Part 11
After Willow gave her eulogy, everyone had gone up…except for one.
Buffy.
Dawn gave her a reassuring squeeze and nudged Buffy to go. Buffy stood and walked towards the podium.
"I really don't know what to say that hasn't been said by everyone else. Xander…he was one of a kind. He was sweet, funny, charming…he was one of the few decent guys in my life. Of all the men in my life, he was the only one who never left me."
Buffy wiped some of the tears that began to fall.
"My dad left my mom and me. Angel left town. Riley left me. Even Giles left to go back to England…but he stayed. Even when I hurt him or we had a huge fight, he was always there for me. A week ago, he found out about something I wasn't proud of. Spike spilled the beans on our "relationship." I could see the hurt in his eyes after he realized it. But we talked about it a couple days later…"
****Flashback****
After taking a long walk, taking in the events from the past few days, Xander ended up at Buffy's house. He wandered towards the backyard where he saw Buffy poking around the garden with a stick.
"Time for the spring poking again," Xander asked.
"Looking for more cameras left by the evil trio…well uno."
"The crazy yet addictive card game?"
Buffy grinned at his attempt for a joke.
"Jonathan and the other guy are in jail…Warren got away."
"He won't last…not without his friends."
Buffy walked towards the bench and sat down. Xander sat next to her.
"How did we let things get this bad," Buffy asked.
"I don't know…I hate things are this bad."
"I'm sorry I never told you about Spike."
"It's okay…its not like I never gave you plenty of reasons to think I'd be a jerk about it. It just hurt that you didn't trust me. We use to tell each other everything."
"I know…I hate how things have fallen apart."
"Me too," Xander said somberly.
"You know I love you right," Buffy said.
"Yeah…I know," Xander said as Buffy hugged him.
After they broke the hug, they sat in silence until Xander spoke again.
"There's something that I need to tell you Buff. I was walking around earlier thinking about stuff and I think I know why I was more hurt about you and Spike than I was with Anya and Spike."
"Why?"
"Things with Anya and me were over the second I walked out on her…and nothing I could have said or done would have changed that."
Xander looked into Buffy's sparkling eyes.
"But with you…"
Buffy knew what Xander was trying to say. He still loved her.
"Xand."
"Yeah?"
"Are you…do you still have feelings for me?"
Xander turned away, not able to answer. His non-answer, spoke volumes.
"Xander…do you?"
Xander looked towards Buffy with tears in his eyes.
"Its part of the reason I couldn't marry Anya. When I saw those visions…the nightmare visions…the reason things were so bad between me and her in them…was because you were gone. I didn't understand why…but I was beyond depressed. I wouldn't even touch Anya. And it didn't just last for a few weeks or months but well over 20 maybe 30 years."
"Oh."
"I didn't understand it…but the more I began to think about it, the more it made sense. You are such an important part of my life. If I lost you again, I don't know what I would do."
Buffy grabbed Xander's hand.
"Xander, you are the one man who hasn't left me. Whenever I needed you, no matter what I put you through, you were there for me. Sometimes I wonder why you haven't left…but here you are. And you have no idea what that means to me."
Xander caressed Buffy's cheek with his hand. She pressed her forehead against his.
"I'm just to scared to say how I feel…how I've felt for awhile now," Buffy said.
"You know how I feel…how I've felt since the day I met you."
Buffy looked deep into Xander's eyes. The man who has stayed by her side.
"Xander," Buffy said softly.
Terror was seen in Xander's eyes.
"Buffy," Xander said loudly as he stood.
She stood with him and turned to see Warren.
"You think you can just do that to me? Think again slayer," Warren said.
He pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and began to fire.
"BUFFY!"
Xander instinctively pushed Buffy the side. After shooting, Warren dropped the gun and ran.
"Where the hell did Warren get a gun," Buffy said as she stood.
She saw Xander on the ground. Blood slowly pouring out of his chest from the gunshots.
"Xander!"
She put her hand over the wound.
"No! You can't die on me. I won't let you…I love you too much Xander. You hear me Xander. I love you."
"Buff," Xander said hoarsely. "I love you…until the end of time."
Xander passed out. Buffy checked his pulse. It was weak, and fading fast. She raced in the house and called the ambulance. Moments they arrived and took Xander to the hospital.
The Hospital…
Buffy sat with Tara and Willow in the waiting room. Waiting for news on Xander.
"He can't die," Buffy said. "Not now…not after…"
"Not after what," Tara asked.
"Not after he told me he loved me," Buffy replied softly.
"I'm sure he'll be okay," Willow said. "He's a fighter."
"Yeah."
"Do you think the cops will find Warren," Willow asked.
"He dropped the gun," Buffy replied. "I'm sure they'll find him. Then he'll be with his buddies in jail."
"Buffy," Tara said getting Buffy's attention.
She glanced to Tara. She nodded towards the doctor walking towards them. The girls rose.
"Miss Summers…you were the one who brought in Alexander?"
"Yes. How is he?"
The doctor had a grave look on his face.
"I'm sorry…we lost him. We tried everything we could to save him. I'm sorry for your loss."
The doctor turned to leave and let the girls grieve.
****End Flashback****
"He died before I could really tell him how I feel. I love Xander with all my heart. I hope he knows how much I love him and how much he means to me…because if he doesn't…I'll never be able to forgive myself. Xander was my rock and my center. My light in the darkness…his memory will be the only thing that will keep that light alive."
End Part 11
After Willow gave her eulogy, everyone had gone up…except for one.
Buffy.
Dawn gave her a reassuring squeeze and nudged Buffy to go. Buffy stood and walked towards the podium.
"I really don't know what to say that hasn't been said by everyone else. Xander…he was one of a kind. He was sweet, funny, charming…he was one of the few decent guys in my life. Of all the men in my life, he was the only one who never left me."
Buffy wiped some of the tears that began to fall.
"My dad left my mom and me. Angel left town. Riley left me. Even Giles left to go back to England…but he stayed. Even when I hurt him or we had a huge fight, he was always there for me. A week ago, he found out about something I wasn't proud of. Spike spilled the beans on our "relationship." I could see the hurt in his eyes after he realized it. But we talked about it a couple days later…"
****Flashback****
After taking a long walk, taking in the events from the past few days, Xander ended up at Buffy's house. He wandered towards the backyard where he saw Buffy poking around the garden with a stick.
"Time for the spring poking again," Xander asked.
"Looking for more cameras left by the evil trio…well uno."
"The crazy yet addictive card game?"
Buffy grinned at his attempt for a joke.
"Jonathan and the other guy are in jail…Warren got away."
"He won't last…not without his friends."
Buffy walked towards the bench and sat down. Xander sat next to her.
"How did we let things get this bad," Buffy asked.
"I don't know…I hate things are this bad."
"I'm sorry I never told you about Spike."
"It's okay…its not like I never gave you plenty of reasons to think I'd be a jerk about it. It just hurt that you didn't trust me. We use to tell each other everything."
"I know…I hate how things have fallen apart."
"Me too," Xander said somberly.
"You know I love you right," Buffy said.
"Yeah…I know," Xander said as Buffy hugged him.
After they broke the hug, they sat in silence until Xander spoke again.
"There's something that I need to tell you Buff. I was walking around earlier thinking about stuff and I think I know why I was more hurt about you and Spike than I was with Anya and Spike."
"Why?"
"Things with Anya and me were over the second I walked out on her…and nothing I could have said or done would have changed that."
Xander looked into Buffy's sparkling eyes.
"But with you…"
Buffy knew what Xander was trying to say. He still loved her.
"Xand."
"Yeah?"
"Are you…do you still have feelings for me?"
Xander turned away, not able to answer. His non-answer, spoke volumes.
"Xander…do you?"
Xander looked towards Buffy with tears in his eyes.
"Its part of the reason I couldn't marry Anya. When I saw those visions…the nightmare visions…the reason things were so bad between me and her in them…was because you were gone. I didn't understand why…but I was beyond depressed. I wouldn't even touch Anya. And it didn't just last for a few weeks or months but well over 20 maybe 30 years."
"Oh."
"I didn't understand it…but the more I began to think about it, the more it made sense. You are such an important part of my life. If I lost you again, I don't know what I would do."
Buffy grabbed Xander's hand.
"Xander, you are the one man who hasn't left me. Whenever I needed you, no matter what I put you through, you were there for me. Sometimes I wonder why you haven't left…but here you are. And you have no idea what that means to me."
Xander caressed Buffy's cheek with his hand. She pressed her forehead against his.
"I'm just to scared to say how I feel…how I've felt for awhile now," Buffy said.
"You know how I feel…how I've felt since the day I met you."
Buffy looked deep into Xander's eyes. The man who has stayed by her side.
"Xander," Buffy said softly.
Terror was seen in Xander's eyes.
"Buffy," Xander said loudly as he stood.
She stood with him and turned to see Warren.
"You think you can just do that to me? Think again slayer," Warren said.
He pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and began to fire.
"BUFFY!"
Xander instinctively pushed Buffy the side. After shooting, Warren dropped the gun and ran.
"Where the hell did Warren get a gun," Buffy said as she stood.
She saw Xander on the ground. Blood slowly pouring out of his chest from the gunshots.
"Xander!"
She put her hand over the wound.
"No! You can't die on me. I won't let you…I love you too much Xander. You hear me Xander. I love you."
"Buff," Xander said hoarsely. "I love you…until the end of time."
Xander passed out. Buffy checked his pulse. It was weak, and fading fast. She raced in the house and called the ambulance. Moments they arrived and took Xander to the hospital.
The Hospital…
Buffy sat with Tara and Willow in the waiting room. Waiting for news on Xander.
"He can't die," Buffy said. "Not now…not after…"
"Not after what," Tara asked.
"Not after he told me he loved me," Buffy replied softly.
"I'm sure he'll be okay," Willow said. "He's a fighter."
"Yeah."
"Do you think the cops will find Warren," Willow asked.
"He dropped the gun," Buffy replied. "I'm sure they'll find him. Then he'll be with his buddies in jail."
"Buffy," Tara said getting Buffy's attention.
She glanced to Tara. She nodded towards the doctor walking towards them. The girls rose.
"Miss Summers…you were the one who brought in Alexander?"
"Yes. How is he?"
The doctor had a grave look on his face.
"I'm sorry…we lost him. We tried everything we could to save him. I'm sorry for your loss."
The doctor turned to leave and let the girls grieve.
****End Flashback****
"He died before I could really tell him how I feel. I love Xander with all my heart. I hope he knows how much I love him and how much he means to me…because if he doesn't…I'll never be able to forgive myself. Xander was my rock and my center. My light in the darkness…his memory will be the only thing that will keep that light alive."
End Part 11