Authors Notes: Hey everyone! Sorry it's taken so long to get the next installment in. But here it is! I'm going to Iowa for a volleyball tournament this weekend, so expect the next installment to come in next week, right before spring break! ^^v Otherwise, go to my site, The Unofficial Sailor Moon Funny Site at www.geocities.com/merc1650!
Rating: G or Y, the 2-year-old thing again (hey kiddies, any ideas?)
Disclaimer: *Sigh * I...DO...NOT...OWN...SAILOR...MOON.../...THE...OTHER...SAILOR...
SCOUTS. I...HATE...LAWYERS...SO...NO...SAILOR...AUTHOR...LAWYERS...
AROUND...ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By: Merc
Sailor Dorks Part 4
*Note: A little later on there are addresses to evil villains in this story. I would like to say that I've taken the liberty of copying off my telephone the numbers that spell things. Each address and zip code is a word in numerical form. Call it a puzzle if you want to, all you have to do to decode it is look on your phone and keep trying letters until you either get a word or a name. Also, keep tabs and look closely at the last names of each person. Some of them are spelled weird so that it's hard to get, but after awhile you'll get what the last name says. When you are done or if you do not want to decode anything, you can refer to the code breaker sheet that I typed up for these. This sheet includes the address, zip code, and last name of each person(s) in this thing. One last thing, I purposely made the zip codes 8 numbers instead of 5 in the spirit of the story. *
*Another note: Naru is Molly's name in the Japanese series of Sailor Moon, and just for the fun of telling Japanese names in this note, Melvin's name is Umino in the Japanese series. *
*Some more notes: In the Stars series in Sailor Moon, Darien goes to America so the scouts end up battling without him. The Stars series is only showing in Japan, it's the only series that hasn't been translated yet. *
Narrator: Hello and welcome the 4th addition of Sailor Dorks! I know that by now you're probably not even going to look at another one of these but as you can plainly see the author is desperate for excuses to have the computer. Anyway, it's been awhile since the last Negaverse attack and the generals are out of ideas. Queen Beryl, once she heard about their one-millionth failure went insane and blew up half of her castle in one monster spaz attack. She's in the process of recovery while her castle is under renovation after the attack. The generals heard from an outside source that Queen Beryl knew where they were and fled to Jedite's house in the Negaverse. Neflite was blown out of his icy case by Beryl and is now on portable life support, and Zoicite is playing nurse and reading (again) by Neflite's bedside. Jedite is now out of his body cast and wandering around his house, and Malachite is throwing whatever he can at a homemade sailor
scout target. Now then, on with the show!
Neflite: ...
Zoicite: Do de do de do...
Jedite: *walk * *walk * *walk *
Malachite: YAAAAAAG!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Neflite: ...
Zoicite: Please my love, no more.
Malachite: YAAAAAAG!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Zoicite: MALACHITE QUIT IT!!!
Malachite: (Sheepishly) sorry.
Jedite: You actually let her boss you around like that?
Malachite: Ya, well, I have to.
Jedite: Do you?
Malachite: I may have neat slicey-type weapons but man oh man can she pack a punch.
Jedite: So slice her up.
Malachite: I tried to but she's more powerful than I am.
Jedite: Poor you.
Malachite: Yea, well, ya learn to live with it.
Jedite: Hey, off the subject here, have you heard about the queen?
Zoicite: No.
Jedite: Well, she's finally been admitted into rehab.
Zoicite: And how would you know?
Jedite: The Negaverse Times of course.
Zoicite: Oh.
Neflite: ...
Malachite: Well, it's those moronic scouts that kill our plans and drive our queen mad in the first place!
Zoicite: I see we've been practicing our name calling huh?
Malachite: Oh yea, and I've got alotta new names to call them too.
Jedite: Neat.
Malachite: (Angry) Well, anyway, I say we kill the brats!
Neflite: ...
Jedite: Uh, maybe this time we could try not to right away, I mean,
remember what happened the other 46,873,594 times we tried to kill them?
Malachite: So? This time it'll be different!
Zoicite: (Sarcastically) That's what you say every time.
Jedite: Yea, I say that this time we join forces with other evils and kill em' then.
Zoicite: Sounds good to me.
Neflite: ...
Malachite: Yea, one problem though. Who are we gonna call!?
Zoicite: I've been keeping tabs on those mangy scouts ever since I died and got sent back to this *&^%-hole.
Jedite: And?
Zoicite: I know exactly who to call.
Malachite: Who?
Zoicite: Just send these letters that I already made in case of emergency to the following addresses.
*Zoicite hands Malachite a sheet of paper. Malachite reads it, it says:
Address #1. Ann and Alan Treahugher
87337 Doom Tree,
Middle Of Nowhere, Milky Way Galaxy
62887478
Address #2. Birdie, Catsey, Avary, and Prisma Catchtheatwearp
56657 Mirror Drive,
Huge Space Ship, Earth's Orbit
40035665
Address #3. Rubeus Echolaugh
73369 Mirror Drive,
Other Huge Space Ship, Earth's Orbit
38454897
Address #4. Emerald Verybaadvoicee
86225 Nega Moon Ave.,
Nega Moon, Milky Way Galaxy,
22352844
Address #5. Wise Man, Diamond and Sapphire Jewealnaames
53935 Nega Moon Palace,
Nega Moon, Milky Way Galaxy
87248677
Malachite: That's it?
Zoicite: Yup.
Malachite: I thought we were their only enemies.
Zoicite: We were, until we kicked the bucket.
Jedite: I.e. the R series and up.
Malachite: Huh?
Jedite: You'll get it someday.
Malachite: But we're alive.
Jedite: That's right, we came back after the Stars series and the Starlight's hung up their uniforms for good.
Malachite: HUH!?!?!?
Zoicite: Oh boy...
Chapter 2
Narrator: It's been a few months (again) since the Sailor Scouts ever saw the Negaverse kick it in gear. The scouts decided that it's just another Negaverse thing and didn't give it a second thought. Again, the scouts are one Spring Break, which lasts a month because they go to year-round school. Don't ask me that's just the way it is in Japan, honest to Buddha! Anyway, Serena's at the mall with Lita and Mina checking cute clothes (not guys for once) and accessories. Darien's walking with Reeny and trying to keep her from singing that annoying Tuxedo Mask song one more time, and Raye is at the temple doing another fire reading (you'd think that after awhile she'd get hot). Amy and Greg are at the Malt shop with Michiru and Haruka on a double date, and Hotaru is cleaning the house in order to make enough money for a new computer after she accidentally crashed her father's in a freak fuse-blowing accident. Luna and Artemis are at Setsuna's home where Setsuna is feeding them tuna and some left over carp before she goes to work. Now that we have everyone checked out, let's get on with the show!
Serena: (Squealing) ooh, and they have pink and sugar pink and light pink and fuchsia and hot pink and neon pink and sweet-baby pink and...
Lita: (Impressed) wow, and they have kiwi green and sea green and jungle green and green and dark green and forest green and camouflage green and...
Mina: (Very ditzy) cool, they have light orange, and sun yellow and lemon yellow and neon orange and dark orange and light yellow and tan yellow and...
Lita: This store is so cool!
Serena: I just want everything in it!
Mina: I wish I could!
Lita: I just wish I had the money for it all.
Mina: Ditto!
Lita: Hey, check out this way cool purse!
Serena: Ooh, looking pretty hot Lita!
Lita: Thanks!
Mina: I've died and gone to heaven.
Lita: That goes double for me.
Serena: That goes triple for me!
Meanwhile...
Amy: So that's how I saved those Rainbow Crystal carriers.
Greg: I thought you were very brave.
Haruka: Oh puke.
Amy: Hey!
Michiru: I'm much more interested in what Haruka's accomplished.
Greg: I don't think this double date is going to work out.
Haruka: That goes double for me.
Greg: Oh, well, thanks for letting us tag along.
Haruka: No problemo!
*Greg and Amy get up and leave the malt shop. They decide to go to their favorite spot, a small desolate spot by the pond where no one goes. Not even nosey little kids with annoyance problems. *
Greg: So, do good on your math test?
Amy: A+, you?
Greg: A+.
Amy: ...
Greg: ...
Amy: *Sigh *
Greg: Um...
Amy: What?
Greg: Nothing.
Amy: Oh.
*Greg pulls Amy up to him and again, as usual, gives her his own patented Greg kiss. *
Meanwhile...
Haruka: Glad we finally got rid of them.
Michiru: Ditto.
Haruka: Michiru, you're so pretty.
Michiru: (Giggling) oh stop.
Haruka: Come on, I know a great movie that's showing down at the Nadesico Cinema!
Michiru: But what about our date?
Haruka: Well, it is pretty dark in there. Especially if you sit in the back row...
Michiru: (Teasingly) you know Haruka, it's even darker at the Genma Movie Theater.
Haruka: Genma Movies, here we come!
Meanwhile...
Reeny: ... When I'm with Tuxedo Mask!
Darien: (Annoyed) Um, Reeny, could you please stop that.
Reeny: No way Tuxedo Mask!
Darien: Better be careful or the Negaverse will know who I am.
Reeny: (Humming) hmmm hmmm hmm hmm, WHEN I'M WITH TUXEDO MASK!!!
Darien: (Whispering) not so loud Reeny, the Negaverse might hear you!
Zoicite: Too late.
Darien: @#$%!
Reeny: *Gasp * you said a bad word, now I'll have to get Amy to destroy something valuable of yours with her screwdriver or some other thingy!
Zoicite: That's all right, I've known for about a year, there's nothing to hide.
Darien: You've known who I am for a year? %^&*!
Reeny: AMY!!!
Zoicite: (Very annoyingly) he he he he he!
Darien: (tm) $%)=@#^&*((c) (r)@#$%^&*)(tm) (c)((r)!
Reeny: Whoa.
Meanwhile...
Prof. Tomoe: And when you're done vacuuming you can sweep the back porch.
Hotaru: (Vacuuming) WHAT!?!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT YOU CAN SWEEP THE BACK PORCH!!!
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID... JUST FORGET IT!!!
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: TURN THAT @#$% THING OFF!!!
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?
*Prof. Tomoe goes over to Hotaru and turns off the vacuum. *
Prof. Tomoe: (As calmly as he can without strangling her) I said, when you're done vacuuming, you can sweep the back porch.
Hotaru: Oh.
Prof. Tomoe: Excuse me for a moment...
Hotaru: ?
*Prof. Tomoe walks outside away from his daughter. *
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Raye: (Chanting) oh great fire, show me something snoopy...
*A picture of Darien swearing appears in the flames. *
Raye: Nah, a little more snoopier.
*A picture of Michiru and Haruka kissing at the movies appears in the flames. *
Raye: Ooh; now this is getting good. Oh great fire, get real snoopy!
*A picture of Amy and Greg kissing appears in the flames. *
Raye: (Whispering) jackpot!
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: Here's some more for the hard-working kitties. Luna: (Mouth full) mphmphmphmph (translation: This is great!)
Artemis: (In an Austin Powers voice) jackpot baby!
Setsuna: (Smiling) I'm glad that you like it so much!
Luna: *GULP!!! * Say, Setsuna, is this tuna?
Setsuna: No, it's dog chow, the only thing I have left in the cupboard.
Luna: (Weird face) Uh, oh gee look at the time, it's time for Serena's aiming lessons!
Artemis: (Even weirder face) oh, gee and to think that it's also time for Mina's quote session too! Darn, guess we gotta go.
Setsuna: ?
*Luna and Artemis race out the door at lightning speed. *
Setsuna: ?
Chapter 3
Narrator: Now, while all this is going on, the people that the 4 Generals sent out for came as soon as they could. Everyone had seemed to change over the years too: Ann and Alan have since been married, the 4 Sisters got new wardrobes, Rubeus finally changed his hair for the better (cut it to a good length), and the Wise Man got a new robe. Emerald had been taking voice lessons and now has a more tolerable laugh, Diamond changed his outfit to the more 90's style, and Sapphire changed his name to Bob.
Ann: I hope the Doom Tree can survive without us.
Alan: It will my sweet, don't you worry.
Ann: (Lovey-Dovey) Oh Alan, you always know just what to say.
Zoicite: Oh puke.
Malachite: Listen, you're all here to because we have sent you to help us.
Prisma: No duh.
Catsey: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
Malachite: Um, yea, anyway, we need your help in catching those mangy Sailor Scouts. They always seem to destroy our plans no matter what we do!
Diamond: Um, well, dude, how do we know what you've failed at so that, like, we can know not to make the same mistakes that you did?
Jedite: Good question, we put together this videotape of our failures so that you can watch and learn!
Birdie: You're scaring me.
Jedite: How?
Birdie: You sound way too optimistic.
Jedite: Oh.
Malachite: Is it set up Zoicite?
Zoicite: Yup, she's ready to roll!
Malachite: All right everyone, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!
Bob: This should be interesting.
*The videotape runs for about 2 hours and finishes. *
Malachite: Any questions or comments?
Wise Man: I've got one, you guys are pathetic!
Malachite: Is that a question or a comment?
Wise Man: Uh that's a comment, Shirlock.
Malachite: Oh.
Zoicite: Duh.
Malachite: Hey!
Rubeus: So, are we gonna get cracking on a plan or what?
Emerald: Yea, let's get those retarded scouts for good this time *insert evil cackle here *!
*Everyone leaves except for Ann, Alan, and Avary who stay behind for a moment. *
Avary: Uh, Ann, Alan, can I ask you something?
Ann: Yea?
Avary: What's that Doom Tree thing that you were talking about?
Ann: Better let Alan explain that one.
Alan: Well, this tree is what gives us our energy and life.
Avary: So...
Ann: If the TREE dies, WE die!
Avary: Whoa, no need to get crabby!
Alan: Really Ann, there's nothing to get worked up about.
Avary: One more question, is Ann a sucker for pink or what?
Alan: Anything pink she loves, it's gets real annoying after awhile though.
Call her the pink freak if you will.
Ann: ALLEN!!!
Alan: What? I was just telling her about your pink habit and your love to for that tree of ours.
Ann: If the TREE dies, we die ALLEN!
Alan: Wow, sorry I even suggested!
Ann: Darien's MINE sleaze!
Avary: Whoa where did that come from?
Alan: I haven't a clue.
Ann: Hey, I was just contemplating this. OK, so, if the tree dies, then we die?
Alan: I'm lost.
Avary: What?
Ann: All I want is to be kissed by my prince and fall in LOVE!
Alan: Ann, are you all right?
Ann: Don't forget ALLEN, if the tree dies, we die.
Alan: Um, yea, whatever you say Ann.
Ann: (Facing Avary) Give me your energy!
Avary: (Scared out of her wits) AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Alan: Ann, calm down!
Ann: What are those brown things?
Alan: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Ann: So, you're saying, if we die, then it could be because the tree died?
Alan: I'm gone.
*Alan sprints through the door leaving Ann to herself. *
Ann: Hey Allen, wait for me!
Chapter 4
Narrator: Okay now, it's a few days later and the Negaverse has come up with some sort of evil plan to kill the scouts. They set it into motion by sending out an article on the front page of the life section in the Tokyo Times. Amy (who else?) sees it and calls an emergency scout meeting. Everyone shows and well, um, on with the show!
Haruka: This had better be important.
Hotaru: Why?
Haruka: Because she interrupted me in the middle of the Daytona 500.
Hotaru: What's that?
Haruka: I'll explain it to you when you're older.
Hotaru: Oh.
Lita: Where is Amy anyway?
Amy: Right behind you.
Lita: AAA!!! GEEZ AMY, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!
Amy: (Trying to clean out her ears so she can hear) sorry.
Haruka: All right you, you got me out of the best part of the Daytona 500, so what gives?
Amy: Well, did anyone here read the newspaper?
Everyone: No.
Amy: Well, I was and I came across something quite interesting on the front page of the life section.
Michiru: So?
Amy: So, read this article.
*Amy puts the life section of the newspaper on the table. There's a huge red circle where an article, "Vengeance Will be Ours" is circled. *
This is what the article said:
Sailor Scouts, this is not a trap. We want to meet you at the grocery store on Ryoga Ave. on Pika St. We want to duke it out and kill you all. Tickets to watch the fight are on sale now so get them while they're hot! Wait, take that back, don't. There are no tickets! This is another evil Negaverse ploy to capture you weak and pathetic humans and drain you of energy for no reason whatsoever! Oops, I think I wrote too much. Well, just meet us there at 7:00 p.m. sharp or else. Mercury, you should be reading this, so we would all just like to say that you're a really annoying nerd and that Sailor Moon is a really big klutz with a lotta luck! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Serena: (Really, really upset) ooooooooooooooooo! Why I oughta rip their heads off and toss them into the sewer!
Raye: This is spooky how right they are about you two though.
Amy and Serena: Hey!
Raye: What, it's true!
Serena: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE,
YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU'RRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: (Covering her ears) COULD YOU LOWER THE DECIBLES A TAD!?!?!?!?
Serena: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP SERENA!!!
Serena: !
Mina: Thank you.
Serena: *sniff * *sniff * no problem.
Setsuna: Well, you're our fearless leader. Let us go battle the Negaverse once and for all!
Artemis: YAY!!!
Serena: Oh boy.
Lita: (Mimicking Setsuna in a teasing way) ya Serena, you're our fearless leader. Lead us into battle so we can fight and get hurt and bruised and cut and scraped and...
Serena: Gak!
Mina: Quit scaring the leader, Lita.
Lita: He he.
Raye: I can't believe she's our leader. What a ditz/klutz/lazy/crybaby person!
Serena: Hey!
Raye: What, it's true.
Serena: So? I'm still the leader and there's nothing you can do about it so (sticks out her tongue) nyah!
Raye: What a baby. The only person who could possibly be any worse is Reeny, the lovely leader's kid.
Reeny: Hey!
*Reeny, Serena, and everyone else start to jump on Raye and start fighting. Think of that cartoon cloud of dust when 2 or more people are fighting. *
Luna: Oh boy...
Artemis: Jeez...
Amy: Oy...
Narrator: Later on that day all the scouts are at Ryoga Grocery Store along with about half of Japan. Everyone apparently loves the scouts and want a picture or an autograph from them.
Mercury: Did they honestly have to put what they did in the newspaper?
Tuxedo Darien: No, but then again they're so stupid that they probably couldn't think of any other way to get to us.
Saturn: Where did you come from?
Tuxedo Darien: I was bored and lately you guys have been having all the fun, so I wanted to tag along this time.
Uranus: You aren't even in your battle clothes!
Tuxedo Darien: You mean that darn $3,000 suit with the really annoying cape that always gets in my way and the huge top hat that sticks to my head? Neptune: You left out that little mask thingy that sticks to your face without any straps.
Tuxedo Darien: Yea, that thing too.
Moon: So why don't you just transform back into Endymion so that you have an even bigger cape, a ton of heavy steel, a sword that you never use, and huge shoulder pad type thingys that are made out of steel or iron or aluminum or something like that?
Tuxedo Darien: Um, yea Sailor Moon, whatever you say.
Narrator: The scouts make into the store after fighting the crowd like nuts and then bolting the door shut so that they can't get in. Tuxedo Darien was thrown into the crowd to help keep them busy for awhile.
Jupiter: (Panting) you would've thought that they would've let us through so that we could save the world.
Venus: Heck, they had to go all out didn't they? Signs, autograph books, and even a couple of news helicopters!
Chibi-Moon: Hey, someone ripped off one of my pigtails!
Saturn: That'll hurt.
Chibi-Moon: MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!
*Just then the evil bad guys/girls appear over the scouts and float down, staring at them menacingly. *
Diamond: So, Sailor Moon, we meet again.
Moon: Oh great, ol' lover boy. How's it going Diamond? Gotten over your crush on me yet?
Diamond: No.
Moon: Great.
Jupiter: Hey Rubeus, how's it going? Repair that ship of yours yet?
Rubeus: (Sarcastically) ha ha Jupiter, very funny.
Saturn: Hey, you're that guy, um, Sapphire! That's it, how's it going?
Bob: Actually, I changed my name to Bob.
Saturn: Bob?
Bob: Yea, Bob.
Uranus: Why?
Bob: Because I wanted to.
Uranus: Um, okay, whatever you say Bob.
Bob: Quit that.
Uranus: Quit what?
Bob: That way that you say my name.
Uranus: Bob?
Bob: There, you did it again!
Uranus: Did what?
Neptune: Haven't a clue.
Uranus: Uh...
Bob: Just drop it.
Uranus: Uh... okay.
Emerald: Yo Venus! What's cooking?
Venus: Nothing much.
Emerald: No new boyfriends?
Venus: A bunch of hotties, no boyfriends.
Emerald: Drag.
Venus: Really.
Emerald: Normally guys fall for dumb blondes. I wonder what happened?
Venus: I don't know, I guess I'll never understand the male mind... hey wait a minute!
Birdie: Hey there Merc.
Mercury: Huh?
Catsey: She was talking to you.
Mercury: Oh.
Birdie: So, you ready to rumble?
Mercury: Yea, as soon as everyone else is.
Avary: What's that supposed to mean?
Mars: What she means is that everyone's too busy yakking to start fighting.
Avary: Oh.
Prisma: Well, in that case, um... YOU AND ME MARS!!!
Mars: YOU'RE ON!!!
*Prisma throws a big thing of energy at Mars, but Mars dodges and gives her a good taste of her own medicine. *
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!
Prisma: AAAA!!! Hot hot hot!
Mars: (Evil cackle) he he he.
Pluto: Nice shot.
Mars: Thanks Plute!
Pluto: Plute?
Mars: What, its short for Pluto.
Pluto: By 1 letter.
Mars: Actually no, but by a couple of sounds.
Pluto: Whatever.
Jupiter: Hey that looked like fun, let me try! JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!!!
Rubeus: AAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Jupiter: That was too easy.
Mercury: You zapped him like a bug zapper does a mosquito.
Jupiter: Yea, I know. Man I rock!
Rubeus: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.
Jupiter: Oops, he's still conscious, better zap him again!
Mercury: You want to, I can tell.
Jupiter: How did you know? JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!
Rubeus: AAAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Mercury: Let's just say that I know you real well.
Jupiter: Scary.
Bob: YAAAAAAAAAAG!!!
*Bob throws a huge ball of energy at Sailor Venus, who just stands there like a dope and gets slammed. *
Venus: AAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: VENUS!!!
Venus: ...
Moon: Oh no!
Pluto: Well, there goes one of the dumb blondes.
Everyone: !
Pluto: What? Even I'm allowed to say something irrational at one time or another!
Saturn: Hey Mercury, can ya scan her and see if she's all right?
Mercury: Sure.
*Mercury whips out her trusty-dusty computer and starts typing like mad. *
Mercury: She's fine, she won't remember who she is, where she lives, if she's a boy or a girl, why she's dressed like that, and a lot more, but other than that she'll be just honkey-dorey.
Uranus: That's okay?
Mercury: She's not dead.
Neptune: Good point.
Uranus: Okay then, Bob, I think it's time for some action!
Bob: Fine by me, YAAAAAAAAG!!!
*Again he throws a huge thing of energy, this time at Uranus who counterattacks with her power. *
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!
Bob: I'm SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKINGGGGGGGG!!!
Uranus: He he he.
Bob: ...
Neptune: My hero!
Luna: Oh puke.
Artemis: I'll second that.
Mercury: That's 3 down, 11 to go.
Moon: Oy.
Chibi-Moon: Double oy.
Pluto: Well, then. I say we get busy.
Mercury: Each one of us should take 1 enemy, who ever defeats their rival first gets first dibs on another enemy.
Saturn: Whoever has me better have good life insurance.
Mercury: Ready, set, GO!!!
Narrator: Each scout takes an enemy. Moon gets Diamond, Mars gets Catsey, Venus just lies there, Mercury gets Birdie, Jupiter gets Avary, Saturn get Ann, Pluto gets Alan, Uranus gets Malachite, Neptune gets Zoicite, and Chibi-Moon gets Wise Man.
*BAM!!! *
*SLASH!!! *
*WHAM!!! *
*AAAAA!!! *
*ZZZZZZ!!! *
*RUMBLE RUMBLE!!! *
*EEK!!! *
*WHOOSH!!! *
*SLAM!!! *
*GAK!!! *
*BOOM!!! *
*OUCH!!! *
*YAAG!!! *
*KABOOM!!! *
Narrator: Later on after all this, the scouts win and they go home. Notice the sudden and annoying ending to this battle. The author of this story is incredibly lazy if I do say so myself. Oh well, at least the author didn't make them lose. Go scouts. Yay.
Moon: That was too easy.
Chibi-Moon: That was, only one problem.
Moon: What?
Chibi-Moon: Where in the universe are we ever going to make enough money to repair that store?
*Chibi-Moon motions at the crater behind her where the store used to be. *
Moon: Uh-oh.
Chibi-Moon: Do you think mommy will give us a raise on our allowance by any chance?
Moon: Don't count on it.
Chibi-Moon: Darn!
Moon: Really, they had the lowest prices in town!
Chibi-Moon: That's not what I meant.
Moon: Oh.
Chapter 5
Narrator: It's later on that week and all is good (mostly). The people of Tokyo decided to forgive the scouts after they figured that it was better to have a blown up grocery store than a blown up world. The scouts are all very relieved by this (why wouldn't they be). Serena and Raye are fighting at Raye's temple, Amy and Greg are studying, and Lita and Mina are hanging out at the mall with Luna and Artemis. Michiru and Haruka are watching the rest of the Daytona 500 that Haruka taped after she had been called to the
scout meeting earlier. Hotaru and Reeny are window shopping at a strip mall, Darien is sitting on top of a building somewhere still trying to collect his thoughts, and Setsuna is sitting at home just being bored. Now
that we have everyone cleared up, on with the show!
Serena: I say Sweet Tokyo High is the best show to ever come out!
Raye: No way! It's so Temple Traveling With Bob The Monk!
Serena: Temple Traveling With Bob The Monk? That's the lamest show I've ever heard!
Raye: Oh ya?
Serena: Ya!
Raye: Thpthpthpthpthp!
Serena: Thpthpthpthpthpthpthp!
Raye: THPTHPTHPTHPTHTPTHP!!!
Serena: THPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHP!!!
Raye: THPTHPTHPTHP!!!
Serena: Hey wait a minute!
Raye: Thpthp... huh?
Serena: Something just hit me here, I thought you hated TV!
Raye: I do!
Serena: Then why are we arguing about TV shows if you never watch TV?
Raye: I do once in awhile.
Serena: But you just said that you hated TV.
Raye: So? I watch some shows that are worth my time on the tube.
Serena: I'm lost.
Meanwhile...
Lita: I...am...so...bored.
Mina: ...Ditto...
Luna: You're bored? What about us poor cats?
Lita: So...go away then...you don't...have to hang around us...rain clouds.
Mina: ...Really...
Artemis: I would except I'm having too much fun teasing you.
Mina: ...Shut up Artemis...
Artemis: Hey, you two don't have any money, and no boyfriends, which leaves you with us cats! He he he he ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Lita: ...Ugh...
Luna: ...
*BAM!!! *
Artemis: OW!!! Luna, what was that for?
Luna: ...you...are...so...annoying...Artemis...
Lita: Here here.
Mina: ...Really...
Artemis: ...(Mumbling) party poopers.
Meanwhile...
Haruka: COME ON JOHNSON, SLAM THAT GUY!!! NO, THE PIT STOP!!! BRAKE AT THE PIT STOP!!! NO, NOT TOO LONG AROUND THE BEND!!!
*CRASH!!! *
*BAM!!! *
*BOOM!!! *
* OH AND JOHNSON IS OUT OF THE RACE AFTER AN INCREDABLE LEAD FOR THREE LAPS!!! *
Haruka: NO!!!
Michiru: Uh, NO!!!
Haruka: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT!?!?!?!
Michiru: Um, YA, YOU IMBOSILE!!!
Haruka: HOW COULD YOU JUST BLOW OFF THAT PIT STOP LIKE THAT!?!?!?!? YOU HAD
NEXT TO NO FUEL AND A LOOSE WHEEL!!!
Michiru:...Oh yea, YOU @#$%^!!! What were you thinking?
Haruka: You don't get this, do you sweetie?
Michiru: I'm trying.
Haruka: That's okay, I love you no matter what you understand and don't.
Michiru: Oh, Haruka.
Haruka: Michiru...
Michiru: Haruka...
Haruka: Michiru...
*AND ANDERSON TAKES TH-- *click *
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: I...am...so...bored...
Wall: ...
Setsuna: I...am...so...very...bored...
Wall: ...
Setsuna: ...Much company you are...
Wall: ...
Meanwhile...
Darien: (Thinking) Who am I? Why did the Negaverse team up against us and somehow end up loosing? Why am I the only boy on the scout team? Why am I attracted to Serena when I'm 4 years older than her? What do I do for a living? Why did I come back to Japan when I was perfectly happy in America?
Who is Reeny? Who invented homework? Why do I wear such a stupid outfit when I'm battling the Negaverse? I wonder who thought of the idea of me fighting them in style with such an annoying cape? Why do those hand clickers that are used in the Spanish community played whenever I show up?
Why do I talk like a haiku when I'm about to battle? Who am I...
Meanwhile...
Amy: ...
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Greg: Good book?
Amy: Yea, yours?
Greg: Okay.
Amy: What's the title?
Greg: War and Peace.
Amy: Oh, I read that book. It's pretty long, but it gets interesting later on.
Greg: Cool, what are you reading?
Amy: Book of Virtues.
Greg: I read that book, it's pretty good.
Amy: Yea, I like it so far.
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Greg: *Sigh *
Amy: Hmm?
Greg: ...
Amy: Are you okay?
Greg: Yea, why?
Amy: (Blushing) well, you just keep glancing at me that's all.
Greg: (Blushing) sorry.
Amy: Don't be.
Greg: Um...
Amy: Hmm?
Greg: Could I maybe kiss you?
Amy: You know my answer is always yes.
Greg: (Blushing and smiling) Hmm.
Amy: (Giggling) Hey...!
Meanwhile...
Reeny: La la la la la la LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA-TI-DA!!!
Hotaru: Umm, could you keep it down a tad, Reeny?
Reeny: No.
Hotaru: Why not?
Reeny: Because I love to annoy people.
Hotaru: Oh.
Reeny: ...
Hotaru: ...
Reeny: ...
Hotaru: ...
Reeny: ...
Hotaru: Why the sudden silence?
Reeny: I got nuttin' to do.
Hotaru: Well then, what are we doing right now?
Reeny: I forgot.
Hotaru: Talk about a short-term memory.
Reeny: HEY!!!
Hotaru: Well, in case you forgot we're window shopping at a strip-mall.
Reeny: Oh.
Hotaru: There's no one but me to annoy, is that it?
Reeny: Yea.
Hotaru: Well then, next time why don't we go to a strip-mall that hasn't been deserted by the whole city.
Reeny: Good idea.
Narrator: Well, our scouts' lives have finally gotten back to normal. The world is safe once more, and everyone has forgiven them for the destruction of the best grocery store in the city. It seems that everyone is happy, so all is good! Thank you for reading this addition of Sailor Dorks. I'm the Narrator saying good day!
THE END?
-----------------------------
So, like, hate, indifferent? Tell me by reviewing, e-mailing me, IMing me, and any other way that you know to contact me. ^^ Visit my web site also, the Unofficial Sailor Moon Funny Site at www.geocities.com/merc1650!
Rating: G or Y, the 2-year-old thing again (hey kiddies, any ideas?)
Disclaimer: *Sigh * I...DO...NOT...OWN...SAILOR...MOON.../...THE...OTHER...SAILOR...
SCOUTS. I...HATE...LAWYERS...SO...NO...SAILOR...AUTHOR...LAWYERS...
AROUND...ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By: Merc
Sailor Dorks Part 4
*Note: A little later on there are addresses to evil villains in this story. I would like to say that I've taken the liberty of copying off my telephone the numbers that spell things. Each address and zip code is a word in numerical form. Call it a puzzle if you want to, all you have to do to decode it is look on your phone and keep trying letters until you either get a word or a name. Also, keep tabs and look closely at the last names of each person. Some of them are spelled weird so that it's hard to get, but after awhile you'll get what the last name says. When you are done or if you do not want to decode anything, you can refer to the code breaker sheet that I typed up for these. This sheet includes the address, zip code, and last name of each person(s) in this thing. One last thing, I purposely made the zip codes 8 numbers instead of 5 in the spirit of the story. *
*Another note: Naru is Molly's name in the Japanese series of Sailor Moon, and just for the fun of telling Japanese names in this note, Melvin's name is Umino in the Japanese series. *
*Some more notes: In the Stars series in Sailor Moon, Darien goes to America so the scouts end up battling without him. The Stars series is only showing in Japan, it's the only series that hasn't been translated yet. *
Narrator: Hello and welcome the 4th addition of Sailor Dorks! I know that by now you're probably not even going to look at another one of these but as you can plainly see the author is desperate for excuses to have the computer. Anyway, it's been awhile since the last Negaverse attack and the generals are out of ideas. Queen Beryl, once she heard about their one-millionth failure went insane and blew up half of her castle in one monster spaz attack. She's in the process of recovery while her castle is under renovation after the attack. The generals heard from an outside source that Queen Beryl knew where they were and fled to Jedite's house in the Negaverse. Neflite was blown out of his icy case by Beryl and is now on portable life support, and Zoicite is playing nurse and reading (again) by Neflite's bedside. Jedite is now out of his body cast and wandering around his house, and Malachite is throwing whatever he can at a homemade sailor
scout target. Now then, on with the show!
Neflite: ...
Zoicite: Do de do de do...
Jedite: *walk * *walk * *walk *
Malachite: YAAAAAAG!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Neflite: ...
Zoicite: Please my love, no more.
Malachite: YAAAAAAG!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Zoicite: MALACHITE QUIT IT!!!
Malachite: (Sheepishly) sorry.
Jedite: You actually let her boss you around like that?
Malachite: Ya, well, I have to.
Jedite: Do you?
Malachite: I may have neat slicey-type weapons but man oh man can she pack a punch.
Jedite: So slice her up.
Malachite: I tried to but she's more powerful than I am.
Jedite: Poor you.
Malachite: Yea, well, ya learn to live with it.
Jedite: Hey, off the subject here, have you heard about the queen?
Zoicite: No.
Jedite: Well, she's finally been admitted into rehab.
Zoicite: And how would you know?
Jedite: The Negaverse Times of course.
Zoicite: Oh.
Neflite: ...
Malachite: Well, it's those moronic scouts that kill our plans and drive our queen mad in the first place!
Zoicite: I see we've been practicing our name calling huh?
Malachite: Oh yea, and I've got alotta new names to call them too.
Jedite: Neat.
Malachite: (Angry) Well, anyway, I say we kill the brats!
Neflite: ...
Jedite: Uh, maybe this time we could try not to right away, I mean,
remember what happened the other 46,873,594 times we tried to kill them?
Malachite: So? This time it'll be different!
Zoicite: (Sarcastically) That's what you say every time.
Jedite: Yea, I say that this time we join forces with other evils and kill em' then.
Zoicite: Sounds good to me.
Neflite: ...
Malachite: Yea, one problem though. Who are we gonna call!?
Zoicite: I've been keeping tabs on those mangy scouts ever since I died and got sent back to this *&^%-hole.
Jedite: And?
Zoicite: I know exactly who to call.
Malachite: Who?
Zoicite: Just send these letters that I already made in case of emergency to the following addresses.
*Zoicite hands Malachite a sheet of paper. Malachite reads it, it says:
Address #1. Ann and Alan Treahugher
87337 Doom Tree,
Middle Of Nowhere, Milky Way Galaxy
62887478
Address #2. Birdie, Catsey, Avary, and Prisma Catchtheatwearp
56657 Mirror Drive,
Huge Space Ship, Earth's Orbit
40035665
Address #3. Rubeus Echolaugh
73369 Mirror Drive,
Other Huge Space Ship, Earth's Orbit
38454897
Address #4. Emerald Verybaadvoicee
86225 Nega Moon Ave.,
Nega Moon, Milky Way Galaxy,
22352844
Address #5. Wise Man, Diamond and Sapphire Jewealnaames
53935 Nega Moon Palace,
Nega Moon, Milky Way Galaxy
87248677
Malachite: That's it?
Zoicite: Yup.
Malachite: I thought we were their only enemies.
Zoicite: We were, until we kicked the bucket.
Jedite: I.e. the R series and up.
Malachite: Huh?
Jedite: You'll get it someday.
Malachite: But we're alive.
Jedite: That's right, we came back after the Stars series and the Starlight's hung up their uniforms for good.
Malachite: HUH!?!?!?
Zoicite: Oh boy...
Chapter 2
Narrator: It's been a few months (again) since the Sailor Scouts ever saw the Negaverse kick it in gear. The scouts decided that it's just another Negaverse thing and didn't give it a second thought. Again, the scouts are one Spring Break, which lasts a month because they go to year-round school. Don't ask me that's just the way it is in Japan, honest to Buddha! Anyway, Serena's at the mall with Lita and Mina checking cute clothes (not guys for once) and accessories. Darien's walking with Reeny and trying to keep her from singing that annoying Tuxedo Mask song one more time, and Raye is at the temple doing another fire reading (you'd think that after awhile she'd get hot). Amy and Greg are at the Malt shop with Michiru and Haruka on a double date, and Hotaru is cleaning the house in order to make enough money for a new computer after she accidentally crashed her father's in a freak fuse-blowing accident. Luna and Artemis are at Setsuna's home where Setsuna is feeding them tuna and some left over carp before she goes to work. Now that we have everyone checked out, let's get on with the show!
Serena: (Squealing) ooh, and they have pink and sugar pink and light pink and fuchsia and hot pink and neon pink and sweet-baby pink and...
Lita: (Impressed) wow, and they have kiwi green and sea green and jungle green and green and dark green and forest green and camouflage green and...
Mina: (Very ditzy) cool, they have light orange, and sun yellow and lemon yellow and neon orange and dark orange and light yellow and tan yellow and...
Lita: This store is so cool!
Serena: I just want everything in it!
Mina: I wish I could!
Lita: I just wish I had the money for it all.
Mina: Ditto!
Lita: Hey, check out this way cool purse!
Serena: Ooh, looking pretty hot Lita!
Lita: Thanks!
Mina: I've died and gone to heaven.
Lita: That goes double for me.
Serena: That goes triple for me!
Meanwhile...
Amy: So that's how I saved those Rainbow Crystal carriers.
Greg: I thought you were very brave.
Haruka: Oh puke.
Amy: Hey!
Michiru: I'm much more interested in what Haruka's accomplished.
Greg: I don't think this double date is going to work out.
Haruka: That goes double for me.
Greg: Oh, well, thanks for letting us tag along.
Haruka: No problemo!
*Greg and Amy get up and leave the malt shop. They decide to go to their favorite spot, a small desolate spot by the pond where no one goes. Not even nosey little kids with annoyance problems. *
Greg: So, do good on your math test?
Amy: A+, you?
Greg: A+.
Amy: ...
Greg: ...
Amy: *Sigh *
Greg: Um...
Amy: What?
Greg: Nothing.
Amy: Oh.
*Greg pulls Amy up to him and again, as usual, gives her his own patented Greg kiss. *
Meanwhile...
Haruka: Glad we finally got rid of them.
Michiru: Ditto.
Haruka: Michiru, you're so pretty.
Michiru: (Giggling) oh stop.
Haruka: Come on, I know a great movie that's showing down at the Nadesico Cinema!
Michiru: But what about our date?
Haruka: Well, it is pretty dark in there. Especially if you sit in the back row...
Michiru: (Teasingly) you know Haruka, it's even darker at the Genma Movie Theater.
Haruka: Genma Movies, here we come!
Meanwhile...
Reeny: ... When I'm with Tuxedo Mask!
Darien: (Annoyed) Um, Reeny, could you please stop that.
Reeny: No way Tuxedo Mask!
Darien: Better be careful or the Negaverse will know who I am.
Reeny: (Humming) hmmm hmmm hmm hmm, WHEN I'M WITH TUXEDO MASK!!!
Darien: (Whispering) not so loud Reeny, the Negaverse might hear you!
Zoicite: Too late.
Darien: @#$%!
Reeny: *Gasp * you said a bad word, now I'll have to get Amy to destroy something valuable of yours with her screwdriver or some other thingy!
Zoicite: That's all right, I've known for about a year, there's nothing to hide.
Darien: You've known who I am for a year? %^&*!
Reeny: AMY!!!
Zoicite: (Very annoyingly) he he he he he!
Darien: (tm) $%)=@#^&*((c) (r)@#$%^&*)(tm) (c)((r)!
Reeny: Whoa.
Meanwhile...
Prof. Tomoe: And when you're done vacuuming you can sweep the back porch.
Hotaru: (Vacuuming) WHAT!?!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT YOU CAN SWEEP THE BACK PORCH!!!
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID... JUST FORGET IT!!!
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: TURN THAT @#$% THING OFF!!!
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?
*Prof. Tomoe goes over to Hotaru and turns off the vacuum. *
Prof. Tomoe: (As calmly as he can without strangling her) I said, when you're done vacuuming, you can sweep the back porch.
Hotaru: Oh.
Prof. Tomoe: Excuse me for a moment...
Hotaru: ?
*Prof. Tomoe walks outside away from his daughter. *
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile...
Raye: (Chanting) oh great fire, show me something snoopy...
*A picture of Darien swearing appears in the flames. *
Raye: Nah, a little more snoopier.
*A picture of Michiru and Haruka kissing at the movies appears in the flames. *
Raye: Ooh; now this is getting good. Oh great fire, get real snoopy!
*A picture of Amy and Greg kissing appears in the flames. *
Raye: (Whispering) jackpot!
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: Here's some more for the hard-working kitties. Luna: (Mouth full) mphmphmphmph (translation: This is great!)
Artemis: (In an Austin Powers voice) jackpot baby!
Setsuna: (Smiling) I'm glad that you like it so much!
Luna: *GULP!!! * Say, Setsuna, is this tuna?
Setsuna: No, it's dog chow, the only thing I have left in the cupboard.
Luna: (Weird face) Uh, oh gee look at the time, it's time for Serena's aiming lessons!
Artemis: (Even weirder face) oh, gee and to think that it's also time for Mina's quote session too! Darn, guess we gotta go.
Setsuna: ?
*Luna and Artemis race out the door at lightning speed. *
Setsuna: ?
Chapter 3
Narrator: Now, while all this is going on, the people that the 4 Generals sent out for came as soon as they could. Everyone had seemed to change over the years too: Ann and Alan have since been married, the 4 Sisters got new wardrobes, Rubeus finally changed his hair for the better (cut it to a good length), and the Wise Man got a new robe. Emerald had been taking voice lessons and now has a more tolerable laugh, Diamond changed his outfit to the more 90's style, and Sapphire changed his name to Bob.
Ann: I hope the Doom Tree can survive without us.
Alan: It will my sweet, don't you worry.
Ann: (Lovey-Dovey) Oh Alan, you always know just what to say.
Zoicite: Oh puke.
Malachite: Listen, you're all here to because we have sent you to help us.
Prisma: No duh.
Catsey: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
Malachite: Um, yea, anyway, we need your help in catching those mangy Sailor Scouts. They always seem to destroy our plans no matter what we do!
Diamond: Um, well, dude, how do we know what you've failed at so that, like, we can know not to make the same mistakes that you did?
Jedite: Good question, we put together this videotape of our failures so that you can watch and learn!
Birdie: You're scaring me.
Jedite: How?
Birdie: You sound way too optimistic.
Jedite: Oh.
Malachite: Is it set up Zoicite?
Zoicite: Yup, she's ready to roll!
Malachite: All right everyone, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!
Bob: This should be interesting.
*The videotape runs for about 2 hours and finishes. *
Malachite: Any questions or comments?
Wise Man: I've got one, you guys are pathetic!
Malachite: Is that a question or a comment?
Wise Man: Uh that's a comment, Shirlock.
Malachite: Oh.
Zoicite: Duh.
Malachite: Hey!
Rubeus: So, are we gonna get cracking on a plan or what?
Emerald: Yea, let's get those retarded scouts for good this time *insert evil cackle here *!
*Everyone leaves except for Ann, Alan, and Avary who stay behind for a moment. *
Avary: Uh, Ann, Alan, can I ask you something?
Ann: Yea?
Avary: What's that Doom Tree thing that you were talking about?
Ann: Better let Alan explain that one.
Alan: Well, this tree is what gives us our energy and life.
Avary: So...
Ann: If the TREE dies, WE die!
Avary: Whoa, no need to get crabby!
Alan: Really Ann, there's nothing to get worked up about.
Avary: One more question, is Ann a sucker for pink or what?
Alan: Anything pink she loves, it's gets real annoying after awhile though.
Call her the pink freak if you will.
Ann: ALLEN!!!
Alan: What? I was just telling her about your pink habit and your love to for that tree of ours.
Ann: If the TREE dies, we die ALLEN!
Alan: Wow, sorry I even suggested!
Ann: Darien's MINE sleaze!
Avary: Whoa where did that come from?
Alan: I haven't a clue.
Ann: Hey, I was just contemplating this. OK, so, if the tree dies, then we die?
Alan: I'm lost.
Avary: What?
Ann: All I want is to be kissed by my prince and fall in LOVE!
Alan: Ann, are you all right?
Ann: Don't forget ALLEN, if the tree dies, we die.
Alan: Um, yea, whatever you say Ann.
Ann: (Facing Avary) Give me your energy!
Avary: (Scared out of her wits) AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Alan: Ann, calm down!
Ann: What are those brown things?
Alan: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Ann: So, you're saying, if we die, then it could be because the tree died?
Alan: I'm gone.
*Alan sprints through the door leaving Ann to herself. *
Ann: Hey Allen, wait for me!
Chapter 4
Narrator: Okay now, it's a few days later and the Negaverse has come up with some sort of evil plan to kill the scouts. They set it into motion by sending out an article on the front page of the life section in the Tokyo Times. Amy (who else?) sees it and calls an emergency scout meeting. Everyone shows and well, um, on with the show!
Haruka: This had better be important.
Hotaru: Why?
Haruka: Because she interrupted me in the middle of the Daytona 500.
Hotaru: What's that?
Haruka: I'll explain it to you when you're older.
Hotaru: Oh.
Lita: Where is Amy anyway?
Amy: Right behind you.
Lita: AAA!!! GEEZ AMY, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!
Amy: (Trying to clean out her ears so she can hear) sorry.
Haruka: All right you, you got me out of the best part of the Daytona 500, so what gives?
Amy: Well, did anyone here read the newspaper?
Everyone: No.
Amy: Well, I was and I came across something quite interesting on the front page of the life section.
Michiru: So?
Amy: So, read this article.
*Amy puts the life section of the newspaper on the table. There's a huge red circle where an article, "Vengeance Will be Ours" is circled. *
This is what the article said:
Sailor Scouts, this is not a trap. We want to meet you at the grocery store on Ryoga Ave. on Pika St. We want to duke it out and kill you all. Tickets to watch the fight are on sale now so get them while they're hot! Wait, take that back, don't. There are no tickets! This is another evil Negaverse ploy to capture you weak and pathetic humans and drain you of energy for no reason whatsoever! Oops, I think I wrote too much. Well, just meet us there at 7:00 p.m. sharp or else. Mercury, you should be reading this, so we would all just like to say that you're a really annoying nerd and that Sailor Moon is a really big klutz with a lotta luck! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Serena: (Really, really upset) ooooooooooooooooo! Why I oughta rip their heads off and toss them into the sewer!
Raye: This is spooky how right they are about you two though.
Amy and Serena: Hey!
Raye: What, it's true!
Serena: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE,
YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU'RRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: (Covering her ears) COULD YOU LOWER THE DECIBLES A TAD!?!?!?!?
Serena: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP SERENA!!!
Serena: !
Mina: Thank you.
Serena: *sniff * *sniff * no problem.
Setsuna: Well, you're our fearless leader. Let us go battle the Negaverse once and for all!
Artemis: YAY!!!
Serena: Oh boy.
Lita: (Mimicking Setsuna in a teasing way) ya Serena, you're our fearless leader. Lead us into battle so we can fight and get hurt and bruised and cut and scraped and...
Serena: Gak!
Mina: Quit scaring the leader, Lita.
Lita: He he.
Raye: I can't believe she's our leader. What a ditz/klutz/lazy/crybaby person!
Serena: Hey!
Raye: What, it's true.
Serena: So? I'm still the leader and there's nothing you can do about it so (sticks out her tongue) nyah!
Raye: What a baby. The only person who could possibly be any worse is Reeny, the lovely leader's kid.
Reeny: Hey!
*Reeny, Serena, and everyone else start to jump on Raye and start fighting. Think of that cartoon cloud of dust when 2 or more people are fighting. *
Luna: Oh boy...
Artemis: Jeez...
Amy: Oy...
Narrator: Later on that day all the scouts are at Ryoga Grocery Store along with about half of Japan. Everyone apparently loves the scouts and want a picture or an autograph from them.
Mercury: Did they honestly have to put what they did in the newspaper?
Tuxedo Darien: No, but then again they're so stupid that they probably couldn't think of any other way to get to us.
Saturn: Where did you come from?
Tuxedo Darien: I was bored and lately you guys have been having all the fun, so I wanted to tag along this time.
Uranus: You aren't even in your battle clothes!
Tuxedo Darien: You mean that darn $3,000 suit with the really annoying cape that always gets in my way and the huge top hat that sticks to my head? Neptune: You left out that little mask thingy that sticks to your face without any straps.
Tuxedo Darien: Yea, that thing too.
Moon: So why don't you just transform back into Endymion so that you have an even bigger cape, a ton of heavy steel, a sword that you never use, and huge shoulder pad type thingys that are made out of steel or iron or aluminum or something like that?
Tuxedo Darien: Um, yea Sailor Moon, whatever you say.
Narrator: The scouts make into the store after fighting the crowd like nuts and then bolting the door shut so that they can't get in. Tuxedo Darien was thrown into the crowd to help keep them busy for awhile.
Jupiter: (Panting) you would've thought that they would've let us through so that we could save the world.
Venus: Heck, they had to go all out didn't they? Signs, autograph books, and even a couple of news helicopters!
Chibi-Moon: Hey, someone ripped off one of my pigtails!
Saturn: That'll hurt.
Chibi-Moon: MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!
*Just then the evil bad guys/girls appear over the scouts and float down, staring at them menacingly. *
Diamond: So, Sailor Moon, we meet again.
Moon: Oh great, ol' lover boy. How's it going Diamond? Gotten over your crush on me yet?
Diamond: No.
Moon: Great.
Jupiter: Hey Rubeus, how's it going? Repair that ship of yours yet?
Rubeus: (Sarcastically) ha ha Jupiter, very funny.
Saturn: Hey, you're that guy, um, Sapphire! That's it, how's it going?
Bob: Actually, I changed my name to Bob.
Saturn: Bob?
Bob: Yea, Bob.
Uranus: Why?
Bob: Because I wanted to.
Uranus: Um, okay, whatever you say Bob.
Bob: Quit that.
Uranus: Quit what?
Bob: That way that you say my name.
Uranus: Bob?
Bob: There, you did it again!
Uranus: Did what?
Neptune: Haven't a clue.
Uranus: Uh...
Bob: Just drop it.
Uranus: Uh... okay.
Emerald: Yo Venus! What's cooking?
Venus: Nothing much.
Emerald: No new boyfriends?
Venus: A bunch of hotties, no boyfriends.
Emerald: Drag.
Venus: Really.
Emerald: Normally guys fall for dumb blondes. I wonder what happened?
Venus: I don't know, I guess I'll never understand the male mind... hey wait a minute!
Birdie: Hey there Merc.
Mercury: Huh?
Catsey: She was talking to you.
Mercury: Oh.
Birdie: So, you ready to rumble?
Mercury: Yea, as soon as everyone else is.
Avary: What's that supposed to mean?
Mars: What she means is that everyone's too busy yakking to start fighting.
Avary: Oh.
Prisma: Well, in that case, um... YOU AND ME MARS!!!
Mars: YOU'RE ON!!!
*Prisma throws a big thing of energy at Mars, but Mars dodges and gives her a good taste of her own medicine. *
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!
Prisma: AAAA!!! Hot hot hot!
Mars: (Evil cackle) he he he.
Pluto: Nice shot.
Mars: Thanks Plute!
Pluto: Plute?
Mars: What, its short for Pluto.
Pluto: By 1 letter.
Mars: Actually no, but by a couple of sounds.
Pluto: Whatever.
Jupiter: Hey that looked like fun, let me try! JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!!!
Rubeus: AAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Jupiter: That was too easy.
Mercury: You zapped him like a bug zapper does a mosquito.
Jupiter: Yea, I know. Man I rock!
Rubeus: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.
Jupiter: Oops, he's still conscious, better zap him again!
Mercury: You want to, I can tell.
Jupiter: How did you know? JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!
Rubeus: AAAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Mercury: Let's just say that I know you real well.
Jupiter: Scary.
Bob: YAAAAAAAAAAG!!!
*Bob throws a huge ball of energy at Sailor Venus, who just stands there like a dope and gets slammed. *
Venus: AAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: VENUS!!!
Venus: ...
Moon: Oh no!
Pluto: Well, there goes one of the dumb blondes.
Everyone: !
Pluto: What? Even I'm allowed to say something irrational at one time or another!
Saturn: Hey Mercury, can ya scan her and see if she's all right?
Mercury: Sure.
*Mercury whips out her trusty-dusty computer and starts typing like mad. *
Mercury: She's fine, she won't remember who she is, where she lives, if she's a boy or a girl, why she's dressed like that, and a lot more, but other than that she'll be just honkey-dorey.
Uranus: That's okay?
Mercury: She's not dead.
Neptune: Good point.
Uranus: Okay then, Bob, I think it's time for some action!
Bob: Fine by me, YAAAAAAAAG!!!
*Again he throws a huge thing of energy, this time at Uranus who counterattacks with her power. *
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!
Bob: I'm SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKINGGGGGGGG!!!
Uranus: He he he.
Bob: ...
Neptune: My hero!
Luna: Oh puke.
Artemis: I'll second that.
Mercury: That's 3 down, 11 to go.
Moon: Oy.
Chibi-Moon: Double oy.
Pluto: Well, then. I say we get busy.
Mercury: Each one of us should take 1 enemy, who ever defeats their rival first gets first dibs on another enemy.
Saturn: Whoever has me better have good life insurance.
Mercury: Ready, set, GO!!!
Narrator: Each scout takes an enemy. Moon gets Diamond, Mars gets Catsey, Venus just lies there, Mercury gets Birdie, Jupiter gets Avary, Saturn get Ann, Pluto gets Alan, Uranus gets Malachite, Neptune gets Zoicite, and Chibi-Moon gets Wise Man.
*BAM!!! *
*SLASH!!! *
*WHAM!!! *
*AAAAA!!! *
*ZZZZZZ!!! *
*RUMBLE RUMBLE!!! *
*EEK!!! *
*WHOOSH!!! *
*SLAM!!! *
*GAK!!! *
*BOOM!!! *
*OUCH!!! *
*YAAG!!! *
*KABOOM!!! *
Narrator: Later on after all this, the scouts win and they go home. Notice the sudden and annoying ending to this battle. The author of this story is incredibly lazy if I do say so myself. Oh well, at least the author didn't make them lose. Go scouts. Yay.
Moon: That was too easy.
Chibi-Moon: That was, only one problem.
Moon: What?
Chibi-Moon: Where in the universe are we ever going to make enough money to repair that store?
*Chibi-Moon motions at the crater behind her where the store used to be. *
Moon: Uh-oh.
Chibi-Moon: Do you think mommy will give us a raise on our allowance by any chance?
Moon: Don't count on it.
Chibi-Moon: Darn!
Moon: Really, they had the lowest prices in town!
Chibi-Moon: That's not what I meant.
Moon: Oh.
Chapter 5
Narrator: It's later on that week and all is good (mostly). The people of Tokyo decided to forgive the scouts after they figured that it was better to have a blown up grocery store than a blown up world. The scouts are all very relieved by this (why wouldn't they be). Serena and Raye are fighting at Raye's temple, Amy and Greg are studying, and Lita and Mina are hanging out at the mall with Luna and Artemis. Michiru and Haruka are watching the rest of the Daytona 500 that Haruka taped after she had been called to the
scout meeting earlier. Hotaru and Reeny are window shopping at a strip mall, Darien is sitting on top of a building somewhere still trying to collect his thoughts, and Setsuna is sitting at home just being bored. Now
that we have everyone cleared up, on with the show!
Serena: I say Sweet Tokyo High is the best show to ever come out!
Raye: No way! It's so Temple Traveling With Bob The Monk!
Serena: Temple Traveling With Bob The Monk? That's the lamest show I've ever heard!
Raye: Oh ya?
Serena: Ya!
Raye: Thpthpthpthpthp!
Serena: Thpthpthpthpthpthpthp!
Raye: THPTHPTHPTHPTHTPTHP!!!
Serena: THPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHP!!!
Raye: THPTHPTHPTHP!!!
Serena: Hey wait a minute!
Raye: Thpthp... huh?
Serena: Something just hit me here, I thought you hated TV!
Raye: I do!
Serena: Then why are we arguing about TV shows if you never watch TV?
Raye: I do once in awhile.
Serena: But you just said that you hated TV.
Raye: So? I watch some shows that are worth my time on the tube.
Serena: I'm lost.
Meanwhile...
Lita: I...am...so...bored.
Mina: ...Ditto...
Luna: You're bored? What about us poor cats?
Lita: So...go away then...you don't...have to hang around us...rain clouds.
Mina: ...Really...
Artemis: I would except I'm having too much fun teasing you.
Mina: ...Shut up Artemis...
Artemis: Hey, you two don't have any money, and no boyfriends, which leaves you with us cats! He he he he ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Lita: ...Ugh...
Luna: ...
*BAM!!! *
Artemis: OW!!! Luna, what was that for?
Luna: ...you...are...so...annoying...Artemis...
Lita: Here here.
Mina: ...Really...
Artemis: ...(Mumbling) party poopers.
Meanwhile...
Haruka: COME ON JOHNSON, SLAM THAT GUY!!! NO, THE PIT STOP!!! BRAKE AT THE PIT STOP!!! NO, NOT TOO LONG AROUND THE BEND!!!
*CRASH!!! *
*BAM!!! *
*BOOM!!! *
* OH AND JOHNSON IS OUT OF THE RACE AFTER AN INCREDABLE LEAD FOR THREE LAPS!!! *
Haruka: NO!!!
Michiru: Uh, NO!!!
Haruka: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT!?!?!?!
Michiru: Um, YA, YOU IMBOSILE!!!
Haruka: HOW COULD YOU JUST BLOW OFF THAT PIT STOP LIKE THAT!?!?!?!? YOU HAD
NEXT TO NO FUEL AND A LOOSE WHEEL!!!
Michiru:...Oh yea, YOU @#$%^!!! What were you thinking?
Haruka: You don't get this, do you sweetie?
Michiru: I'm trying.
Haruka: That's okay, I love you no matter what you understand and don't.
Michiru: Oh, Haruka.
Haruka: Michiru...
Michiru: Haruka...
Haruka: Michiru...
*AND ANDERSON TAKES TH-- *click *
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: I...am...so...bored...
Wall: ...
Setsuna: I...am...so...very...bored...
Wall: ...
Setsuna: ...Much company you are...
Wall: ...
Meanwhile...
Darien: (Thinking) Who am I? Why did the Negaverse team up against us and somehow end up loosing? Why am I the only boy on the scout team? Why am I attracted to Serena when I'm 4 years older than her? What do I do for a living? Why did I come back to Japan when I was perfectly happy in America?
Who is Reeny? Who invented homework? Why do I wear such a stupid outfit when I'm battling the Negaverse? I wonder who thought of the idea of me fighting them in style with such an annoying cape? Why do those hand clickers that are used in the Spanish community played whenever I show up?
Why do I talk like a haiku when I'm about to battle? Who am I...
Meanwhile...
Amy: ...
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Greg: Good book?
Amy: Yea, yours?
Greg: Okay.
Amy: What's the title?
Greg: War and Peace.
Amy: Oh, I read that book. It's pretty long, but it gets interesting later on.
Greg: Cool, what are you reading?
Amy: Book of Virtues.
Greg: I read that book, it's pretty good.
Amy: Yea, I like it so far.
Greg: ...
Amy: ...
Greg: *Sigh *
Amy: Hmm?
Greg: ...
Amy: Are you okay?
Greg: Yea, why?
Amy: (Blushing) well, you just keep glancing at me that's all.
Greg: (Blushing) sorry.
Amy: Don't be.
Greg: Um...
Amy: Hmm?
Greg: Could I maybe kiss you?
Amy: You know my answer is always yes.
Greg: (Blushing and smiling) Hmm.
Amy: (Giggling) Hey...!
Meanwhile...
Reeny: La la la la la la LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA-TI-DA!!!
Hotaru: Umm, could you keep it down a tad, Reeny?
Reeny: No.
Hotaru: Why not?
Reeny: Because I love to annoy people.
Hotaru: Oh.
Reeny: ...
Hotaru: ...
Reeny: ...
Hotaru: ...
Reeny: ...
Hotaru: Why the sudden silence?
Reeny: I got nuttin' to do.
Hotaru: Well then, what are we doing right now?
Reeny: I forgot.
Hotaru: Talk about a short-term memory.
Reeny: HEY!!!
Hotaru: Well, in case you forgot we're window shopping at a strip-mall.
Reeny: Oh.
Hotaru: There's no one but me to annoy, is that it?
Reeny: Yea.
Hotaru: Well then, next time why don't we go to a strip-mall that hasn't been deserted by the whole city.
Reeny: Good idea.
Narrator: Well, our scouts' lives have finally gotten back to normal. The world is safe once more, and everyone has forgiven them for the destruction of the best grocery store in the city. It seems that everyone is happy, so all is good! Thank you for reading this addition of Sailor Dorks. I'm the Narrator saying good day!
THE END?
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