She stood in the docking bay, body trembling with anticipation. She had
imagined this moment so many times, wished, hoped, prayed and cried for it
to come. Now that it was almost here, time refused to oblige her by moving
at a normal pace. Instead, time seemed to stretch and expand, so that when
she checked her chrono every twenty standard minutes, it inexplicably
indicated that only two standard minutes had passed.
She could feel the quality of time change as she waited, could feel the very fabric of the universe stretch tight. Every second registered as an eternity. In each moment, she could taste the flat, stagnant flavor of the seconds as they stood, unmoving. She could reach out and almost touch the clear stillness of time. If only she could reach just a little further, perhaps she could touch the surface, create a ripple, and time would begin to move again.
In this strange place where years seemed to pass without the notice of her chrono, she had time enough to take stock of all her senses, to feel each and every nerve ending as it tingled and trembled. She smelled and tasted the acrid scent of the fuel in the docking bay. She could hear the muffled clanging and curses from the repair bay next door. She could feel the scuffed, cracked duracrete under her bare feet, and, as she curled her toes against the cold, she could feel the grease from the floor that had rubbed off onto the soles of her feet.
She felt the cool night breeze ruffle her sleep-tousled hair, and when she opened her eyes, her vision registered every detail with perfect precision, the edges of objects carved into her mind's eye with razor sharp clarity. As she tilted her face upward and gazed out into the galaxy, she saw planets revolve, and suns rotate, and stars blossom and die, and civilizations rise and fall.
And another second passed.
And she waited.
....................................
Later, when she reflected on those minutes that she stood waiting in the docking bay, she failed to understand how she had stayed sane. She could not comprehend how she had kept a grasp on her mind when, denied the immediate pleasure of the experience she had waited so long for, all it had wanted to do was to leave her body and stay in that moment forever, exploring that gray limbo in which time had no meaning.
Yet even when her whole soul yearned for the minutes to slip away and for the moment to arrive, a part of her had wanted to release her mind, and to follow it into the void, so that she could stay in that place forever. To stay, content with the knowledge that he was safe and would soon be home. To stay, and not have to face his pain, his possible disappointment. To not have to face him as he was now, most certainly changed.
All of these thoughts and more filled the minutes as she waited, but not so fully as to fill the empty place that had so long been a part of her. It was an acute emptiness, and as much as she had tried to evade it, she had been unable to prevent her mind from exploring at least the most surface aspects of it.
Sometimes, it was a thick, gray mist, a foul-smelling fog, in which she felt she would disappear if she wandered without caution. Other times, it was a burning ball of something hotter than flames, a supernova that had exploded inside her and threatened to consume her. But most times, it was a cold, hard block of ice that chilled her from the very core. She tried desperately to chip away at it, and sometimes suceeded, but day by day it grew colder and the ice spread, slowly but unmercifully, engulfing more and more of her.
Yet now, as the minutes passed and the moment approached, the mist seemed to clear, the burning lessened, and the ice began to melt as the hands on her chrono continued to tick.
And she waited.
.....................................
Even as she stood, gazing out into the eternal night of space, filled to the brim with sensation, she felt a tickling at the back of her mind and the swirling unreality of her thoughts receded slightly as she realized that she was not alone.
She could feel him standing hesitantly near the docking bay, cursing his own indecision and cursing the emotions that clouded his thoughts. As she slowly turned to face him, she felt the glow of his love for her warm the ice in her heart, and a bit more melted away.
In her heightened state of emotions, she felt tears of gratitude rush to her eyes as she sensed his overwhelming concern for her. She watched as his eyes were drawn slowly but unerringly to hers. As their gazes met, both of their doubts were pushed aside.
Our friendship has kept me sane, she realized. When her life was spiraling out of control, when everything that she had once believed unbreakable had been scattered in all directions, he was the one constant. She could always see the path ahead with him. Sometimes it would twist and turn and she could not see where it ended, but with him there was always solid ground on which to place her feet.
The one element in my life about which I have never had any doubts is his loyalty.
As he walked toward her and she reached out her arms and wrapped them around his waist, her senses were filled with him. And it was infinitely more pleasurable than being in that moment alone. The stillness of time was now both a blessing and a curse, and she reveled in the paradox.
"Don't worry," he said, as he kissed her forehead.
They both turned once more to gaze up at the stars.
And minutes passed.
And they waited.
.........
She could feel the quality of time change as she waited, could feel the very fabric of the universe stretch tight. Every second registered as an eternity. In each moment, she could taste the flat, stagnant flavor of the seconds as they stood, unmoving. She could reach out and almost touch the clear stillness of time. If only she could reach just a little further, perhaps she could touch the surface, create a ripple, and time would begin to move again.
In this strange place where years seemed to pass without the notice of her chrono, she had time enough to take stock of all her senses, to feel each and every nerve ending as it tingled and trembled. She smelled and tasted the acrid scent of the fuel in the docking bay. She could hear the muffled clanging and curses from the repair bay next door. She could feel the scuffed, cracked duracrete under her bare feet, and, as she curled her toes against the cold, she could feel the grease from the floor that had rubbed off onto the soles of her feet.
She felt the cool night breeze ruffle her sleep-tousled hair, and when she opened her eyes, her vision registered every detail with perfect precision, the edges of objects carved into her mind's eye with razor sharp clarity. As she tilted her face upward and gazed out into the galaxy, she saw planets revolve, and suns rotate, and stars blossom and die, and civilizations rise and fall.
And another second passed.
And she waited.
....................................
Later, when she reflected on those minutes that she stood waiting in the docking bay, she failed to understand how she had stayed sane. She could not comprehend how she had kept a grasp on her mind when, denied the immediate pleasure of the experience she had waited so long for, all it had wanted to do was to leave her body and stay in that moment forever, exploring that gray limbo in which time had no meaning.
Yet even when her whole soul yearned for the minutes to slip away and for the moment to arrive, a part of her had wanted to release her mind, and to follow it into the void, so that she could stay in that place forever. To stay, content with the knowledge that he was safe and would soon be home. To stay, and not have to face his pain, his possible disappointment. To not have to face him as he was now, most certainly changed.
All of these thoughts and more filled the minutes as she waited, but not so fully as to fill the empty place that had so long been a part of her. It was an acute emptiness, and as much as she had tried to evade it, she had been unable to prevent her mind from exploring at least the most surface aspects of it.
Sometimes, it was a thick, gray mist, a foul-smelling fog, in which she felt she would disappear if she wandered without caution. Other times, it was a burning ball of something hotter than flames, a supernova that had exploded inside her and threatened to consume her. But most times, it was a cold, hard block of ice that chilled her from the very core. She tried desperately to chip away at it, and sometimes suceeded, but day by day it grew colder and the ice spread, slowly but unmercifully, engulfing more and more of her.
Yet now, as the minutes passed and the moment approached, the mist seemed to clear, the burning lessened, and the ice began to melt as the hands on her chrono continued to tick.
And she waited.
.....................................
Even as she stood, gazing out into the eternal night of space, filled to the brim with sensation, she felt a tickling at the back of her mind and the swirling unreality of her thoughts receded slightly as she realized that she was not alone.
She could feel him standing hesitantly near the docking bay, cursing his own indecision and cursing the emotions that clouded his thoughts. As she slowly turned to face him, she felt the glow of his love for her warm the ice in her heart, and a bit more melted away.
In her heightened state of emotions, she felt tears of gratitude rush to her eyes as she sensed his overwhelming concern for her. She watched as his eyes were drawn slowly but unerringly to hers. As their gazes met, both of their doubts were pushed aside.
Our friendship has kept me sane, she realized. When her life was spiraling out of control, when everything that she had once believed unbreakable had been scattered in all directions, he was the one constant. She could always see the path ahead with him. Sometimes it would twist and turn and she could not see where it ended, but with him there was always solid ground on which to place her feet.
The one element in my life about which I have never had any doubts is his loyalty.
As he walked toward her and she reached out her arms and wrapped them around his waist, her senses were filled with him. And it was infinitely more pleasurable than being in that moment alone. The stillness of time was now both a blessing and a curse, and she reveled in the paradox.
"Don't worry," he said, as he kissed her forehead.
They both turned once more to gaze up at the stars.
And minutes passed.
And they waited.
.........