Authors Notes: These things take forever because I have to update the
content on them (these were written 3 years ago), so that's why I hesitate
on posting them. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this installment. This one I
originally had difficulty with, so in part 8 you might notice some jokes
about this part. Anywho, enjoy!
Shameless Plug: Visit my site! www.geocities.com/merc1650!
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Sailor Moon. Nope, no, nada, nunca, neener, *buzzer sound *, uh-uh, iie, no, double no, triple no, etc. If I see one lawyer aimed at me you're dead. I do not own her or the scouts (for the
last time), or the infamous Tuxedo Mask who needs help, or the evil people in all my parts, so on, so on, so on.
Rating: G or Y, G as in Good, Y as in Yay! Or you can stick to the boring TV and movie ratings.
By: Merc
1 Sailor Dorks Part 7
*Note: I've scavenging the Thesaurus for some really cool words. If you really want to know what Bob's saying, look it up. As for the rest of the group, here's what they say translates out to be:
Fer me la busht - French: Shut your mouth
Que? No entiendo, hable espanol mucho? - Spanish: What? I don't understand, speak English much?
Bulgarshki-izik - Bulgarian: Bulgarian (if you think I accidentally typed Bulgarian twice, I didn't, it literally means Bulgarian in Bulgarian). *
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::
Narrator: Hi, it's me again! Welcome to yet another exciting adventure in Sailor Dorks! Well, okay to be honest its not that exciting, just more dull, boring, conversive story. Anyway, Serena is at the store buying
groceries for her mom and Reeny is accompanying her (gee, wonder why). Raye is taking her shift at the great fire, and Amy is at cram school with Greg (I swear those two are joined at the hip). Lita is hanging out at the mall, and Mina is at the arcade (have you noticed that no one's been there in awhile?). Setsuna is moaning and complain about her lonely job, Michiru and Haruka are sitting by the pool tanning and flirting, and Hotaru is doing homework to the light of her 50 lamps (is that smoke I see coming from the
electrical sockets?). Darien is meandering around thinking (is that smoke I see coming from his ears?). Luna and Artemis are on a date (I'm surprised that Artemis can forgive Luna after all that she's done to him) Alrighty- tidy then, on with the show!
Serena: (Pondering) milk, bread, eggs, 20 razor refills, travel sewing kit
for accidents in battle, shampoo, animal crackers…animal crackers?
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: (Grabbing Reeny by the skirt) Hamburger Helper, cheese, oranges, carrots…carrots, yuck!
Reeny: LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!
Serena: Light bulbs, sugar, rice…rice…more rice…Sushi Helper, shaving cream for dad, oranges…
Reeny: (Struggling to get away from Serena's grasp. Think of those cute little pinwheel running legs that cartoon characters of all countries do when they're trying to get away or run very fast) *ack **eck * LET… GO… OF…ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: Conditioner, soap, fucia stay-on lipstick *he he *, beef, Okonumiaki Helper, fruits, vegetables, strawberry flavored spy rings… wait a minute- I think he meant strawberry flavored ice cream. Let me change that…
Reeny: *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! * Oh what's the use?
Meanwhile…
Raye: (Chanting) oh great fire, tell me something interesting…
Chad: HEY RAYE ARE YOU GONNA BE IN THERE ALL DAY?!?!?!?!?!?!
Raye: AAAAA!!!!!!!!!! MY CONCENTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: Oops.
Raye: (Really p.o.'d) @#$%^&*L…!!!!!!!!!
*Just then Raye's communicator beeps. Raye flips it open to see who it is.*
Amy: Raye…
Raye: You really creep me out (she closes her communicator). Now where were we…?
Chad: *Gulp *
Raye: He he he…
Chad: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
*BAM!!! *
Chad: (Moaning) uhhh…
Raye: (Smirking) he he he he, let's see you break my concentration now…
Meanwhile…
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Professor: Okay, time to turn in the exams.
Amy: *Sigh *
Greg: *Groan *
Amy: Ugh, I hate tests.
Greg: Ditto.
Kid: I thought you two lived for homework and tests.
Greg and Amy: Quiet, you.
Meanwhile…
Lita: Dum de do do dum de do do..
Store Clerk: You gonna buy that or what?
Lita: Huh?
Store Clerk: You heard me, are you going to buy that or not?
Lita: I don't know, I'm thinking of leaving right now yeah rude and selfish, no good, baddy-baddy, inconspicuous, incapable, deputan!
Store Clerk: Pardon?
Lita: FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE GET OUTTA MY FACE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY FOR
HARASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Store Clerk: (In a small voice) eek, yes ma'am.
Lita: Thank you.
Meanwhile…
Mina: (Staring at Andrew) good gosh golly Miss Molly.
Video Game: BAM!!!!!!!!!!
Mina: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS KILLED BY A GIANT COCKROACH?!?!?!?!?!?
Andrew: Playing Sailor V again Mina?
Mina: L*&^%$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Andrew: Um, Mina, he he, there are children present.
Mina: I WAS KILLED BY A #@%^ & BUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew: Um, I'm sorry to break this to you Mina, but Sailor V doesn't exist.
Mina: EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Andrew: I know this may come as a shock to you and all but…
Mina: Wait a sec here, no one believes in me?
Andrew: ?
Mina: How come no one believes in me? No fair, I'm the one who ends up saving the world's patuski every month!
Andrew: Is there any special medication that I should know about here?
Mina: No, why?
Andrew: Just asking!
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: My job is so lonely.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: Why?
Setsuna: I sit on my lazy butt day after day after day staring at this door waiting for someone to pop up so that I can clobber them with my humungous key.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: You have a huge lunge capacity to say all that without taking a breath.
Setsuna: Comes with being resurrected 3 times.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: You were resurrected 3 times?
Setsuna: Yeah, I'm thinking that next time I'll be resurrected at a worm or something.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: That's rough.
Setsuna: Yeah, I've been sitting on my butt for over 1,000 years and only now do I get to have some action in life.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: I feel for ya girl, well listen, I somehow ended up here through some sort of swirly, portal-type thingy. I have to go back to the future now if you don't mind.
Setsuna: Not at all, nice talking to ya!
Some Dog Who's About To Go Back Through The Door: No problem, catch ya later!
Setsuna: Bad pun.
Some Dog Who's Flown Through The Door: He he…
Meanwhile…
*SPLASH! *
Haruka: Having fun my little mermaid?
Michiru: Tons, you my golden honey?
Haruka: Never better, though I think I'm getting burned.
Michiru: Does it hurt?
Haruka: A little.
Michiru: Want me to kiss it for you?
Haruka: (Uncomfortable) um, he, he, no thanks sweet pea.
Michiru: Why not?
Haruka: (Through her clenched teeth) because…
Michiru: Because why?
Haruka: Just…because.
Michiru: (Finally getting it and turning very red) oh, um, oops, I, uh, er, uh, he he…
*SPLASH! *
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: (Concentrating) three times five times two divided by one time zero is… oh what is it?
Prof. Tomoe: Having trouble honey?
Hotaru: Yea, I can't find out what three times two divided by one times zero equals.
Prof. Tomoe: Just look at the last number.
Hotaru: Why?
Prof. Tomoe: Because that's the answer.
Hotaru: I don't get it.
Prof. Tomoe: Anything times zero equals zero.
Hotaru: Yeah, well this is a bunch of stuff times zero.
Prof. Tomoe: It's the same no matter how many things you take times or divided by.
Hotaru: I still don't get it.
Prof. Tomoe: How many of your lamps times zero does it equal?
Hotaru: Um…zero?
Prof. Tomoe: Good, now do the same thing for that math problem!
Hotaru: ?
Prof. Tomoe: Convert all those numbers to lamps. Three lamps times two lamps divided by one lamp times zero lamps.
Hotaru: I get it now! The answer is zero!
Prof. Tomoe: Oy…
Meanwhile…
Darien: Who am I? How come my roses can stop all those powers of the Negaforce? Does Serena ever change her hair? Where in the name of karma did Chibi-Chibi come from? If I decided that I wanted to date around, would that change the future and get rid of Reeny? That would be one mistake that Setsuna wouldn't forgive me for. What ever happened to that scepter of hers after she got the Moon Spiral Heart Attack? I could have sworn I saw something that looked like it in her trash can. How come people never see the scouts for who they are right away? I mean, is everyone in Tokyo stupid or something? It's so obvious that Serena's Sailor Moon and Amy's Sailor Mercury. There are two no brainers for them. Oh well, go figure. Who am I…?
Meanwhile…
Luna: …
Artemis: …
Luna: …
Artemis: …
Luna: …
Artemis: …
Little Girl: Aww, look at the cute kitties kissing Mommy.
Artemis and Luna: …asyfdhoikwqlkjfnw?
Little Girl: (Innocently) He he…
Luna: (Blushing) maybe we should relocate.
Artemis: I'm right behind you.
*Luna and Artemis get up and walk away, leaving the little girl to giggle and continue to call her mother. *
Luna: Now I know how Amy feels.
Artemis: Now I know how Greg feels.
Luna: …
Chapter 2
Narrator: Well, the Negaverse was busy today! After fleeing Jedite's house in the same attempt as the earlier 4 generals did, they hide in Neflite's old home where the stars rule everything. Ann is staring at the stars mesmerized, Alan is sleeping, Emerald is being bored, and Bob is complaining about nothing in particular.
Ann: (Drool running down the side of her mouth) so pretty…
Alan: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Emerald: *Sigh *
Bob: Life stinks! Queen Beryl is so mean! I hate those Sailor Scouts even if they're all hotties! Why is my hair blue? Why isn't it black or brown or prematurely gray or something else normal? Why am I so moody? I hate Emerald's laugh! I hate Diamond! I hate Wise Man! Down with the Negamoon! I can't understand a word Tuxedo Mask says! I hate his cape too! I hate everything associated with the Sailor Scouts! I hate typos! I hate computers! I hate Leonardo DiCaprio!
Emerald: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: No!
Ann: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Why should I?
Alan: Because if you don't I'll turn you into mincemeat!
Bob: You apprehensible jaunic little pig!
Alan: Um, fer me la busht?
Ann: Que? No entiendo, habla ingles mucho?
Emerald: Bulgershki-izik?
Alan: I opine personage has been scavenging the Thesaurus way too much.
Bob: Yup.
Ann: Since when did you become so literate?
Alan: You oughta read the English Thesaurus quondam. There's some really cool words in it.
Ann: I'll eat a live cow first.
Emerald: Um, don't you think we should be planning some sort of easily escapable scheme to entrap the scouts into?
Ann: Um…
Alan: Well…
Bob: (Bluntly) yup.
Chapter 3
Narrator: The scouts are all gathered at Lita's apartment for the scout meeting this time around. Apparently Raye's grandfather got kinda upset about her having so many friends at the temple at once. Everyone is
centered around the table where Lita happened to put a ton of food that she just happened to make right before everyone came. The only person, or should I say cat, missing is Artemis.
Mina: Where's Artemis?
Serena: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmp.
Lita: Like I'd know.
Haruka: Wasn't my turn to watch that fleabag.
Michiru: Maybe a dog ate him.
Hotaru: Haven't a clue.
Setsuna: My job is to watch the Time Gate, not Artemis.
Reeny: Artemis is missing?
*Everyone looks at Amy. *
Amy: Don't look at me!
*Everyone looks at Raye. *
Raye: I track the Negaverse, not that four-legged puffball.
Luna: (Getting really agitated) he's checking out a spot where we think the Negaverse might be!
Serena: *GULP! * Oh, so that's where he is.
Mina: Will he get hurt?
Luna: Probably.
Mina: Pretty soon I'm gonna make you guys lease him as a guardian cat.
Amy: Why?
Mina: Because that feline slams about $100 outta my pocket a month!
Haruka: Thank god we don't own a cat.
Michiru: Haruka, I wanna kitty!
Haruka: (Turns pale) um…maybe later.
*Suddenly, Artemis bursts through the door. *
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
Haruka: Wow, that cat has lungs.
Lita: My neighbors are gonna be so mad.
Raye: A new record! He was able to go 40 Nagasaki without passing out!
Amy: Wow…
Artemis: HOLY TITANIC WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ARMAGEDDON,
IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE, and Its, Its, IT'S…
Luna: The Negaverse?
Artemis: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mina: Calm down Artemis it's nothing to freak out over.
Artemis: NOTHING TO FREAK OUT OVER?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
*Artemis the faints from shock. *
Mina: One of these days…
Reeny: Is he going to be okay?
Luna: That dolt's worse than Serena.
Serena: Hey I resent that!
Luna: What's this?
*Plucks an envelope from Artemis's invisible flea collar. *
The letter reads:
Salor scots,
i am emerald from the negaverse give up now or else. we want a Battle at the supr market on ricee stret so be their if yu dare. We will, kill you and you will be dead so like if yeah wanna com or somthing than be there at 800 sharp or else bwa ha ha ha ha.
Amy: She has the worst grammar and spelling of anyone that I've ever seen.
Luna: Screw the grammar and spelling, do you know what this means?!?!?!
Mina: The Negamoon must have been really desperate for a few good men.
Lita: Or a few good women.
Luna: What time is it?
Amy: 7:45
Luna: a.m. or p.m.?
Amy: (In a duh like voice) p.m.
Luna: P.M.!!!!!!!!! Hurry scouts! We don't have much time!
Serena: Whoa Luna, take a chill-pill.
Setsuna: Find your center.
Hotaru: Um, like, don't have a cow.
*Later after the scouts just barely make it to the tower with 1 minute to spare. *
Ann: Wow, you scouts really cut it close.
Moon: (Panting) I *pant * am *pant * Sailor *pant * Moon *pant * *GASP! *
Ann: Are you okay?
Moon: CRAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mars: I warned you not to sprint all the way but would you listen, nooooooooooooooooooo.
Moon: Shut up Mars before I hit you over the head with my scepter.
Ann: Come on guys, let's get this over with and go celebrate!
Bob: Sounds good to me. YAAG!!!
*Bob starts to fire energy beams at the scouts when a rose penetrates the beams. *
Bob: WHAT THE…?
Tuxedo Mask: (Perched on top of a building) I am Tuxedo Mask!
Bob: WHO?!?!?!?!
Moon: TUXEDO MASK, YOU SAVED ME!!!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, the flower that doesn't bloom is nothing but a withered heart.
Mercury: Huh?
Uranus: Um, hola amigo. Yo quiero Taco Bell!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, do not pop a balloon before it is blown up.
Neptune: What are these wacko sayings?
Jupiter: Bonjour messure! Como sa va? Sa va bien!
Tuxedo Mask: No! What I am trying to say is this; the tree with no leaves is like a pastry without frosting.
Neptune: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SPEAK ENGLISH!!!
Chibi-Moon: FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE SPEAK JAPANESE!!!
Mars: OH FOR THE LOVE OF FIRE SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE WE SPEAK!!!
Emerald: You do realize that you make no sense what so ever.
Tuxedo Mask: …
Ann: Um… yeah, anyway, uh, KILL EM' ALL!!!
Alan: YAY!!!
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Alan: Um… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Ann and Alan both throw huge balls of energy at the scouts. *
Tuxedo Mask: (In a superhero type voice) egad! They're going to kill the scouts!
Emerald: Your point?
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Tuxedo Mask: Um… (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Tuxedo Mask starts to throw roses at a rapid pace, think machine gun on this one. *
Bob: Holy *censored* he's a walking rose throwing machine gun!
Emerald: Holy cow that boy can throw!
Ann and Alan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: (Weak and stupefied) uhhhhhhhhhhh…
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Bob: What?
Ann: I GOT A CUT!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!
Alan: And to think I married her.
Ann: Watch it or you'll become a bachelor once more!
Alan: Gak! Um, (speaking at lighting speed)
herehoneyletmekissthatcutofyoursandthenI'llmakesurethatit'sbandagedproperlya ndandand…
Bob: Breathe Alan.
Alan: uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bob: Thank you.
Jupiter: All right you Nageturds! That was, like, totally painful so get ready to say hello to the big man below!
Emerald: That's not good.
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!
*Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Uranus: Hey that looked like fun. Let me in! WORLD SHAKING!!!
Neptune: Wait for me! DEEP SUBMERGE!!!
Saturn: You poopy heads are so mean that I remembered one of my powers!
Ann: @#$%^&*(!
Saturn: SILENCE GLAIVE APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: What the #$%^ is a glaive?
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Alan: Ouch.
Emerald: OOOOOOWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Bob: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!!!
Emerald: I'm okay!
Bob: Oh the pain…
Alan: Shut up you.
Ann: Am I alive?
Tuxedo Mask: Don't forget scouts, the flower that dies is not watered with Miracle Grow.
Saturn: (Sarcastically) whatever you say!
Chibi-Moon: Are you sure he's my father?
Moon: Um…
Emerald: (Struggling to get up) you… scouts, can't defeat us… we're…too strong.
Mars: WRONG!!! MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!! Hot hot hot!
Venus: All right my turn! VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!
Tuxedo Mask: Well, seeing as how I have nothing better to do… TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!
Everyone: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Luna: I will not laugh, I will not laugh, I will not laugh…hahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Artemis: (Trying miserably not to laugh) is that *kich * even a *kich * power?!?!?
Moon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! !
Mercury: Oh, how embarrassing.
Chibi-Moon: I met him at the Quickie-Mart. I do not know this man.
Mars: And to think once I was attracted to him.
Tuxedo Mask: Well, my work here is done, keep up the good work scouts!
*Tuxedo Mask jumps off the building like he does in every episode. Then everyone hears a really long scream that seems to fade out. *
Mercury: I think someone needs to go back to Physics class.
Uranus: That has to hurt.
*BAM!!! *
Bob: WOOHOO!!! No more stupid poetry from that dude!
Emerald: Shut up blue boy, we still have the other 8 scouts to take care of.
Alan: Don't you mean 9 scouts?
Emerald: No, I only counted 8.
Bob: Wasn't there some hot chick named Sailor Plato or Plutonium or Platinum or something like that here?
Chibi-Moon: Hey, where did Sailor Pluto go?
Neptune: Last I saw she was headed towards the hot dog stand down the street.
*As if on cue Sailor Pluto comes walking back towards the group with a napkin and a one foot hot dog in her hands. *
Moon: And where were you…?
Pluto: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmph.
Moon: ?
Mercury: She's saying something about how she got left out of the conversation and fight, so she went out for a quick bite to eat.
Pluto: Mph!
Moon: Wow Mercury, how did you know what she was saying?
Mercury: I'm fluent in Serena-ese.
Mars: *Giggling *, hmhmhmhhmhm…
Moon: Shut up Mars.
Mars: Pthpthpthpthpth!
Moon: Pthpthpthpthpthpthpthptpth!
Mercury: Ugh, I'm getting soaked again!
Ann: I'm getting so bored!
Emerald: Me too.
Moon: Pthpth… you two, bored? Here, I'll make things a little more interesting. Hehehehe…
Ann: Uh-oh.
Moon: Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!
All 4 Generals: Uh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*insert deep breath here* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Moon: (In a triumphant voice) Hehehehehehe!
Some Weird Echo Voice: Ha! You think you've won? Well you're wrong! We'll be back sailor pimps! Don't think you've seen the last of us…
Moon: OH @#$%^&*:P=-(#^%(&@$?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: AMY!!!
Mercury: Sailor Moon…
Moon: Oh shove it Mercury!
Mercury: Watch it, I could overthrow you as leader so fast it would make your head spin!
Moon: Go suck on a tic-tack!
Mercury: One, two, three…
Neptune: Better apologize, she really means business.
Uranus: I'll second that.
Moon: You second everything she says.
Uranus: Yeah, but this time I speak from experience, not emotions.
Moon: (Getting nervous) umm… sorry?
Mercury: Better.
Jupiter: That's a way Mercury!
Moon: Watch it Jupiter! I'm still the leader, so you had better cheer me on!
Jupiter: …
Venus: Whatever Sailor Moon.
Pluto: Your power has corrupted you.
Saturn: What does corrupted mean?
Chibi-Moon: Yeah, what does, cor-up-pted mean?
Luna: We'll explain later.
Moon: Why me?
Chapter 4
Narrator: Okay, so the scouts half won half lost again like in all the other episodes of this stupid story. Anywho, they all decided, hey, ya' can't win em' all (in other words, so much for dusting the generals).
Everyone went home and the next day went back to school. Serena is now currently in detention, Raye's selling charms at the temple, with Chad, and Amy's at cram school (not with Greg!). Lita's at home cooking, Mina's at home knitting, and Michiru and Haruka are doing homework. Hotaru's running
away from everyone who wants to kidnap her and posses her with someone not very nice, and Setsuna's busy playing with Reeny via that annoying, little floating-everywhere Luna Sphere of hers, and Luna and Artemis are out ransacking any seafood restaurant in town.
Serena: …
Ms. Haruna: *Sigh *
Serena: …
Ms. Haruna: Do de do de do
Some Other Girl: *Write **write **write*
Serena: Ugh.
Ms. Haruna: WHAT WAS THAT SERENA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Serena: Gak! Nothing Ms. H!
Some Other Girl: Whoa.
Meanwhile…
Amy: …
Teacher: So if you take the square root and multiply it by 98,765, then
divide it by 3, then add it by 234, then subtract it by pi., then multiply
it by 7, then you get N.
Class: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Amy: *Scribble **scribble *
Teacher: CLASS!!!
Class: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Amy: Hmm?
Meanwhile…
Raye: That'll be 10 dollars.
Girl: I only have 5.
Raye: Katie, I know you have more.
Katie: Um, no I don't.
Raye: Cough it up!
Katie: Fine, fine, fine, here.
Raye: Thank you, please come again!
Katie: Hmp.
Meanwhile…
Lita: (Singing) UPSIDE, INSIDE OUT, SHE'S LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!
SHE'LL PUSH AND PULL YOU DOWN, LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!!! HER LIPS ARE
DEVIL RED AND HER SKIN'S THE COLOR OF MOCHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE WILL WEAR YOU
OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Someone knocks on the door. *
Lita: WOKE UP, IN NEW YORK CITY, IN A FUNKY CHEEP HOTEL… huh?
*Knock knock. Lita walks over to the door and opens it up. *
Lita: Hello.
Lady: Hi, remember me?
Lita: No.
Lady: I'm your next door neighbor. You know, the one with the baby.
Lita: Oh yeah, I remember you!
Lady: Listen, my kid's asleep and again your singing is waking her up, so could you KEEP IT DOWN?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
Lita: Sure.
Lady: Thank you.
*The lady then walks off and Lita shuts the door. *
Lita: Jeez, what a grump!
*She then smells smoke. *
Lita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NOT THE TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Mina: Hmm, hmm, hmm…
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: Ransacking seafood restaurants must be tiresome.
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: …
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: …
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: …
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: OOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE
@#$^#%&$*?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? MINA WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!!?
Mina: (Whimpering) I stuck myself.
Artemis: YOU SCREAM BLOODY MURDER BECAUSE YOU STUCK YOURSELF?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Mina: M-hm.
Artemis: OY!!! I'm going back to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: Meanie.
Meanwhile…
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: UGH!!!
Michiru: What is it Haruky?
Haruka: Well Michy, quite frankly I'm stuck.
Michiru: Where?
Haruka: Problem #7.
Michiru: Let's see then (pondering) well, it looks like all you have to do is take 37 kilometers, multiply it by 3, then take 72 kilometers and multiply it by 2. Then you take the two answers, divide them by 2, and then multiply them by 8, then subtract them by pi. to get the answer.
Haruka: ?
Michiru: (Sighing) take 37 kilometers per hour and multiply them by 3 race cars, then take 72 kilometers per hour and multiply them by 2 race cars. Then you take both of those racing kiloages on the cars and divide them by 2 dollars, multiply them by 8 more race cars, and then subtract 3.1415927 kilometers of track from them to get the answer.
Haruka: Oh, I get it now!
Michiru: Oy…
Haruka: (In a Billy Madison voice) I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: You…can't…catch…me…!
Somebody From The Negaverse: Yes I can!
Hotaru: Go away you stupid bugger!
Somebody From The Negaverse: I AM NOT A STUPID BUGGER YOU LITTLE RUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: Stay back! I have a Glaive!
Somebody From The Negaverse: What in the name of Beryl is a Glaive?
Hotaru: I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody From The Negaverse: Whatever. What are you gonna do, that stupid Silence Glaive Apply? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
*BAM!!! *
Hotaru: Who said that I was going to blast you with this thing? It's cool just as a giant hitting stick!
Somebody From The Negaverse: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: ReEeEeEeNnNnNnYyYyYyYy SsSsSsTtTtTOoOoOPpPpPpPpP!!!!!!!!
Reeny: Bouncy ball, bouncy ball!
Setsuna: IiIiIiIiI'MmMm GgGgGgEeEeEeTtTtIiIiIiIiIiIiNnNnNnNGgGgGgGg
DdDdDdIiIiIiIiZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzYyYyYyY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: (Stops bouncing Luna P.) what did you say?
Setsuna: I think I'm gonna barf.
Reeny: NOT ON ME YOUR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Setsuna: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Reeny: Uh-oh.
Setsuna: *Insert barfing noises *
Reeny: YYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!
Setsuna: *More barfing noises *
Reeny: Ick.
Setsuna: (Moaning) uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh, ick and yuck yourself.
Meanwhile…
Luna: What a jerk, ditching me like that. I was having so much fun ransacking seafood restaurants!
Tree: …
Luna: …
Tree: …
Luna: …
Tree: …
Luna: …
Tree: …
Luna: One of these days that cat's gonna get it.
Tree: …
Luna: Much help you were.
Tree: …
Meanwhile…
Narrator: Darien is still in bed trying to figure out the secret of life. Darien: Who am I? What is the secret of life? Why am I the only boy scout? Where's my poetry book? I need some more good lines. Why wasn't I killed in that fall? How old am I? Where's my school? Did I ever win the Power Ball? What can I get for 3 bucks? Why am I wondering about that? Why do people say that MUD spelled backwards is DUMB? DUMB spelled backwards is BMUD, not MUD. Who am I…?
Narrator: Well, all is good in the world of the universe. All except for Darien, all the scouts have battled battle after battle without loosing their sanity. Stay tuned to the next (horribly written) episode of Sailor
Dorks! Buh-bye now! Ja ne to all!
The End?
So, did you guys like it? Hate it? Tell me! I'm totally into reviews. LOL, oh, and if you're reading this, I had Prom on Saturday! I'll be scanning in the picture on Monday when I get it (I got my very first slow dance ever at Prom ^^), so be on the lookout for the link at my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650! Till next time all you guys and gals!
Shameless Plug: Visit my site! www.geocities.com/merc1650!
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Sailor Moon. Nope, no, nada, nunca, neener, *buzzer sound *, uh-uh, iie, no, double no, triple no, etc. If I see one lawyer aimed at me you're dead. I do not own her or the scouts (for the
last time), or the infamous Tuxedo Mask who needs help, or the evil people in all my parts, so on, so on, so on.
Rating: G or Y, G as in Good, Y as in Yay! Or you can stick to the boring TV and movie ratings.
By: Merc
1 Sailor Dorks Part 7
*Note: I've scavenging the Thesaurus for some really cool words. If you really want to know what Bob's saying, look it up. As for the rest of the group, here's what they say translates out to be:
Fer me la busht - French: Shut your mouth
Que? No entiendo, hable espanol mucho? - Spanish: What? I don't understand, speak English much?
Bulgarshki-izik - Bulgarian: Bulgarian (if you think I accidentally typed Bulgarian twice, I didn't, it literally means Bulgarian in Bulgarian). *
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::
Narrator: Hi, it's me again! Welcome to yet another exciting adventure in Sailor Dorks! Well, okay to be honest its not that exciting, just more dull, boring, conversive story. Anyway, Serena is at the store buying
groceries for her mom and Reeny is accompanying her (gee, wonder why). Raye is taking her shift at the great fire, and Amy is at cram school with Greg (I swear those two are joined at the hip). Lita is hanging out at the mall, and Mina is at the arcade (have you noticed that no one's been there in awhile?). Setsuna is moaning and complain about her lonely job, Michiru and Haruka are sitting by the pool tanning and flirting, and Hotaru is doing homework to the light of her 50 lamps (is that smoke I see coming from the
electrical sockets?). Darien is meandering around thinking (is that smoke I see coming from his ears?). Luna and Artemis are on a date (I'm surprised that Artemis can forgive Luna after all that she's done to him) Alrighty- tidy then, on with the show!
Serena: (Pondering) milk, bread, eggs, 20 razor refills, travel sewing kit
for accidents in battle, shampoo, animal crackers…animal crackers?
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: (Grabbing Reeny by the skirt) Hamburger Helper, cheese, oranges, carrots…carrots, yuck!
Reeny: LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!
Serena: Light bulbs, sugar, rice…rice…more rice…Sushi Helper, shaving cream for dad, oranges…
Reeny: (Struggling to get away from Serena's grasp. Think of those cute little pinwheel running legs that cartoon characters of all countries do when they're trying to get away or run very fast) *ack **eck * LET… GO… OF…ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: Conditioner, soap, fucia stay-on lipstick *he he *, beef, Okonumiaki Helper, fruits, vegetables, strawberry flavored spy rings… wait a minute- I think he meant strawberry flavored ice cream. Let me change that…
Reeny: *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! * Oh what's the use?
Meanwhile…
Raye: (Chanting) oh great fire, tell me something interesting…
Chad: HEY RAYE ARE YOU GONNA BE IN THERE ALL DAY?!?!?!?!?!?!
Raye: AAAAA!!!!!!!!!! MY CONCENTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: Oops.
Raye: (Really p.o.'d) @#$%^&*L…!!!!!!!!!
*Just then Raye's communicator beeps. Raye flips it open to see who it is.*
Amy: Raye…
Raye: You really creep me out (she closes her communicator). Now where were we…?
Chad: *Gulp *
Raye: He he he…
Chad: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
*BAM!!! *
Chad: (Moaning) uhhh…
Raye: (Smirking) he he he he, let's see you break my concentration now…
Meanwhile…
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Professor: Okay, time to turn in the exams.
Amy: *Sigh *
Greg: *Groan *
Amy: Ugh, I hate tests.
Greg: Ditto.
Kid: I thought you two lived for homework and tests.
Greg and Amy: Quiet, you.
Meanwhile…
Lita: Dum de do do dum de do do..
Store Clerk: You gonna buy that or what?
Lita: Huh?
Store Clerk: You heard me, are you going to buy that or not?
Lita: I don't know, I'm thinking of leaving right now yeah rude and selfish, no good, baddy-baddy, inconspicuous, incapable, deputan!
Store Clerk: Pardon?
Lita: FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE GET OUTTA MY FACE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY FOR
HARASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Store Clerk: (In a small voice) eek, yes ma'am.
Lita: Thank you.
Meanwhile…
Mina: (Staring at Andrew) good gosh golly Miss Molly.
Video Game: BAM!!!!!!!!!!
Mina: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS KILLED BY A GIANT COCKROACH?!?!?!?!?!?
Andrew: Playing Sailor V again Mina?
Mina: L*&^%$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Andrew: Um, Mina, he he, there are children present.
Mina: I WAS KILLED BY A #@%^ & BUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew: Um, I'm sorry to break this to you Mina, but Sailor V doesn't exist.
Mina: EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Andrew: I know this may come as a shock to you and all but…
Mina: Wait a sec here, no one believes in me?
Andrew: ?
Mina: How come no one believes in me? No fair, I'm the one who ends up saving the world's patuski every month!
Andrew: Is there any special medication that I should know about here?
Mina: No, why?
Andrew: Just asking!
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: My job is so lonely.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: Why?
Setsuna: I sit on my lazy butt day after day after day staring at this door waiting for someone to pop up so that I can clobber them with my humungous key.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: You have a huge lunge capacity to say all that without taking a breath.
Setsuna: Comes with being resurrected 3 times.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: You were resurrected 3 times?
Setsuna: Yeah, I'm thinking that next time I'll be resurrected at a worm or something.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: That's rough.
Setsuna: Yeah, I've been sitting on my butt for over 1,000 years and only now do I get to have some action in life.
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: I feel for ya girl, well listen, I somehow ended up here through some sort of swirly, portal-type thingy. I have to go back to the future now if you don't mind.
Setsuna: Not at all, nice talking to ya!
Some Dog Who's About To Go Back Through The Door: No problem, catch ya later!
Setsuna: Bad pun.
Some Dog Who's Flown Through The Door: He he…
Meanwhile…
*SPLASH! *
Haruka: Having fun my little mermaid?
Michiru: Tons, you my golden honey?
Haruka: Never better, though I think I'm getting burned.
Michiru: Does it hurt?
Haruka: A little.
Michiru: Want me to kiss it for you?
Haruka: (Uncomfortable) um, he, he, no thanks sweet pea.
Michiru: Why not?
Haruka: (Through her clenched teeth) because…
Michiru: Because why?
Haruka: Just…because.
Michiru: (Finally getting it and turning very red) oh, um, oops, I, uh, er, uh, he he…
*SPLASH! *
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: (Concentrating) three times five times two divided by one time zero is… oh what is it?
Prof. Tomoe: Having trouble honey?
Hotaru: Yea, I can't find out what three times two divided by one times zero equals.
Prof. Tomoe: Just look at the last number.
Hotaru: Why?
Prof. Tomoe: Because that's the answer.
Hotaru: I don't get it.
Prof. Tomoe: Anything times zero equals zero.
Hotaru: Yeah, well this is a bunch of stuff times zero.
Prof. Tomoe: It's the same no matter how many things you take times or divided by.
Hotaru: I still don't get it.
Prof. Tomoe: How many of your lamps times zero does it equal?
Hotaru: Um…zero?
Prof. Tomoe: Good, now do the same thing for that math problem!
Hotaru: ?
Prof. Tomoe: Convert all those numbers to lamps. Three lamps times two lamps divided by one lamp times zero lamps.
Hotaru: I get it now! The answer is zero!
Prof. Tomoe: Oy…
Meanwhile…
Darien: Who am I? How come my roses can stop all those powers of the Negaforce? Does Serena ever change her hair? Where in the name of karma did Chibi-Chibi come from? If I decided that I wanted to date around, would that change the future and get rid of Reeny? That would be one mistake that Setsuna wouldn't forgive me for. What ever happened to that scepter of hers after she got the Moon Spiral Heart Attack? I could have sworn I saw something that looked like it in her trash can. How come people never see the scouts for who they are right away? I mean, is everyone in Tokyo stupid or something? It's so obvious that Serena's Sailor Moon and Amy's Sailor Mercury. There are two no brainers for them. Oh well, go figure. Who am I…?
Meanwhile…
Luna: …
Artemis: …
Luna: …
Artemis: …
Luna: …
Artemis: …
Little Girl: Aww, look at the cute kitties kissing Mommy.
Artemis and Luna: …asyfdhoikwqlkjfnw?
Little Girl: (Innocently) He he…
Luna: (Blushing) maybe we should relocate.
Artemis: I'm right behind you.
*Luna and Artemis get up and walk away, leaving the little girl to giggle and continue to call her mother. *
Luna: Now I know how Amy feels.
Artemis: Now I know how Greg feels.
Luna: …
Chapter 2
Narrator: Well, the Negaverse was busy today! After fleeing Jedite's house in the same attempt as the earlier 4 generals did, they hide in Neflite's old home where the stars rule everything. Ann is staring at the stars mesmerized, Alan is sleeping, Emerald is being bored, and Bob is complaining about nothing in particular.
Ann: (Drool running down the side of her mouth) so pretty…
Alan: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Emerald: *Sigh *
Bob: Life stinks! Queen Beryl is so mean! I hate those Sailor Scouts even if they're all hotties! Why is my hair blue? Why isn't it black or brown or prematurely gray or something else normal? Why am I so moody? I hate Emerald's laugh! I hate Diamond! I hate Wise Man! Down with the Negamoon! I can't understand a word Tuxedo Mask says! I hate his cape too! I hate everything associated with the Sailor Scouts! I hate typos! I hate computers! I hate Leonardo DiCaprio!
Emerald: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: No!
Ann: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Why should I?
Alan: Because if you don't I'll turn you into mincemeat!
Bob: You apprehensible jaunic little pig!
Alan: Um, fer me la busht?
Ann: Que? No entiendo, habla ingles mucho?
Emerald: Bulgershki-izik?
Alan: I opine personage has been scavenging the Thesaurus way too much.
Bob: Yup.
Ann: Since when did you become so literate?
Alan: You oughta read the English Thesaurus quondam. There's some really cool words in it.
Ann: I'll eat a live cow first.
Emerald: Um, don't you think we should be planning some sort of easily escapable scheme to entrap the scouts into?
Ann: Um…
Alan: Well…
Bob: (Bluntly) yup.
Chapter 3
Narrator: The scouts are all gathered at Lita's apartment for the scout meeting this time around. Apparently Raye's grandfather got kinda upset about her having so many friends at the temple at once. Everyone is
centered around the table where Lita happened to put a ton of food that she just happened to make right before everyone came. The only person, or should I say cat, missing is Artemis.
Mina: Where's Artemis?
Serena: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmp.
Lita: Like I'd know.
Haruka: Wasn't my turn to watch that fleabag.
Michiru: Maybe a dog ate him.
Hotaru: Haven't a clue.
Setsuna: My job is to watch the Time Gate, not Artemis.
Reeny: Artemis is missing?
*Everyone looks at Amy. *
Amy: Don't look at me!
*Everyone looks at Raye. *
Raye: I track the Negaverse, not that four-legged puffball.
Luna: (Getting really agitated) he's checking out a spot where we think the Negaverse might be!
Serena: *GULP! * Oh, so that's where he is.
Mina: Will he get hurt?
Luna: Probably.
Mina: Pretty soon I'm gonna make you guys lease him as a guardian cat.
Amy: Why?
Mina: Because that feline slams about $100 outta my pocket a month!
Haruka: Thank god we don't own a cat.
Michiru: Haruka, I wanna kitty!
Haruka: (Turns pale) um…maybe later.
*Suddenly, Artemis bursts through the door. *
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
Haruka: Wow, that cat has lungs.
Lita: My neighbors are gonna be so mad.
Raye: A new record! He was able to go 40 Nagasaki without passing out!
Amy: Wow…
Artemis: HOLY TITANIC WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ARMAGEDDON,
IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE, and Its, Its, IT'S…
Luna: The Negaverse?
Artemis: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mina: Calm down Artemis it's nothing to freak out over.
Artemis: NOTHING TO FREAK OUT OVER?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
*Artemis the faints from shock. *
Mina: One of these days…
Reeny: Is he going to be okay?
Luna: That dolt's worse than Serena.
Serena: Hey I resent that!
Luna: What's this?
*Plucks an envelope from Artemis's invisible flea collar. *
The letter reads:
Salor scots,
i am emerald from the negaverse give up now or else. we want a Battle at the supr market on ricee stret so be their if yu dare. We will, kill you and you will be dead so like if yeah wanna com or somthing than be there at 800 sharp or else bwa ha ha ha ha.
Amy: She has the worst grammar and spelling of anyone that I've ever seen.
Luna: Screw the grammar and spelling, do you know what this means?!?!?!
Mina: The Negamoon must have been really desperate for a few good men.
Lita: Or a few good women.
Luna: What time is it?
Amy: 7:45
Luna: a.m. or p.m.?
Amy: (In a duh like voice) p.m.
Luna: P.M.!!!!!!!!! Hurry scouts! We don't have much time!
Serena: Whoa Luna, take a chill-pill.
Setsuna: Find your center.
Hotaru: Um, like, don't have a cow.
*Later after the scouts just barely make it to the tower with 1 minute to spare. *
Ann: Wow, you scouts really cut it close.
Moon: (Panting) I *pant * am *pant * Sailor *pant * Moon *pant * *GASP! *
Ann: Are you okay?
Moon: CRAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mars: I warned you not to sprint all the way but would you listen, nooooooooooooooooooo.
Moon: Shut up Mars before I hit you over the head with my scepter.
Ann: Come on guys, let's get this over with and go celebrate!
Bob: Sounds good to me. YAAG!!!
*Bob starts to fire energy beams at the scouts when a rose penetrates the beams. *
Bob: WHAT THE…?
Tuxedo Mask: (Perched on top of a building) I am Tuxedo Mask!
Bob: WHO?!?!?!?!
Moon: TUXEDO MASK, YOU SAVED ME!!!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, the flower that doesn't bloom is nothing but a withered heart.
Mercury: Huh?
Uranus: Um, hola amigo. Yo quiero Taco Bell!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, do not pop a balloon before it is blown up.
Neptune: What are these wacko sayings?
Jupiter: Bonjour messure! Como sa va? Sa va bien!
Tuxedo Mask: No! What I am trying to say is this; the tree with no leaves is like a pastry without frosting.
Neptune: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SPEAK ENGLISH!!!
Chibi-Moon: FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE SPEAK JAPANESE!!!
Mars: OH FOR THE LOVE OF FIRE SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE WE SPEAK!!!
Emerald: You do realize that you make no sense what so ever.
Tuxedo Mask: …
Ann: Um… yeah, anyway, uh, KILL EM' ALL!!!
Alan: YAY!!!
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Alan: Um… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Ann and Alan both throw huge balls of energy at the scouts. *
Tuxedo Mask: (In a superhero type voice) egad! They're going to kill the scouts!
Emerald: Your point?
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Tuxedo Mask: Um… (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Tuxedo Mask starts to throw roses at a rapid pace, think machine gun on this one. *
Bob: Holy *censored* he's a walking rose throwing machine gun!
Emerald: Holy cow that boy can throw!
Ann and Alan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: (Weak and stupefied) uhhhhhhhhhhh…
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Bob: What?
Ann: I GOT A CUT!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!
Alan: And to think I married her.
Ann: Watch it or you'll become a bachelor once more!
Alan: Gak! Um, (speaking at lighting speed)
herehoneyletmekissthatcutofyoursandthenI'llmakesurethatit'sbandagedproperlya ndandand…
Bob: Breathe Alan.
Alan: uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bob: Thank you.
Jupiter: All right you Nageturds! That was, like, totally painful so get ready to say hello to the big man below!
Emerald: That's not good.
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!
*Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Uranus: Hey that looked like fun. Let me in! WORLD SHAKING!!!
Neptune: Wait for me! DEEP SUBMERGE!!!
Saturn: You poopy heads are so mean that I remembered one of my powers!
Ann: @#$%^&*(!
Saturn: SILENCE GLAIVE APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: What the #$%^ is a glaive?
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Alan: Ouch.
Emerald: OOOOOOWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Bob: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!!!
Emerald: I'm okay!
Bob: Oh the pain…
Alan: Shut up you.
Ann: Am I alive?
Tuxedo Mask: Don't forget scouts, the flower that dies is not watered with Miracle Grow.
Saturn: (Sarcastically) whatever you say!
Chibi-Moon: Are you sure he's my father?
Moon: Um…
Emerald: (Struggling to get up) you… scouts, can't defeat us… we're…too strong.
Mars: WRONG!!! MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!! Hot hot hot!
Venus: All right my turn! VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!
Tuxedo Mask: Well, seeing as how I have nothing better to do… TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!
Everyone: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Luna: I will not laugh, I will not laugh, I will not laugh…hahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Artemis: (Trying miserably not to laugh) is that *kich * even a *kich * power?!?!?
Moon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! !
Mercury: Oh, how embarrassing.
Chibi-Moon: I met him at the Quickie-Mart. I do not know this man.
Mars: And to think once I was attracted to him.
Tuxedo Mask: Well, my work here is done, keep up the good work scouts!
*Tuxedo Mask jumps off the building like he does in every episode. Then everyone hears a really long scream that seems to fade out. *
Mercury: I think someone needs to go back to Physics class.
Uranus: That has to hurt.
*BAM!!! *
Bob: WOOHOO!!! No more stupid poetry from that dude!
Emerald: Shut up blue boy, we still have the other 8 scouts to take care of.
Alan: Don't you mean 9 scouts?
Emerald: No, I only counted 8.
Bob: Wasn't there some hot chick named Sailor Plato or Plutonium or Platinum or something like that here?
Chibi-Moon: Hey, where did Sailor Pluto go?
Neptune: Last I saw she was headed towards the hot dog stand down the street.
*As if on cue Sailor Pluto comes walking back towards the group with a napkin and a one foot hot dog in her hands. *
Moon: And where were you…?
Pluto: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmph.
Moon: ?
Mercury: She's saying something about how she got left out of the conversation and fight, so she went out for a quick bite to eat.
Pluto: Mph!
Moon: Wow Mercury, how did you know what she was saying?
Mercury: I'm fluent in Serena-ese.
Mars: *Giggling *, hmhmhmhhmhm…
Moon: Shut up Mars.
Mars: Pthpthpthpthpth!
Moon: Pthpthpthpthpthpthpthptpth!
Mercury: Ugh, I'm getting soaked again!
Ann: I'm getting so bored!
Emerald: Me too.
Moon: Pthpth… you two, bored? Here, I'll make things a little more interesting. Hehehehe…
Ann: Uh-oh.
Moon: Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!
All 4 Generals: Uh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*insert deep breath here* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*SLAM!!! *
Moon: (In a triumphant voice) Hehehehehehe!
Some Weird Echo Voice: Ha! You think you've won? Well you're wrong! We'll be back sailor pimps! Don't think you've seen the last of us…
Moon: OH @#$%^&*:P=-(#^%(&@$?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: AMY!!!
Mercury: Sailor Moon…
Moon: Oh shove it Mercury!
Mercury: Watch it, I could overthrow you as leader so fast it would make your head spin!
Moon: Go suck on a tic-tack!
Mercury: One, two, three…
Neptune: Better apologize, she really means business.
Uranus: I'll second that.
Moon: You second everything she says.
Uranus: Yeah, but this time I speak from experience, not emotions.
Moon: (Getting nervous) umm… sorry?
Mercury: Better.
Jupiter: That's a way Mercury!
Moon: Watch it Jupiter! I'm still the leader, so you had better cheer me on!
Jupiter: …
Venus: Whatever Sailor Moon.
Pluto: Your power has corrupted you.
Saturn: What does corrupted mean?
Chibi-Moon: Yeah, what does, cor-up-pted mean?
Luna: We'll explain later.
Moon: Why me?
Chapter 4
Narrator: Okay, so the scouts half won half lost again like in all the other episodes of this stupid story. Anywho, they all decided, hey, ya' can't win em' all (in other words, so much for dusting the generals).
Everyone went home and the next day went back to school. Serena is now currently in detention, Raye's selling charms at the temple, with Chad, and Amy's at cram school (not with Greg!). Lita's at home cooking, Mina's at home knitting, and Michiru and Haruka are doing homework. Hotaru's running
away from everyone who wants to kidnap her and posses her with someone not very nice, and Setsuna's busy playing with Reeny via that annoying, little floating-everywhere Luna Sphere of hers, and Luna and Artemis are out ransacking any seafood restaurant in town.
Serena: …
Ms. Haruna: *Sigh *
Serena: …
Ms. Haruna: Do de do de do
Some Other Girl: *Write **write **write*
Serena: Ugh.
Ms. Haruna: WHAT WAS THAT SERENA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Serena: Gak! Nothing Ms. H!
Some Other Girl: Whoa.
Meanwhile…
Amy: …
Teacher: So if you take the square root and multiply it by 98,765, then
divide it by 3, then add it by 234, then subtract it by pi., then multiply
it by 7, then you get N.
Class: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Amy: *Scribble **scribble *
Teacher: CLASS!!!
Class: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Amy: Hmm?
Meanwhile…
Raye: That'll be 10 dollars.
Girl: I only have 5.
Raye: Katie, I know you have more.
Katie: Um, no I don't.
Raye: Cough it up!
Katie: Fine, fine, fine, here.
Raye: Thank you, please come again!
Katie: Hmp.
Meanwhile…
Lita: (Singing) UPSIDE, INSIDE OUT, SHE'S LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!
SHE'LL PUSH AND PULL YOU DOWN, LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!!! HER LIPS ARE
DEVIL RED AND HER SKIN'S THE COLOR OF MOCHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE WILL WEAR YOU
OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Someone knocks on the door. *
Lita: WOKE UP, IN NEW YORK CITY, IN A FUNKY CHEEP HOTEL… huh?
*Knock knock. Lita walks over to the door and opens it up. *
Lita: Hello.
Lady: Hi, remember me?
Lita: No.
Lady: I'm your next door neighbor. You know, the one with the baby.
Lita: Oh yeah, I remember you!
Lady: Listen, my kid's asleep and again your singing is waking her up, so could you KEEP IT DOWN?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
Lita: Sure.
Lady: Thank you.
*The lady then walks off and Lita shuts the door. *
Lita: Jeez, what a grump!
*She then smells smoke. *
Lita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NOT THE TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Mina: Hmm, hmm, hmm…
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: Ransacking seafood restaurants must be tiresome.
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: …
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: …
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: …
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: OOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE
@#$^#%&$*?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? MINA WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!!?
Mina: (Whimpering) I stuck myself.
Artemis: YOU SCREAM BLOODY MURDER BECAUSE YOU STUCK YOURSELF?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Mina: M-hm.
Artemis: OY!!! I'm going back to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Mina: Meanie.
Meanwhile…
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: UGH!!!
Michiru: What is it Haruky?
Haruka: Well Michy, quite frankly I'm stuck.
Michiru: Where?
Haruka: Problem #7.
Michiru: Let's see then (pondering) well, it looks like all you have to do is take 37 kilometers, multiply it by 3, then take 72 kilometers and multiply it by 2. Then you take the two answers, divide them by 2, and then multiply them by 8, then subtract them by pi. to get the answer.
Haruka: ?
Michiru: (Sighing) take 37 kilometers per hour and multiply them by 3 race cars, then take 72 kilometers per hour and multiply them by 2 race cars. Then you take both of those racing kiloages on the cars and divide them by 2 dollars, multiply them by 8 more race cars, and then subtract 3.1415927 kilometers of track from them to get the answer.
Haruka: Oh, I get it now!
Michiru: Oy…
Haruka: (In a Billy Madison voice) I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: You…can't…catch…me…!
Somebody From The Negaverse: Yes I can!
Hotaru: Go away you stupid bugger!
Somebody From The Negaverse: I AM NOT A STUPID BUGGER YOU LITTLE RUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: Stay back! I have a Glaive!
Somebody From The Negaverse: What in the name of Beryl is a Glaive?
Hotaru: I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody From The Negaverse: Whatever. What are you gonna do, that stupid Silence Glaive Apply? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
*BAM!!! *
Hotaru: Who said that I was going to blast you with this thing? It's cool just as a giant hitting stick!
Somebody From The Negaverse: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: ReEeEeEeNnNnNnYyYyYyYy SsSsSsTtTtTOoOoOPpPpPpPpP!!!!!!!!
Reeny: Bouncy ball, bouncy ball!
Setsuna: IiIiIiIiI'MmMm GgGgGgEeEeEeTtTtIiIiIiIiIiIiNnNnNnNGgGgGgGg
DdDdDdIiIiIiIiZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzYyYyYyY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: (Stops bouncing Luna P.) what did you say?
Setsuna: I think I'm gonna barf.
Reeny: NOT ON ME YOUR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Setsuna: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Reeny: Uh-oh.
Setsuna: *Insert barfing noises *
Reeny: YYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!
Setsuna: *More barfing noises *
Reeny: Ick.
Setsuna: (Moaning) uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh, ick and yuck yourself.
Meanwhile…
Luna: What a jerk, ditching me like that. I was having so much fun ransacking seafood restaurants!
Tree: …
Luna: …
Tree: …
Luna: …
Tree: …
Luna: …
Tree: …
Luna: One of these days that cat's gonna get it.
Tree: …
Luna: Much help you were.
Tree: …
Meanwhile…
Narrator: Darien is still in bed trying to figure out the secret of life. Darien: Who am I? What is the secret of life? Why am I the only boy scout? Where's my poetry book? I need some more good lines. Why wasn't I killed in that fall? How old am I? Where's my school? Did I ever win the Power Ball? What can I get for 3 bucks? Why am I wondering about that? Why do people say that MUD spelled backwards is DUMB? DUMB spelled backwards is BMUD, not MUD. Who am I…?
Narrator: Well, all is good in the world of the universe. All except for Darien, all the scouts have battled battle after battle without loosing their sanity. Stay tuned to the next (horribly written) episode of Sailor
Dorks! Buh-bye now! Ja ne to all!
The End?
So, did you guys like it? Hate it? Tell me! I'm totally into reviews. LOL, oh, and if you're reading this, I had Prom on Saturday! I'll be scanning in the picture on Monday when I get it (I got my very first slow dance ever at Prom ^^), so be on the lookout for the link at my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650! Till next time all you guys and gals!