Cloud glanced down at his computer as he sped around the cliff in the buggy. (Could you believe that the buggy could do over 5 mph?) Tifa sat in the seat next to him with a notepad and a pen.
Note that your next destination is at the Junon Military Facility.
"Already noted..." Cloud muttered to himself. Tifa looked up from her notes.
"Are you watching the road Mr. Strife?" Tifa looked crossly at Cloud. Cloud smiled.
"It's hard to concentrate on anything with you in the car," Cloud returned.
"I'm not rating you on your remarks 007. Just as long as you can drive this vehicle safely," Tifa added. Cloud nodded. He looked back to the computer.
Expect a Russian woman suspect to be the lead in this mission. Good luck on your exam 007.
"Do you know how to operate all equipment recently given to you?" Tifa asked. Cloud nodded.
"Already taken care of," Cloud tapped the controls. The back seat ejected and crashed through the roof of the car. Cloud checked his rearview mirror as it crashed behind them. "Whoops." Tifa frowned.
"You haven't checked anything!" Tifa growled. Cloud shook his head.
"That isn't true! I know how to use these cup holders!" Cloud tugged at his driver seat cup holders. They refused to pull out. "You stupid-!" Cloud grabbed it with both hands. The car whirled back and forth violently.
"Cloud!" Tifa snapped as she grabbed the wheel. "Don't do that!" Cloud continued to pull.
"Hey! Give me a break. And get your... you know, out of my way! I can't see what I'm doing!" Cloud struggled to see around Tifa. The cup holders groaned and tore out off the compartment. Cloud frowned and tossed them aside. He took the wheel back from Tifa. Tifa grabbed her pad and began writing.
Suddenly, the Tiny Bronco, in car form, pulls up beside them. A dangerous woman is in the driver's seat. Cloud looks over to her. She returns a grim smile and pulls dangerously close to the car. Tifa gasped.
"Hey! What is she doing?" Tifa shifted forward as Cloud jutted to the side. Cloud smiled.
"Playing a little game," Cloud shifted back towards her car and sped up. The girl in the other car proceeded to increase her velocity as well. The two cars pull back and forth, each daring one to cut the other off. Cloud screeched around a corner as the Tiny Bronco pulled ahead of them. Tifa gasped and covered her head.
"Cloud! Stop showing off and slow down! I know what you're doing," Tifa moaned. Cloud changed xeno-gears and sped past the other "car." The driver growled in frustration and then laughed. She increased speed to meet up with Cloud.
Meanwhile, a group of chocobo riders were heading down the street in the opposite direction. Neither Cloud nor the opposing car could see them.
The two cars were head on now. Neither was gaining over the other. Suddenly, Cloud slowed down and allowed the girl to pass. She cried out in delight and sped up. Tifa looked to Cloud in confusion.
"Why'd you suddenly stop?" Tifa asked. Cloud shrugged.
"It was in the script," Cloud replied.
"Ah ha! I beat that spikey headed jerk!" Yuffie cried as she raced forward. Suddenly, the chocobos came into view. "Ahhh!" Yuffie jerked to the side to avoid hitting the riders. The car sped off the cliff and exploded. Yuffie's ninja star clattered on the street as 007 and Tifa sped away.
That's what I would've put if I wasn't already in trouble with the Yuffie lover's of America. So... Instead...
"Ah ha! I beat that spikey headed jerk!" Yuffie cried as she raced forward. Suddenly, the chocobos came into view. "Ahhh!" Yuffie jerked to the side to avoid hitting the riders. The car sped off the cliff. Yuffie slammed her hand on the controls and the wings opened on the vehicle. Yuffie flew off into the air. She turned back to see 007 and Tifa race away. "I'll get you next time gadget! Next time!" One of the Wutai cats screeched.
Cloud pulled into the casino on the Costa Del Sol waterfront. He watched as Yuffie hopped out of Cid's plane/boat/car/waffle iron/thing. Cloud slipped out of his car as he slowly followed Yuffie into the casino.
"Is this the blackjack table?" Yuffie asked Cait Sith. Cait Sith had wandered away from the table and was kicking the slot machine.
"No! I want something for two sevens and a cherry! I want my toy box damn it!!" He kicked the machine again. Suddenly, an anvil fell from the sky and smacked into his head. Cait Sith groaned. The impatient Shinobi tapped him. Cait Sith turned. Yuffie eyed him.
"Would you please come back to the table! I want to play blackjack!" Yuffie growled. They turned to the table and looked in surprise. Cloud was at the table waiting.
"I'll take my hand at it as well," Cloud grinned. Yuffie returned a scornful glance. The three sat at the table. Cait Sith dealt out the first hand to Yuffie and Cloud.
"Hit me," Yuffie replied. Cait Sith wound up his arm.
"With pleasure!" Cait Sith smacked Yuffie across the face. Yuffie cried out and lunged at Cait Sith.
"You stupid cat! I'll kill you!" Yuffie screamed. Cait Sith and Yuffie batted at each other back and forth. Cloud waited impatiently as Yuffie continued to kill Cait Sith. (Can anyone kill Cait Sith?) After ten minutes, Cloud grew bored and left.
On top of a rooftop, Cloud stared down as two fat chocobo characters threw Yuffie out.
"And stay the hell out of the casino $#&$*!" one of the chocobos shook his wing at her. They walked back into the casino. Yuffie smiled.
"At least I got his wallet," Yuffie grinned. She walked off. Cloud aimed a miniature camera at Yuffie and clicked. The picture enlarged and Cloud was able to get a closer look.
Yuffie Kisaragi. Expert helicopter pilot and materia hunter. Status: Dangerous suspect. You may want to keep away from her Kisaragi. Good luck 007.
"I wonder what a Shinobi pilot is doing here in Costa Del Sol," Cloud said flatly.
Icicile Area, Military Facility
Aeris' fingers glided over the keyboard as she accessed her files. As she came to the final file, a protection window popped up showing a video game character in a bikini with a riddle. (I'm not saying who, so I'll let you use your imagination.) Aeris groaned and turned to the computer hacker.
"Hojo," Aeris snapped. Hojo flicked his pen in his fingers as he stared off into space. "Hojo," Aeris repeated. Hojo still stared into space. "Hojo!" Hojo jumped as he came back to reality. He stared over to Aeris. Aeris gestured to the computer with her chin. Hojo glanced to the screen and grinned a mischievous grin.
"Did you figure it out Ancient?" Hojo chimed. Aeris narrowed her eyes.
"What's the access code?" Aeris replied simply.
"I know the answer!" Mayor Domino shouted from behind them.
"Shut up!" Hojo shouted. "You can figure it out by going through each of the folders and finding the one that doesn't fit. Then take the number of that folder and go across the line that numerical amount to find a letter. Unscramble the letters to get the answer," Hojo relayed the instructions. Aeris growled. She reached into her hair and pulled out the white materia. She shook the piece of materia.
"What's the access code?" she asked the materia. A small triangle appeared in the materia.
"Not likely," it read.
"Access code!" Aeris shouted. She shook it again. The triangle resurfaced.
"Sephiroth," Aeris sighed. The answer to the riddle. 'Who kills Aeris, and is the son of a maniacal scientist and teams up with an alien named Jenova.' Aeris was far too lazy to think about the riddle, but that's what her materia was for. Hojo growled over the infernal materia and turned back to his computer. Aeris typed in the code and continued with her work. Just then, General Heiddeger walked into the base.
"Nya ha ha!" Heiddeger chuckled to himself as he watched two Shin-Ra soldiers wheel in a huge steel box.
"Hey general? What is this thing?" one of the soldiers dared ask. Heiddeger shot him a dangerous glance.
"If you fools must know, it is Square's reply to Nintendo's newest attempts to encourage buying the Nintendo 64. With the release of the collector's editions of Zelda in gold framing and the new release of the gold framed N64 in Japan..." Heiddeger explained.
"In Japan! Damn it! I wanted that-" a soldier shouted but stopped as all the other soldiers stared him down, pitying the poor individual. Heiddeger coughed.
"Square, pitying the attempt, decided to release it's very own new gold item. Friends... I present to you..." Heiddeger jammed a key into the lock and turned. The crate opened and a golden piece of materia shimmered in an ornately shaped holder. The soldiers whistled and some whispered to each other.
"This is their way to mock the gold paraphernalia. The Golden Materia! Nya ha ha ha!" Heiddeger clutched his chest. This piece of materia is about as powerful as all three of the Master Materia pieces. The amount of wisdom and intelligence preserved within each facet is immeasurable. Not to mention it controls a really big gun!" The soldiers nodded in approval. "The weapon is known as the Golden Materia satellite, which orbits in space waiting to be fired. It's effects are the shattering of any and all pieces of materia within the area. It was developed during the war with Wutai. Why do you think materia is so rare there?" Aeris shuddered at overhearing the conversation and glanced down at the piece of white materia.
"I couldn't bear this being shattered..." Aeris whispered.
"All answers point to yes," the materia read on a triangle.
Cloud pulled himself out of the jet ski and onto the ship. He straightened his tie and loaded his FF7. He glanced around the deck and dodged into one of the cabins. He looked at his watch.
"OK... Board the ship undetected COMPLETE. Next objective, kick the #%$^ out of the guy behind me INCOMPLETE," Cloud swung his sword without looking and made contact with the soldier. The soldier went sprawling backwards. The man reached for his fallen gun and Cloud fired a bullet near his hand. The guard pulled back in surprise. Cloud kicked the gun aside. The soldier pulled out another gun. Cloud kicked it out of his hand. This gag continued a few more times (You choose how many) until it got boring and Cloud karate chopped him in the head. The soldier collapsed on the floor. Cloud walked through the pile of guns (Hey! I didn't tell you to make him do that 255 times!) and entered a hallway. He crept into another room, the helicopter pilot's room.
"If they're planning to steal this stealth Shin-Ra plane, I best warn the pilot," Cloud opened the door and looked around. He stepped inside and looked for a clue to where the pilot may be. Cloud gulped. "I really hope they didn't take this scene directly from the movie because..." Cloud opened the closet. A dead Shin-Ra soldier in boxer shorts fell from the closet. Cloud turned white. "No! That's too much... I could understand the real Xenia... But Yuffie? God!" Cloud perished the sickening thought of what Yuffie did and heard applause from the deck. Cloud gasped and dashed out the door. He walked onto deck to see Yuffie and two soldiers preparing to board the Shin-Ra stealth helicopter. Yuffie was waving and blowing kisses until her eyes met Clouds. She winked and hopped onto the plane with the other soldiers. Cloud dashed forward, but two guards blocked his path. He attempted to shove them away, but he couldn't risk starting a fight in the middle of the presentation. The helicopter engine started up and lifted off the ground. Cloud watched helplessly as the helicopter hovered into the bay and out of sight.
"You shouldn't be hacking into Shin-Ra's main database," Aeris replied as she glanced over to Hojo. He typed furiously at his keyboard.
"The Shin-Ra are fools. They're security is no match for my amazing skill," Hojo entered a few hacking techniques. The computer bleeped in approval. "Yes! I am invincible!" Aeris sighed and turned back to her work. A guard walked up to Heiddeger.
"The mission in Costa Del Sol was a success. Now we simply wait until the helicopter arrives here. It should be no more that an hour now," the soldier relayed the information. Heiddeger grinned.
"Excellent. Are all the preparations made?" Heiddeger inquired. The soldier nodded. Heiddeger waved his hand. "Very well. Get out of my sight then!" The soldier bowed and trotted off and out of the room. A shadow made itself known to Heiddeger in the corner of the room. "Do not worry. You will get your chance when she comes." The shadow nodded.
"I'm going outside to smoke..." Hojo growled. "Even though I don't really encourage being like Cid." Without any further words, Hojo pulled out his jacket and headed outside.
"I assume that things did not go as planned?" Tifa looked over Cloud. Cloud nodded.
"I managed to spot the pilot, but I don't know who or what would want a stealth helicopter. It was Shin-Ras! So even though they're slime, they wouldn't steal their own technology," Cloud replied, puzzled over the incident. Tifa shrugged.
"We can track the helicopter by Mako trails, but that will take time, which we may not have," Tifa frowned. She turned and walked to a huge screen, displaying the Planet.
"If it makes you feel any better, you're looking more beautiful than usual," Cloud attempted to get on Tifa's good side.
"That's sexual harassment 007, and I don't have to take it," Tifa replied. Cloud frowned.
"Damn Labor laws..." Cloud muttered to himself. They both glanced onto the screen.
"I'm here!!" Yuffie cried. Neither of the computer technicians looked up or cared. Yuffie frowned. "I was expecting a party." Heiddeger came up behind her. A cameraman suddenly ran up and took a shot of him with Yuffie. Heiddeger growled and shot him with his handgun. Yuffie looked at the man and shrugged. "Hehe... Just like Sephiroth in Nibelheim."
"Thank you for receiving the helicopter Ms. Kisaragi. You have done well," Heiddeger glared at her. Yuffie scratched her head.
"I don't get it. Something's not right here. Aren't I supposed to go on a killing spree now and we fly away in the chopper before this place is blown to bits?" Yuffie tapped her foot. Heiddeger grinned.
"That jobs already been taken," Heiddeger replied. Yuffie's eyes widened in confusion.
"Job? This isn't Final Fantasy Tactics!" Yuffie thought for a minute, "Yes! I'm the one playing Xenia!" Yuffie shouted. Heiddeger stepped away from Yuffie.
"I see you don't understand," Heiddeger stepped over to the photographer. "You were never Xenia. You weren't in Costa Del Sol five years ago... I mean hours ago," Heiddeger messed up the pun I was doing. He plucked a picture from the camera. "Would you like to see the picture? It came out pretty good." Yuffie reluctantly took the photograph.
"Hey! This is you and some other broad. What's her name? She's a sl#& and looks like a man... It was... Umm..." Yuffie looked at the picture.
"Scarlet is the name," Scarlet walked out of the shadows behind her. Yuffie spun around to meet her opponent. "You may now leave this fanfic Yuffie." Scarlet pulled out a gun and fired. Yuffie cried out and ducked behind a computer. Computer Technicians screamed as one of there own slumped dead to the floor. Aeris bit her lip and ducked out of the room, unnoticed.
"Hey! You can't just kill me! I'm Xenia! Y'know! Xenia!" Yuffie ducked as bullets flew past her.
"Kill her," Scarlet commanded his... I mean, her soldiers. They raised their guns just as Yuffie darted past them.
"Shinobi!" Yuffie cried as she scrambled up the stairs. Yuffie's Omnigear screeched to life outside. Yuffie hopped inside just as the other soldiers ran out to catch her. (Xenogears) "I'll be back! You just wait!" Yuffie's gear sped off into the waste wilderness. Scarlet shouted in frustration.
"You damn fools! You let her get away!" Scarlet hissed. Heiddeger came up behind her.
"We don't have to worry about her. We have what we wanted," Heiddeger gestured to the helicopter. Scarlet's face became firm and they returned inside the base. Heiddeger tossed her a key.
"On 3. 1... 2... Oh by the way," Heiddeger began as Scarlet fumbled the key.
"Could we just get on with this!?" Scarlet shouted. Heiddeger blushed.
"Sorry... 3!" Heiddeger and Scarlet jammed the keys into the detonator.
Goldenmateria systems online
"Preparations for departure have been made," a soldier relayed to Heiddeger. Heiddeger nodded as he took a semi-automatic weapon from him.
"Excellent. Have them on standby. Gya ha ha!" Heiddeger tossed Scarlet the gun. Scarlet turned and opened fire on the remaining computer programmers.
Aeris cringed as she heard her comrades pumped full of ammo. She was reminded of the cut scene she mysteriously watched in Shin-Ra mansion basement where Zack got killed, but that's another story entirely. Aeris gasped as she heard Scarlet coming towards her hiding place. She searched the room for an escape route. There was an air duct, a stove, and a few other appliances. She took her chances with her best bet.
Scarlet hissed as she walked into the room. She eyed the area suspiciously. Then she noticed a piece of materia rolling on the floor. It was white with a pale green color. Scarlet picked it up.
"What's this?" Scarlet asked herself. She looked inside it.
"You're really a man," the materia read. Scarlet shrugged and pocketed it. She searched the room for the source of the materia and noticed the open air duct. She fired a few rounds into the duct, just to be certain that no one was hiding. Scarlet laughed maniacally and stalked out. Heiddeger had the Goldenmateria satellite targeting the base. Two soldiers carried the Golden Materia.
"Let's go!" Heiddeger called. They quickly boarded the helicopter and rushed out.
"The path has been traced out into the Icicle Area..." Tifa muttered.
"Have you got a fix on it yet?" Cloud asked curiously. Tifa shook her head.
Goldenmateria satellite detonation in T-10 seconds.
"Well where could it be! All there is a mysterious Crater and a Chocobo Sage up there!" Cloud stated in exasperation.
"A Chocobo Sage?" Tifa wondered aloud. She knew that Chocobo Sages were known for their evil. Zemus was a Chocobo Sage. (Final Fantasy IV. Bad joke.)
Aeris shivered as she stepped out of the refrigerator.
"Woo! Now I've been at the bottom of a lake, a tube, an Ancient temple and a refigerator!" Aeris rubbed her arms.
T-5 seconds
"Umm... That doesn't sound good. I wish I had my materia to see if I'm going to survive this..." Aeris glanced over to the countdown screen.
"That settles it! We're going to have the Chocobo Sage killed! He's the prime suspect!" Cloud called. Tifa nodded.
"We'll teach that SOB..." Tifa said defiantly.
T-1
Bulbasaur... I mean... The Goldenmateria satellite is taking in sunlight. (Pokémon)
Solarbeam!!
Note that your next destination is at the Junon Military Facility.
"Already noted..." Cloud muttered to himself. Tifa looked up from her notes.
"Are you watching the road Mr. Strife?" Tifa looked crossly at Cloud. Cloud smiled.
"It's hard to concentrate on anything with you in the car," Cloud returned.
"I'm not rating you on your remarks 007. Just as long as you can drive this vehicle safely," Tifa added. Cloud nodded. He looked back to the computer.
Expect a Russian woman suspect to be the lead in this mission. Good luck on your exam 007.
"Do you know how to operate all equipment recently given to you?" Tifa asked. Cloud nodded.
"Already taken care of," Cloud tapped the controls. The back seat ejected and crashed through the roof of the car. Cloud checked his rearview mirror as it crashed behind them. "Whoops." Tifa frowned.
"You haven't checked anything!" Tifa growled. Cloud shook his head.
"That isn't true! I know how to use these cup holders!" Cloud tugged at his driver seat cup holders. They refused to pull out. "You stupid-!" Cloud grabbed it with both hands. The car whirled back and forth violently.
"Cloud!" Tifa snapped as she grabbed the wheel. "Don't do that!" Cloud continued to pull.
"Hey! Give me a break. And get your... you know, out of my way! I can't see what I'm doing!" Cloud struggled to see around Tifa. The cup holders groaned and tore out off the compartment. Cloud frowned and tossed them aside. He took the wheel back from Tifa. Tifa grabbed her pad and began writing.
Suddenly, the Tiny Bronco, in car form, pulls up beside them. A dangerous woman is in the driver's seat. Cloud looks over to her. She returns a grim smile and pulls dangerously close to the car. Tifa gasped.
"Hey! What is she doing?" Tifa shifted forward as Cloud jutted to the side. Cloud smiled.
"Playing a little game," Cloud shifted back towards her car and sped up. The girl in the other car proceeded to increase her velocity as well. The two cars pull back and forth, each daring one to cut the other off. Cloud screeched around a corner as the Tiny Bronco pulled ahead of them. Tifa gasped and covered her head.
"Cloud! Stop showing off and slow down! I know what you're doing," Tifa moaned. Cloud changed xeno-gears and sped past the other "car." The driver growled in frustration and then laughed. She increased speed to meet up with Cloud.
Meanwhile, a group of chocobo riders were heading down the street in the opposite direction. Neither Cloud nor the opposing car could see them.
The two cars were head on now. Neither was gaining over the other. Suddenly, Cloud slowed down and allowed the girl to pass. She cried out in delight and sped up. Tifa looked to Cloud in confusion.
"Why'd you suddenly stop?" Tifa asked. Cloud shrugged.
"It was in the script," Cloud replied.
"Ah ha! I beat that spikey headed jerk!" Yuffie cried as she raced forward. Suddenly, the chocobos came into view. "Ahhh!" Yuffie jerked to the side to avoid hitting the riders. The car sped off the cliff and exploded. Yuffie's ninja star clattered on the street as 007 and Tifa sped away.
That's what I would've put if I wasn't already in trouble with the Yuffie lover's of America. So... Instead...
"Ah ha! I beat that spikey headed jerk!" Yuffie cried as she raced forward. Suddenly, the chocobos came into view. "Ahhh!" Yuffie jerked to the side to avoid hitting the riders. The car sped off the cliff. Yuffie slammed her hand on the controls and the wings opened on the vehicle. Yuffie flew off into the air. She turned back to see 007 and Tifa race away. "I'll get you next time gadget! Next time!" One of the Wutai cats screeched.
Cloud pulled into the casino on the Costa Del Sol waterfront. He watched as Yuffie hopped out of Cid's plane/boat/car/waffle iron/thing. Cloud slipped out of his car as he slowly followed Yuffie into the casino.
"Is this the blackjack table?" Yuffie asked Cait Sith. Cait Sith had wandered away from the table and was kicking the slot machine.
"No! I want something for two sevens and a cherry! I want my toy box damn it!!" He kicked the machine again. Suddenly, an anvil fell from the sky and smacked into his head. Cait Sith groaned. The impatient Shinobi tapped him. Cait Sith turned. Yuffie eyed him.
"Would you please come back to the table! I want to play blackjack!" Yuffie growled. They turned to the table and looked in surprise. Cloud was at the table waiting.
"I'll take my hand at it as well," Cloud grinned. Yuffie returned a scornful glance. The three sat at the table. Cait Sith dealt out the first hand to Yuffie and Cloud.
"Hit me," Yuffie replied. Cait Sith wound up his arm.
"With pleasure!" Cait Sith smacked Yuffie across the face. Yuffie cried out and lunged at Cait Sith.
"You stupid cat! I'll kill you!" Yuffie screamed. Cait Sith and Yuffie batted at each other back and forth. Cloud waited impatiently as Yuffie continued to kill Cait Sith. (Can anyone kill Cait Sith?) After ten minutes, Cloud grew bored and left.
On top of a rooftop, Cloud stared down as two fat chocobo characters threw Yuffie out.
"And stay the hell out of the casino $#&$*!" one of the chocobos shook his wing at her. They walked back into the casino. Yuffie smiled.
"At least I got his wallet," Yuffie grinned. She walked off. Cloud aimed a miniature camera at Yuffie and clicked. The picture enlarged and Cloud was able to get a closer look.
Yuffie Kisaragi. Expert helicopter pilot and materia hunter. Status: Dangerous suspect. You may want to keep away from her Kisaragi. Good luck 007.
"I wonder what a Shinobi pilot is doing here in Costa Del Sol," Cloud said flatly.
Icicile Area, Military Facility
Aeris' fingers glided over the keyboard as she accessed her files. As she came to the final file, a protection window popped up showing a video game character in a bikini with a riddle. (I'm not saying who, so I'll let you use your imagination.) Aeris groaned and turned to the computer hacker.
"Hojo," Aeris snapped. Hojo flicked his pen in his fingers as he stared off into space. "Hojo," Aeris repeated. Hojo still stared into space. "Hojo!" Hojo jumped as he came back to reality. He stared over to Aeris. Aeris gestured to the computer with her chin. Hojo glanced to the screen and grinned a mischievous grin.
"Did you figure it out Ancient?" Hojo chimed. Aeris narrowed her eyes.
"What's the access code?" Aeris replied simply.
"I know the answer!" Mayor Domino shouted from behind them.
"Shut up!" Hojo shouted. "You can figure it out by going through each of the folders and finding the one that doesn't fit. Then take the number of that folder and go across the line that numerical amount to find a letter. Unscramble the letters to get the answer," Hojo relayed the instructions. Aeris growled. She reached into her hair and pulled out the white materia. She shook the piece of materia.
"What's the access code?" she asked the materia. A small triangle appeared in the materia.
"Not likely," it read.
"Access code!" Aeris shouted. She shook it again. The triangle resurfaced.
"Sephiroth," Aeris sighed. The answer to the riddle. 'Who kills Aeris, and is the son of a maniacal scientist and teams up with an alien named Jenova.' Aeris was far too lazy to think about the riddle, but that's what her materia was for. Hojo growled over the infernal materia and turned back to his computer. Aeris typed in the code and continued with her work. Just then, General Heiddeger walked into the base.
"Nya ha ha!" Heiddeger chuckled to himself as he watched two Shin-Ra soldiers wheel in a huge steel box.
"Hey general? What is this thing?" one of the soldiers dared ask. Heiddeger shot him a dangerous glance.
"If you fools must know, it is Square's reply to Nintendo's newest attempts to encourage buying the Nintendo 64. With the release of the collector's editions of Zelda in gold framing and the new release of the gold framed N64 in Japan..." Heiddeger explained.
"In Japan! Damn it! I wanted that-" a soldier shouted but stopped as all the other soldiers stared him down, pitying the poor individual. Heiddeger coughed.
"Square, pitying the attempt, decided to release it's very own new gold item. Friends... I present to you..." Heiddeger jammed a key into the lock and turned. The crate opened and a golden piece of materia shimmered in an ornately shaped holder. The soldiers whistled and some whispered to each other.
"This is their way to mock the gold paraphernalia. The Golden Materia! Nya ha ha ha!" Heiddeger clutched his chest. This piece of materia is about as powerful as all three of the Master Materia pieces. The amount of wisdom and intelligence preserved within each facet is immeasurable. Not to mention it controls a really big gun!" The soldiers nodded in approval. "The weapon is known as the Golden Materia satellite, which orbits in space waiting to be fired. It's effects are the shattering of any and all pieces of materia within the area. It was developed during the war with Wutai. Why do you think materia is so rare there?" Aeris shuddered at overhearing the conversation and glanced down at the piece of white materia.
"I couldn't bear this being shattered..." Aeris whispered.
"All answers point to yes," the materia read on a triangle.
Cloud pulled himself out of the jet ski and onto the ship. He straightened his tie and loaded his FF7. He glanced around the deck and dodged into one of the cabins. He looked at his watch.
"OK... Board the ship undetected COMPLETE. Next objective, kick the #%$^ out of the guy behind me INCOMPLETE," Cloud swung his sword without looking and made contact with the soldier. The soldier went sprawling backwards. The man reached for his fallen gun and Cloud fired a bullet near his hand. The guard pulled back in surprise. Cloud kicked the gun aside. The soldier pulled out another gun. Cloud kicked it out of his hand. This gag continued a few more times (You choose how many) until it got boring and Cloud karate chopped him in the head. The soldier collapsed on the floor. Cloud walked through the pile of guns (Hey! I didn't tell you to make him do that 255 times!) and entered a hallway. He crept into another room, the helicopter pilot's room.
"If they're planning to steal this stealth Shin-Ra plane, I best warn the pilot," Cloud opened the door and looked around. He stepped inside and looked for a clue to where the pilot may be. Cloud gulped. "I really hope they didn't take this scene directly from the movie because..." Cloud opened the closet. A dead Shin-Ra soldier in boxer shorts fell from the closet. Cloud turned white. "No! That's too much... I could understand the real Xenia... But Yuffie? God!" Cloud perished the sickening thought of what Yuffie did and heard applause from the deck. Cloud gasped and dashed out the door. He walked onto deck to see Yuffie and two soldiers preparing to board the Shin-Ra stealth helicopter. Yuffie was waving and blowing kisses until her eyes met Clouds. She winked and hopped onto the plane with the other soldiers. Cloud dashed forward, but two guards blocked his path. He attempted to shove them away, but he couldn't risk starting a fight in the middle of the presentation. The helicopter engine started up and lifted off the ground. Cloud watched helplessly as the helicopter hovered into the bay and out of sight.
"You shouldn't be hacking into Shin-Ra's main database," Aeris replied as she glanced over to Hojo. He typed furiously at his keyboard.
"The Shin-Ra are fools. They're security is no match for my amazing skill," Hojo entered a few hacking techniques. The computer bleeped in approval. "Yes! I am invincible!" Aeris sighed and turned back to her work. A guard walked up to Heiddeger.
"The mission in Costa Del Sol was a success. Now we simply wait until the helicopter arrives here. It should be no more that an hour now," the soldier relayed the information. Heiddeger grinned.
"Excellent. Are all the preparations made?" Heiddeger inquired. The soldier nodded. Heiddeger waved his hand. "Very well. Get out of my sight then!" The soldier bowed and trotted off and out of the room. A shadow made itself known to Heiddeger in the corner of the room. "Do not worry. You will get your chance when she comes." The shadow nodded.
"I'm going outside to smoke..." Hojo growled. "Even though I don't really encourage being like Cid." Without any further words, Hojo pulled out his jacket and headed outside.
"I assume that things did not go as planned?" Tifa looked over Cloud. Cloud nodded.
"I managed to spot the pilot, but I don't know who or what would want a stealth helicopter. It was Shin-Ras! So even though they're slime, they wouldn't steal their own technology," Cloud replied, puzzled over the incident. Tifa shrugged.
"We can track the helicopter by Mako trails, but that will take time, which we may not have," Tifa frowned. She turned and walked to a huge screen, displaying the Planet.
"If it makes you feel any better, you're looking more beautiful than usual," Cloud attempted to get on Tifa's good side.
"That's sexual harassment 007, and I don't have to take it," Tifa replied. Cloud frowned.
"Damn Labor laws..." Cloud muttered to himself. They both glanced onto the screen.
"I'm here!!" Yuffie cried. Neither of the computer technicians looked up or cared. Yuffie frowned. "I was expecting a party." Heiddeger came up behind her. A cameraman suddenly ran up and took a shot of him with Yuffie. Heiddeger growled and shot him with his handgun. Yuffie looked at the man and shrugged. "Hehe... Just like Sephiroth in Nibelheim."
"Thank you for receiving the helicopter Ms. Kisaragi. You have done well," Heiddeger glared at her. Yuffie scratched her head.
"I don't get it. Something's not right here. Aren't I supposed to go on a killing spree now and we fly away in the chopper before this place is blown to bits?" Yuffie tapped her foot. Heiddeger grinned.
"That jobs already been taken," Heiddeger replied. Yuffie's eyes widened in confusion.
"Job? This isn't Final Fantasy Tactics!" Yuffie thought for a minute, "Yes! I'm the one playing Xenia!" Yuffie shouted. Heiddeger stepped away from Yuffie.
"I see you don't understand," Heiddeger stepped over to the photographer. "You were never Xenia. You weren't in Costa Del Sol five years ago... I mean hours ago," Heiddeger messed up the pun I was doing. He plucked a picture from the camera. "Would you like to see the picture? It came out pretty good." Yuffie reluctantly took the photograph.
"Hey! This is you and some other broad. What's her name? She's a sl#& and looks like a man... It was... Umm..." Yuffie looked at the picture.
"Scarlet is the name," Scarlet walked out of the shadows behind her. Yuffie spun around to meet her opponent. "You may now leave this fanfic Yuffie." Scarlet pulled out a gun and fired. Yuffie cried out and ducked behind a computer. Computer Technicians screamed as one of there own slumped dead to the floor. Aeris bit her lip and ducked out of the room, unnoticed.
"Hey! You can't just kill me! I'm Xenia! Y'know! Xenia!" Yuffie ducked as bullets flew past her.
"Kill her," Scarlet commanded his... I mean, her soldiers. They raised their guns just as Yuffie darted past them.
"Shinobi!" Yuffie cried as she scrambled up the stairs. Yuffie's Omnigear screeched to life outside. Yuffie hopped inside just as the other soldiers ran out to catch her. (Xenogears) "I'll be back! You just wait!" Yuffie's gear sped off into the waste wilderness. Scarlet shouted in frustration.
"You damn fools! You let her get away!" Scarlet hissed. Heiddeger came up behind her.
"We don't have to worry about her. We have what we wanted," Heiddeger gestured to the helicopter. Scarlet's face became firm and they returned inside the base. Heiddeger tossed her a key.
"On 3. 1... 2... Oh by the way," Heiddeger began as Scarlet fumbled the key.
"Could we just get on with this!?" Scarlet shouted. Heiddeger blushed.
"Sorry... 3!" Heiddeger and Scarlet jammed the keys into the detonator.
Goldenmateria systems online
"Preparations for departure have been made," a soldier relayed to Heiddeger. Heiddeger nodded as he took a semi-automatic weapon from him.
"Excellent. Have them on standby. Gya ha ha!" Heiddeger tossed Scarlet the gun. Scarlet turned and opened fire on the remaining computer programmers.
Aeris cringed as she heard her comrades pumped full of ammo. She was reminded of the cut scene she mysteriously watched in Shin-Ra mansion basement where Zack got killed, but that's another story entirely. Aeris gasped as she heard Scarlet coming towards her hiding place. She searched the room for an escape route. There was an air duct, a stove, and a few other appliances. She took her chances with her best bet.
Scarlet hissed as she walked into the room. She eyed the area suspiciously. Then she noticed a piece of materia rolling on the floor. It was white with a pale green color. Scarlet picked it up.
"What's this?" Scarlet asked herself. She looked inside it.
"You're really a man," the materia read. Scarlet shrugged and pocketed it. She searched the room for the source of the materia and noticed the open air duct. She fired a few rounds into the duct, just to be certain that no one was hiding. Scarlet laughed maniacally and stalked out. Heiddeger had the Goldenmateria satellite targeting the base. Two soldiers carried the Golden Materia.
"Let's go!" Heiddeger called. They quickly boarded the helicopter and rushed out.
"The path has been traced out into the Icicle Area..." Tifa muttered.
"Have you got a fix on it yet?" Cloud asked curiously. Tifa shook her head.
Goldenmateria satellite detonation in T-10 seconds.
"Well where could it be! All there is a mysterious Crater and a Chocobo Sage up there!" Cloud stated in exasperation.
"A Chocobo Sage?" Tifa wondered aloud. She knew that Chocobo Sages were known for their evil. Zemus was a Chocobo Sage. (Final Fantasy IV. Bad joke.)
Aeris shivered as she stepped out of the refrigerator.
"Woo! Now I've been at the bottom of a lake, a tube, an Ancient temple and a refigerator!" Aeris rubbed her arms.
T-5 seconds
"Umm... That doesn't sound good. I wish I had my materia to see if I'm going to survive this..." Aeris glanced over to the countdown screen.
"That settles it! We're going to have the Chocobo Sage killed! He's the prime suspect!" Cloud called. Tifa nodded.
"We'll teach that SOB..." Tifa said defiantly.
T-1
Bulbasaur... I mean... The Goldenmateria satellite is taking in sunlight. (Pokémon)
Solarbeam!!