Authors Notes: Sorry it's taken me so long to get the next part up. I've
been really busy trying to finish out the school year, not to mention going
to a gazillion graduation parties. My Internet has also been down for about
3 weeks also and we just got the new modem. *kicks her modem*.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. It is the property of DIC and Naoko Takeuchi (or however you spell her name). All rights reserved (and ditto for lunch reservations). Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, etc., etc. etc., so on and so on and so on, you get my drift.
Rated: G or Y
By: Merc
Sailor Dorks Part 8
Narrator: Hi everyone and welcome to another exciting issue of Sailor Dorks! Well, today it's Sunday, and as everyone knows, there's no school anywhere in the world on Sunday (yay)! Anywho, to get down to business here, Serena and Raye are hanging out at the temple under the guidance of Luna and Artemis. Amy is reading with Greg, Lita is writing sweet things to her millionaire uncle (where do you think she gets all her money from?), and Mina is with Reeny pondering stuff. Michiru and Haruka are catching a little sun at the nearby swimming pool, Setsuna is at the Crystal Game Center eyeing over Andrew (oolala), and Darien is for once not pondering the questions of the universe, but eating ice cream at a nearby shop. And Hotaru is building a contraption to nuke all cows. Now that that's over and done with, on with the show/story!
Serena: Do de do de do
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: ?
Luna: (Warning) Raye…
Artemis: Whoa, down girl down!
Serena: Really, calm down.
Raye: OH GO SIT ON A TACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: RAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: SERENA PIPE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: JERK!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: PMS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: PMS MY BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: !
Luna: Thank you…
Meanwhile…
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: Good book?
Greg: Yeah.
Amy: Oh…
Greg: *Sigh *
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: Wanna go somewhere?
Greg: (Quickly) yes!
Amy: (Giggling) good, I was starting to get a real major case of Bleacher Butt.
Greg: Ditto.
Meanwhile…
Lita: *Writing *
Dear Uncle Franky,
Thanks for all the support that you've given me over the years. It really
means a lot to me and I'm very thankful. I have just about everything I need
except for the occasional food run, so thanks for all that you've done.
Life's pretty good here; I have awesome friends, a way cool job (by job she
means Sailor Scout), and okay grades. I just wanted to write you and tell
you how much I love you. You're the best person ever. Can I have the money
to buy a Porsche? I love you so much and tell me how you're doing! Bye for
now, write back soon!
Your Most Favorite Niece In The Whole Wide World,
Lita
Meanwhile…
Reeny: Ya know, I just realized two things.
Mina: Really, what?
Reeny: Well first off, remember our last battle?
Mina: Yeah, so?
Reeny: Well, remember when Alan and Emerald kept on saying that there were 9 of us?
Mina: Yeah, so?
Reeny: Think Mina, there's 10 of us.
Mina: (Understanding) ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, I get it! I think someone needs to learn how to count again!
Reeny: Either that or it may be because I was hiding behind Serena and they forgot about me.
Mina: Makes sense.
Reeny: Hey! Well, anyway there's that other thing.
Mina: What other thing?
Reeny: Well, remember how we say "ya" instead of "you"?
Mina: Um, yeah?
Reeny: Well, did you notice that at different times we started saying hey yeah, instead of hey ya?
Mina: Yeah.
Reeny: I don't think we can talk right.
Mina: Or it may be because some little monster changed all the ya's to yeah's!
Reeny: Hmm, I think we need to start improving our pronunciation skills.
Mina: Sometimes you scare me.
Meanwhile…
Michiru: (Singing) Heaven…I'm in Heaven…I'm in Heaven…
Haruka: (Moaning) oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh, this is the life…
Michiru: More sunscreen dear?
Haruka: Sure, ocean-eyes, slop some on!
Michiru: (Giggling) he he, I just love the names that you give me.
Haruka: …
Michiru: Haruka? Honey?
Haruka: …
*Michiru pinches Haruka's back. *
Haruka: I'M AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michiru: !
Haruka: Wha-, oh, sorry mermaid.
Michiru: Hehe…
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: Hi…
Andrew: HI SETSUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT'CHA BEEN UP TO THESE LAST FEW YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Setsuna: Um…nothing really.
Andrew: Are you sure? After all, I would've expected you to be in the news by now.
Setsuna: (Flattered) oh…hehehehe, well, I, uh… I work in, um, Nairobi that's why! Can't tell though, top secret, very hush hush.
Andrew: Oh…
Setsuna: Yeah, oh…
Andrew: So…
Setsuna: Nice talking to ya!
Andrew: (Confused) yeah, you too, I think.
Meanwhile…
Darien: Mmmmmmmmmmmm… mocha chip!
Kid: Hehe, you look like Tuxedo Mask!
Darien: Who?
Kid: Ya know, that freak who saves the world in a 3,000-dollar suit and a huge cape!
Darien: Oh, um…thank you?
Kid: Whatever *weirdo *.
Darien: Who am I? Why does that kid think I'm such a freak? Why do I like mocha chip? I thought I would've liked vanilla or something else plain and boring. Why am I labeled as a freak? I'm not a freak! Besides, I think my suit is very fashionable! I can hardly move in it, but it's fashionable none the less. Who am I…?
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: Hehehehehehe! So, if I just take this, and mix it with this…THEN I GET THIS *bum bum bum!*!
Prof. Tomoe: *Sniff *my little girl is so grown up and taking after her daddy…
*Zzzzzzz! *
Prof. Tomoe: What the-, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Hotaru: @#$%, blew another fuse!
Chapter 2
Narrator: Well, meanwhile at the Negaverse the 4 generals were hiding from Queen Beryl so that she wouldn't find out about their failure and kill them all. Their hideaway just so happened to be Ann and Alan's big ol' tree that was nearby. Ann and Alan are up at the top of the tree just hanging around,
Bob is carving his name into the base of it, and Emerald is trying to put on some makeup on the base (which is also moving). Now that we have them taken care of, on with the show!
Ann: Do de do de do
Alan: (Humming) hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Bob: *Carve **carve **carve *
Emerald: OH @#$%^*&! CAN'T THIS THING STOP MOVING FOR 30 SECONDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Bob: God Emerald, don't do a Queen Beryl imitation (by that he means don't spaz out)!
Emerald: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann: Whoa, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Alan: Ya know, just, like, chill, okay?
Narrator: We interrupt this scene to say something. One, the author is comma crazy, two, her little sister Marissa/Jupe is dead because she sabotaged her story (part 7, if you don't know what I mean, read the last few lines in Setsuna and the dog's conversation), and three, the author also loves exclamation points. Now then, on with the story!
Emerald: NO I WILL NOT CHILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: You're scaring me.
Emerald: GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann: Bad girl, no cookie for you!
Emerald: BAH-HUMBUG, EVERYTHING IS THE SAILOR SCOUT'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANN'S A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOB'S A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALAN IS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alan: Whoa Chicken Little, settle down!
Emerald: I WANT THOSE SAILOR SCOUTS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: Why?
Emerald: BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann: Whatever.
Bob: (In a small voice) yipe!
Emerald: THAT'S RIGHT, FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alan: Umm, think it's time to come up with another plan before Emerald blows like Mount St. Helens?
Bob: Yup.
Ann: Yeah.
Alan: Okay then.
Chapter 3
Narrator: Okay, so the scouts are at a routine scout meeting. Luna and Artemis are keeping a close eye on Raye, and everyone else is just sitting around bored.
Serena: I'm bored.
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: Raye!
Raye: (Mad) sorry.
Amy: Hey, did you guys see that new library that they just built?
Hotaru: No.
Haruka: Nope.
Michiru: Not yet.
Setsuna: Yes.
Luna and Artemis: No.
Reeny: Yup!
Lita: That can't be good.
Reeny: I trashed the whole place and even got kicked out! Go me!
Amy: Someone get this girl off of Prozac.
Serena: With pleasure.
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: Raye!
Raye: (Mad) hmph!
Amy: Well, anyway…
Mina: WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amy: What?
Mina: I never got to say yes or no!
Amy: So say it.
Mina: Nope!
Lita: Yup, there are these really cute guys that go there every day and…
Amy: That's nice Lita, anyway I think the Negaverse has it under control.
Raye: NEGAVERSE, WHERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I OUGHTA SHOW THOSE RETARDS A THING OR
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME AT 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME AT 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: (Mad) fine.
Hotaru: What's with her?
Serena: PMS.
Raye: PMS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Raye bashes Serena over the head with an anti-evil charm. *
Luna and Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Everyone Else: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Setsuna: OUR LEADER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: !
Chad: Thank you.
Raye: ?
*Everyone cleans up and sits back down, while Lita sits next to Raye in case at any given moment she has to hold her down. *
Serena: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Amy: Anyway, I think the Negaverse has it possessed.
Michiru: And how would you know?
Amy: Because the librarians are zombies and the books are covered in green- goop.
Michiru: Whatever.
Mina: Hey, I just thought of something.
Lita: Yeah?
Mina: Well, Serena, you know how Ms. Haruna once said that littering is really bad?
Serena: Yeah?
Mina: Well then why is the Negaverse trying to blow up the planet or something? I mean, all they have to do is really throw down a couple million tons of garbage, and say bye-bye to Earth.
Serena: Hmmm… I never thought of that before.
Hotaru: (In an evil voice) ha ha!!! I could kill you all with this plastic soda bottle!!!
Everyone: …
Lita: Yeah, Queen Beryl couldn't kill us with all of her "smart" plans, and we can destroy the Earth with a little soda bottle!
Amy: Well, according to my calculations, we would need exactly-
Everyone: We don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amy: All right, all right!
Reeny: Argle dargle!
Everyone: ????????
Haruka: Serena, you might want to think about psychiatric help for her.
Serena: Yeah yeah yeah.
Luna: Umm, I think it's time we checked out that library that Amy was talking about.
Serena: In a second Luna…
Luna: Today, Serena.
Serena: (Grumbling) fine, fine, fine, bossy little cat…
*The scouts all rush out the door and leave Luna, Artemis, and Raye in their dust. Later on they finally get to the library after transforming and letting Luna and Artemis catch up, along with Raye. *
Chibi-Moon: Yuck! I hate libraries!
Mercury: I love them.
Chibi-Moon: Figures.
Jupiter: So then, let's go in!
Pluto: Let us forge on to battle, unbeknownst to what lies ahead!
Artemis: YAY!!!
Everyone: Oy…
*Everyone walks in to see a bunch of green goop all over everything. *
Mars: What the @#$%?
Chibi-Moon: AMY!!!
Mercury: SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: (Whispering) what?
Mercury: (Whispering) don't blow my cover!
Chibi-Moon: Oh yeah, oops.
Moon: Come out whoever you are!
Ann: Above you!
Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhah ahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mercury: Wow. I have never heard of anyone laughing that much without taking a breath.
Mina: Correction, remember Neflite?
Mercury: Oh yeah.
Alan: Okay, anyway! We're here to kill you all! YAAG!!!
*Alan throws some sort of energy-type-thingy at the scouts. *
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Emerald: Am I late?
3 Generals: Yes.
Emerald: Oh, um, oops.
Mars: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Moon: I…am…okay…
Emerald: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: Now…I'm…not…okay…
Ann: (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Ann throws this really weird container-type-thingy that glows when suddenly
a rose shatters it. *
Ann: What the…?
*Tuxedo Mask appears on top of a bookshelf with a cast over his right arm, a Band-Aid over some stitches on his forehead, two teeth missing, and a huge bandage over his head. *
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, are you all right?
Moon: Yes, thank you Tuxedo Mask.
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, a tree is like Tarzan. It is very agile, yet very naked.
Everyone: ?
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, only use White Rain shampoo and conditioner!
Moon: (Confused) sure thing! Whatever you say my wonderful and very cute boyfriend!
Emerald: Okay, you are seriously in need of help. In the meantime, YAAG!!!
*Emerald throws a Negabomb at the scouts. *
Jupiter: SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alan: Nice power, NOT!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuxedo Mask: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: I will not laugh, I will not laugh…
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! *
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturn: Um… YOU GUYS ARE REAL MEANIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…huh?
Alan: Hey, wait a second! I thought that last time you remembered your powers!
Saturn: I did, but I forgot them again.
Ann: I will not laugh, I will not laugh…
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Saturn, a fish is like a cell phone. It can only go so many places.
Saturn: Whatever you say fish boy!
Pluto: I have had no partaking in this conversation so far. Woe is me.
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Pluto, the cheese does not always stand alone.
Pluto: ?
Mercury: HOW COULD YOU DESTROY SO MANY BOOKS?!?!?!?
Tuxedo Mask: Everyone, a book is like a refrigerator, you eat the contents and then you buy more.
Mercury: This guy's more wacked than I am!
Bob: Ain't that the truth!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, a rose is very delicate, just like a heart. Do not break/rip them or they will get mad and use their Tiara Attack against you. A little lesson I have learned.
Moon: ?
Uranus: This guy has seriously lost it.
Saturn: I guess you could call him Really Odd Cape Boy.
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, do not use my name in vain, or else I will not throw a rose in the next battle.
Neptune: Good.
Jupiter: You mean like in the last 6 battles that we had without you?
Tuxedo Mask: Umm…
Venus: We fared pretty good without you!
Bob: Yeah, go away Tuxedo Bum!
Ann: Tuxedo Butt!
Emerald: And man what a butt he has…
Moon: One more word and you're toast.
Emerald: Sorry.
Ann: Well, I think he's an ugly, big-shouldered fart. TAKE
THIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Ann throws a huge ball of energy at Tuxedo Mask. It hits the bookshelf that he's standing on and knocks it over. *
Tuxedo Mask: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*The book shelves then start falling over like dominoes. *
Tuxedo Mask: Egad!
Moon: TUXEDO MASK!!!
Mercury: Not good.
Jupiter: This could be bad.
Neptune: Yeah, but it's gonna get worse.
*The bookshelves keep on falling over till they get to the one in front of Tuxedo Mask. Then it falls on top of him. *
Tuxedo Mask: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA *WHOMP!!!*!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: TUXEDO MASK!!!
Jupiter: @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: DADDY!!!
Venus: Oh well.
Mercury: Okay, now you're gonna pay!
Ann: Why?
Mercury: Because he was the father of her (points to Chibi-Moon) and he was her (points to Sailor Moon) boyfriend and source of all that she lived for.
Ann: Your point?
Mercury: Umm…SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 4 Generals: Bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Tuxedo Mask: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Moon: YOU CRUSHED MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Uh-oh.
Moon: MOON STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!!!
All 4 Generals: Bye!
*The 4 generals run off through a portal faster than you can say ouch. *
Moon: @#$%, missed.
Saturn: Don't look at me!
Uranus: YOU STINK!!!
Neptune: Somebody needs to learn how to aim.
Pluto: I recommend target practice.
Mercury: I'll second that.
Venus: I'll third that!
Jupiter: I'll fourth that!
Luna: I TOLD YOU TO PRACTICE YESTERDAY BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Moon: Gosh, don't have a cow!
Mars: SHUT UP!!!
Moon: Why me?
Chapter 4
Narrator: Now that the battle is over, the scouts are getting back to their regular lives. Serena is getting ready to go on a huge date with Darien (ooh la la), Amy is on a date with Greg, and Raye is on a date with Chad. Lita is sulking at home (because she doesn't have a date), Mina is sulking with Lita, Setsuna is taking a night swim, and Haruka and Michiru are out on a date. Hotaru is still trying to nuke all cows, and Luna and Artemis are out on a date. Reeny is terrorizing Serena's family, now that we have them all taken care of, on with the story!
Serena: Ooooooooooooooo! This is going to be so big! I'm so excited! What do ya think Luna, should I do a different hairstyle?
Luna: Sure, yeah, whatever…
Serena: (Teasing) So Luna, are you looking forward to your date with Artemis?
Luna: Oh shut up Serena, we're just going out on a little fling!
Serena: (Singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song) Luna and Artemis, sittin' in a car. Are they naked YES THEY ARE!!!
Luna: WATCH IT!!!
Serena: (Grumbling) fine, fine, sorry, jeez what a grouch!
Luna: There!
Serena: There!
Luna and Serena: How do I look?
Serena: Whoa, in unison!
Luna: Scary…
*DING-DONG!!! *
Serena: Oooooooooooooooooooooo, that must be Darien!
Luna: Ugh.
*Serena opens the door to welcome Darien. Little did Darien know that Serena had taken out her meatballs and instead pulled her hair back in a Mina-like fashion with a expensive pink bow. Her hair is also curled.*
Darien: Oops, uh, wrong house sorry.
Serena: Darien, it's me!
Darien: Who?
Serena: It's me, your wonderful, beautiful, most perfect girlfriend in the whole wide world!
Darien: Sonya is that you?
Serena: (Angry) who's Sonya?
Darien: Susie?
Serena: (Getting angrier) who's Susie?
Darien: Um… I give up.
Serena: IT'S SERENA YOU IDIOT!!!
Darien: SERENA?!?!?!?!?!? (Stammering) you, you, you, you ch-ch-changed your h-h-hair.
Serena: Ding ding ding ding ding, we have a winner! And what does the lucky lad get for a prize? Why, a big, white door to stare at!
*Serena slams the door on Darien. *
Darien: Hey, what did I do?
Meanwhile…
Amy: Thanks for taking me to that nice restaurant.
Greg: No problem!
Amy: Hmm…
Greg: *Sigh *
Amy: Sorry about the bill.
Greg: Um… it's okay?
Amy: (Kisses him on the cheek) you're so sweet.
Greg: (Smiles) well, how sweet?
Amy: Sweet enough to be with me.
*Greg smiles even wider and kisses her. *
Meanwhile…
*Lita got tired of sulking at home and decided to go sulk at the park. *
Lita: (Looking at a couple kissing) look at those two, I bet they don't even know how lucky…they…OH NO WAY!!!
*Lita runs towards the couple to get a closer look. *
Lita: (Whispering) that can't be… oh my god it is!
*She hides behind a bush and watches as Amy and Greg do some serious smooching. *
Lita: (Whispering to herself) the gang is never going to believe this! And here I thought that Serena and Darien were queen and king of mush! Holy shnikies!
Meanwhile…
Raye: (Mumbling) of all places why here?
Chad: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Chad: I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Raye: I SAID NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chad: COOL ROCK CONCERT DON'T YA THINK?!?!?!?!?!?
Raye: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Raye: Oh screw it…
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: (Underwater) whfevovacnvpureqiwan?
Mina: (Underwater) ?
*Setsuna and Mina both break to the surface. *
Setsuna: I said, why aren't you over at Lita's sulking?
Mina: How did you know that I would be over there?
Setsuna: Because Lita called me and asked if I wanted to come sulk with you guys.
Mina: Oh.
Setsuna: So?
Mina: I dunno. I just got bored of sulking and when Lita told me what you were doing, I decided to come join you.
Setsuna: Oh.
Mina: I think Lita went to the park.
Setsuna: Whatever.
*SPLASH!!! *
Mina: Hey!
*SPLASH!!! *
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: (In intense concentration) almost got it…
Prof. Tomoe: *Sniff * my little baby's all grown up and finding ways to blow up cows *sniff *.
Hotaru: …
Prof. Tomoe: …
Hotaru: (In intense concentration) almost…
Prof. Tomoe: …
Hotaru: EUREKA, I FOUND IT!!!
Prof. Tomoe: YAY!!!
Hotaru: Oh shoot…
Prof. Tomoe: What?
Hotaru: Well, this is the prototype and well…
Prof. Tomoe: Yes?
Hotaru: I forgot to put down the ingredients.
Prof. Tomoe: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Hotaru: Oops.
Prof. Tomoe: I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry… mmmmmm…
Meanwhile…
*In Haruka's car. *
Haruka: How about this?
Michiru: (Excited) OH HARUKA!!!
Haruka: I just knew you'd like it!
Michiru: Where did you ever find such a great spot?
Haruka: When I was doing some hiking to get back into shape.
Michiru: Does anybody else know about it?
Haruka: Nope, just you and me!
Michiru: Wow, look at that sunset! Isn't this soooooooo romantic Haruka?
Haruka: *Gulp *
Michiru: Haruka are you okay? You look kinda sick…
Haruka: Um, never better?
Michiru: Don't you just want to kiss me right now?
Haruka: Not after you ate that dehydrated papaya, no.
Michiru: Come on, it isn't that bad!
Haruka: That's what you said last time right after you had that summer squash.
Michiru: So you turned a little green and barfed up your whole dinner, so what?
Haruka: *GULP!!! *
Michiru: Haruka?
Haruka: (Turning green) I sense my dinner coming up to say hello…
Michiru: OVER THE SIDE, OVER THE SIDE!!!
Meanwhile…
Reeny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Sammy: WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT HER UP?!?!?!
Mr. Warren: SAMMY!!!
Mrs. Warren: Now that isn't a very nice thing to say about your cousin!
Reeny: PTHPTHPTHPTHPTHP!!!
Sammy: So? SHE'S MORE ANNOYING THAN SERENA!!!
Mrs. Warren: Okay then, if you feel that way then you can just march up to your room young man!
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Sammy: Gladly!
*Sammy stomps off to his room. *
Reeny: (Thinking) hehehehe, one down, two to go…
Meanwhile…
Luna: *Munch **munch **munch *
Artemis: So, how's your dinner Luna?
Luna: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmphmh!
Artemis: ?
Luna: *GULP!!! * I said, it's absolutely fantastic!
Artemis: Well, um, thanks!
Luna: Thank you! Where did you get all this yummy food?
Artemis: "Piccadilly's Seafood".
Luna: Hmm…much better than anything Serena and her family ever gave me.
Artemis: So I guess that means I hit a home run?
Luna: Beyond. And the place isn't half-bad either.
Artemis: Well, I was hoping that you wouldn't think that a nice garbage can with a small candle wasn't too cliché.
Luna: Not at all.
Artemis: This is a good thing.
Luna: You bet your flea collar it is!
Narrator: Okay, so everyone lives happily ever after. Yay. The scouts bust their tushies over some some Negaverse generals and Tuxedo Mask gets crushed by a library bookshelf. All in all I'd say it was a really good day. Before I go though, the stupid author told be to go back to Darien, who is once again, pondering the mysteries of the universe (at home). As if this story isn't long enough as it is…
Darien: Who am I? Why did everyone cheer when I was crushed by that library bookshelf? Why did Serena slam the door on me like that? And why did she change her hair? How come nobody understands me? Are we alone? Is the truth out there? How old am I? How do they put those holes into Swiss Cheese? Why
is Raye always so grumpy? Where do I live? How do you sanitize caviar? Why are blowfish considered a delicacy? Why must DIC be so annoying? Who am I…?
Narrator: Okay, whatever. Well, anywho, it was a good day and nobody important was hurt.
Darien: HEY I HEARD THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Sorry. So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, it was a good day and everyone went home happy (except for the generals). Don't forget to stay tuned for another exciting issue/show/story/script/whatever the heck this is of Sailor Dorks!
The End?
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
See, I wouldn't leave out ole' Tuxy baby without his usual ending pondering sequence. Hehe, I hope you enjoyed it! I had fun writing this one. If you have any comments or suggestions, please review, e-mail me (Merc1650@hotmail.com), IM me (I use MSN IM, so my e-mail is my screen name), visit my site, or whatever. ^^ Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. It is the property of DIC and Naoko Takeuchi (or however you spell her name). All rights reserved (and ditto for lunch reservations). Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, etc., etc. etc., so on and so on and so on, you get my drift.
Rated: G or Y
By: Merc
Sailor Dorks Part 8
Narrator: Hi everyone and welcome to another exciting issue of Sailor Dorks! Well, today it's Sunday, and as everyone knows, there's no school anywhere in the world on Sunday (yay)! Anywho, to get down to business here, Serena and Raye are hanging out at the temple under the guidance of Luna and Artemis. Amy is reading with Greg, Lita is writing sweet things to her millionaire uncle (where do you think she gets all her money from?), and Mina is with Reeny pondering stuff. Michiru and Haruka are catching a little sun at the nearby swimming pool, Setsuna is at the Crystal Game Center eyeing over Andrew (oolala), and Darien is for once not pondering the questions of the universe, but eating ice cream at a nearby shop. And Hotaru is building a contraption to nuke all cows. Now that that's over and done with, on with the show/story!
Serena: Do de do de do
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: ?
Luna: (Warning) Raye…
Artemis: Whoa, down girl down!
Serena: Really, calm down.
Raye: OH GO SIT ON A TACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: RAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: SERENA PIPE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: JERK!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: PMS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: PMS MY BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: !
Luna: Thank you…
Meanwhile…
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: Good book?
Greg: Yeah.
Amy: Oh…
Greg: *Sigh *
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: Wanna go somewhere?
Greg: (Quickly) yes!
Amy: (Giggling) good, I was starting to get a real major case of Bleacher Butt.
Greg: Ditto.
Meanwhile…
Lita: *Writing *
Dear Uncle Franky,
Thanks for all the support that you've given me over the years. It really
means a lot to me and I'm very thankful. I have just about everything I need
except for the occasional food run, so thanks for all that you've done.
Life's pretty good here; I have awesome friends, a way cool job (by job she
means Sailor Scout), and okay grades. I just wanted to write you and tell
you how much I love you. You're the best person ever. Can I have the money
to buy a Porsche? I love you so much and tell me how you're doing! Bye for
now, write back soon!
Your Most Favorite Niece In The Whole Wide World,
Lita
Meanwhile…
Reeny: Ya know, I just realized two things.
Mina: Really, what?
Reeny: Well first off, remember our last battle?
Mina: Yeah, so?
Reeny: Well, remember when Alan and Emerald kept on saying that there were 9 of us?
Mina: Yeah, so?
Reeny: Think Mina, there's 10 of us.
Mina: (Understanding) ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, I get it! I think someone needs to learn how to count again!
Reeny: Either that or it may be because I was hiding behind Serena and they forgot about me.
Mina: Makes sense.
Reeny: Hey! Well, anyway there's that other thing.
Mina: What other thing?
Reeny: Well, remember how we say "ya" instead of "you"?
Mina: Um, yeah?
Reeny: Well, did you notice that at different times we started saying hey yeah, instead of hey ya?
Mina: Yeah.
Reeny: I don't think we can talk right.
Mina: Or it may be because some little monster changed all the ya's to yeah's!
Reeny: Hmm, I think we need to start improving our pronunciation skills.
Mina: Sometimes you scare me.
Meanwhile…
Michiru: (Singing) Heaven…I'm in Heaven…I'm in Heaven…
Haruka: (Moaning) oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh, this is the life…
Michiru: More sunscreen dear?
Haruka: Sure, ocean-eyes, slop some on!
Michiru: (Giggling) he he, I just love the names that you give me.
Haruka: …
Michiru: Haruka? Honey?
Haruka: …
*Michiru pinches Haruka's back. *
Haruka: I'M AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michiru: !
Haruka: Wha-, oh, sorry mermaid.
Michiru: Hehe…
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: Hi…
Andrew: HI SETSUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT'CHA BEEN UP TO THESE LAST FEW YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Setsuna: Um…nothing really.
Andrew: Are you sure? After all, I would've expected you to be in the news by now.
Setsuna: (Flattered) oh…hehehehe, well, I, uh… I work in, um, Nairobi that's why! Can't tell though, top secret, very hush hush.
Andrew: Oh…
Setsuna: Yeah, oh…
Andrew: So…
Setsuna: Nice talking to ya!
Andrew: (Confused) yeah, you too, I think.
Meanwhile…
Darien: Mmmmmmmmmmmm… mocha chip!
Kid: Hehe, you look like Tuxedo Mask!
Darien: Who?
Kid: Ya know, that freak who saves the world in a 3,000-dollar suit and a huge cape!
Darien: Oh, um…thank you?
Kid: Whatever *weirdo *.
Darien: Who am I? Why does that kid think I'm such a freak? Why do I like mocha chip? I thought I would've liked vanilla or something else plain and boring. Why am I labeled as a freak? I'm not a freak! Besides, I think my suit is very fashionable! I can hardly move in it, but it's fashionable none the less. Who am I…?
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: Hehehehehehe! So, if I just take this, and mix it with this…THEN I GET THIS *bum bum bum!*!
Prof. Tomoe: *Sniff *my little girl is so grown up and taking after her daddy…
*Zzzzzzz! *
Prof. Tomoe: What the-, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Hotaru: @#$%, blew another fuse!
Chapter 2
Narrator: Well, meanwhile at the Negaverse the 4 generals were hiding from Queen Beryl so that she wouldn't find out about their failure and kill them all. Their hideaway just so happened to be Ann and Alan's big ol' tree that was nearby. Ann and Alan are up at the top of the tree just hanging around,
Bob is carving his name into the base of it, and Emerald is trying to put on some makeup on the base (which is also moving). Now that we have them taken care of, on with the show!
Ann: Do de do de do
Alan: (Humming) hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Bob: *Carve **carve **carve *
Emerald: OH @#$%^*&! CAN'T THIS THING STOP MOVING FOR 30 SECONDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Bob: God Emerald, don't do a Queen Beryl imitation (by that he means don't spaz out)!
Emerald: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann: Whoa, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Alan: Ya know, just, like, chill, okay?
Narrator: We interrupt this scene to say something. One, the author is comma crazy, two, her little sister Marissa/Jupe is dead because she sabotaged her story (part 7, if you don't know what I mean, read the last few lines in Setsuna and the dog's conversation), and three, the author also loves exclamation points. Now then, on with the story!
Emerald: NO I WILL NOT CHILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: You're scaring me.
Emerald: GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann: Bad girl, no cookie for you!
Emerald: BAH-HUMBUG, EVERYTHING IS THE SAILOR SCOUT'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANN'S A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOB'S A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALAN IS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alan: Whoa Chicken Little, settle down!
Emerald: I WANT THOSE SAILOR SCOUTS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: Why?
Emerald: BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann: Whatever.
Bob: (In a small voice) yipe!
Emerald: THAT'S RIGHT, FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alan: Umm, think it's time to come up with another plan before Emerald blows like Mount St. Helens?
Bob: Yup.
Ann: Yeah.
Alan: Okay then.
Chapter 3
Narrator: Okay, so the scouts are at a routine scout meeting. Luna and Artemis are keeping a close eye on Raye, and everyone else is just sitting around bored.
Serena: I'm bored.
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: Raye!
Raye: (Mad) sorry.
Amy: Hey, did you guys see that new library that they just built?
Hotaru: No.
Haruka: Nope.
Michiru: Not yet.
Setsuna: Yes.
Luna and Artemis: No.
Reeny: Yup!
Lita: That can't be good.
Reeny: I trashed the whole place and even got kicked out! Go me!
Amy: Someone get this girl off of Prozac.
Serena: With pleasure.
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: Raye!
Raye: (Mad) hmph!
Amy: Well, anyway…
Mina: WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amy: What?
Mina: I never got to say yes or no!
Amy: So say it.
Mina: Nope!
Lita: Yup, there are these really cute guys that go there every day and…
Amy: That's nice Lita, anyway I think the Negaverse has it under control.
Raye: NEGAVERSE, WHERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I OUGHTA SHOW THOSE RETARDS A THING OR
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME AT 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME AT 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: (Mad) fine.
Hotaru: What's with her?
Serena: PMS.
Raye: PMS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Raye bashes Serena over the head with an anti-evil charm. *
Luna and Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Everyone Else: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Setsuna: OUR LEADER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: !
Chad: Thank you.
Raye: ?
*Everyone cleans up and sits back down, while Lita sits next to Raye in case at any given moment she has to hold her down. *
Serena: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Amy: Anyway, I think the Negaverse has it possessed.
Michiru: And how would you know?
Amy: Because the librarians are zombies and the books are covered in green- goop.
Michiru: Whatever.
Mina: Hey, I just thought of something.
Lita: Yeah?
Mina: Well, Serena, you know how Ms. Haruna once said that littering is really bad?
Serena: Yeah?
Mina: Well then why is the Negaverse trying to blow up the planet or something? I mean, all they have to do is really throw down a couple million tons of garbage, and say bye-bye to Earth.
Serena: Hmmm… I never thought of that before.
Hotaru: (In an evil voice) ha ha!!! I could kill you all with this plastic soda bottle!!!
Everyone: …
Lita: Yeah, Queen Beryl couldn't kill us with all of her "smart" plans, and we can destroy the Earth with a little soda bottle!
Amy: Well, according to my calculations, we would need exactly-
Everyone: We don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amy: All right, all right!
Reeny: Argle dargle!
Everyone: ????????
Haruka: Serena, you might want to think about psychiatric help for her.
Serena: Yeah yeah yeah.
Luna: Umm, I think it's time we checked out that library that Amy was talking about.
Serena: In a second Luna…
Luna: Today, Serena.
Serena: (Grumbling) fine, fine, fine, bossy little cat…
*The scouts all rush out the door and leave Luna, Artemis, and Raye in their dust. Later on they finally get to the library after transforming and letting Luna and Artemis catch up, along with Raye. *
Chibi-Moon: Yuck! I hate libraries!
Mercury: I love them.
Chibi-Moon: Figures.
Jupiter: So then, let's go in!
Pluto: Let us forge on to battle, unbeknownst to what lies ahead!
Artemis: YAY!!!
Everyone: Oy…
*Everyone walks in to see a bunch of green goop all over everything. *
Mars: What the @#$%?
Chibi-Moon: AMY!!!
Mercury: SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: (Whispering) what?
Mercury: (Whispering) don't blow my cover!
Chibi-Moon: Oh yeah, oops.
Moon: Come out whoever you are!
Ann: Above you!
Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhah ahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mercury: Wow. I have never heard of anyone laughing that much without taking a breath.
Mina: Correction, remember Neflite?
Mercury: Oh yeah.
Alan: Okay, anyway! We're here to kill you all! YAAG!!!
*Alan throws some sort of energy-type-thingy at the scouts. *
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Emerald: Am I late?
3 Generals: Yes.
Emerald: Oh, um, oops.
Mars: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Moon: I…am…okay…
Emerald: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: Now…I'm…not…okay…
Ann: (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Ann throws this really weird container-type-thingy that glows when suddenly
a rose shatters it. *
Ann: What the…?
*Tuxedo Mask appears on top of a bookshelf with a cast over his right arm, a Band-Aid over some stitches on his forehead, two teeth missing, and a huge bandage over his head. *
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, are you all right?
Moon: Yes, thank you Tuxedo Mask.
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, a tree is like Tarzan. It is very agile, yet very naked.
Everyone: ?
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, only use White Rain shampoo and conditioner!
Moon: (Confused) sure thing! Whatever you say my wonderful and very cute boyfriend!
Emerald: Okay, you are seriously in need of help. In the meantime, YAAG!!!
*Emerald throws a Negabomb at the scouts. *
Jupiter: SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alan: Nice power, NOT!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuxedo Mask: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: I will not laugh, I will not laugh…
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! *
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturn: Um… YOU GUYS ARE REAL MEANIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…huh?
Alan: Hey, wait a second! I thought that last time you remembered your powers!
Saturn: I did, but I forgot them again.
Ann: I will not laugh, I will not laugh…
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Saturn, a fish is like a cell phone. It can only go so many places.
Saturn: Whatever you say fish boy!
Pluto: I have had no partaking in this conversation so far. Woe is me.
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Pluto, the cheese does not always stand alone.
Pluto: ?
Mercury: HOW COULD YOU DESTROY SO MANY BOOKS?!?!?!?
Tuxedo Mask: Everyone, a book is like a refrigerator, you eat the contents and then you buy more.
Mercury: This guy's more wacked than I am!
Bob: Ain't that the truth!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, a rose is very delicate, just like a heart. Do not break/rip them or they will get mad and use their Tiara Attack against you. A little lesson I have learned.
Moon: ?
Uranus: This guy has seriously lost it.
Saturn: I guess you could call him Really Odd Cape Boy.
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, do not use my name in vain, or else I will not throw a rose in the next battle.
Neptune: Good.
Jupiter: You mean like in the last 6 battles that we had without you?
Tuxedo Mask: Umm…
Venus: We fared pretty good without you!
Bob: Yeah, go away Tuxedo Bum!
Ann: Tuxedo Butt!
Emerald: And man what a butt he has…
Moon: One more word and you're toast.
Emerald: Sorry.
Ann: Well, I think he's an ugly, big-shouldered fart. TAKE
THIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Ann throws a huge ball of energy at Tuxedo Mask. It hits the bookshelf that he's standing on and knocks it over. *
Tuxedo Mask: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*The book shelves then start falling over like dominoes. *
Tuxedo Mask: Egad!
Moon: TUXEDO MASK!!!
Mercury: Not good.
Jupiter: This could be bad.
Neptune: Yeah, but it's gonna get worse.
*The bookshelves keep on falling over till they get to the one in front of Tuxedo Mask. Then it falls on top of him. *
Tuxedo Mask: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA *WHOMP!!!*!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: TUXEDO MASK!!!
Jupiter: @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!
Chibi-Moon: DADDY!!!
Venus: Oh well.
Mercury: Okay, now you're gonna pay!
Ann: Why?
Mercury: Because he was the father of her (points to Chibi-Moon) and he was her (points to Sailor Moon) boyfriend and source of all that she lived for.
Ann: Your point?
Mercury: Umm…SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 4 Generals: Bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Tuxedo Mask: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Moon: YOU CRUSHED MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Uh-oh.
Moon: MOON STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!!!
All 4 Generals: Bye!
*The 4 generals run off through a portal faster than you can say ouch. *
Moon: @#$%, missed.
Saturn: Don't look at me!
Uranus: YOU STINK!!!
Neptune: Somebody needs to learn how to aim.
Pluto: I recommend target practice.
Mercury: I'll second that.
Venus: I'll third that!
Jupiter: I'll fourth that!
Luna: I TOLD YOU TO PRACTICE YESTERDAY BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Moon: Gosh, don't have a cow!
Mars: SHUT UP!!!
Moon: Why me?
Chapter 4
Narrator: Now that the battle is over, the scouts are getting back to their regular lives. Serena is getting ready to go on a huge date with Darien (ooh la la), Amy is on a date with Greg, and Raye is on a date with Chad. Lita is sulking at home (because she doesn't have a date), Mina is sulking with Lita, Setsuna is taking a night swim, and Haruka and Michiru are out on a date. Hotaru is still trying to nuke all cows, and Luna and Artemis are out on a date. Reeny is terrorizing Serena's family, now that we have them all taken care of, on with the story!
Serena: Ooooooooooooooo! This is going to be so big! I'm so excited! What do ya think Luna, should I do a different hairstyle?
Luna: Sure, yeah, whatever…
Serena: (Teasing) So Luna, are you looking forward to your date with Artemis?
Luna: Oh shut up Serena, we're just going out on a little fling!
Serena: (Singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song) Luna and Artemis, sittin' in a car. Are they naked YES THEY ARE!!!
Luna: WATCH IT!!!
Serena: (Grumbling) fine, fine, sorry, jeez what a grouch!
Luna: There!
Serena: There!
Luna and Serena: How do I look?
Serena: Whoa, in unison!
Luna: Scary…
*DING-DONG!!! *
Serena: Oooooooooooooooooooooo, that must be Darien!
Luna: Ugh.
*Serena opens the door to welcome Darien. Little did Darien know that Serena had taken out her meatballs and instead pulled her hair back in a Mina-like fashion with a expensive pink bow. Her hair is also curled.*
Darien: Oops, uh, wrong house sorry.
Serena: Darien, it's me!
Darien: Who?
Serena: It's me, your wonderful, beautiful, most perfect girlfriend in the whole wide world!
Darien: Sonya is that you?
Serena: (Angry) who's Sonya?
Darien: Susie?
Serena: (Getting angrier) who's Susie?
Darien: Um… I give up.
Serena: IT'S SERENA YOU IDIOT!!!
Darien: SERENA?!?!?!?!?!? (Stammering) you, you, you, you ch-ch-changed your h-h-hair.
Serena: Ding ding ding ding ding, we have a winner! And what does the lucky lad get for a prize? Why, a big, white door to stare at!
*Serena slams the door on Darien. *
Darien: Hey, what did I do?
Meanwhile…
Amy: Thanks for taking me to that nice restaurant.
Greg: No problem!
Amy: Hmm…
Greg: *Sigh *
Amy: Sorry about the bill.
Greg: Um… it's okay?
Amy: (Kisses him on the cheek) you're so sweet.
Greg: (Smiles) well, how sweet?
Amy: Sweet enough to be with me.
*Greg smiles even wider and kisses her. *
Meanwhile…
*Lita got tired of sulking at home and decided to go sulk at the park. *
Lita: (Looking at a couple kissing) look at those two, I bet they don't even know how lucky…they…OH NO WAY!!!
*Lita runs towards the couple to get a closer look. *
Lita: (Whispering) that can't be… oh my god it is!
*She hides behind a bush and watches as Amy and Greg do some serious smooching. *
Lita: (Whispering to herself) the gang is never going to believe this! And here I thought that Serena and Darien were queen and king of mush! Holy shnikies!
Meanwhile…
Raye: (Mumbling) of all places why here?
Chad: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Chad: I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Raye: I SAID NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chad: COOL ROCK CONCERT DON'T YA THINK?!?!?!?!?!?
Raye: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Raye: Oh screw it…
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: (Underwater) whfevovacnvpureqiwan?
Mina: (Underwater) ?
*Setsuna and Mina both break to the surface. *
Setsuna: I said, why aren't you over at Lita's sulking?
Mina: How did you know that I would be over there?
Setsuna: Because Lita called me and asked if I wanted to come sulk with you guys.
Mina: Oh.
Setsuna: So?
Mina: I dunno. I just got bored of sulking and when Lita told me what you were doing, I decided to come join you.
Setsuna: Oh.
Mina: I think Lita went to the park.
Setsuna: Whatever.
*SPLASH!!! *
Mina: Hey!
*SPLASH!!! *
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: (In intense concentration) almost got it…
Prof. Tomoe: *Sniff * my little baby's all grown up and finding ways to blow up cows *sniff *.
Hotaru: …
Prof. Tomoe: …
Hotaru: (In intense concentration) almost…
Prof. Tomoe: …
Hotaru: EUREKA, I FOUND IT!!!
Prof. Tomoe: YAY!!!
Hotaru: Oh shoot…
Prof. Tomoe: What?
Hotaru: Well, this is the prototype and well…
Prof. Tomoe: Yes?
Hotaru: I forgot to put down the ingredients.
Prof. Tomoe: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Hotaru: Oops.
Prof. Tomoe: I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry… mmmmmm…
Meanwhile…
*In Haruka's car. *
Haruka: How about this?
Michiru: (Excited) OH HARUKA!!!
Haruka: I just knew you'd like it!
Michiru: Where did you ever find such a great spot?
Haruka: When I was doing some hiking to get back into shape.
Michiru: Does anybody else know about it?
Haruka: Nope, just you and me!
Michiru: Wow, look at that sunset! Isn't this soooooooo romantic Haruka?
Haruka: *Gulp *
Michiru: Haruka are you okay? You look kinda sick…
Haruka: Um, never better?
Michiru: Don't you just want to kiss me right now?
Haruka: Not after you ate that dehydrated papaya, no.
Michiru: Come on, it isn't that bad!
Haruka: That's what you said last time right after you had that summer squash.
Michiru: So you turned a little green and barfed up your whole dinner, so what?
Haruka: *GULP!!! *
Michiru: Haruka?
Haruka: (Turning green) I sense my dinner coming up to say hello…
Michiru: OVER THE SIDE, OVER THE SIDE!!!
Meanwhile…
Reeny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Sammy: WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT HER UP?!?!?!
Mr. Warren: SAMMY!!!
Mrs. Warren: Now that isn't a very nice thing to say about your cousin!
Reeny: PTHPTHPTHPTHPTHP!!!
Sammy: So? SHE'S MORE ANNOYING THAN SERENA!!!
Mrs. Warren: Okay then, if you feel that way then you can just march up to your room young man!
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Sammy: Gladly!
*Sammy stomps off to his room. *
Reeny: (Thinking) hehehehe, one down, two to go…
Meanwhile…
Luna: *Munch **munch **munch *
Artemis: So, how's your dinner Luna?
Luna: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmphmh!
Artemis: ?
Luna: *GULP!!! * I said, it's absolutely fantastic!
Artemis: Well, um, thanks!
Luna: Thank you! Where did you get all this yummy food?
Artemis: "Piccadilly's Seafood".
Luna: Hmm…much better than anything Serena and her family ever gave me.
Artemis: So I guess that means I hit a home run?
Luna: Beyond. And the place isn't half-bad either.
Artemis: Well, I was hoping that you wouldn't think that a nice garbage can with a small candle wasn't too cliché.
Luna: Not at all.
Artemis: This is a good thing.
Luna: You bet your flea collar it is!
Narrator: Okay, so everyone lives happily ever after. Yay. The scouts bust their tushies over some some Negaverse generals and Tuxedo Mask gets crushed by a library bookshelf. All in all I'd say it was a really good day. Before I go though, the stupid author told be to go back to Darien, who is once again, pondering the mysteries of the universe (at home). As if this story isn't long enough as it is…
Darien: Who am I? Why did everyone cheer when I was crushed by that library bookshelf? Why did Serena slam the door on me like that? And why did she change her hair? How come nobody understands me? Are we alone? Is the truth out there? How old am I? How do they put those holes into Swiss Cheese? Why
is Raye always so grumpy? Where do I live? How do you sanitize caviar? Why are blowfish considered a delicacy? Why must DIC be so annoying? Who am I…?
Narrator: Okay, whatever. Well, anywho, it was a good day and nobody important was hurt.
Darien: HEY I HEARD THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Sorry. So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, it was a good day and everyone went home happy (except for the generals). Don't forget to stay tuned for another exciting issue/show/story/script/whatever the heck this is of Sailor Dorks!
The End?
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See, I wouldn't leave out ole' Tuxy baby without his usual ending pondering sequence. Hehe, I hope you enjoyed it! I had fun writing this one. If you have any comments or suggestions, please review, e-mail me (Merc1650@hotmail.com), IM me (I use MSN IM, so my e-mail is my screen name), visit my site, or whatever. ^^ Thanks for reading!