required to take it.
Zoicite: Oh yea.
Mars: All right, I've been thrown out of this conversation and battle entirely. I'm really
mad now!
Moon: Shouldn't have done that.
Malachite: Done what?
Mars: Left me out and made me mad!
Moon: Now you're in for it.
Malachite: (macho-man style) you don't scare me.
Moon: She should.
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! MARS FIREBIRD STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!! Hot hot hot!
Jedite: MMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Malachite: Mercury, does your ice ever give?
Mercury: No.
Zoicite: But how?
Mercury: I'll give you a hint, It's my patented extra strong ice.
Neflite: Cool.
Mercury: (cringing) that was bad, even for you.
Neflite: (smiling) I know.
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Moon: You want me to destroy them you say?
Mars: Grumble grumble, ooooooooooooooooo!
Moon: Well, if you want the tiara, I'll do the tiara, but why?
Mars: (mumbling) Sfdsjhmhpmhphmhpowpmmph!
Moon: A painful way to go huh? Hmmmmmmmm. Okay, I'll do it.
Mars. Growl snarl growl.
Moon: Alrighty then, MOON TIARA...MAGIIIIICCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: MMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! We got away in the nick-of-time! You'll see us again, we
promise!
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmhp!
3 Generals: Come on Jedite, looks like we've gotta find a way to get you outta this mess.
Jedite: Mph!
Chapter 4
Narrator: Well, it's the next day and our heroines are out and about: Serena's at home giving
Luna guff about a stomach ache, Amy's hanging out with Greg somewhere, and Raye's at home
giving Chad even more guff. Mina's at the vet with Artemis where she ends up paying the low
low sale price of $100 for Artemis's recovery, Hotaru got another lamp and blew another fuse,
and Setsuna is still reading. Darien is still in bed trying to collect his thoughts, Reeny
is somewhere driving everybody in her path nuts, Michiru and Haruka are hanging out under a
tree and having a romantic picnic, and Lita is playing video games at the arcade.
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh. I shouldn't have eaten that last chocolate before
fighting.
Luna: See, I told you not to eat that many sweets, but did you listen to me? Nooooooooooo,
you just had to pig out on everything in sight didn't you?
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. Shut up, cat.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: Do de do de do
Some Other Guy: Hi.
Setsuna: Hi.
Some Other Guy: Good book?
Setsuna: Yea.
Some Other Guy: Mind if I join you?
Setsuna: Not really.
Some Other Guy: Cool.
Meanwhile...
*Mina and Artemis are walking out of the vet's office. Artemis looks like a walking mummy
cat. *
Mina: You're lucky that the office was celebrating its 50th anniversary Artemis.
Artemis: Mphmphmphmphmph.
Mina: Don't complain to me! After all, you're the one that ran into the microwave to hide and
then got slammed by the Negaverse, AGAIN!
Artemis: Mph.
Meanwhile...
Chad: AAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: (chasing Chad around with a broom) Why you little! I thought I told you to put the
sacred emblems in order but noooooooooo, you had to go and nick 2 and manage to put them
completely out of order!
Chad: SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru...
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru...
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michi... What the... AAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'VE GOT ANTS IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!
Michiru: Yuck!
Haruka: (Making a weird face) Eek, ork, eww, yech, slwe, yark!
Michiru: Don't worry my love, I will help you!
Haruka: Ow, those are fire ants!
Michiru: Oh dear...
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: Shoot.
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAA!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: Oops.
Prof. Tomoe: HOTARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: I'm in trouble now...
Meanwhile...
Lita: Dum de do de dum de do de...
Andrew: Hey there Lita!
Lita: (Swallows the Coke that she got and starts to choke)*sputter * *cough* *gag * *choke *
Andrew: Are you all right?
Lita: (in a scratchy voice) drink went down the wrong pipe.
Andrew: Oh.
Lita: (clearing her throat) So, uh, how are ya?
Andrew: Fine, usual day. You?
Lita: Never better.
*BAM!!!*
Lita: AAAAAAAAAA!!! GAME OVER!?!?!
Andrew: Oops.
Lita: THIS THING IS SO RIGGED!!! WHY I OUGHTA RIP YOU OUTTA YOUR SPOT AND THROW YA INTO A
SCRAP PILE!!!
Andrew: Uh, Lita, could you, uh, clam down a bit, um, he he.
Lita: @#$%^&*(#)^%$&#^%$@*@ !!!
Andrew: !
Meanwhile...
Darien: (In bed) who am I? What is going on? Who is the princess I have been looking for? Oh
yeah, Serena is my only true love. My princess, my life. Why was I taken by the Negaverse?
Why does Queen Beryl have a crush on me? How can Luna and Artemis talk? Who invented the
name Spam? How does Swiss Cheese get holes in it? Why am I living in an expensive apartment
when I never appear to be working? Why do I have eyes that take up 1/3rd of my head? Who are
we? Is the truth out there? I think I had better go to sleep again.
Meanwhile...
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bystander: Oh my eardrums.
Reeny: I'm a famous person, bow before me for I am the daughter of Neo-Queen Serenity!
Bystander #2: Who?
Reeny: Shoot! Mental note to self, I am in the past, no one knows about mom.
Bystander: Huh?
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile...
Amy: So, if you take the square root of 7 times the square root of 9 and then add it by pi.
then you can get the answer to problem #8.
Greg: Wow, no wonder I was so confused. I took the square rot of 45 and divided it by the
square rot of 9 times pi. to get it. Thanks a lot!
Amy: No problem.
Greg: (Suddenly getting shy) Um, Amy, I uh...
Amy: Hmmm?
Greg: Well, you see I was, um...
Amy: Yeah?
Greg: Will you go steady with me?
Amy: (Blushing) um, sure, why not?
Greg: Really?
Amy: (Laughing) really.
Greg: Cool.
*Greg pulls out a ring and slides it on Amy's finger. Then he leans over and kisses her.*
Meanwhile...
*Mina had dropped off Artemis at home and was taking a stroll through the park to calm down
after paying so much for Artemis's bill and sees the couple *
Mina: (Gasping) Aw, man! Everyone's gotta know about this!
Later On...
Narrator: Everyone's back at the temple for the (so usual it's stupid) scout meeting and
Mina has just blabbed the whole scene to everyone.
Mina: And then, get this, he gives her a diamond ring and kisses her!
Serena: (Gasping) why can't Darien be like that? What a cheapskate!
Michiru: (Expectantly) Haruka, I don't see my diamond ring anywhere. (Gives Haruka the evil
eye) where oh where might it be?
Haruka: * Gulp *
Raye: HEY CHAD WHERE'S MY DIAMOND RING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Lita: I'm gonna kill Freddie one of these days!
Luna: I never saw Artemis give me one!
Serena: (whining) it's not fair!!! Why can't we have a boyfriend like yours, huh?
*Amy had rolled herself into a little ball in incredible embarrassment at the far corner of
the table. *
Amy: Mph.
Serena: Huh?
Amy: (looking up even though she was a very apparent shade of burgundy) I dunno.
Serena: I want him!
Haruka: Hey, how do we even know if this thing's a diamond? For all we know it could be a
piece of tin!
*Haruka grabs Amy's hand and closely inspects the ring.*
Hotaru: Since when did you become the diamond expert?
Haruka: Since I got a job at Ranma Jewelers! Now shut up!
Hotaru: You work at Ranma Jewelers?
Haruka: Hmmm...
Hotaru: I've never seen you.
Haruka: You've never even been in there before.
Hotaru: Once when I was looking at all the pretty earrings.
Haruka: (Taking out a jeweler's eyeglass and putting it to her eye) you're pathetic.
Reeny: Actually, you're pathetic.
Haruka: (Grabs Reeny by the collar and pulling her up without taking her eyes off the ring)
Take that back or I'll chuck you across the room.
Reeny: You can't make me!
Haruka: Oh yes I can.
Reeny: Mommy!
Serena: Put the brat down, Haruka.
Reeny: I take it all back!
*Haruka drops Reeny and she lands with a loud thud. *
Reeny: Ow!
Michiru: Well, Haruka?
Haruka: Give me a few more minutes...
Everyone: ...
Haruka: Holy @#$% !
Everyone: WHAT!?
Haruka: Not only is this thing a real honest to Buddha diamond, but it's 24 carrots too!
Michiru: Jeez, how much did that guy dish out for that thing?
Serena: When I get my hands on that sleaze Darien, I'm gonna...
Raye: (Really, really mad) Oh is Chad in for it now!
Lita: Let me see that thing!
*Lita grabs Amy's hand and looks at it closely.*
Lita: Amy, there's some reason he gave you this, why?
Amy: Um...
Lita: Amy...
Amy: Well, uh, you see...
Lita: Uh well what?
Amy: We're going steady.
Lita: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Everyone else: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Amy: Oh boy...
Narrator: So out heroines once more saved the world form the wrath of evil, the Negaverse,
higher taxes, presidential and king and emperor scandals, and everything that just makes you
want to put a big hole in the TV screen. Hopefully, they can rest assure that no one shall
harm them for the rest of the week. At least, no one from the Negaverse.
Meanwhile...
Darien: (Thinking in his bed where he's been the whole day) Who am I again? What is my sole
purpose on this earth? Why is it that Serena and I were destined to be together? Is Reeny
really our kid? If so then she takes after Serena. Why does she dye her hair pink? Why did
Michiru dye her hair light green? What is it with Serena and that hairstyle? Am I a key to
something? What is the deal with the Silver Millenium and no records of it exist? Why don't
they call soap body wash oral hygiene bars or something? Is there a secret government
conspiracy going on? Who is the Smoking Man? Why are hillbillies called hillbillies? Why
can't I come up with an answer to any of these questions? What is the secret of life?
Who am I...?
THE END?
I hoped you liked it! I'll add the rest of the chapters in awhile, ok?
Rating: G or a definite Y, again even 2 year-olds could read this and be okay.
Disclaimer: Alrighty everyone here it is - I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OWN SAILOR
MOON!!!!!!!!!! I SO TOTALLY WISH I DID BUT I DON'T SO DON'T GO GRABBING ANY STUPID,
BLOOD-SUCKING LAWYERS AND JAMMING THEM INTO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phew.
Sailor Dorks Part 2
By: Merc
Characters:
Serena Warren...Sailor Moon
Amy Anderson...Sailor Mercury
Raye Hino...Sailor Mars
Lita Kino...Sailor Jupiter
Mina Aino...Sailor Venus
Reeny Warren...Sailor Chibi(mini)-Moon
Darien...Endymion (or a.k.a. Tuxedo Mask who does not appear in this story)
Haruka...Sailor Uranus
Michiru...Sailor Neptune
Hotaru Tomoe...Sailor Saturn
Setsuna...Sailor Pluto
Narrator: Hello and welcome once again to yet another horribly written episode of Sailor
Dorks. This time, our scouts are on vacation. It's winter break (next to no one's Christian
in Japan, but then again who really cares?) and everyone's having a blast. Serena as usual
is over at Raye's temple reading comics and annoying Raye beyond belief, and Amy as usual
is studying at the park (her favorite place aside of school). Lita is (once again) at the
arcade swooning over Andrew, Mina is right next to her doing the same thing, and Hotaru is
plugging in another lamp when suddenly a fuse blows and the whole house turns into an indoor
nightscape. Setsuna is hanging around, reading a little bit, Darien is somewhere, Reeny this
time is diving her math tutor crazy, and Michiru and Haruka are at some restaurant swooning
over each other (as usual). Luna and Artemis are hanging out at the city dump. That's it,
now on with the story!
At Raye's temple...
Serena: * giggle *, tehee, Tehee, TEhee, TEHee, TEHEe, TEHEE!
Raye: Shut up!
Serena: HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Raye: SHUT UP!!!
Serena: (between giggles) Oh Raye, take it easy! This comic is so funny! Have you read this
yet?
Raye: No because you're too busy hogging it!
Serena: Waaaaaa!!! Raye, your so meeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn!
Raye: (silently praying) Great spirits shoot me now I beg of you.
Meanwhile...
Professor Tomoe: AAAAAAAAAA!!! ALL MY WORK, WHERE DID IT GO? Who, what? Why did the power go
out? OH NO, ALL MY WORK (he looks at the blank computer screen where only moments before he
had finished a report that took him 2 all-nighters to type up)!!!
Hotaru: Oops.
Meanwhile...
Tutor: Now then Reeny, what do you get when you take 10 times 9?
Reeny: A big number.
Tutor: Okay, Reeny, try to work it out. Now, what's 10 times 9?
Reeny: You can't make me!
Tutor: (growing impatient) Come on now Reeny, you can do this.
Reeny: Go pound sand!
Tutor: That's wasn't a very nice thing to say.
Reeny: I think it was appropriate!
Tutor: Why you little, I oughta-
Reeny: Tehee hee.
Meanwhile...
Lita: (drool is running down the side of her mouth) What a hunk!
Mina: (dumbly) Huh?
Lita: Dang, he can have my number any day.
Mina: Not unless he's dating me!
Lita: Huh?
Mina: He he.
Lita: Oh no you don't!
Mina: Oh yes I do!
Lita: (growling) Wrong answer blonde!
Mina: (stammering) L-L-Lita, what are you doing? He he, I was only joking!
*SLAM!!!*
Meanwhile...
Michiru: (dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (dreamily) Michiru...
Michiru: (dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (dreamily) Michi... HEY HOW'S ABOUT SOME SERVICE?
Michiru: Huruka!
Haruka: What?
Meanwhile...
Luna: Artemis, I've got a question.
Artemis: What?
Luna: Well, you see, I've been, uh, wondering, why have you been walking and sitting so
weird?
Artemis: Well, um, you see, after you nearly killed me and then that Negamonster slammed me
and all, Mina took me back to the vet. Well, the doctor had to take my temperature and all
and well, you've been through it. Ya know, where they stick that cold, dry, thermometer up
your * ahem *.
Luna: And?
Artemis: It went south.
Luna: South?
Artemis: Yea, south.
Luna: Ouch.
Artemis: Tell me about it, the doctor said that there were two ways that he could get it
out: a quick painless surgery or the hand. Mina opted without hesitation for the hand. Ever
since then, I've been very, um, uncomfortable.
Luna: Oh.
Artemis: Yea, oh.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: (reading) Do de do de do...
Some Guy: Hey there, hot stuff.
Setsuna: (upper cuts him hard and then gives him a swift knee to the you-know-where) don't
call me hot stuff!
Some Guy: (moaning) @#$%^&*(@)!
Meanwhile...
Darien: (entering the arcade) Hey Andrew!
Andrew: Hey Darien!
Darien: What's up?
Andrew: Nothing much, there was an incident though about an hour ago. Lita slammed Mina over
the head pretty hard with a stool. Had to call an ambulance, but she'll be fine as soon as
she can remember her name.
Darien: Oh.
Andrew: Want something to drink?
Darien: Nah, game?
Andrew: What the hey, lunch break is in 5 minutes anyway. Boss won't mind.
Darien: Lucky dog.
Andrew: What?
Darien: I said lucky dog. My boss is a total jerk, won't let me out early for anything. The
guy really should go see a psychiatrist.
Andrew: I know the feeling.
Meanwhile...
Amy: (reading) Do de do de do...
* Suddenly, someone walks up and stops in front of her. Noticing the sudden loss of sunlight,
Amy looks up. *
Amy: Greg!
Greg: (shyly) Hey there, long time no see.
* Amy stands up, not noticing that she dropped her book *
Amy: (shyly) Hi.
Greg: (bending down to get her book) Hi.
* Greg hands Amy the book that she dropped *
Amy: (blushing) Thanks.
Greg: (Blushing) No problem.
Amy: What are you doing here?
Greg: I wanted to surprise you. I just moved back, hopefully for good this time.
Amy: Oh.
Meanwhile...
*Serena is walking through the park after being kicked out of the temple by Mars, the
goddess of war, otherwise known as Raye the angry. She sees the little romantic get together
and hides behind a tree. She listens to their conversation, trying as best as she can to
stifle her laughter, until Greg kissed a startled Amy on the lips. *
Serena: (whispering to herself) Oh man, Raye's gotta here about this! Greg kissing Amy, man
this is sweet!
* Serena sprints back to the temple where a frustrated Raye stands trying to kill a giant
indestructible beetle. *
Raye: @#$% you stupid beetle, die!
Serena: RAYE, RAYE YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!!
Raye: I thought I told you to get lost, ya meatball head!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaa! Raye, you're so mean!
Raye: Oh no, not again!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Raye: Would you calm down already!
Serena: (sniffling) Noooooooo!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Raye: Why me?
Chapter 2
Narrator: Queen Beryl has been brewing up a nasty little scheme to get back
at the Sailor Scouts for killing her best warrior, Boligrafo.
Beryl: (mad) Ooooooooooo, I'm gonna kill those pain in the @#$ Sailor Scouts!
Jedite: (appears from thin air) My queen, the other 4 generals and I have come up with a
rather decent plan.
Beryl: Well?
Jedite: We go face to face and apologize for all the pain and misery we have caused them.
Beryl: Excuse me?
Jedite: That's only the beginning. When they think that we have become allies, we will kill
them!
Beryl and Jedite: (evil sounding cackle) Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Meanwhile...
Narrator: The scouts are all at Raye's temple for the usual scout meeting. Amy's missing for
some unknown reason, so the scouts are taking advantage of it.
Raye: Wait, you mean you actually saw a guy kiss Amy?!
Serena: Yea and I think it was her first kiss to!
Lita: Whoa!
Haruka: (chanting) Go Amy, go Amy!
Hotaru: Who would've thought? I mean, she's supposed to be the unpopular genius and all.
Reeny: Eew! Doesn't anyone get tired of seeing people kiss?
Serena: Raye, I've been meaning to ask you, did you ever kill that beetle?
Raye: Nope, got away when I tried to stick him in a paper shredder.
Michiru: Since when did you have a paper shredder?
Raye: Dunno, I know that it showed up when I took that stupid thing in to put into the
microwave.
Setsuna: You tried to stick a beetle in a microwave?
Raye: I was, but then I saw the paper shredder.
Mina: Plot hole!
Everyone: ?
Mina: What?
Setsuna: Wait, how'd we get from some guy kissing Amy to beetles and paper shredders?
Hotaru: Good question.
Luna: Don't you girls ever get tired of gossip and stuff? I mean, the Negaverse could come
and suck up the world with a giant vacuum cleaner any minute and you're talking about
sticking indestructible beetles into paper shredders!
Artemis: Indestructible beetle, where?!
Luna: Calm down Artemis!
Artemis: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hide me, hide me now!
Mina: After how much I paid for that last bill for the vet, I'm not going to let you outta
my sight ever again!
Artemis: I'm dead.
* Just then Amy walks through the door *
Amy: Hello everyone!
* Everyone glances at her *
Amy: What?
Reeny: Serena saw some cute guy kissing you.
Serena: Greg Urawa.
Reeny: Whatever.
Amy: (blushing) Oh.
Serena: Dang girl, was that your first kiss? Because if so than you're a true natural!
Amy: ...
Haruka: You go girl!
Michiru: Way to go!
Amy: (shyly and blushing) Um, yeah... that's great. Listen, I was coming from the park and I
passed by the candy shop on my way here.
Haruka: And you're telling us this because...
Amy: I got some bad vibes. 10 bucks the Negaverse is at work.
Haruka and Michiru and Lita: You're on!
Artemis: Negaverse, WHERE???????
Luna: At the candy shop you dingbat!
Artemis: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! We're all gonna die! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mina: Not the microwave, Artemis!
Artemis: Aaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!
Mina: There goes another 400 bucks out of my account.
Serena: I feel for you girl.
Mina: Can we swap pets?
Serena: I don't think so.
Chapter 3
Narrator: The Scouts go to the candy shop to check things out. They had already transformed,
so they were swamped by fans. After almost getting killed by screaming fans, they finally
made it through the crowd. They made their way to the kitchen. On the way, Sailor Moon
couldn't help but grab a couple of goodies. Then she grabbed some more, and more and more
until the Scouts had to literally drag her by her odd pigtails to the kitchen with them.
Sailor Moon: (whining) why did you guys drag me away from those sweets? They were so
goooooooooooooooddddddddddddddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mars: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Mars, you're so meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!
Uranus: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: (In between sniffles) is that you're favorite saying or something?
Everyone: Yes.
Moon: Oh *sniffle*.
Mercury: I've spotted them!
Everyone: Spotted what?
Mercury: Whatever the Negaverse sent us. It's in the storage room.
Moon: All right, more chocolates!
Luna: Of all places they had to be, why here?
* The Scouts walk into the storage room where the 5 generals wait impatiently for them *
Malachite: Zoicite, my transsexual love, you can stop reading now. Those stupid Scouts
finally took a hint and came.
Zoicite: Do de do de do... huh? Oh, it's about time; I've been reading this boring book for
2 days now!
Neflite: Well, at least they came.
Zoicite: Can we kill 'em yet?
Malachite: No, but I've been wondering where Endymion went.
Zoicite: Man!
Jedite: Shhhhh! They're here!
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: There go my eardrums.
Moon: I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, and all that wonderful stuff.
Neflite: (teasingly) Ooo, I'm so scared.
Jupiter: I'm Sailor Jupiter and I'm gonna whoop your butt!
Endymion: Oh really?
Moon: DARIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venus: (annoyed) Oh no, not again.
Neptune: Where'd he come from?
Chibi-Moon: Hey daddy, you're on our side, remember?
Mercury: Don't bother, he's probably lost it for good this time.
Chibi-Moon: (exasperated) Perfect.
Jedite: All right, enough with the chitchat. We've got something to say to
you.
Jupiter: Like what?
All 5 Generals: We're sorry for all the pain and misery we've caused you.
Scouts: !
Endymion: Really, I mean, we've been real perverts these past 1014 years, so we thought we'd
apologize.
Mercury: Let me guess, you come face to face and apologize to us so that it tricks us into
thinking that your on our side, then later on you stab us in the back.
Zoicite: Remind me to kill her.
Neflite: @#$% !
Uranus: You're too smart for your own good.
Mercury: Hey!
Jupiter: I'm all for killing the little @#$%^&(^ !
Chibi-Moon: Mommy, what does @#$%^&(^ mean?
Moon: Chibi-Moon!
Chibi-Moon: What?
Mercury: Let's not forget Luna P. and what I can do to it if you don't stop
saying that word.
Chibi-Moon: Luna P.!
Uranus: I'm bored. I'm with Jupiter, let's kill 'em!
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jupiter and Uranus: Hey!
*The generals are thrown to the ground by the unexpected blow. *
Neflite: Ow.
Zoicite: Double ow.
Malachite: Triple ow.
Jedite: Quadruple ow.
Endymion: Quintuple ow.
Jupiter: All righty, my turn! JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.
Mars: MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!
Pluto: Ya know, I haven't had any say in this battle so far and I'm kinda
mad at you perverts so I think I'll hurt you.
All 5 Generals: (annoyed) Great...
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Oh my ears! OW!
Pluto: He he.
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow!
Saturn: I forgot my power so I'll just yell at you and make you all mad!
Endymion: And how exactly did this happen?
Saturn: Haven't a clue.
Zoicite: Are you the odd ball of the group or something?
Saturn: Just drop it, okay.
Jedite: Whatever.
Saturn: Perverts.
Neflite: Hey, I resent that.
Mercury: Well, I didn't forget my powers! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: AYE CARUMBA THAT'S COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zoicite: Look, Jedite's a Negacube!
Malachite: Zoicite, you need to work on your crack-ups a little more.
Jupiter: Well, this is quite the interesting fight.
Venus: What does that mean?
Jupiter: Well ya dumb blonde, it means that we're talking way too much. We're having fun
little conversations instead of killing our 5 worst enemies.
Venus: Oh.
Jupiter: (rolling her eyes) Yea, oh.
Zoicite: I think I'll take that enemy's thing as a compliment. Well, I'm still all for
killing you mangy scouts.
Malachite: Go right ahead.
Zoicite: Ya mean it?
Malachite: Sure, beat the living @#$% outta them!
Zoicite: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: (sarcastically) Oh boy.
*Zoicite throws a bunch of energy at the scouts. *
Scouts: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: Ow.
Artemis: (moaning) uuuuuhhhhh.
Venus: 600 bucks outta my account now.
Artemis: (weakly) Sorry.
Venus: Yea, ya ungrateful cat, you had better be sorry!
*Just then Malachite throws a sharp knife type thingy at our heroines *
Uranus: (incredibly angry as the thing slices her skirt and bows) Hey watch it!
Neptune: Ohmygosh! Are you okay, sweetie-pie?
Uranus: Never better, muffin.
Saturn: I think... I'm gonna... puke.
Chibi-Moon: Ditto.
Pluto: You want a piece of me?
Endymion: Sure, I'm all for the chest!
Pluto: You're a disgusting jerk!
Moon: (dreamily) Yeah, but he's my disgusting jerk.
Pluto: Yuck!
Moon: Well, it's true!
Pluto: Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you were little?
Moon: Well, I did, but, it was only a little bump. I still miss that expensive vase that we
got in Italy.
Mercury: Ugh, well, as usual it looks like I the grate defensive link must once again dig us
out. MERCURY AQUA HARP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jupiter: Don't leave me out! JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venus: And me! VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: (Still frozen in a block of ice) MMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Endymoin: It's a miracle, thanks to you scouts, I miraculously have my memory back!
Scouts: (sarcastically) Yaaaaayyy.
Pluto: 50 bucks says he goes back to the Negaverse sometime next week.
Uranus: You're on!
Mercury: Hey wait a minute, you still owe me those ten bucks from earlier, remember?
Uranus: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Mercury: (sarcastically) uh huh, you forgot.
Zoicite: You mangy scouts are always so sarcastic.
Neflite: Well, I can't blame them.
Zoicite: You don't even know what sarcasm is.
Neflite: Yes I do, I took it in the training course, remember?
Zoicite: No.
Neflite: We were required to take it.
Zoicite: Oh yea.
Mars: All right, I've been thrown out of this conversation and battle entirely. I'm really
mad now!
Moon: Shouldn't have done that.
Malachite: Done what?
Mars: Left me out and made me mad!
Moon: Now you're in for it.
Malachite: (macho-man style) you don't scare me.
Moon: She should.
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! MARS FIREBIRD STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!! Hot hot hot!
Jedite: MMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Malachite: Mercury, does your ice ever give?
Mercury: No.
Zoicite: But how?
Mercury: I'll give you a hint, It's my patented extra strong ice.
Neflite: Cool.
Mercury: (cringing) that was bad, even for you.
Neflite: (smiling) I know.
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Moon: You want me to destroy them you say?
Mars: Grumble grumble, ooooooooooooooooo!
Moon: Well, if you want the tiara, I'll do the tiara, but why?
Mars: (mumbling) Sfdsjhmhpmhphmhpowpmmph!
Moon: A painful way to go huh? Hmmmmmmmm. Okay, I'll do it.
Mars. Growl snarl growl.
Moon: Alrighty then, MOON TIARA...MAGIIIIICCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: MMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! We got away in the nick-of-time! You'll see us again, we
promise!
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmhp!
3 Generals: Come on Jedite, looks like we've gotta find a way to get you outta this mess.
Jedite: Mph!
Chapter 4
Narrator: Well, it's the next day and our heroines are out and about: Serena's at home giving
Luna guff about a stomach ache, Amy's hanging out with Greg somewhere, and Raye's at home
giving Chad even more guff. Mina's at the vet with Artemis where she ends up paying the low
low sale price of $100 for Artemis's recovery, Hotaru got another lamp and blew another fuse,
and Setsuna is still reading. Darien is still in bed trying to collect his thoughts, Reeny
is somewhere driving everybody in her path nuts, Michiru and Haruka are hanging out under a
tree and having a romantic picnic, and Lita is playing video games at the arcade.
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh. I shouldn't have eaten that last chocolate before
fighting.
Luna: See, I told you not to eat that many sweets, but did you listen to me? Nooooooooooo,
you just had to pig out on everything in sight didn't you?
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. Shut up, cat.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: Do de do de do
Some Other Guy: Hi.
Setsuna: Hi.
Some Other Guy: Good book?
Setsuna: Yea.
Some Other Guy: Mind if I join you?
Setsuna: Not really.
Some Other Guy: Cool.
Meanwhile...
*Mina and Artemis are walking out of the vet's office. Artemis looks like a walking mummy
cat. *
Mina: You're lucky that the office was celebrating its 50th anniversary Artemis.
Artemis: Mphmphmphmphmph.
Mina: Don't complain to me! After all, you're the one that ran into the microwave to hide and
then got slammed by the Negaverse, AGAIN!
Artemis: Mph.
Meanwhile...
Chad: AAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: (chasing Chad around with a broom) Why you little! I thought I told you to put the
sacred emblems in order but noooooooooo, you had to go and nick 2 and manage to put them
completely out of order!
Chad: SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru...
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru...
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michi... What the... AAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'VE GOT ANTS IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!
Michiru: Yuck!
Haruka: (Making a weird face) Eek, ork, eww, yech, slwe, yark!
Michiru: Don't worry my love, I will help you!
Haruka: Ow, those are fire ants!
Michiru: Oh dear...
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: Shoot.
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAA!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: Oops.
Prof. Tomoe: HOTARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: I'm in trouble now...
Meanwhile...
Lita: Dum de do de dum de do de...
Andrew: Hey there Lita!
Lita: (Swallows the Coke that she got and starts to choke)*sputter * *cough* *gag * *choke *
Andrew: Are you all right?
Lita: (in a scratchy voice) drink went down the wrong pipe.
Andrew: Oh.
Lita: (clearing her throat) So, uh, how are ya?
Andrew: Fine, usual day. You?
Lita: Never better.
*BAM!!!*
Lita: AAAAAAAAAA!!! GAME OVER!?!?!
Andrew: Oops.
Lita: THIS THING IS SO RIGGED!!! WHY I OUGHTA RIP YOU OUTTA YOUR SPOT AND THROW YA INTO A
SCRAP PILE!!!
Andrew: Uh, Lita, could you, uh, clam down a bit, um, he he.
Lita: @#$%^&*(#)^%$&#^%$@*@ !!!
Andrew: !
Meanwhile...
Darien: (In bed) who am I? What is going on? Who is the princess I have been looking for? Oh
yeah, Serena is my only true love. My princess, my life. Why was I taken by the Negaverse?
Why does Queen Beryl have a crush on me? How can Luna and Artemis talk? Who invented the
name Spam? How does Swiss Cheese get holes in it? Why am I living in an expensive apartment
when I never appear to be working? Why do I have eyes that take up 1/3rd of my head? Who are
we? Is the truth out there? I think I had better go to sleep again.
Meanwhile...
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bystander: Oh my eardrums.
Reeny: I'm a famous person, bow before me for I am the daughter of Neo-Queen Serenity!
Bystander #2: Who?
Reeny: Shoot! Mental note to self, I am in the past, no one knows about mom.
Bystander: Huh?
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile...
Amy: So, if you take the square root of 7 times the square root of 9 and then add it by pi.
then you can get the answer to problem #8.
Greg: Wow, no wonder I was so confused. I took the square rot of 45 and divided it by the
square rot of 9 times pi. to get it. Thanks a lot!
Amy: No problem.
Greg: (Suddenly getting shy) Um, Amy, I uh...
Amy: Hmmm?
Greg: Well, you see I was, um...
Amy: Yeah?
Greg: Will you go steady with me?
Amy: (Blushing) um, sure, why not?
Greg: Really?
Amy: (Laughing) really.
Greg: Cool.
*Greg pulls out a ring and slides it on Amy's finger. Then he leans over and kisses her.*
Meanwhile...
*Mina had dropped off Artemis at home and was taking a stroll through the park to calm down
after paying so much for Artemis's bill and sees the couple *
Mina: (Gasping) Aw, man! Everyone's gotta know about this!
Later On...
Narrator: Everyone's back at the temple for the (so usual it's stupid) scout meeting and
Mina has just blabbed the whole scene to everyone.
Mina: And then, get this, he gives her a diamond ring and kisses her!
Serena: (Gasping) why can't Darien be like that? What a cheapskate!
Michiru: (Expectantly) Haruka, I don't see my diamond ring anywhere. (Gives Haruka the evil
eye) where oh where might it be?
Haruka: * Gulp *
Raye: HEY CHAD WHERE'S MY DIAMOND RING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Lita: I'm gonna kill Freddie one of these days!
Luna: I never saw Artemis give me one!
Serena: (whining) it's not fair!!! Why can't we have a boyfriend like yours, huh?
*Amy had rolled herself into a little ball in incredible embarrassment at the far corner of
the table. *
Amy: Mph.
Serena: Huh?
Amy: (looking up even though she was a very apparent shade of burgundy) I dunno.
Serena: I want him!
Haruka: Hey, how do we even know if this thing's a diamond? For all we know it could be a
piece of tin!
*Haruka grabs Amy's hand and closely inspects the ring.*
Hotaru: Since when did you become the diamond expert?
Haruka: Since I got a job at Ranma Jewelers! Now shut up!
Hotaru: You work at Ranma Jewelers?
Haruka: Hmmm...
Hotaru: I've never seen you.
Haruka: You've never even been in there before.
Hotaru: Once when I was looking at all the pretty earrings.
Haruka: (Taking out a jeweler's eyeglass and putting it to her eye) you're pathetic.
Reeny: Actually, you're pathetic.
Haruka: (Grabs Reeny by the collar and pulling her up without taking her eyes off the ring)
Take that back or I'll chuck you across the room.
Reeny: You can't make me!
Haruka: Oh yes I can.
Reeny: Mommy!
Serena: Put the brat down, Haruka.
Reeny: I take it all back!
*Haruka drops Reeny and she lands with a loud thud. *
Reeny: Ow!
Michiru: Well, Haruka?
Haruka: Give me a few more minutes...
Everyone: ...
Haruka: Holy @#$% !
Everyone: WHAT!?
Haruka: Not only is this thing a real honest to Buddha diamond, but it's 24 carrots too!
Michiru: Jeez, how much did that guy dish out for that thing?
Serena: When I get my hands on that sleaze Darien, I'm gonna...
Raye: (Really, really mad) Oh is Chad in for it now!
Lita: Let me see that thing!
*Lita grabs Amy's hand and looks at it closely.*
Lita: Amy, there's some reason he gave you this, why?
Amy: Um...
Lita: Amy...
Amy: Well, uh, you see...
Lita: Uh well what?
Amy: We're going steady.
Lita: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Everyone else: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Amy: Oh boy...
Narrator: So out heroines once more saved the world form the wrath of evil, the Negaverse,
higher taxes, presidential and king and emperor scandals, and everything that just makes you
want to put a big hole in the TV screen. Hopefully, they can rest assure that no one shall
harm them for the rest of the week. At least, no one from the Negaverse.
Meanwhile...
Darien: (Thinking in his bed where he's been the whole day) Who am I again? What is my sole
purpose on this earth? Why is it that Serena and I were destined to be together? Is Reeny
really our kid? If so then she takes after Serena. Why does she dye her hair pink? Why did
Michiru dye her hair light green? What is it with Serena and that hairstyle? Am I a key to
something? What is the deal with the Silver Millenium and no records of it exist? Why don't
they call soap body wash oral hygiene bars or something? Is there a secret government
conspiracy going on? Who is the Smoking Man? Why are hillbillies called hillbillies? Why
can't I come up with an answer to any of these questions? What is the secret of life?
Who am I...?
THE END?
I hoped you liked it! I'll add the rest of the chapters in awhile, ok?