III- Grey
I do not pace around impatiently. I do not sit quietly and have a cup of tea. I locked myself at what had been my room before me and Misao got officially engaged.
And there is the weather: grey. There is a heavy storm outside, a white water veil hinders my sight of outside. Yet that kind of days do not remind me Misao.
I thought I would never be able to stare at the rain without recalling my wife, the time I poured myself in self-comiseration and locked in the temple to purge my sins. But those were not simply rainy days. No, those were bright green rainy days, even stormy, but always green. Green days when she clasped an umbrella and headed to the temple under heavy rain, just to avoid my getting a cold, as if I would die for weting myself a little. Her worry made me feel warm.
Nothing alike this grey weather outside.
I can not prevent from hearing the screams. I get out from the room and stand at the hallway, where I see Omasu's worried face, coming back and forth, each time she passes with some different stuff on her hands.
The screams are not much louder than into the room. In reality I thought Misao did not have lungs enough to shout like that anymore. But she does, and that disheartens me. Among her muffled screams and groans, I hear my name once or twice. I am too weak to break through though.
Her voice ceases but for some painful moans and harsh loud breath. Now I pace the way I had not paced before.
My body stiffens as I hear the first cries. I can not wait anymore, and I break into the room. Okon steps aside and leaves: there I see Misao, folded legs, bundled hair, closed eyes, sweat and blood all around, a small bundle wrapped on her arms. I can not do anything but smile timidly.
"Okina will be very proud of thee." I chuckle awkwardly, coming closer.
"Of us." she opens her eyes, unfolding the bundle and showing me she had given birth to a girl. I stare at her green and wet eyes, so bright and happy despite the tiring, then to our tinny daughter. I smirk. When I turn to Misao again, she had already closed her eyes. I move back, lean her head to my leg and hold her hand.
"Aishiteru" I whisper, for she sighs and I wait. I know I will never see that green smile again.
My Misao-chan ceases to exist on this grey day.