Author's Notes - Here's what you've all been waiting for! Newly edited and updated for your viewing and reading pleasure. Visit my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650 while you're at it too! ^^
Sailor Dorks Part 3 By: Merc
Rating: G or a definite Y, insert the 2 year-old thing here
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. I really wish I did, but I can't. Darn! Again, I don't own her or anyone else for that matter so lay off!
By: Merc
Sailor Dorks Part 3
Characters:
Serena Warren...............Sailor Moon
Amy Anderson...............Sailor Mercury
Raye Hino.....................Sailor Mars
Lita Kino..................... Sailor Jupiter
Mina Aino.....................Sailor Venus
Haruka.........................Sailor Uranus
Michiru........................Sailor Neptune
Hotaru......................... Sailor Saturn
Setsuna.........................Sailor Pluto
Reeny Warren............... Sailor Chibi (mini)-Moon
Darien..........................Is Tuxedo Mask in the TV series, but in the story he's portrayed as Serena's boyfriend who hasn't got a clue of who he is.
Mr. Warren....................Serena's Dad
Mrs. Warren..................Serena's Mom
Sammy......................... Serena's Brother
*Note: Inokonumaki is pronounced "In", as in sing, "oko", as in oh-k-oh (long k as in ka), "num", as in numerator (fraction term for the top number), "ak", as in sock, and "ki", as in key *
*Another note: 3.1415927 is the actual # for pi. or at least, as high as an 8-digit calculator can go because, as anyone over 6th grade knows, pi. goes on forever. *
*Yet another note: Odango Atama means dumpling head in Japanese, which Raye and Darien in the Japanese version calls Serena instead of Meatball Head. *
*Yes people, another note. You know you love them: There is a crossover in the last chapter of Sailor Dorks, so look for it, after all, only an idiot can't catch it. *
Narrator: Hi, it's me again, the narrator. Welcome to another exciting (not) sequel of Sailor Dorks. It's been 3 months since the last attempt by the Negaverse to kill (or ruthlessly torment, whichever comes first) the
Sailor Scouts. It's been the longest gap since they can remember (or at least, what memory they have left) which has made them both a little nervous and very happy for the long break. Serena is at a restaurant with
Darien and is pigging out on the food, making Darien just a scooch embarrassed. Amy is on a date with Greg at another restaurant after going steady with him for 3 months (refer back to last episode of Sailor Dorks). Raye is cleaning out the temple with Chad and Hotaru is off at Ranma Jewelers looking at the pretty earrings. Haruka is at work selling the jewelry there (Ranma Jewelers for those who can't take a hint), and Michiru is at home clinging to a teddy bear and hoping that Haruka comes back soon.
Lita is over at the mall drooling over more buys, Mina is at the movies looking at cute guys, and Reeny is actually not driving anyone nuts for the night (the family is getting worried). Luna is at home sleeping like a rock (wonder why?), and Artemis is at his home trying to recover (still) from his latest injuries. He has however, gotten the bandages off of his legs and his tail, though he still has bandages around his whole head and stomach. Setsuna is studying for a huge test that she has in biology somewhere. Now that we have everyone cleared, on with the story!
Serena: Mmmm! Mphmphmphmphmph!
Darien: (Embarrassed) not so loud, Serena, people are staring.
Serena: *GULP! * Well let them! See if we care!
Darien: Actually, I do.
Serena: (Whining) but this food is so good.
Darien: All right, all right, stop whining, whatever you say.
Serena: Yay!
Darien: Of all people, why did it have to be her?
Serena: Mph, mphmpmhpmhp *gulp * *chew * *chew * *swallow *.
Meanwhile...
Amy: This was a wonderful idea, I've never been here before.
Greg: Neither have I, this is pretty new for me too.
Amy: So how did your test in Advanced Economics go?
Greg: Not to good. I got an A.
Amy: Ouch.
Greg: You?
Amy: Same, I was really hoping for an A+ to pull up my grade from an A.
Greg: Ditto.
Amy: Hmmm.
Greg: Yup, oh well, we're here to have some fun, lets forget school for now.
Amy: (Smiling) sounds good to me.
Meanwhile...
Michiru: (rocking back and forth with the teddy bear) Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, Haruka... Oh I hope she's (Haruka is a she just for a quick F.Y.I. for the unaware) okay...
Meanwhile...
Lita: Hmmm. That one's pretty cute, oh but then there's that other one with the earring! Oh, now he reminds me of my old boyfriend Freddie. No wait, he's much cuter than Freddie and he's a lot cooler than Freddie because Freddie dumped me...
Mina: Talking to yourself again?
Lita: Mina?
Mina: In the skin.
Lita: You mean in the flesh.
Mina: Whatever.
Lita: What are you doing here? I thought you were at the movies swooning over other guys.
Mina: I was until the guard got mad at me for loitering and threw me out.
Lita: Ouch.
Mina: My butt hurts.
Lita: (sarcastically) I wonder why.
Mina: That guard's got one big fat lawsuit coming his way.
Lita: Do you have lawyer?
Mina: No, but I'll get one.
Lita: Why? You have to pay them 400-some bucks an hour and that's not counting the fact that if you lose then you lost a bunch of money.
Mina: I know, but wouldn't it be cool to sue anyway? Call my lawyer! That's my lawyer on the phone. Excuse me, I have to consult my lawyer first. I've always wanted to say those!
Lita: (rolling her eyes) girl you are in some serious need of psychiatric care.
Mina: Hey!
Lita: He he.
Meanwhile...
Reeny: ...
Sammy: Is it just me or is Reeny acting really weird tonight?
Mrs. Warren: I think it's wonderful that Reeny's so quiet and thoughtful.
Sammy: Uh, sure mom.
Reeny: (Pretty much out of it) hmmm.
Sammy: Now she's really starting to creep me out.
Mr. Warren: Oh, Sammy don't worry about it. She must just be tired or decided to give us a break.
Sammy: Um, okay.
Reeny: *Sigh *
Sammy: I think that I'm gonna play some Sailor V now.
Reeny: ...
Sammy: (Mumbling) wow, normally she wants to watch me. This is getting really weird.
Reeny: ...
Meanwhile...
Raye: Dum de dum de do...
* CRASH!!! *
Raye: What the @#$%?
Chad: Oh (c)(r)(tm)%!
Raye: What the... what happened?!
Chad: (shaking) I-I-I w-w-was s-s-sweeping h-h-here and and and I-I-I kinda, um, well, ya see Raye I-I-I...
Raye: You didn't.
Chad: S-s-s-sorry about that. I-I-I didn't see it.
Raye: (Loosing her cool really fast) that was a priceless Family Heirloom (raising her voice slowly) THat YOU JUST DESTROYED!!!
*Raye starts to swing her broom at Chad, narrowly missing his head. Chad starts to run around the temple, Raye close behind trying to hit him hard. *
Chad: AAAAAAA!!!
Raye: THAT WAS A PRICELESS VASE OVER 100 YEARS OLD YOU DORK!!!
Chad: Sssssssssoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Raye: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: *Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble... *
Librarian: Shh!
Setsuna: ?
Librarian: (Whispering) this is a library, keep your complaints to yourself!
Setsuna: (Whispering) then why don't you?
Librarian: (Whispering) Oh my! OUT NOW!
Setsuna: (Whispering) gladly!
Librarian: (Mumbling) no good little hooligans think they can do whatever they want whenever they want...
Setsuna: (Outside) what a grump! See if I ever come here again! Shoot, I checked out a book.
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: (Hypnotized) so pretty.
Haruka: Are you gonna buy those?
Hotaru: Huh, what? Haruka?
Haruka: I work here remember?
Hotaru: No I didn't.
Haruka: Remember when I was checking out Amy's ring to see if it was real and you asked how I would know?
Hotaru: No.
Haruka: Do you remember anything?
Hotaru: Oh yea, lots a stuff. Let's see, I remember that I want a boyfriend just like Greg who can dish it out for a serious 24 carrot diamond, that my 8-digit calculator goes up to 3.1415927 for pi., that under extreme heat hydrogen turns into helium...
Haruka: You can remember how high your calculator can go for pi., and you can't even remember 3 months ago when I inspected Amy's ring and told you that I worked here?
Hotaru: Um, well, I guess so.
Haruka: Go figure.
Hotaru: Huh?
Haruka: You have the world's most selective memory.
Hotaru: Is that a compliment?
Haruka: Um, no.
Hotaru: Oh.
Meanwhile...
Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Meanwhile...
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzglosogsajhfweuyrw? Mph, mphmph (translated: bad dream). Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Meanwhile...
Amy: Thanks for the lovely dinner.
Greg: You're welcome.
Amy: What do you want to do now?
Greg: I dunno, walk through the park maybe.
Amy: Okay.
*Amy and Greg walk to the park talking about school and tests and grades. They reach a bridge over the river where Greg stops her and kisses her pretty good. *
Meanwhile...
*Mina and Lita are walking through the park on their way home from the mall. The got bored (and broke at the food court) at staring at boys and decided to take the long way home. *
Mina: Well.
Lita: Well.
Mina: So.
Lita: Like.
Mina: Whatever.
Lita: Uh huh.
Mina: (Squinting) hey is that Amy up there?
Lita: Yup, and there's Greg... whoa!
Mina: Wow, I never knew she could kiss like that.
Lita: Ditto!
Mina: No fair, why does the group nerd get the great boyfriend?
Lita: I don't know, but I want him if it means a cool 24-carrot diamond ring!
Mina: Same here.
Meanwhile...
*At the other end of the park... *
Serena: Mmm that was good!
Darien: After what I paid it should've been.
Serena: What was that muffin?
Darien: Nothing!
Serena: Oh, you're so sweet.
Darien: And so are you, my princess.
Serena: (Giggling) oh Darien stop.
Darien: He he.
*Darien grabs Serena and gives her his own patented Darien kiss. *
Meanwhile...
*Michiru couldn't wait another second for Haruka and decided to find her (him if you prefer). She decided to take a walk through the south side of the park and came across Serena and Darien. *
Michiru: (Whispering) is he kissing her or eating her face? Wow, man he can kiss. Oh Haruka...
Chapter 2
Narrator: At the Negaverse the 4 generals are all still fuming after their embarrassing loss to the Sailor Scouts. Queen Beryl had had a spaz attack earlier that month and was just about ready to kill them. They ran into hiding at Neflite's very cool temple type thingy where the stars rule everything. Zoicite especially had a fun time staring at the swirling stars and once and awhile that cool beam that would blast down from the center star-type thing. Jedite had finally thawed out after all the generals and Queen Beryl with her spaz attack blasted him out. He is currently in a body cast and still can't speak. Neflite's hanging around reading astrology books, and Malachite is using his cool slicey type weapons to chop down trees because he's so angry at those meddling scouts.
Neflite: Do de do de do.
Zoicite: (hypnotized) so pretty...
Jedite: Mph.
Malachite: (Angrily) YAAAAG!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Neflite: Would you please be more quiet, I'm trying to read.
Malachite: No.
Neflite: Pretty please?
Malachite: No.
Neflite: Pretty please with sugar on top?
Malachite: No.
Neflite: ZOICITE!!!
Zoicite: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Neflite: CAN YOU GET MALACHITE TO STOP CHOPPING DOWN TREES WITH HIS SLICEY
TYPE WEAPONS!!!
Zoicite: MALACHITE, STOP DRIVING NEFLITE NUTS WITH YOUR TREE CUTTING
HABIT!!!
Malachite: (Mumbling) fine.
Neflite: Thank you.
Malachite: Ya know, I'm sick of those stupid Sailor Scouts always ruining our plans. I say we destroy them after a thorough investigation on what annoys them and/or what makes them feel all gooey inside, i.e. love.
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph.
Malachite: Huh?
Neflite: He said that that's a good idea and that we need to start thinking up more insults to call those Sailor Scouts because the ones we have are really old.
Malachite: Wow, you can say that all in one breath?
Neflite: My special talent.
Malachite: Cool.
Zoicite: (Walking out onto the porch to join them) well, what are we waiting for? Let's get started!
Chapter 3
Narrator: It's the next day and all the girls are at (as usual) a scout meeting. Everyone is there, including the outers (who almost never come except for in these stories). Lita, Mina, and Michiru are sharing their
adventures in the park while Amy and Serena slowly sink farther and farther under the table.
Luna: And Darien was doing what?
Michiru: I know, it was too disgusting even for me. I mean, the guy was practically eating her face!
Raye: Whoa, go Serena!
Serena: (Blushing) *Insert weird noise here *
Haruka: There's no need to be embarrassed Serena. After all, you and Dare were, like, meant to be.
Serena: (Turning yet another shade of red) Must we talk about this?
Mina: No, we can always talk about Amy.
Lita: Ya, you wouldn't believe what we saw last night!
Almost everyone: What?
Artemis: Mph?
Lita: Mina and I were walking home from the mall right? Well, we decided to take the long way home through the north side of the park. Well, we were, like, walking and talking when suddenly we saw Amy and Greg on the bridge. Mina and I watched as Greg bent down and kissed her. Man oh man Amy, I've
never seen you kiss like that before. That was like, French city!
Mina: Totally!
Amy: (An inhumanly deep shade of scarlet) why are you guys always following him and I? Ever heard of the word privacy?
Almost everyone: No
Artemis: Mph.
Amy: Oh.
Luna: Well, to get off of this subject of poor Amy, I think the Negaverse is acting up again.
Artemis: MPHMPH! MPH? (Translation: NEGAVERSE! WHERE?)
Luna: Nowhere Artemis.
Artemis: MMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MPH MPH MPH MPH!!! (Translation:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!)
Mina: Not this time!
*Mina grabs Artemis and holds on to him (incredibly) tight. Artemis soon passes out from lack of oxygen.*
Mina: There, now he shouldn't run into the stove or microwave or somewhere where he can get hurt and slam more money outta my account.
Hotaru: You are so mean.
Mina: Since when?
Raye: Forget him already! We've gotta go fight those stupid @#$%^&* before they kill us!
Everyone: !
Raye: What?
Reeny: @#$%^&*!
Serena: Reeny!
Reeny: What?
Amy: (Holding Luna P. in one hand and a screwdriver in the other) remember what I said about naughty words, Reeny?
Reeny: Luna P.!
Amy: Well?
Reeny: Fine fine fine fine! I'll never say it again I promise!
Amy: (Putting Luna P. on the floor and the screwdriver in her pocket) good girl.
Setsuna: Not to be nosey or anything, but do you always carry a screwdriver
around with you?
Amy: Yes.
Setsuna: Why?
Amy: Just because, I like to.
Setsuna: Why?
Amy: I like to work on things. Mostly computers, sometimes other machines, depending on who wants me to work on what.
Setsuna: (Confused) okay.
Serena: (Whining) I don't wanna fight the Negaverse! I was having too much fun taking a break!
Mina: Isn't 3 months enough?
Serena: No.
Lita: How long is?
Serena: I dunno, a long time.
Lita: (Confused) um, okay, whatever you say Serena.
Haruka: But you're our leader, we cannot fight without you!
Lita: You sound almost like a poet.
Haruka: Shut up you.
Lita: Pthththththththth!
Haruka: Pththththththth!
Raye: Pthththththththth!
Michiru: Um, pththththththth!
Serena: I want in! Pthththththththth!
Reeny: Me too, pthththththththththth!
Luna and Amy: Why are you all spitting?
Mina: Eew, I'm getting soaked!
Serena: (Pointing to Lita) she started it.
Raye: I just wanted to spit at Serena.
Serena: Hey!
Raye: That's right, I'm talking to you, you sad excuse for a human being!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Raye, you're so mmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Hotaru: Shut up!
Amy: Really!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Raye: (Shouting) mind lowering the decibels a tad?
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Luna: SHUT UP!!!
Serena: !
Luna: Listen to me and listen to me good, the Negaverse is at it again I can feel it!
Serena: *Sniff * *sniff * but where, Luna?
Luna: At the south corner on Inokonumaki Drive in the deserted warehouse.
Haruka: Where do you come up with this stuff?
Luna: Call it a hunch.
Michiru: If that's a hunch then you're one major psychic.
Luna: Well...
Reeny: What's a hunch?
Hotaru: Haven't a clue.
Amy: How could that possibly be a hunch?
Luna: All right so it's not a hunch, Greg just told me about it.
Raye: Oh yea, ole profit boy who's going steady with the group nerd.
Lita: (Knowingly) you mean the guy who was making out with her at the park.
Amy: Hey!
Luna: Well, what are we waiting for?
Raye: Serena to stop sniffing, Reeny and Hotaru to figure out what hunch means, and for Setsuna to say something besides a lame comment on Amy's odd habit of carrying a screwdriver around.
Setsuna: Well, you were the one's leaving me out of the conversation!
Raye: Test got ya a little short tempered huh?
Setsuna: Oh shut up ya little @#$%^!
Raye: !
Artemis: (Now awake after being unconscious for awhile)
mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph. (Translation: The Negaverse has probably already taken over that sector of Tokyo at the rate we're going.)
Mina: When did you wake up?
Artemis: Mphmphmph (translation: awhile ago).
Mina: Oh.
Artemis: Mph, mph (translation: yeah, oh).
Chapter 4
Narrator: Finally, after about an hour and a half of conversations that had nothing whatsoever to do with the Negaverse, Luna finally was able to get the girls to go to the warehouse (after threatening Artemis with his life). They transformed in an alley and went to the south corner of Inokonumaki Drive where the Negaverse is, in fact, waiting for them.
Malachite: I thought you said that that profit boy that you unsuccessfully tried to capture had a relationship with Sailor Mercury.
Zoicite: He does, just you wait, they'll be here.
Jedite: Mphmphmphmph (translation: They had better be).
Zoicite: Don't worry Jedite, my plan is fool proof.
Neflite: That's what you said about the other 50 plans that failed.
Zoicite: I'm only human.
Neflite: No you're not, if you were then you couldn't levitate, teleport at ease, disappear, reappear, and have an evil laugh that echoes no matter where you are.
Zoicite: Party pooper.
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!
Malachite: Why must you always blast out our eardrums when you enter?
Moon: Because I like to, that's why!
Malachite: You annoy me.
Moon: That's my job, you can check the application.
Malachite: Where is it?
Moon: On my old birth certificate, that is, if you didn't destroy it, too, when you destroyed everything in the Silver Millenium!
Zoicite: Well, at least this time my plan worked.
Neflite: Which one?
Zoicite: The one that gets the Sailor Scouts here in the first place.
Neptune: What are you two Negaretards talking about?
Zoicite: Well, as usual we shall tell you what are plan was so that you can think it over and defeat us once more.
Neptune: I'm all ears.
Zoicite: Well, we went through some old videos in the basement of the castle, along with other things such as papers and journals, when we came across something useful.
Neptune: And what were the papers and the videos of?
Zoicite: Our earlier battles with you stupid scouts. Anyway, we came across a video that was shot about a year ago involving the 6th rainbow crystal.
Uranus: What's a rainbow crystal?
Mars: (Pondering quietly) rainbow crystal, rainbow crystal, the 6th rainbow crystal... Oh dear.
Moon: (Suddenly very alert) What oh dear?
Mars: You don't mean...
Zoicite: Yup, that boy who's got a relationship or something like that with
Sailor Mercury. We watched the tape and found out after I forgot that he said to me that he could predict the future ever since he was little. Well, we just used that to our advantage. We gave him our own vision for him to tell one of you meddling scouts and make you come here!
Mercury: Why you little...
Neflite: (Macho man voice) ooo I'm so scared!
Mercury: SHINE AQUA ILLIUSION!!!
Neflite: OH @#(tm) (c)!
*SLAM!!! Neflite is instantly turned into a Negacicle. Mercury is fuming and threatening to wring their little necks while the scouts try to restrain her. *
Mercury: WHY YOU @#$#%&&*)@#%(!%^%#*(c) (r)$#^$&*^!!!
Everyone: !
Chibi-Moon: I don't think now's the time to ask what that meant.
Zoicite: So you two do have a little something between you.
Jupiter: They've been going steady for 3 months.
Mercury: (Clearly upset) oh sure Jupiter, just tell it to the world why don't ya!?!?!
Jupiter: Sorry.
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph!
Everyone: ?
Neflite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmphmphmphmph!
Everyone: ?
Malachite: Jedite says *insert deep breath here * enough with conversing, I say we kill the Scouts! And Neflite says *insert even deeper breath here * Jedite says enough conversing, I say we kill the Scouts!
Pluto: Well that just clears everything up.
Saturn: Mercury, why does your ice permit them from talking?
Mercury: (In a know-it-all voice) think about it, Saturn.
Saturn: Okay. *Sailor Saturn sits down and starts to think really hard. *
Mercury: Sometimes I wonder about you.
Saturn: Oh, I get it now!
Zoicite: Well, I'm all with Jedite and Neflite. I say we kill the brats. ZOI!!!
*There's a huge amount of energy that's thrown from Zoicite, slamming all the scouts and Luna. Artemis is at the temple still after being conked out by Luna when she threatened to kill him if they didn't go to investigate. *
Everyone: AAAAAA!!!
Luna: Ouch.
Moon: Owwwwwwwwww, wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thhhaaaaaattttttttt hhhhhhhuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttt!
Mercury: No it didn't.
Neptune: Yes it did.
Mercury: No it didn't.
Neptune: Yes it did.
Mercury: No it didn't.
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mercury and Neptune: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: !
Mercury and Neptune: What?
Moon: Well, I can understand but Mercury's never said anything like that before. She's supposed to be the sweet sensible one with the defensive-based powers.
Neptune: People change.
Moon: Well, that was certainly a very fast change.
Mars: You change faster than she does.
Moon: On normal circumstances, I wouldn't know if that was either a compliment or not, but coming from you I know that it's a criticism.
Mars: What's your point?
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yyyyyooouuur sooooooooooo mmmmeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn!
Mars: Oy...
Venus: Double oy.
Jupiter: Triple oy.
Mars: All right you Negaturds, just for making me mad after a short conversation, you're gonna get toasted!
Malachite: Whatever Mars.
Jupiter: Better watch out, I read somewhere that lightning and fire are nothing to mess with.
Malachite: Gee Jupiter that took you, how long to figure out?
Pluto: I'm mad too!
Chibi-Moon: Me too, I haven't had so much as one sentence in this whole conversation!
Pluto: Ditto!
Saturn: That goes for me too, I haven't had so much as about 3 sentences!
Pluto and Chibi-Moon: That's more than us.
Venus: I haven't had one sentence in this conversation except for a measly double oy!
Jupiter: I've only had about 2 sentences!
Uranus: I've had one!
Mars: Well, what do you all say?
Pluto, Chibi-Moon,Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus: LET'S TOAST 'EM!!!
Zoicite: I think we're in trouble.
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!
Jupiter: JUPITER OAK EVOLUTION!!!
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!
Saturn: I still can't remember my power.
Mercury: Gimme a break.
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!
Chibi-Moon: SUGAR PINK HEART ATTACK!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!
Neptune: Hey don't leave me out! RISING TIDE!!!
Jupiter: All right, we rock!
Malachite: OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Zoicite: YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Jedite: MMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Neflite: MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!
Zoicite: Owey owey owey owey owey!
Malachite: (Moaning) oh extreme pain.
Neflite: (Also moaning) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmppppppppphhhhhhh.
Zoicite: Where's Jedite?
Malachite: Uuhhhhhhh, I think he's unconciouce.
Zoicite: Uh-oh.
Moon: MMMMMOOOOOOONNNNNN SCEPTER ACTIVATIOOOOOONNN!!!
Neflite: Mph!
Zoicite: Scramble!
*The 4 generals (yes, even Neflite somehow, call it a plot hole if you like) disappear and then reappear in another spot. *
Zoicite: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Venus: What are you laughing about?
Zoicite: Oh, just the fact that we got away, that's all.
Venus: Oh really?
Malachite: Um, disappear, now!
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!
Neflite: Mph!
Jupiter: Mwahahahaha!
Chibi-Moon: What was that for?
Jupiter: I dunno. I just always wanted to do that evil cackle that they always do.
Chibi-Moon: Why?
Jupiter: Just because, it's fun!
Chibi-Moon: Oh.
Uranus: Darnit, they got away!
Venus: Oh well, they had to if we ever want to keep using these cool powers of ours.
Pluto: I'm with Venus on this one, I like my Death Scream. It's really cool!
Uranus: World Shaking isn't half-bad either.
Jupiter: I have the coolest powers of all!
Mars: Think again, Jupiter.
Chibi-Moon: Actually, I think I have the best powers of anybody here!
Uranus: Sure, if you call Sugar Pink Heart Attack powerful and scary.
Chibi-Moon: It's affective.
Venus: You're powers sound even sadder than mine.
Jupiter: She's got a point you know. Love and Beauty Shock sounds a whole lot better than Sugar Pink Heart Attack.
Chibi-Moon: Everyone's a critic.
Moon: Darn!
Everyone: What?
Moon: I should've at least killed one of them! I think I need to work a little on my aim.
Luna: A little?
Pluto: Try a lot.
Moon: Shut up, Pluto.
Pluto: I will if you will.
Moon: Uh, well, shut up anyway.
Pluto: Can't make me.
Moon: Now you sound like Reeny.
Pluto: Now there's a scary thought.
Chibi-Moon: Hey!
Chapter 5
Narrator: Well, everyone's finally back to normal. For once, Artemis is not hurt and is wandering around town getting sympathy (and food) from passerbyers. Raye is somewhere doing something, Serena took Luna to a psychiatrist about her temper, and Mina is at home watching Titanic on video (refer back to Sailor Dorks Part 1, you'll notice a small part-to-part in there) and swooning over Leonardo DiCaprio again. Amy is studying with Greg in the north side of the park (they can't stand not being together more than 7 1/2 hours i.e. school), Darien is wandering through the park trying to collect even more of his thoughts (his brain's already going into overload). Lita is over at the local Odango Atama Café
drinking tea and staring at the new, young, male waiter, Michiru and Haruka are kissing in the other end of the park (pretend that Haruka is a boy, otherwise this is nasty). Hotaru is hanging out with Reeny (they are best friends in both the Japanese and the American versions of Sailor Moon) somewhere driving even more people nuts, and Setsuna is shooting arrows at a target range to improve her accuracy and aim. Have you ever noticed how each time I come in this story, my part gets even bigger than the last time? Go figure.
Luna: And that ^#*%(c)&%^(r)* cat thinks he's all that! Also, everyone will never listen to me! I tell you, these girls are so @$#^*+)(tm)%^%=$# impossible!
Psychiatrist: (Staring in awe, amazement, and absolute bewilderment) ...
Serena: See what I mean, she's completely disoriented.
Psychiatrist: ...
Serena: Hello? Anybody home? Hey, I'm paying 20 bucks an hour here, I want answers!
Psychiatrist: ...
Luna: @#*%^&*(óJ~+-`=#$&(* (r) % (c) (tm)!
Psychiatrist: ...
Serena: (Very angry) Ha! Well, if that's how you're going to treat us then fine. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!
Psychiatrist: ...
Meanwhile...
Amy: So for problem #3, you take the ratio times the percent to equal the 1st part, then you divide it by the numerator of that fraction, then add it by the square root of 422, and then subtract that by 5?
Greg: That's how I did it, I can't seem to find any other way to do it.
Amy: (scribbling in her homework and concentrating) oh, well thanks a bunch.
Greg: (Staring at Amy) hmmm.
Amy: (Looking up) huh? (Blushing) Um, what is it?
Greg: Nothing, I just couldn't help but look at you that's all.
Amy: (Shyly) well, gee thanks.
*Greg bends over and gives her a good-sized kiss. Notice a pattern starting to emerge here with these two?*
Meanwhile...
Haruka: ...
Michiru: ...
Haruka: ...
Michiru: ...
Some 12-year-old kid: Eew! You guys are gay!
Haruka: .. WHAT THE @#$%! Why you little @#ó%^&*)~+-^L*(c)(!
Some 12-year-old kid: (in a valley girl-like tone of voice) well, you stupid gay people are so kissing! This is a park, a public park, so get out, ya gays!
Haruka: Why I oughta...
Some 12-year-old kid: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Darien: So why does Jedite, Neflite, Zoicite, and Malachite come back after all these years (note: It's been only 1 year, Darien just likes to exaggerate)? Why does Mina, Lita, and the outers not be even confused about Jedite and Neflite? They've never even met them! How about the outers and all of the generals? How did they pick up their names so quickly? What's with me being so paranoid? Why is my head so small compared to the rest of my body? I mean, It's like a pea attached to a neck! Why are my shoulders
so broad? Dang, I could probably win the next presidential elections over in America with these huge things! Who am I...
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: Smurfs!
Reeny: Rugrats!
Hotaru: Sailor Moon!
Reeny: Thunder Cats!
Hotaru: Dragon Ball Z!
Reeny: The Real Adventures Of Jonny Quest!
Hotaru: Space Ghost Coast-To-Coast!
Some old lady: Are you kids seeing who can name the most cartoons without repeating?
Reeny and Hotaru: Uh, yea.
Some old lady: Well, when I was your age we didn't have cartoons. Heck, we were lucky if we even had radio! Why I remember the time when...
Reeny: Uh, no offense or anything, but, we don't care.
Hotaru: Reeny!
Reeny: What?
Meanwhile...
Mina: *Sigh * what a hunk, too bad he's from America.
Artemis: What's so bad about America?
Mina: Artemis! What the heck are you doing here, I thought you were getting free food from people pitying you.
Artemis: I was until another cat came up and told me to hit the road and that it was his territory.
Mina: So why didn't you resist or fight back or something like that?
Artemis: I'm too chicken.
Mina: Ya know, if you and Leonardo DiCaprio switched bodies, I would hold you forever and never let you outta my sight!
Artemis: (Very sarcastic) gee, that's really thoughtful for you to say, Mina.
Mina: Really?
Artemis: I hate Leonardo DiCaprio! When are you ever gonna get over this guy?
Mina: Hopefully never.
Artemis: @#$%!
Mina: Jealousy killed the cat.
Artemis: Don't you mean curiosity?
Mina: That too.
Artemis: Actually, jealousy and the left front tire of an Oldsmobile is what killed the cat.
Mina: (Sarcastic) har dee har har.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: @#$%!
Lady Next To Setsuna: ^&*(!
Man Next To The Lady That's Next To Setsuna: L&$(c)!
17 Year-Old Punk On The Other Side Of Setsuna: (r)%#(tm)!
Old Lady Next To The Punk That's On The Other Side Of Setsuna: J*#)!
Some Drunk Guy Off To The Side Of Setsuna: &^$(c)!
Some Drunk Lady Next To The Drunk Guy That's Off To The Side Of Setsuna: (r)#@$!
A Father To-Be Next To The Exit Of The Area: (tm)@#$!
Some Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket Next To The Father To-Be: J#$%!
Some Guy Next To The Girl With The Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket: ^(*#!
Some Animal That's Next To The Guy Who's Next To The Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls in Her Pocket: Picachu!
Setsuna: I hate moving targets!
Meanwhile...
Lita: (Drooling and dreamily) What a hunk.
Cute Waiter: What would you like?
Lita: (Dreamily) you.
Cute Waiter: Excuse me?
Lita: (Waking up) I mean, uh, a Dr. Pepper would be cool!
Cute Waiter: All right, one Dr. Pepper, comin' right up!
*The waiter turns and starts to walk away. *
Lita: Wait don't go!
Cute Waiter: (Turning around) huh?
Lita: If you're not busy later, how's about we go see a movie or something?
Cute Waiter: That's a great offer and all but...
Lita: But what?
Cute Waiter: I'm married.
Lita: (Doing a double take) How old are you?
Cute Waiter: 27.
Lita: $%L&!
Meanwhile...
Raye: I am somewhere doing something.
Some Person: Why are you talking to yourself?
Raye: Because I have no idea where I am and what I'm doing.
Some Person: Oh.
Raye: ...
Some Person: You sure are quiet.
Raye: ...
Some Person: Are you okay?
Raye: (Blandly) never better.
Some Person: Whatever.
Raye: I am so lost, why don't I have any idea of where I am and what I'm doing?
Some Person: (Blushing) I'll help you find out what you're doing and where you are.
Raye: Who are you?
Some Person: (Grabbing both of Raye's hands) I'm Brock and I'll do anything for a really pretty girl like you!
Raye: Yuck! Get lost ya pervert!
*Raye hits Brock on the head with her purse and walk away. Brock is left lying on the ground, dazed and with a look of love on his face. *
Brock: (Dreamily) What a girl...
Some Girl: Brock!
Brock: What?
Some Guy: We gotta go, we're in the wrong dimention!
Brock: We are?
Some Cute Animal Next To Some Guy: Cachu!
Brock: But how did we get into another dimention and how do you even know?
Some Girl: There's no Pokemon here and there's no such thing as Pallet Town.
Brock: What about Team Rocket?
Some Guy: Couldn't find them. That's what tipped us off.
Brock: Shouldn't the no Pokemon thing tipped you off first, Ash?
Ash: Yea, but we were too busy trying to find you that we didn't notice.
Some Girl: What do ya mean we? I was the one who noticed that there were no Pokemon and no Team Rocket!
Ash: Aw, come on Misty, give me some credit.
Misty: For what?
*Ash and Misty start to growl and get very angry looks on their faces. *
Brock: All right, break it up you two! Let's just go already.
Ash: Through where?
Misty: From where we came from you idiot!
Ash: You mean that target range where everyone was swearing?
Brock: You and Misty were swearing too.
Ash: Shut up Brock.
Some Animal Next To Ash: Picachu!
Meanwhile...
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Some Kid: Eew, you guys are kissing just like those gays at the other end!
I'm telling everyone I know!
*Greg and Amy quickly pull away and stare at the kid. *
Amy: Shut up you.
Greg: Yea, go find someone else to bug.
Some Kid: (Looking like he was slapped across the face)
Mmmmmmmmooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Amy: I'm so sick and tired of everyone spying on us!
Greg: That goes double for me. Now where were we?
Amy: (Giggling) ...
Narrator: So that's that. Everyone is back to their normal, sappy, boring, everyday lives and the Negaverse is out of their hair for the moment. All is good in the world.
The End?
-----------------------
So, how'd you like the newest installment? I've noticed that with each part it gets longer and longer. Once 11 pages, it's now 15! Could this keep going on? Anywho, give me feedback if you wish by reviewing, e-mailing, checking out my site, basically just go to my profile and work from there. LOL!!! My site's at www.geocities.com/merc1650
Sailor Dorks Part 3 By: Merc
Rating: G or a definite Y, insert the 2 year-old thing here
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. I really wish I did, but I can't. Darn! Again, I don't own her or anyone else for that matter so lay off!
By: Merc
Sailor Dorks Part 3
Characters:
Serena Warren...............Sailor Moon
Amy Anderson...............Sailor Mercury
Raye Hino.....................Sailor Mars
Lita Kino..................... Sailor Jupiter
Mina Aino.....................Sailor Venus
Haruka.........................Sailor Uranus
Michiru........................Sailor Neptune
Hotaru......................... Sailor Saturn
Setsuna.........................Sailor Pluto
Reeny Warren............... Sailor Chibi (mini)-Moon
Darien..........................Is Tuxedo Mask in the TV series, but in the story he's portrayed as Serena's boyfriend who hasn't got a clue of who he is.
Mr. Warren....................Serena's Dad
Mrs. Warren..................Serena's Mom
Sammy......................... Serena's Brother
*Note: Inokonumaki is pronounced "In", as in sing, "oko", as in oh-k-oh (long k as in ka), "num", as in numerator (fraction term for the top number), "ak", as in sock, and "ki", as in key *
*Another note: 3.1415927 is the actual # for pi. or at least, as high as an 8-digit calculator can go because, as anyone over 6th grade knows, pi. goes on forever. *
*Yet another note: Odango Atama means dumpling head in Japanese, which Raye and Darien in the Japanese version calls Serena instead of Meatball Head. *
*Yes people, another note. You know you love them: There is a crossover in the last chapter of Sailor Dorks, so look for it, after all, only an idiot can't catch it. *
Narrator: Hi, it's me again, the narrator. Welcome to another exciting (not) sequel of Sailor Dorks. It's been 3 months since the last attempt by the Negaverse to kill (or ruthlessly torment, whichever comes first) the
Sailor Scouts. It's been the longest gap since they can remember (or at least, what memory they have left) which has made them both a little nervous and very happy for the long break. Serena is at a restaurant with
Darien and is pigging out on the food, making Darien just a scooch embarrassed. Amy is on a date with Greg at another restaurant after going steady with him for 3 months (refer back to last episode of Sailor Dorks). Raye is cleaning out the temple with Chad and Hotaru is off at Ranma Jewelers looking at the pretty earrings. Haruka is at work selling the jewelry there (Ranma Jewelers for those who can't take a hint), and Michiru is at home clinging to a teddy bear and hoping that Haruka comes back soon.
Lita is over at the mall drooling over more buys, Mina is at the movies looking at cute guys, and Reeny is actually not driving anyone nuts for the night (the family is getting worried). Luna is at home sleeping like a rock (wonder why?), and Artemis is at his home trying to recover (still) from his latest injuries. He has however, gotten the bandages off of his legs and his tail, though he still has bandages around his whole head and stomach. Setsuna is studying for a huge test that she has in biology somewhere. Now that we have everyone cleared, on with the story!
Serena: Mmmm! Mphmphmphmphmph!
Darien: (Embarrassed) not so loud, Serena, people are staring.
Serena: *GULP! * Well let them! See if we care!
Darien: Actually, I do.
Serena: (Whining) but this food is so good.
Darien: All right, all right, stop whining, whatever you say.
Serena: Yay!
Darien: Of all people, why did it have to be her?
Serena: Mph, mphmpmhpmhp *gulp * *chew * *chew * *swallow *.
Meanwhile...
Amy: This was a wonderful idea, I've never been here before.
Greg: Neither have I, this is pretty new for me too.
Amy: So how did your test in Advanced Economics go?
Greg: Not to good. I got an A.
Amy: Ouch.
Greg: You?
Amy: Same, I was really hoping for an A+ to pull up my grade from an A.
Greg: Ditto.
Amy: Hmmm.
Greg: Yup, oh well, we're here to have some fun, lets forget school for now.
Amy: (Smiling) sounds good to me.
Meanwhile...
Michiru: (rocking back and forth with the teddy bear) Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, Haruka... Oh I hope she's (Haruka is a she just for a quick F.Y.I. for the unaware) okay...
Meanwhile...
Lita: Hmmm. That one's pretty cute, oh but then there's that other one with the earring! Oh, now he reminds me of my old boyfriend Freddie. No wait, he's much cuter than Freddie and he's a lot cooler than Freddie because Freddie dumped me...
Mina: Talking to yourself again?
Lita: Mina?
Mina: In the skin.
Lita: You mean in the flesh.
Mina: Whatever.
Lita: What are you doing here? I thought you were at the movies swooning over other guys.
Mina: I was until the guard got mad at me for loitering and threw me out.
Lita: Ouch.
Mina: My butt hurts.
Lita: (sarcastically) I wonder why.
Mina: That guard's got one big fat lawsuit coming his way.
Lita: Do you have lawyer?
Mina: No, but I'll get one.
Lita: Why? You have to pay them 400-some bucks an hour and that's not counting the fact that if you lose then you lost a bunch of money.
Mina: I know, but wouldn't it be cool to sue anyway? Call my lawyer! That's my lawyer on the phone. Excuse me, I have to consult my lawyer first. I've always wanted to say those!
Lita: (rolling her eyes) girl you are in some serious need of psychiatric care.
Mina: Hey!
Lita: He he.
Meanwhile...
Reeny: ...
Sammy: Is it just me or is Reeny acting really weird tonight?
Mrs. Warren: I think it's wonderful that Reeny's so quiet and thoughtful.
Sammy: Uh, sure mom.
Reeny: (Pretty much out of it) hmmm.
Sammy: Now she's really starting to creep me out.
Mr. Warren: Oh, Sammy don't worry about it. She must just be tired or decided to give us a break.
Sammy: Um, okay.
Reeny: *Sigh *
Sammy: I think that I'm gonna play some Sailor V now.
Reeny: ...
Sammy: (Mumbling) wow, normally she wants to watch me. This is getting really weird.
Reeny: ...
Meanwhile...
Raye: Dum de dum de do...
* CRASH!!! *
Raye: What the @#$%?
Chad: Oh (c)(r)(tm)%!
Raye: What the... what happened?!
Chad: (shaking) I-I-I w-w-was s-s-sweeping h-h-here and and and I-I-I kinda, um, well, ya see Raye I-I-I...
Raye: You didn't.
Chad: S-s-s-sorry about that. I-I-I didn't see it.
Raye: (Loosing her cool really fast) that was a priceless Family Heirloom (raising her voice slowly) THat YOU JUST DESTROYED!!!
*Raye starts to swing her broom at Chad, narrowly missing his head. Chad starts to run around the temple, Raye close behind trying to hit him hard. *
Chad: AAAAAAA!!!
Raye: THAT WAS A PRICELESS VASE OVER 100 YEARS OLD YOU DORK!!!
Chad: Sssssssssoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Raye: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: *Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble... *
Librarian: Shh!
Setsuna: ?
Librarian: (Whispering) this is a library, keep your complaints to yourself!
Setsuna: (Whispering) then why don't you?
Librarian: (Whispering) Oh my! OUT NOW!
Setsuna: (Whispering) gladly!
Librarian: (Mumbling) no good little hooligans think they can do whatever they want whenever they want...
Setsuna: (Outside) what a grump! See if I ever come here again! Shoot, I checked out a book.
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: (Hypnotized) so pretty.
Haruka: Are you gonna buy those?
Hotaru: Huh, what? Haruka?
Haruka: I work here remember?
Hotaru: No I didn't.
Haruka: Remember when I was checking out Amy's ring to see if it was real and you asked how I would know?
Hotaru: No.
Haruka: Do you remember anything?
Hotaru: Oh yea, lots a stuff. Let's see, I remember that I want a boyfriend just like Greg who can dish it out for a serious 24 carrot diamond, that my 8-digit calculator goes up to 3.1415927 for pi., that under extreme heat hydrogen turns into helium...
Haruka: You can remember how high your calculator can go for pi., and you can't even remember 3 months ago when I inspected Amy's ring and told you that I worked here?
Hotaru: Um, well, I guess so.
Haruka: Go figure.
Hotaru: Huh?
Haruka: You have the world's most selective memory.
Hotaru: Is that a compliment?
Haruka: Um, no.
Hotaru: Oh.
Meanwhile...
Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Meanwhile...
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzglosogsajhfweuyrw? Mph, mphmph (translated: bad dream). Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Meanwhile...
Amy: Thanks for the lovely dinner.
Greg: You're welcome.
Amy: What do you want to do now?
Greg: I dunno, walk through the park maybe.
Amy: Okay.
*Amy and Greg walk to the park talking about school and tests and grades. They reach a bridge over the river where Greg stops her and kisses her pretty good. *
Meanwhile...
*Mina and Lita are walking through the park on their way home from the mall. The got bored (and broke at the food court) at staring at boys and decided to take the long way home. *
Mina: Well.
Lita: Well.
Mina: So.
Lita: Like.
Mina: Whatever.
Lita: Uh huh.
Mina: (Squinting) hey is that Amy up there?
Lita: Yup, and there's Greg... whoa!
Mina: Wow, I never knew she could kiss like that.
Lita: Ditto!
Mina: No fair, why does the group nerd get the great boyfriend?
Lita: I don't know, but I want him if it means a cool 24-carrot diamond ring!
Mina: Same here.
Meanwhile...
*At the other end of the park... *
Serena: Mmm that was good!
Darien: After what I paid it should've been.
Serena: What was that muffin?
Darien: Nothing!
Serena: Oh, you're so sweet.
Darien: And so are you, my princess.
Serena: (Giggling) oh Darien stop.
Darien: He he.
*Darien grabs Serena and gives her his own patented Darien kiss. *
Meanwhile...
*Michiru couldn't wait another second for Haruka and decided to find her (him if you prefer). She decided to take a walk through the south side of the park and came across Serena and Darien. *
Michiru: (Whispering) is he kissing her or eating her face? Wow, man he can kiss. Oh Haruka...
Chapter 2
Narrator: At the Negaverse the 4 generals are all still fuming after their embarrassing loss to the Sailor Scouts. Queen Beryl had had a spaz attack earlier that month and was just about ready to kill them. They ran into hiding at Neflite's very cool temple type thingy where the stars rule everything. Zoicite especially had a fun time staring at the swirling stars and once and awhile that cool beam that would blast down from the center star-type thing. Jedite had finally thawed out after all the generals and Queen Beryl with her spaz attack blasted him out. He is currently in a body cast and still can't speak. Neflite's hanging around reading astrology books, and Malachite is using his cool slicey type weapons to chop down trees because he's so angry at those meddling scouts.
Neflite: Do de do de do.
Zoicite: (hypnotized) so pretty...
Jedite: Mph.
Malachite: (Angrily) YAAAAG!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Neflite: Would you please be more quiet, I'm trying to read.
Malachite: No.
Neflite: Pretty please?
Malachite: No.
Neflite: Pretty please with sugar on top?
Malachite: No.
Neflite: ZOICITE!!!
Zoicite: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Neflite: CAN YOU GET MALACHITE TO STOP CHOPPING DOWN TREES WITH HIS SLICEY
TYPE WEAPONS!!!
Zoicite: MALACHITE, STOP DRIVING NEFLITE NUTS WITH YOUR TREE CUTTING
HABIT!!!
Malachite: (Mumbling) fine.
Neflite: Thank you.
Malachite: Ya know, I'm sick of those stupid Sailor Scouts always ruining our plans. I say we destroy them after a thorough investigation on what annoys them and/or what makes them feel all gooey inside, i.e. love.
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph.
Malachite: Huh?
Neflite: He said that that's a good idea and that we need to start thinking up more insults to call those Sailor Scouts because the ones we have are really old.
Malachite: Wow, you can say that all in one breath?
Neflite: My special talent.
Malachite: Cool.
Zoicite: (Walking out onto the porch to join them) well, what are we waiting for? Let's get started!
Chapter 3
Narrator: It's the next day and all the girls are at (as usual) a scout meeting. Everyone is there, including the outers (who almost never come except for in these stories). Lita, Mina, and Michiru are sharing their
adventures in the park while Amy and Serena slowly sink farther and farther under the table.
Luna: And Darien was doing what?
Michiru: I know, it was too disgusting even for me. I mean, the guy was practically eating her face!
Raye: Whoa, go Serena!
Serena: (Blushing) *Insert weird noise here *
Haruka: There's no need to be embarrassed Serena. After all, you and Dare were, like, meant to be.
Serena: (Turning yet another shade of red) Must we talk about this?
Mina: No, we can always talk about Amy.
Lita: Ya, you wouldn't believe what we saw last night!
Almost everyone: What?
Artemis: Mph?
Lita: Mina and I were walking home from the mall right? Well, we decided to take the long way home through the north side of the park. Well, we were, like, walking and talking when suddenly we saw Amy and Greg on the bridge. Mina and I watched as Greg bent down and kissed her. Man oh man Amy, I've
never seen you kiss like that before. That was like, French city!
Mina: Totally!
Amy: (An inhumanly deep shade of scarlet) why are you guys always following him and I? Ever heard of the word privacy?
Almost everyone: No
Artemis: Mph.
Amy: Oh.
Luna: Well, to get off of this subject of poor Amy, I think the Negaverse is acting up again.
Artemis: MPHMPH! MPH? (Translation: NEGAVERSE! WHERE?)
Luna: Nowhere Artemis.
Artemis: MMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MPH MPH MPH MPH!!! (Translation:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!)
Mina: Not this time!
*Mina grabs Artemis and holds on to him (incredibly) tight. Artemis soon passes out from lack of oxygen.*
Mina: There, now he shouldn't run into the stove or microwave or somewhere where he can get hurt and slam more money outta my account.
Hotaru: You are so mean.
Mina: Since when?
Raye: Forget him already! We've gotta go fight those stupid @#$%^&* before they kill us!
Everyone: !
Raye: What?
Reeny: @#$%^&*!
Serena: Reeny!
Reeny: What?
Amy: (Holding Luna P. in one hand and a screwdriver in the other) remember what I said about naughty words, Reeny?
Reeny: Luna P.!
Amy: Well?
Reeny: Fine fine fine fine! I'll never say it again I promise!
Amy: (Putting Luna P. on the floor and the screwdriver in her pocket) good girl.
Setsuna: Not to be nosey or anything, but do you always carry a screwdriver
around with you?
Amy: Yes.
Setsuna: Why?
Amy: Just because, I like to.
Setsuna: Why?
Amy: I like to work on things. Mostly computers, sometimes other machines, depending on who wants me to work on what.
Setsuna: (Confused) okay.
Serena: (Whining) I don't wanna fight the Negaverse! I was having too much fun taking a break!
Mina: Isn't 3 months enough?
Serena: No.
Lita: How long is?
Serena: I dunno, a long time.
Lita: (Confused) um, okay, whatever you say Serena.
Haruka: But you're our leader, we cannot fight without you!
Lita: You sound almost like a poet.
Haruka: Shut up you.
Lita: Pthththththththth!
Haruka: Pththththththth!
Raye: Pthththththththth!
Michiru: Um, pththththththth!
Serena: I want in! Pthththththththth!
Reeny: Me too, pthththththththththth!
Luna and Amy: Why are you all spitting?
Mina: Eew, I'm getting soaked!
Serena: (Pointing to Lita) she started it.
Raye: I just wanted to spit at Serena.
Serena: Hey!
Raye: That's right, I'm talking to you, you sad excuse for a human being!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Raye, you're so mmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Hotaru: Shut up!
Amy: Really!
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Raye: (Shouting) mind lowering the decibels a tad?
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Luna: SHUT UP!!!
Serena: !
Luna: Listen to me and listen to me good, the Negaverse is at it again I can feel it!
Serena: *Sniff * *sniff * but where, Luna?
Luna: At the south corner on Inokonumaki Drive in the deserted warehouse.
Haruka: Where do you come up with this stuff?
Luna: Call it a hunch.
Michiru: If that's a hunch then you're one major psychic.
Luna: Well...
Reeny: What's a hunch?
Hotaru: Haven't a clue.
Amy: How could that possibly be a hunch?
Luna: All right so it's not a hunch, Greg just told me about it.
Raye: Oh yea, ole profit boy who's going steady with the group nerd.
Lita: (Knowingly) you mean the guy who was making out with her at the park.
Amy: Hey!
Luna: Well, what are we waiting for?
Raye: Serena to stop sniffing, Reeny and Hotaru to figure out what hunch means, and for Setsuna to say something besides a lame comment on Amy's odd habit of carrying a screwdriver around.
Setsuna: Well, you were the one's leaving me out of the conversation!
Raye: Test got ya a little short tempered huh?
Setsuna: Oh shut up ya little @#$%^!
Raye: !
Artemis: (Now awake after being unconscious for awhile)
mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph. (Translation: The Negaverse has probably already taken over that sector of Tokyo at the rate we're going.)
Mina: When did you wake up?
Artemis: Mphmphmph (translation: awhile ago).
Mina: Oh.
Artemis: Mph, mph (translation: yeah, oh).
Chapter 4
Narrator: Finally, after about an hour and a half of conversations that had nothing whatsoever to do with the Negaverse, Luna finally was able to get the girls to go to the warehouse (after threatening Artemis with his life). They transformed in an alley and went to the south corner of Inokonumaki Drive where the Negaverse is, in fact, waiting for them.
Malachite: I thought you said that that profit boy that you unsuccessfully tried to capture had a relationship with Sailor Mercury.
Zoicite: He does, just you wait, they'll be here.
Jedite: Mphmphmphmph (translation: They had better be).
Zoicite: Don't worry Jedite, my plan is fool proof.
Neflite: That's what you said about the other 50 plans that failed.
Zoicite: I'm only human.
Neflite: No you're not, if you were then you couldn't levitate, teleport at ease, disappear, reappear, and have an evil laugh that echoes no matter where you are.
Zoicite: Party pooper.
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!
Malachite: Why must you always blast out our eardrums when you enter?
Moon: Because I like to, that's why!
Malachite: You annoy me.
Moon: That's my job, you can check the application.
Malachite: Where is it?
Moon: On my old birth certificate, that is, if you didn't destroy it, too, when you destroyed everything in the Silver Millenium!
Zoicite: Well, at least this time my plan worked.
Neflite: Which one?
Zoicite: The one that gets the Sailor Scouts here in the first place.
Neptune: What are you two Negaretards talking about?
Zoicite: Well, as usual we shall tell you what are plan was so that you can think it over and defeat us once more.
Neptune: I'm all ears.
Zoicite: Well, we went through some old videos in the basement of the castle, along with other things such as papers and journals, when we came across something useful.
Neptune: And what were the papers and the videos of?
Zoicite: Our earlier battles with you stupid scouts. Anyway, we came across a video that was shot about a year ago involving the 6th rainbow crystal.
Uranus: What's a rainbow crystal?
Mars: (Pondering quietly) rainbow crystal, rainbow crystal, the 6th rainbow crystal... Oh dear.
Moon: (Suddenly very alert) What oh dear?
Mars: You don't mean...
Zoicite: Yup, that boy who's got a relationship or something like that with
Sailor Mercury. We watched the tape and found out after I forgot that he said to me that he could predict the future ever since he was little. Well, we just used that to our advantage. We gave him our own vision for him to tell one of you meddling scouts and make you come here!
Mercury: Why you little...
Neflite: (Macho man voice) ooo I'm so scared!
Mercury: SHINE AQUA ILLIUSION!!!
Neflite: OH @#(tm) (c)!
*SLAM!!! Neflite is instantly turned into a Negacicle. Mercury is fuming and threatening to wring their little necks while the scouts try to restrain her. *
Mercury: WHY YOU @#$#%&&*)@#%(!%^%#*(c) (r)$#^$&*^!!!
Everyone: !
Chibi-Moon: I don't think now's the time to ask what that meant.
Zoicite: So you two do have a little something between you.
Jupiter: They've been going steady for 3 months.
Mercury: (Clearly upset) oh sure Jupiter, just tell it to the world why don't ya!?!?!
Jupiter: Sorry.
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph!
Everyone: ?
Neflite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmphmphmphmph!
Everyone: ?
Malachite: Jedite says *insert deep breath here * enough with conversing, I say we kill the Scouts! And Neflite says *insert even deeper breath here * Jedite says enough conversing, I say we kill the Scouts!
Pluto: Well that just clears everything up.
Saturn: Mercury, why does your ice permit them from talking?
Mercury: (In a know-it-all voice) think about it, Saturn.
Saturn: Okay. *Sailor Saturn sits down and starts to think really hard. *
Mercury: Sometimes I wonder about you.
Saturn: Oh, I get it now!
Zoicite: Well, I'm all with Jedite and Neflite. I say we kill the brats. ZOI!!!
*There's a huge amount of energy that's thrown from Zoicite, slamming all the scouts and Luna. Artemis is at the temple still after being conked out by Luna when she threatened to kill him if they didn't go to investigate. *
Everyone: AAAAAA!!!
Luna: Ouch.
Moon: Owwwwwwwwww, wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thhhaaaaaattttttttt hhhhhhhuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttt!
Mercury: No it didn't.
Neptune: Yes it did.
Mercury: No it didn't.
Neptune: Yes it did.
Mercury: No it didn't.
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mercury and Neptune: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: !
Mercury and Neptune: What?
Moon: Well, I can understand but Mercury's never said anything like that before. She's supposed to be the sweet sensible one with the defensive-based powers.
Neptune: People change.
Moon: Well, that was certainly a very fast change.
Mars: You change faster than she does.
Moon: On normal circumstances, I wouldn't know if that was either a compliment or not, but coming from you I know that it's a criticism.
Mars: What's your point?
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yyyyyooouuur sooooooooooo mmmmeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn!
Mars: Oy...
Venus: Double oy.
Jupiter: Triple oy.
Mars: All right you Negaturds, just for making me mad after a short conversation, you're gonna get toasted!
Malachite: Whatever Mars.
Jupiter: Better watch out, I read somewhere that lightning and fire are nothing to mess with.
Malachite: Gee Jupiter that took you, how long to figure out?
Pluto: I'm mad too!
Chibi-Moon: Me too, I haven't had so much as one sentence in this whole conversation!
Pluto: Ditto!
Saturn: That goes for me too, I haven't had so much as about 3 sentences!
Pluto and Chibi-Moon: That's more than us.
Venus: I haven't had one sentence in this conversation except for a measly double oy!
Jupiter: I've only had about 2 sentences!
Uranus: I've had one!
Mars: Well, what do you all say?
Pluto, Chibi-Moon,Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus: LET'S TOAST 'EM!!!
Zoicite: I think we're in trouble.
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!
Jupiter: JUPITER OAK EVOLUTION!!!
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!
Saturn: I still can't remember my power.
Mercury: Gimme a break.
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!
Chibi-Moon: SUGAR PINK HEART ATTACK!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!
Neptune: Hey don't leave me out! RISING TIDE!!!
Jupiter: All right, we rock!
Malachite: OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Zoicite: YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Jedite: MMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Neflite: MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!
Zoicite: Owey owey owey owey owey!
Malachite: (Moaning) oh extreme pain.
Neflite: (Also moaning) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmppppppppphhhhhhh.
Zoicite: Where's Jedite?
Malachite: Uuhhhhhhh, I think he's unconciouce.
Zoicite: Uh-oh.
Moon: MMMMMOOOOOOONNNNNN SCEPTER ACTIVATIOOOOOONNN!!!
Neflite: Mph!
Zoicite: Scramble!
*The 4 generals (yes, even Neflite somehow, call it a plot hole if you like) disappear and then reappear in another spot. *
Zoicite: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Venus: What are you laughing about?
Zoicite: Oh, just the fact that we got away, that's all.
Venus: Oh really?
Malachite: Um, disappear, now!
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!
Neflite: Mph!
Jupiter: Mwahahahaha!
Chibi-Moon: What was that for?
Jupiter: I dunno. I just always wanted to do that evil cackle that they always do.
Chibi-Moon: Why?
Jupiter: Just because, it's fun!
Chibi-Moon: Oh.
Uranus: Darnit, they got away!
Venus: Oh well, they had to if we ever want to keep using these cool powers of ours.
Pluto: I'm with Venus on this one, I like my Death Scream. It's really cool!
Uranus: World Shaking isn't half-bad either.
Jupiter: I have the coolest powers of all!
Mars: Think again, Jupiter.
Chibi-Moon: Actually, I think I have the best powers of anybody here!
Uranus: Sure, if you call Sugar Pink Heart Attack powerful and scary.
Chibi-Moon: It's affective.
Venus: You're powers sound even sadder than mine.
Jupiter: She's got a point you know. Love and Beauty Shock sounds a whole lot better than Sugar Pink Heart Attack.
Chibi-Moon: Everyone's a critic.
Moon: Darn!
Everyone: What?
Moon: I should've at least killed one of them! I think I need to work a little on my aim.
Luna: A little?
Pluto: Try a lot.
Moon: Shut up, Pluto.
Pluto: I will if you will.
Moon: Uh, well, shut up anyway.
Pluto: Can't make me.
Moon: Now you sound like Reeny.
Pluto: Now there's a scary thought.
Chibi-Moon: Hey!
Chapter 5
Narrator: Well, everyone's finally back to normal. For once, Artemis is not hurt and is wandering around town getting sympathy (and food) from passerbyers. Raye is somewhere doing something, Serena took Luna to a psychiatrist about her temper, and Mina is at home watching Titanic on video (refer back to Sailor Dorks Part 1, you'll notice a small part-to-part in there) and swooning over Leonardo DiCaprio again. Amy is studying with Greg in the north side of the park (they can't stand not being together more than 7 1/2 hours i.e. school), Darien is wandering through the park trying to collect even more of his thoughts (his brain's already going into overload). Lita is over at the local Odango Atama Café
drinking tea and staring at the new, young, male waiter, Michiru and Haruka are kissing in the other end of the park (pretend that Haruka is a boy, otherwise this is nasty). Hotaru is hanging out with Reeny (they are best friends in both the Japanese and the American versions of Sailor Moon) somewhere driving even more people nuts, and Setsuna is shooting arrows at a target range to improve her accuracy and aim. Have you ever noticed how each time I come in this story, my part gets even bigger than the last time? Go figure.
Luna: And that ^#*%(c)&%^(r)* cat thinks he's all that! Also, everyone will never listen to me! I tell you, these girls are so @$#^*+)(tm)%^%=$# impossible!
Psychiatrist: (Staring in awe, amazement, and absolute bewilderment) ...
Serena: See what I mean, she's completely disoriented.
Psychiatrist: ...
Serena: Hello? Anybody home? Hey, I'm paying 20 bucks an hour here, I want answers!
Psychiatrist: ...
Luna: @#*%^&*(óJ~+-`=#$&(* (r) % (c) (tm)!
Psychiatrist: ...
Serena: (Very angry) Ha! Well, if that's how you're going to treat us then fine. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!
Psychiatrist: ...
Meanwhile...
Amy: So for problem #3, you take the ratio times the percent to equal the 1st part, then you divide it by the numerator of that fraction, then add it by the square root of 422, and then subtract that by 5?
Greg: That's how I did it, I can't seem to find any other way to do it.
Amy: (scribbling in her homework and concentrating) oh, well thanks a bunch.
Greg: (Staring at Amy) hmmm.
Amy: (Looking up) huh? (Blushing) Um, what is it?
Greg: Nothing, I just couldn't help but look at you that's all.
Amy: (Shyly) well, gee thanks.
*Greg bends over and gives her a good-sized kiss. Notice a pattern starting to emerge here with these two?*
Meanwhile...
Haruka: ...
Michiru: ...
Haruka: ...
Michiru: ...
Some 12-year-old kid: Eew! You guys are gay!
Haruka: .. WHAT THE @#$%! Why you little @#ó%^&*)~+-^L*(c)(!
Some 12-year-old kid: (in a valley girl-like tone of voice) well, you stupid gay people are so kissing! This is a park, a public park, so get out, ya gays!
Haruka: Why I oughta...
Some 12-year-old kid: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Darien: So why does Jedite, Neflite, Zoicite, and Malachite come back after all these years (note: It's been only 1 year, Darien just likes to exaggerate)? Why does Mina, Lita, and the outers not be even confused about Jedite and Neflite? They've never even met them! How about the outers and all of the generals? How did they pick up their names so quickly? What's with me being so paranoid? Why is my head so small compared to the rest of my body? I mean, It's like a pea attached to a neck! Why are my shoulders
so broad? Dang, I could probably win the next presidential elections over in America with these huge things! Who am I...
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: Smurfs!
Reeny: Rugrats!
Hotaru: Sailor Moon!
Reeny: Thunder Cats!
Hotaru: Dragon Ball Z!
Reeny: The Real Adventures Of Jonny Quest!
Hotaru: Space Ghost Coast-To-Coast!
Some old lady: Are you kids seeing who can name the most cartoons without repeating?
Reeny and Hotaru: Uh, yea.
Some old lady: Well, when I was your age we didn't have cartoons. Heck, we were lucky if we even had radio! Why I remember the time when...
Reeny: Uh, no offense or anything, but, we don't care.
Hotaru: Reeny!
Reeny: What?
Meanwhile...
Mina: *Sigh * what a hunk, too bad he's from America.
Artemis: What's so bad about America?
Mina: Artemis! What the heck are you doing here, I thought you were getting free food from people pitying you.
Artemis: I was until another cat came up and told me to hit the road and that it was his territory.
Mina: So why didn't you resist or fight back or something like that?
Artemis: I'm too chicken.
Mina: Ya know, if you and Leonardo DiCaprio switched bodies, I would hold you forever and never let you outta my sight!
Artemis: (Very sarcastic) gee, that's really thoughtful for you to say, Mina.
Mina: Really?
Artemis: I hate Leonardo DiCaprio! When are you ever gonna get over this guy?
Mina: Hopefully never.
Artemis: @#$%!
Mina: Jealousy killed the cat.
Artemis: Don't you mean curiosity?
Mina: That too.
Artemis: Actually, jealousy and the left front tire of an Oldsmobile is what killed the cat.
Mina: (Sarcastic) har dee har har.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: @#$%!
Lady Next To Setsuna: ^&*(!
Man Next To The Lady That's Next To Setsuna: L&$(c)!
17 Year-Old Punk On The Other Side Of Setsuna: (r)%#(tm)!
Old Lady Next To The Punk That's On The Other Side Of Setsuna: J*#)!
Some Drunk Guy Off To The Side Of Setsuna: &^$(c)!
Some Drunk Lady Next To The Drunk Guy That's Off To The Side Of Setsuna: (r)#@$!
A Father To-Be Next To The Exit Of The Area: (tm)@#$!
Some Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket Next To The Father To-Be: J#$%!
Some Guy Next To The Girl With The Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket: ^(*#!
Some Animal That's Next To The Guy Who's Next To The Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls in Her Pocket: Picachu!
Setsuna: I hate moving targets!
Meanwhile...
Lita: (Drooling and dreamily) What a hunk.
Cute Waiter: What would you like?
Lita: (Dreamily) you.
Cute Waiter: Excuse me?
Lita: (Waking up) I mean, uh, a Dr. Pepper would be cool!
Cute Waiter: All right, one Dr. Pepper, comin' right up!
*The waiter turns and starts to walk away. *
Lita: Wait don't go!
Cute Waiter: (Turning around) huh?
Lita: If you're not busy later, how's about we go see a movie or something?
Cute Waiter: That's a great offer and all but...
Lita: But what?
Cute Waiter: I'm married.
Lita: (Doing a double take) How old are you?
Cute Waiter: 27.
Lita: $%L&!
Meanwhile...
Raye: I am somewhere doing something.
Some Person: Why are you talking to yourself?
Raye: Because I have no idea where I am and what I'm doing.
Some Person: Oh.
Raye: ...
Some Person: You sure are quiet.
Raye: ...
Some Person: Are you okay?
Raye: (Blandly) never better.
Some Person: Whatever.
Raye: I am so lost, why don't I have any idea of where I am and what I'm doing?
Some Person: (Blushing) I'll help you find out what you're doing and where you are.
Raye: Who are you?
Some Person: (Grabbing both of Raye's hands) I'm Brock and I'll do anything for a really pretty girl like you!
Raye: Yuck! Get lost ya pervert!
*Raye hits Brock on the head with her purse and walk away. Brock is left lying on the ground, dazed and with a look of love on his face. *
Brock: (Dreamily) What a girl...
Some Girl: Brock!
Brock: What?
Some Guy: We gotta go, we're in the wrong dimention!
Brock: We are?
Some Cute Animal Next To Some Guy: Cachu!
Brock: But how did we get into another dimention and how do you even know?
Some Girl: There's no Pokemon here and there's no such thing as Pallet Town.
Brock: What about Team Rocket?
Some Guy: Couldn't find them. That's what tipped us off.
Brock: Shouldn't the no Pokemon thing tipped you off first, Ash?
Ash: Yea, but we were too busy trying to find you that we didn't notice.
Some Girl: What do ya mean we? I was the one who noticed that there were no Pokemon and no Team Rocket!
Ash: Aw, come on Misty, give me some credit.
Misty: For what?
*Ash and Misty start to growl and get very angry looks on their faces. *
Brock: All right, break it up you two! Let's just go already.
Ash: Through where?
Misty: From where we came from you idiot!
Ash: You mean that target range where everyone was swearing?
Brock: You and Misty were swearing too.
Ash: Shut up Brock.
Some Animal Next To Ash: Picachu!
Meanwhile...
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Some Kid: Eew, you guys are kissing just like those gays at the other end!
I'm telling everyone I know!
*Greg and Amy quickly pull away and stare at the kid. *
Amy: Shut up you.
Greg: Yea, go find someone else to bug.
Some Kid: (Looking like he was slapped across the face)
Mmmmmmmmooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Amy: I'm so sick and tired of everyone spying on us!
Greg: That goes double for me. Now where were we?
Amy: (Giggling) ...
Narrator: So that's that. Everyone is back to their normal, sappy, boring, everyday lives and the Negaverse is out of their hair for the moment. All is good in the world.
The End?
-----------------------
So, how'd you like the newest installment? I've noticed that with each part it gets longer and longer. Once 11 pages, it's now 15! Could this keep going on? Anywho, give me feedback if you wish by reviewing, e-mailing, checking out my site, basically just go to my profile and work from there. LOL!!! My site's at www.geocities.com/merc1650